I guess I’m feeling a slight tingle of Christmas spirit this week. Being filled with the spirit tends to make me feel a little lazy. So, after my third, forth, and fifth rum soaked eggnogs I decided to dive into some of my older archives for a few Christmas inspired limericks. Here goes nothing . . .
🎅
Santa came home with a reindeer
And Mrs. Claus said with a sneer
‘Did you have to bring
That horny old thing?’
Rudolph said, ‘Madam, he lives here.’
🧑🎄🧑🎄
An elf said to Santa: “Oh Dear,
We’ve not enough presents this year”
That made St. Nick think:
Now he’d given up drink
He could give all the children some beer!
🎁🎁🎁
I saw my mom and Santa having a chat
She told him he was much too fat
She then grabbed his behind
With eyes closed kissed him blind
Then they both fell down on the mat.
🤶🤶🤶🤶
Old Santa got drunk on warm ale
“I’m too old for Christmas” his wail
“But what of the toys
For the good girls and boys?”
“I’ll send all their presents by mail!”
🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲
With the holidays on the horizon,
I placed twenty calls to Verizon.
They stuck me on hold
Til my dinner got cold.
And I still absolutely despise them.
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