🚔Bumper Sticker Alert🚔 Leave a comment
12/16/2021 Santa Ben Laden Leave a comment
As a young child my parents made every attempt to make Christmas as memorable as possible for my sister and for me. I was almost 6 years old when this incident took place back when I still firmly believed the tales of Santa and his elves and all that good stuff. But in the back of my young mind, I secretly was beginning to have doubts. A lot of what I was being told by the family wasn’t what I was hearing on the playground. My friends had almost convinced me there was no Santa and that my parents were actually the real gift givers.
My parents apparently began to suspect that was wavering and that their propaganda was falling on deaf ears. In a conspiracy involving my mother’s sister, Annamae, they decided drastic action was going to be needed. I’d been acting out and being a little disrespectful so it was time for Santa to straighten me out.
It was about a week before Christmas and we were visiting my grandparents. I was being a huge pain in the butt like a lot of six-year-olds can be. It was just after dark and I was walking through the house to the kitchen. As I passed by a window I glanced over and almost crapped my pants. There was Santa standing there staring at me and smiling. I was terrified and quickly ran upstairs and hid under the bed and refused to come out until the coast was clear. My parents let me know in no uncertain terms that Santa was out looking for those children who were being good and visiting those that weren’t.
For the next day or so I was a perfect little angel but after dark I was afraid to look out the windows or to enter a dark room. Santa the terrorist had accomplished his mission. I saw him on two or three other occasions during the next few years, once at our home, and again in the cellar of my grandparents’ house. Unfortunately, I was already a nonbeliever by that time but went along with the charade to keep peace in the family and not to scare my little sister. By then I knew my parents were the ones I needed to suck up to and I did it in grand fashion.
Many years later while I was digging through a trunk in my aunt’s bedroom I discovered where Santa had been hiding. His retirement consisted of being hidden under a pile of sheets and pillowcases in an old trunk. My aunt laughed like crazy when I confronted her, and we both enjoyed the moment very much while I modeled the hat and beard. It was a real Hallmark moment for both of us.
What I never told her or my parents was that there was some lingering collateral damage from their actions. To this day during the Christmas season, I’m careful in dark rooms and try never look out the windows. In the malls or stores where Santas is holding court, I walk on by without making eye contact. The guy still scares the bejesus out of me. LOL
HO, HO, HO – It’s Santa Ben Laden
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12/15/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
A remarkable race are the Persians: They embrace such peculiar diversions; They make love all day In the usual way, And save, till the nights, their perversions.
12/15/2021 Gesundheit ?? Leave a comment
I’ve never been a person plagued with any major allergies except for ragweed in the summer. Prior to puberty I was haunted by any number of allergies, but they went away at about age 14. Jump forward a few decades and all of a sudden, my allergies have returned with a bang. It appears that I’ve been around just long enough to go back through puberty in the opposite direction. That being said it’s a given that I’m sneezing a lot more than I’ve ever sneezed in my life. There are many reasons for sneezing and I’m not about to try and list them all. Let’s just agree, sneezing is sneezing, everybody does it, and that’s that. Since I come from a German background all I’ve ever heard when there was a sneeze going on was the German word gesundheit. It’s an automatic response meaning “good health”. I honestly never had any idea what it meant and only found out just recently.
I decided to check out a few other cultures to see if there was anything unusual about their responses to sneezing.
- In many Muslim countries it translates out to “May Allah have mercy on you.”. Pretty cool but way too long.
- In Serbia, they use the term pis maco, with children, which means “Go away, kitten”. Cute, I guess.
- In Vietnam, cơm muối, is offered and means “rice with salt.” Thats a real puzzler.
- Latin America’s is a little more interesting. The first sneeze earns a response of “health,” the second “money,” and the third “love.” I like this one the best.
- A common story holds that around the year 750, Pope Gregory believed that a sneeze was an early sign of the contraction of the bubonic plague. Saying “God bless you” was a sort of deathbed prayer: ‘May God see your worth and help you, because you’re definitely about to die.” Isn’t that just heartwarming?
- And “God bless you” seems to be very popular response with many cultures but of course not for those pesky atheists. They’re a little touchy about the “GOD” word.
So much for my sneezing trivia. Now that I’ll be housebound for the next four winter months breathing all of this unhealthy stale air, I suppose I’ll be hearing “Gesundheit” way too many times for the foreseeable future.
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⚡Stupid Headlines⚡ Leave a comment
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
12/14/2021 🌲More Christmas Humor🌲 Leave a comment
One Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light and next to him is a little girl on her brand-new bike. The cop says to the young girl, “Nice bike you got there sweetheart. Did Santa bring that to you?” “Yes, he did,” she replied sweetly.
With a smile on his face, the cop says “Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike,” and he proceeds to hand the girl a $20 ticket. Before the cop rides off, she says “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” Playing along the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”
“Well, next year, tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”
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🌲Christmas Limerick🌲 Leave a comment
Santa’s sleigh and GPS were upgraded this year,
With Alexa in charge of all eight reindeer.
Rudolph rudely told Santa, this change really blows,
As Santa screamed loudly, “Alexa, turn on his freaking nose!”
HO! HO! HO!
12/13/2021 Simple is My Way Leave a comment
Many people have asked me why I don’t write about religion very often. Whether it’s Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or any other, I don’t see the need. I don’t need an organization of millions to tell me; good is good, evil is evil, and bad is bad. Don’t do bad, don’t be evil, and do good. Is there any human being out there that doesn’t get that? I don’t think so. Even evil people know they’re doing evil and that they should be doing good, but they just choose not to. I also don’t see the need to be required to turn over a portion of my hard-earned wages so organizations can build gigantic, extravagant cathedrals, mosques, and temples in which to worship. To me it’s a no-brainer. If there is a God (I’m not a believer) and he’s everywhere, I can speak to him or her anytime I want. No church, no congregation, no donations, no preaching, and no stupid rituals . . . just simple communication.
In my humble opinion “simple” is the way to live your life. Believe what you will, keep it a private matter between you and your God (if’s that what you believe), and live your life. I have one philosophy and that is “Always do the right thing no matter the consequences”. None of this “do onto others as they would do unto you” nonsense. I don’t want to do unto anyone and I don’t want anyone doing unto me.
In the mid-60s I spent two wonderful years in the Republic of South Korea thanks to travel plans from Uncle Sam. I became immersed in their culture, their religions, and their people. I learned a lot. One of my habits on my off time was to travel through the countryside and explore. I’d hike between the minefields to reach the mountains and then just walk for miles.
It was on one of these walks that I had my eyes opened somewhat. I was probably four miles from the nearest hut, in the mountains near a place called Blue Lancer Valley. It was bright and sunny, and I hadn’t seen another human being or animal for most of the day. I was taking pictures and enjoying my time not being in the Army for a few hours. I walked around the bend in the trail along this mountainside and discovered a small statue of Buddha that had been carved into a large boulder a very long time ago. Stuck into the crevice in front of that statue was a bouquet of freshly cut flowers. I was always sorry I never got to meet the person who trekked all that way to place those flowers in that spot. That is a person who I would’ve liked to meet because for me that is religion at its best. Simple, private, heartfelt, and meaningful, at least to the person making the journey.
I’m still an unbeliever in all-things mystical but that day gave some hope. It demanded that I at least look into Buddhism as a simple way of learning how to deal with myself. I’m no Buddhist but many of their practices appeal to me, their simple way of living their life.
SIMPLE IS THE WAY
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12/12/2021 A New Normal Leave a comment
With Christmas approaching I’ve been reflecting on things a little. I’ve observed over the last few decades that Fear appears to be winning the war against Courtesy. During this pandemic it’s gotten even worse because of the demands of social distancing. We as a people will need to readjust to our normal life at some point when this pandemic is no longer a critical issue. My only question: Can our society as it currently exists make the necessary adjustments to a “new normal” or just fall back into the same old self-destructive pre-pandemic rut?
It’s been a slow process that has us as a people becoming so paranoid of each other that courtesy and helpfulness between individuals can no longer be expected. I know if I saw someone in distress, I would react immediately but in the back of my mind I’d be thinking and worrying, “Is someone going to sue me or falsely accuse me of wrongdoing” just “to be on the safe side”. It’s a sad and dangerous commentary on what our society is becoming. People stand by and watch as others are raped, stabbed, and murdered, without taking any action as simple as a 911 call.
This kind of behavior is destructive to society, but I understand the reasons for it. If the country continues to permit individuals to rationalize any and all bad behavior up to and including murder, the situation will never improve. All of the psychobabble in the world cannot justify or excuse hard-core criminal behavior. Where there is a carrot there must be a stick. Lack of societal deterrents for crimes is to blame. If there is a crime, there must be swift punishment to send the proper message to the masses.
Soon, the pandemic will pass, and everyone will be scrambling to get back to the ‘old normal‘. I hope it doesn’t happen. The pandemic has shown us just how bad things can get under difficult circumstances, and yet we survived. It’s time for the younger generations to start voicing their beliefs and complaints, getting involved in government at every level, to help create a ‘new normal‘.
WE REALLY DO NEED A NEW NORMAL
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