Archive for December 2021

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

12/10/2021 What Should I Insure ??   Leave a comment

We are deep into the Christmas season now and I’m sure that the great majority of people everywhere are spending and spending and spending. The holidays tend to put a strain on everyone’s purse especially those people with children. I thought I’d like to lighten the mood a little bit and tell you a few facts I happened upon in a book I was reading recently. As you also know I love writing about celebrities and alleged celebrities and all of their quirks and odd behaviors and that’s what I’m going to do today.

For those of us on the not-so-famous list, the following items might seem a bit much. Apparently in Hollywood their personal budgets are a touch higher than ours, and their interests are totally different. I insure my 12-year-old car, my house, my smart phone, and a sizable annual cost to protect all of my computers, tablets, and laptops. Let me now give you a list of some of your favorite celebrities, present and past, and the things they insure, it’s mind-boggling. Here we go . . .

  • American country and western singer and actress, Dolly Parton, insured her legendary boobs for $600,000.
  • Rolling Stones guitarist, Keith Richards, insured his right index finger for $1.6 million.
  • Australian cricket hero, Merv Hughes, insured his mustache for $38,000.
  • In 2006, soccer player, David Beckham, insured his entire body for $190 million.
  • German supermodel, actress, and singer, Heidi Klum, insured her legs for $2.2 million.
  • American actress, Jamie Lee Curtis, insured her legs for $1 million.
  • Lord of the Dance, Michael Flatley, insured his legs for $47.5 million.
  • American rockstar, Bruce Springsteen, insured his voice for $6 million.

I hope you don’t think this is anything unusual, because it isn’t. The habit of celebrities insuring body parts goes back many years. The numbers were a little smaller “back in the day” but at the time it was still a great deal of money. Here’s some oldies but goodies . . .

  • American dancer and film star, Fred Astaire, had his legs insured for $75,000 each.
  • British stripper, Frankie Jakeman, insured his penis for $1.6 million.
  • 20th Century Fox film star, Betty Grable, insured each of her legs for $1 million. Hence the origin of the phrase, “million-dollar legs”.
  • German cabaret artist, singer, and film star, Marlene Dietrich, insured her voice for $1 million.
  • American actress, Bette Davis, took out a $28,000 insurance policy against putting on weight.
  • American singer and actor, Jimmy Durante, insured his nose for $50,000.
  • Hungarian food critic, Egon Ronay, insured his taste buds for $400,000.
  • In 1964, the Beatles, were insured for $1 million on their first US tour.

There you have it folks. Be glad you only have to insure your house, car, children, smartphones, computers, and those pesky life insurance policies for you and your spouse. As you can see it could be a lot worse if you’re one of the famous people. I certainly don’t feel sorry for them and I’m pretty sure you don’t either.

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12/09/2021 More Christmas Humor   Leave a comment

One cold winter morning, during the Christmas season, a mailman was doing his route. As he was delivering all the Christmas cards, he came to a house and realized that they had so much mail that it wouldn’t fit in the box, so he decided to knock on the door. As the door was answered, a beautiful blond woman stood staring at him. The mailman said, “I’m sorry for bothering you, but I couldn’t get all your mail into your box, so here it is.”

The woman looked at him and said, “Why don’t you come in and take a break – it’s cold outside!” The mailman agreed and stepped into the house. A few minutes later, the woman says, “since it’s Christmas, I have an idea. Let’s go upstairs and make love!” The woman was quite beautiful, so the mailman followed her.

After a while, the two came back down the stairs. The mailman said, “Wow, that was great, but I must be getting back to my route.” The lady replied, “Oh, don’t go yet, let’s have some breakfast!” She then opened the door to the dining room and the table was covered with food and Christmas goodies. After the meal, the mailman said, “Okay, I’ve really got to go!” The woman replied, “Well, thank you very much.” and handed him a one-dollar bill.

The mailman was really confused. “What’s going on here? You invite me in, make love to me, cook me a great breakfast, then hand me a dollar!” The woman replied, “Well, I asked my husband the other day what he thought we should give the mailman for Christmas. He said, oh, screw him! Give’em a dollar!’ But breakfast was my idea!”

