A diminutive maiden name Hilda,
Had a date with a top body-builder;
He said that he should,
That he could and he would,
And he did – and it damn near killed her!
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
10/21/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
10/19/2021 Limerick Leave a comment
A bit of a nuisance named Liam,
Said: ” The best bits are tits, when you see’em.
But they’re usually trapped,
Cupped, wired and strapped.
So I make it my mission to free’em.
10/18/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
An engaging young filly named Sally,
Who enjoys the occasional dally,
Will sit on the lap
Of a well-endowed chap,
And declare: “Ooh, you’re right up my alley!”
10/03/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
There once was a old tart, from Kilkenny,
Whose usual charge was a penny;
For half of that sum,
You might fondle her bum,
A source of amusement to many!
10/01/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** 2 comments
There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway;
She said to her beau:
"Just look at me, Joe,
"I think I've discovered one more way!"
09/30/2021 Ode to Breasts Leave a comment
A few months back I was sent an e-mail by a longtime friend who just happens to be female. She’s been reading this blog for a very long time and felt it necessary to tell me that she thought I was blatantly ignoring women’s issues. I vociferously disagreed but to no avail as usual. As always, arguing with a female no matter what the subject remains a fruitless endeavor. So, in response to her questionable claims I’m publishing the following. As it’s always been said “be careful what you wish for, you might just get it”. Here we go . . . .
ODE TO BREASTS
(o)(o) Perfect Breasts
( + )( + ) Fake Silicon Breasts
(*)(*) High Nipple Breasts
(@)(@) Big Nipple Breasts
oo A-Cups
{ O }{ O } D-Cups
(oYo) Wonder Bra Breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) Cold Breasts
(O)(o) Lopsided Breasts
(Q)(Q) Pierced Breasts
(p)(p) Hanging Tassel Breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma Breasts
( – )( – ) Flat Against the Shower Door Breasts
IoIIoI Android Breasts
( $ )( $ ) Jenny McCarthy Breasts
( o )( o ) Stripper Breasts
x x Flat Chested Breasts
And God created woman and she had three breasts. He then asked the woman,” Is there anything you’d like to have changed?” She replied,” Yes, could you get rid of this middle breast?” And so it was done, and it was good. Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding the third breast in her hand,” What can be done with this useless boob?”. . . .
AND THEN GOD CREATED MAN
09/22/2021 Are Women in Denial? 2 comments
Every guy loves ogling women. It’s been that way forever and I don’t see it changing anytime soon. Women always claim to dislike being stared at but do they really mean it? I’ve had them try to tell me that they wear makeup, sexy lingerie, and revealing clothing just to look good for other women, not for men. Not a chance that’s true. They want to be stared at, whistled at, and ogled just as much as the men enjoy doing it. It’s that famous dance that the sexes do in this age-old mating ritual. If you look good your choices of acceptable mates increases exponentially.
Over the course of my life I’ve had many relationships. I’ve watched women try to walk that fine line with some difficulty. If you get too revealing you look like a slut. While many guys say they wouldn’t mind that, they’re in the minority. If you dress down too much you won’t attract those potential mating partners. So as a public service I’m going to supply you with my relationship tips and advice for women. Hold your applause until you’ve read them all.
Rule 1 – Look good but not too good. Just slutty enough to make his mouth water and to make his fantasies more interesting.
Rule 2 – Be flirty but not too dirty or off color. Just a hint of “bad girl’ is usually enough to drive most men over the edge.
Rule 3 – Drink enough but don’t get sloppy drunk. No one wants to have the woman they’re going to have sex with throwing up on them. Don’t laugh, it happens!
Rule 4 – Lay off the bad language except for during sex. Be coy at first and then turn into that bedroom slut he’s been hoping for.
Rule 5 – You may be more sexually experienced that he is so don’t show off. Save some of your better moves for later when he’ll think he motivated you to do them.
I can already hear you ladies out there mumbling under your breath about my opinions. Take a deep breath and relax, I’m just trying to help, that’s all. Who would know better about what men want than a man.
I’ve always been partial to women who look good but not too good. I’ve always fantasized about a woman who wears her long hair in a bun and only lets it fall as she’s walking towards the bed (in a non-slutty way) to have her way with me. It’s an old Victorian fantasy of mine where I spend a great deal of time peeling off layers of clothing, petticoats, bustles, and slips. After all that work she finally lets down her hair and I’m on my way. It still gives me shivers after all these years just thinking about it. Let me calm down for just a second while I recuperate.
Okay, I’m much better now but I did get a little flushed there for a moment. Lets get back to the topic. I’ve had dealings with a few women in my life and they fallen into any number of different categories. Beautiful, not so beautiful, and all points in between. Each one was a totally different experience, some good and some really bad. They can try and deny their innate desire to attract men but down deep in their hearts they know it’s the truth. They want a good man in a good relationship with kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. After all of that they also need and want to be the biggest slut they can be in the bedroom.
SURPRISE LADIES . . . . THATS WHAT WE WANT TOO.
09/16/2021 Favorite Sayings & Quotes Leave a comment
For years I’ve collected lists, sayings, and quotations. The more I find, the more you get to read. One of these days I’m going to sit down and put together some of my thoughts, my limericks, and my musings. They’re sure to be just as interesting as these folks. And in
- It’s not death that alarms me, but dying surely does.
