Archive for the ‘funny’ Tag
Like everyone else I spend an inordinate amount of my time people watching, listening, and wondering. We all do it and most of us find it enjoyable but even those that don’t do find it interesting and curious. As I surf the Net I’ve read thousands of articles that center most of their interests on people. Looking at it from my perspective, what else is there to write about that will capture an audience. People are by far the most interesting and disturbing characters to examine that I’ve found. Dogs? No way, Cats? Not so much, Trees? Boring . . .
Once I made the decision to write primarily about people is when I stumbled upon reams and reams of information that I found cute, somewhat interesting, and some that were just down-right stupid. With that in mind I thought I’d send along a few facts to amuse and inform you.
- 40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet. (Remember this when you throw your next party)
- Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die. (Our three main interests)
- Over the same period of time, women who read romance novels tend to have twice as many lovers as those who don’t. (Romance novels = motivation)
- The frequency with which a woman has orgasms during her sleep actually increases as she ages during her childbearing years. (Is it any wonder they think they can do without man completely)
- Mothers pregnant with boys are less forgetful than those carrying girls. (I don’t know what to make of this tidbit)
- Girls have more taste buds than boys. (I can go off-color here but I won’t)
As I’ve stated many times before I want to meet the people who research these odd bits of information just out of sheer curiosity. I’d like to know if these facts are really as accurate as they say. I also want to submit my resume to them for their next job opening. This would have to be the best freaking job on the planet and I want in.
THE GREAT WIDE WONDERFUL WORLD OF PEOPLE
There was a nurse anxious to score
With such style she was hard to ignore.
There’s one way she likes
But it gave me the frights,
But still I came back for more.
Said Miss Vero, at one of her bars:
“Sex is more fun in bed than in cars.
You feel more at ease,
Your ass doesn’t freeze,
And no one can see all my scars.
I’ve always been a believer that “an unexamined life is not worth living”. It’s a habit I’ve gotten into over the years when I wish to relax, Zen out, and ponder my life. Have I ever had any major epiphanies along the way, why yes I have. Even the smallest of things that seem unimportant and inconsequential should be examined, thought on, and then blogged about.
I have to admit I’ve been a big fan of belly buttons for most of my life. Not just my own but many bellybuttons of the female persuasion have caught my eye on more than one occasion. I’m definitely not a connoisseur of bellybuttons but just an aficionado for sure. Haven’t you ever wondered and I mean ever wondered why bellybutton lint is generally blue in color? Today is your lucky day because I’m here to explain it to you. I discovered this short essay quite by accident and immediately knew it was something my readers would need to know and appreciate. Here we go . . .
- A number of surveys have been undertaken in relation to bellybutton lint. They’ve all found that the lint is generally blue in color and is more prevalent in the navels of certain types of people. To answer why it tends to be blue, the origin of the lint must first be considered.
- It’s thought that the lint, comprises fibers from clothing, as well as some skin cells, that are channeled to the navel from below by hairs on the stomach throughout the day as the body moves. The hairs also help to dislodge the fibers from the clothes.
- It is also been found that men with large stomachs accumulate more lint, probably because their abdomen presses harder against their clothing, causing more fibers to dislodge, and also because their navels tend to be deeper, allowing more lint to accumulate there. Supporting this theory is the fact that outward protruding navels rarely collect lint.
- The reason why the lint is colored blue has been the subject of much conjecture, but it’s generally thought to be related to the color of the clothing worn below the navel, which is generally dark colors such as blue. However, the lint of people who wear a variety of colors still tends to be blue, because blue is the result of combining a number of different colors, just as the lint found in the filters of washers and dryers tends to be bluish, being the combination of the fibers from all of the clothes in the load.
Now, I understand how excited you’ve become to receive this important and critical information. It’s surprising how much reference material about bellybuttons and bellybutton lint is available on the internet. If you’re as excited about this information as I am, feel free to start surfing and become better educated about the wonderful world of bellybuttons. I now feel as though my court ordered public-service requirement has been met. My late mother would’ve been so proud.
OUTIES SUCK
There was an old fellow named Bill,
Who swallowed an atomic pill;
His navel corroded,
His asshole exploded,
And they found both his nuts in Brazil.
Many years ago a girl I once knew,
Was in desperate need of a screw.
Not too hard to find, someone who is kind,
And would bang her till she was black and blue.
But who??
A diminutive maiden name Hilda,
Had a date with a top body-builder;
He said that he should,
That he could and he would,
And he did – and it damn near killed her!
A bit of a nuisance named Liam,
Said: ” The best bits are tits, when you see’em.
But they’re usually trapped,
Cupped, wired and strapped.
So I make it my mission to free’em.
An engaging young filly named Sally,
Who enjoys the occasional dally,
Will sit on the lap
Of a well-endowed chap,
And declare: “Ooh, you’re right up my alley!”
Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
When his prick would not rise for a lay:
“You must seize it, and squeeze it,
And tease it, and please it.”
Adding: ” Rome wasn’t built in a day!”
everyuselessthing.com 