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Posted December 9, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Bitch & Complain

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

With the holidays on the horizon,

I placed 20 calls to Verizon.

They stuck me on hold

Til my dinner got cold.

And I still absolutely despise them.

12/08/2021 Letters to Santa   Leave a comment

One of my favorite things to do during the holidays is surfing the web and reading letters to Santa from the younger children. Most of these letters are from kids in the second and third grade from cities across the country. Enjoy them, they’ll bring a smile to your face like they did to mine.

  • I hope I am on the good list. I hope the reindeer get enough food. Please thank the elves because they have been working hard. I hope you like my cookies. For Christmas I would like an iPad. I would like an iPhone too. Have a safe trip. From, Allison
  • I want surprise presents. I want my cousin Barchetta to have a puppy and my dog to have a squeeze toy and a coat to keep my dog warm. I really want my little cousin Natalia to be nice and happy and it presents. I want a PSP game and the game for the PSP. I also would like this Christmas to be awesome for the whole town. Sincerely, Danna
  • I take great care of the toys you got me. All I would like for Christmas is for it to snow and forth to be a happy Christmas. It’s okay if I get toys. I do want them, but I want a happy Christmas more. I saw a route off last year. What is your favorite kind of cookies? We’ll make sure you bring a happy Christmas. Sincerely, Camrynn
  • I hope you like the cookies I made. I have been good this year. I hope the reindeer get enough food. I hope you have a safe trip. I wish you a Merry Christmas. Love, Elizabeth
  • Can you make it snow at night? How are the reindeer? Hmmm . . . I would like a remote-control airplane. I would like an iPhone maybe. I would like to make people happy at Christmas. Could I have surprise gifts? Merry Christmas Santa. Sincerely Katarina
  • I think I’ve been really good this year. I hope you like our chimney. It is very wide. I hope you have a Merry Christmas! I hope you like the cookies. I hope you like my letter. I love you Santa. From, Natalie
  • I want you to surprise me. My mom said when she was little she got surprised by you. So I am trying it this year. I can’t wait till you come. How hard you work in your workshop? I hope you have a great Christmas. I am going to have a great Christmas. Sincerely, Abigail

In my humble opinion Christmas, the gift giving holiday, is mainly for the young children. Christmas, the birth of Christ holiday, is for everyone. I hope you and yours enjoy both sides of the holiday and prosper in the new year.

DEAR SANTA, I WANT A RED CORVETTE – LOVE, JOHN

There’s a bottle of Tequila under the tree.

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London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

When Rudolph got hurt in a fight
He couldn’t lead Santa that night
Too much Christmas cheer
And eggnog, and beer,
His red nose was shiny, all right!

12/07/2021 Lucky Number?   Leave a comment

Over the years I’ve voiced my opinions concerning people obsessed with the supernatural and occult. Unfortunately, I haven’t always been kind in my criticisms and opinions about them. I’ve never been a believer of these superstitions like black cats walking in front of me or walking under a ladder. I always thought them silly, without basis in fact, just superstitious nonsense passed down from generations who apparently didn’t have a clue either. I hate to admit it, but I may have to eat my words.

While I totally scoff at almost everything superstitious, I discovered quite by accident that I’ve been paying closer attention to one superstition over the years and didn’t realize it. My obsession is and has been the number three. For most of my life I considered that my lucky number and if something occurred where I had to make choices and the number three was involved, I always picked number three. I don’t know why, it wasn’t planned, and I really didn’t realize the extent of the human races’ obsession with that number until now. So, I decided to do a little more research which opened my eyes even further. Here’s my homage to the number 3.

THE GENIE GAVE ME THREE WISHES

Three is the average number of seconds visitors to an Art gallery spent in front of each painting. Triceratops means three horned faces. Three goals are a hat trick. A triathlon is a three-part swim, run, and cycle competition. Any national flag made of three bands of color is a tricolor. The Three Musketeers in the novel by Alexander Dumas’s are Athos, Porthos, and Aramis. Dante’s Divine Comedy is structured around the number three, alluding to the holy Trinity. That book has three parts; Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso – each divided into 33 cantos in terza rima (three-line stanzas).