- A diplomat is a person who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never her age.
- In wine there is truth. Pliny the Elder
- It’s not the men in my life I worry about, it’s the life in my men. Mae West
- I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money. Will Rogers
- Fish and guests smell in three days. Ben Franklin
- A pessimist thinks all women are bad and an optimist hopes they are.
- The ultimate rejection is when your hand falls asleep while masturbating.
- Sex is only dirty, if it’s done right.
- A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. Joseph Stalin
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- I prefer an interesting device to a boring virtue.
- What goes around, comes around.
- He who hesitates is last. Mae West
- Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. Gloria Steinem
- I am not young enough to know everything.
- The zoo is a place of refuge were savage beasts are protected from people.
I found this list while digging around in some old boxes a few days ago. I eliminated a few that were dated like cheap shots at Bill Clinton. But those that remain I felt were worth sharing with you. Most of them I absolutely love especially those pearls of wisdom supplied by Mae West. Would’ve loved to have met her.
GO WEST (MAE) YOUNG MAN
09/04/2021 Get Your Sex Education Here Leave a comment
I really love spending time on the internet. The amount of information available for viewing is mind-boggling to say the least. I stumbled onto a website recently filled with information on the sexual habits of animals which told me way more than I ever wanted to know about how insects and slimy things have sex. It did make me think, what about people? What kind of strange, dumb, or interesting things could I find out about us?
I began a diligent search to collect well-known, little-known, and quite possibly unknown facts about human sexuality. The amount of that available information was even more incredible than what I was able to find on animals. I accumulated a list of some of the things I thought were truly interesting and not just bizarre and strange. I just thought it might be fun to spice things up a little on this blog and at the same time distribute a little sexual trivia you may not have heard before. Hold your applause it may not be as good as you’re thinking.
* * *
- During any given period, women who read romance novels have a tendency to have twice as many lovers as those who don’t.
- -321 degrees Fahrenheit is the temperature at which sperm banks store donor semen. At this temperature, semen can be stored indefinitely,
- In one hour, the average sperm can swim 7 in.
- The testes increase in size by 50% when a man is sexually aroused.
- Hetrosexual anal sex is something 43% of women have experienced.
- During an average man’s lifetime, he will ejaculate approximately 17 liters of semen, which amounts to about half a trillion sperm.
- It takes two tablespoons of blood to get the average man’s penis erect.
- The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
- 75% of Japanese women own a vibrator. The average worldwide is 47%.
- 22% of American women aged 20 gave birth while in their teens. In Switzerland and Japan, only 2% did so.
* * *
Well there you have a collection of 10 sexual facts collected from here and there and everywhere. I have to admit I did learn a few things I didn’t previously know about our sexual proclivities and I guess that’s a good thing. I also know I would have been beheaded at age 11 if I’d been born in Indonesian. This was only a small portion of the facts I discovered. More to come . . .
BON APPETIT
08/14/2021 The Art of Bird Throwing Leave a comment
As we’re all aware this last year-and-a-half with the pandemic has changed many things, some for the better and some for the worse. Since the onset of the pandemic I’ve noticed a disturbing trend with female drivers in the area and I’m assuming that it’s pretty much the same all across the country. I’ve mentioned in past posts that common courtesy is one of the victims of the pandemic and I need to take that one step further. It seems that many female drivers have taken to “flipping the bird” with a vengeance. I’ve seen teenage girls, old ladies, soccer moms, and just about everyone else getting with the program. Needless to say it sparked my curiosity which then required a little research into my archives about the practices of “throwing the finger” and here’s what I found.
SOME HISTORY OF THE BIRD
Tossing the bird has been a tradition with us men that has been passed down through the ages from grandfathers to fathers and then to their sons. Guys have been throwing the finger for a variety of reasons for as long as I can remember. We owned this gesture until the feminists arrived. Now the ladies have every right to be as obnoxious as we’ve been and believe me their certainly doing it with panache and gusto.
Thrusting up a middle finger or “flipping the bird” is one of the more familiar hand gestures across this country. Its popularity is also worldwide and has been around for a very long time in a number of European countries. No one is sure how it originated but we all know that the Romans used it at the time of Christ.
Just as there are many gestures in the world to convey one’s negative feelings about another, there are also regional differences to show approval. Men around the world have several gestures to imply that a woman is pretty. In the United States, men lift their eyebrows, in the Arab world a man grabs his beard, while in Greece he would stroke his cheek. In Italy, a man sticks his finger into his cheek and rotates it, Frenchmen kiss their fingertips, and Brazilians will pretend to hold up a telescope to their eye.
Obviously, almost any gesture can have meaning, either positive or negative, somewhere in the world. So the next time you travel abroad, be careful how you gesture with your hands. You might unwittingly attract unwanted attention from the natives, especially in the Middle East. They seem to look for any spoken word or gesture by a non-Arab as a reason to throw you into prison for a chat or to just execute you.
In my attempt to be fair I’ve also seen a few men with some unfortunate habits. While I myself would never today do something so crude. In my youth I may have lost control a few thousand times. I deeply regret those times when I “birded” nice old ladies or a few hundred clergymen. It really is nice to see that the female of the species now has the capability and the mindset to throw the bird to damn near anybody for damn near any reason. “I Am Woman” hear me roar.
And thanks to whoever placed that Ryan Gosling GIF on the net. It made my day.
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