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🌲Christmas Limerick🌲 Leave a comment
There was a farmer named Gary
Whose mule was getting contrary.
Gary painted him red,
A green hat on his head.
Sold him as a huge Christmas fairy.
12/18/2021 Christmas Humor 1 comment
Santa comes down a chimney one Christmas Eve and to his surprise finds a gorgeous brunette waiting for him, wearing the sexiest lingerie imaginable. “Santa,” she purrs, “Can you stay for a while?” Santa says, “Ho, Ho, Ho, I’ve gotta go! Have to deliver toys to children, you know!”
She comes close, starts playing with his beard, whispers in his ear, “Santa, don’t you have a gift you would like to give me?” Santa says, “Ho, Ho, Ho, I’ve gotta go! Have to spread Christmas cheer, you know!”
The brunette takes off her straps, giving Santa a view of her breasts and says, “Santa, are you sure there’s no gift you’d like to leave?” Santa says, “Hey, Hey, Hey, might as well stay. I can’t shimmy up the chimney looking this way!”
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Cold Wave Link to Temperatures
12/17/2021 Trivia Day Leave a comment
With all the hullabaloo around the holiday season, I thought a little dose of weird and odd trivia would be just the thing. Trivia is always good for taking the mind off of stressful activities and might even give you a reason to laugh a little. Here we go . . .
- Fingernails grow four times faster than toenails.
- The first of the five senses to go with age is smell.
- More boys than girls are born during the day; more girls are born at night.
- The strongest muscle in the body is the time.
- If you yelled for eight years, seven months, and six days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
- When we blush, I stomach lining also turns red. Women blink nearly twice as often as men do.
- On a square inch of our skin, there are 20 million microscopic animals.
- If you fired continuously for six years and nine months, enough wind would be produced to equal the energy of an atomic bomb.
- The average human eats eight spiders in his or her lifetime at night Erie it
- It takes just 1 min. for blood to travel through the whole human body.
- Volleyball is the most popular sport at nudist camps.
- There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
- Only one person in 2 billion will live to be 116 or older.
- The average person’s heart beats 36 million times a year.
- Right-handed people live on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
Well, there you have it. A little weirdness to add to your holiday spirit and possibly distract you for a little while. I hope all of you are prepared for Christmas because there are only:
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If You lived in Your Car, You’d be Home by Now
12/16/2021 Santa Ben Laden Leave a comment
As a young child my parents made every attempt to make Christmas as memorable as possible for my sister and for me. I was almost 6 years old when this incident took place back when I still firmly believed the tales of Santa and his elves and all that good stuff. But in the back of my young mind, I secretly was beginning to have doubts. A lot of what I was being told by the family wasn’t what I was hearing on the playground. My friends had almost convinced me there was no Santa and that my parents were actually the real gift givers.
My parents apparently began to suspect that was wavering and that their propaganda was falling on deaf ears. In a conspiracy involving my mother’s sister, Annamae, they decided drastic action was going to be needed. I’d been acting out and being a little disrespectful so it was time for Santa to straighten me out.
It was about a week before Christmas and we were visiting my grandparents. I was being a huge pain in the butt like a lot of six-year-olds can be. It was just after dark and I was walking through the house to the kitchen. As I passed by a window I glanced over and almost crapped my pants. There was Santa standing there staring at me and smiling. I was terrified and quickly ran upstairs and hid under the bed and refused to come out until the coast was clear. My parents let me know in no uncertain terms that Santa was out looking for those children who were being good and visiting those that weren’t.
For the next day or so I was a perfect little angel but after dark I was afraid to look out the windows or to enter a dark room. Santa the terrorist had accomplished his mission. I saw him on two or three other occasions during the next few years, once at our home, and again in the cellar of my grandparents’ house. Unfortunately, I was already a nonbeliever by that time but went along with the charade to keep peace in the family and not to scare my little sister. By then I knew my parents were the ones I needed to suck up to and I did it in grand fashion.
Many years later while I was digging through a trunk in my aunt’s bedroom I discovered where Santa had been hiding. His retirement consisted of being hidden under a pile of sheets and pillowcases in an old trunk. My aunt laughed like crazy when I confronted her, and we both enjoyed the moment very much while I modeled the hat and beard. It was a real Hallmark moment for both of us.
What I never told her or my parents was that there was some lingering collateral damage from their actions. To this day during the Christmas season, I’m careful in dark rooms and try never look out the windows. In the malls or stores where Santas is holding court, I walk on by without making eye contact. The guy still scares the bejesus out of me. LOL
HO, HO, HO – It’s Santa Ben Laden
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12/15/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
A remarkable race are the Persians: They embrace such peculiar diversions; They make love all day In the usual way, And save, till the nights, their perversions.
12/15/2021 Gesundheit ?? Leave a comment
I’ve never been a person plagued with any major allergies except for ragweed in the summer. Prior to puberty I was haunted by any number of allergies, but they went away at about age 14. Jump forward a few decades and all of a sudden, my allergies have returned with a bang. It appears that I’ve been around just long enough to go back through puberty in the opposite direction. That being said it’s a given that I’m sneezing a lot more than I’ve ever sneezed in my life. There are many reasons for sneezing and I’m not about to try and list them all. Let’s just agree, sneezing is sneezing, everybody does it, and that’s that. Since I come from a German background all I’ve ever heard when there was a sneeze going on was the German word gesundheit. It’s an automatic response meaning “good health”. I honestly never had any idea what it meant and only found out just recently.
I decided to check out a few other cultures to see if there was anything unusual about their responses to sneezing.
- In many Muslim countries it translates out to “May Allah have mercy on you.”. Pretty cool but way too long.
- In Serbia, they use the term pis maco, with children, which means “Go away, kitten”. Cute, I guess.
- In Vietnam, cơm muối, is offered and means “rice with salt.” Thats a real puzzler.
- Latin America’s is a little more interesting. The first sneeze earns a response of “health,” the second “money,” and the third “love.” I like this one the best.
- A common story holds that around the year 750, Pope Gregory believed that a sneeze was an early sign of the contraction of the bubonic plague. Saying “God bless you” was a sort of deathbed prayer: ‘May God see your worth and help you, because you’re definitely about to die.” Isn’t that just heartwarming?
- And “God bless you” seems to be very popular response with many cultures but of course not for those pesky atheists. They’re a little touchy about the “GOD” word.
So much for my sneezing trivia. Now that I’ll be housebound for the next four winter months breathing all of this unhealthy stale air, I suppose I’ll be hearing “Gesundheit” way too many times for the foreseeable future.
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