In Greek mythology, the three Fates control birth, life, and death; the three Furies upheld sacred laws; and the three Graces bestowed beauty and charm. The ancient Egyptians, Babylonians, Greeks, and Romans all had Trinity’s of God’s. Jupiter’s symbol is a three-forked bolt of lightning, Neptune’s a three-pronged trident, and Pluto’s, a three headed dog. Hindus worship the trinity of Brahma, the Creator; Vishnu, the Perseverer; and Shiva, the Destroyer.

In Christianity, Christ represents one third of the Holy Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Ghost); he was visited by three wiseman at his birth; 33 years later, after Judas betrayed him for 30 pieces of silver and Peter denied him three times, he was crucified at 3 PM and rose from the dead three days later.

Time is threefold: past, present, and future. Pythagoras called three the perfect number, denoting beginning, middle, and end. The strongest shape is a triangle. The three states of matter are solid, liquid, and gas. Earth is the third planet from the sun. White light is made from three primary colors: red, blue, and green. The three primary colors of pigment are red, yellow, and blue, whose totality is black.

I suspect that all of the number three’s I listed above are only a small sampling of the use of the number three. Over the course of my existence, I’ve been subconsciously pelted with the number three in virtually every phase of my life. How could I not have three as my favorite number? Brainwashing at its absolute best.

REMEMBER THOSE “THREE LITTLE WORDS” TOO!

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“Typhoon Rips through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead”

Posted December 6, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in History, Humor, Just Saying, Looking Back, Quotations

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12/06/2021 🌲X-mas Trivia🌲   Leave a comment

I’ve never been one to have an overabundance of Christmas spirit. I lost most of it back in 1963 when, while in college, I worked part time on a Christmas tree farm in Edinboro, Pennsylvania. After cutting, trimming, bundling, and loading close to 5000 trees onto trucks, I’d had enough. Took me three weeks to get all of the sap and pine smell off my body and out of my clothing. Every time I smell pine scent, it gives me flashbacks to that tree farm. But never let it be said that my issues with Christmas would keep me from supplying you with some holiday spirit in the form of Christmas trivia. Enjoy. . .

  • Bing Crosby’s” White Christmas” was released in 1942 and is considered to be the best-selling Christmas song of all time.
  • In Greek, X means Christ; that is where the word “Xmas” originated.
  • Christmas Clubs, savings accounts in which a person deposits a fixed amount of money regularly to be used at Christmas for shopping, came about in 1905.
  • America’s official national Christmas tree is located in Kings Canyon National Park in California. The tree, a giant sequoia is called the “General Grant Tree”, and is over 300 feet high. It was made the official Christmas tree by Congress in 1925.
  • An average household in America will mail out 28 Christmas cards each year.
  • California, Oregon, Michigan, Washington, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina are the top Christmas tree producing states. Oregon is the leading producer of Christmas trees harvesting approximately 8.6 million a year.
  • Christmas caroling began as an old English custom cold “Wassailing” – toasting neighbors to a long and healthy life.
  • In an effort to solicit cash to pay for a charity Christmas dinner in 1891, a large “crab pot” was set down on a San Francisco street corner, becoming the first Salvation Army collection kettle.
  • During the Christmas/Hanukkah season, more than 1.7 6 billion candy canes will be made.
  • Hallmark introduced its first Christmas cards in 1915, five years after the founding of the company.
  • In Syria, Christmas gifts are distributed by one of the wise men’s camels. The gift-giving camel is said to have been the smallest one in the Wise Men’s caravan.
  • In 1907, Oklahoma became the last US state to declare Christmas a legal holiday.
  • Mistletoe, a traditional Christmas symbol, was once revered by the early Britons. It was so sacred that it had to be cut with a golden sickle.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS