In my humble opinion the most important thing a person can have is a healthy sense of humor. Without that a person loses most of their true personality and likeability. In the worst of times being able to “crack wise” and smile a little goes a long way to calm any situation. I constantly post quotations because they tell me more about a person than meeting them in person and having a casual conversation. Even people who I really don’t care for occasionally surprise me with their quotes and a few times I actually forgave them their stupidity and changed my opinion of them. That sounds a little harsh but all of us have the capability of being harsh, crass, and opinionated and still have thoughts worth sharing. Todays post contains quotations from some of my favorite people: comedians.

• “Always look out for Number One and be careful not to step in Number Two.” Rodney Dangerfield

• “It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from it’s mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.” Jay Leno

• “I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin

• “My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.” Steven Wright

• “I am at two with nature.” Woody Allen

• “Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.” Rosanne Barr

• You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again”. Joan Rivers

• “My plastic surgeon told me my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.” Phyllis Diller

• “When I meet a man I ask myself, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” Rita Rudner

• “In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.” Johnny Carson

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BONUS FOR RETIREES

“Sex after ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in it’s holder is a thrill.”

(George Burns)

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A SENSE OF HUMOR IS A NECESSITY