Archive for the ‘graveyards’ Tag

09/24/2022 “Epithets”   Leave a comment

As I’ve stated many times in the past, I’ve always had a fascination with graveyards and cemeteries. With that thought in mind, here are a few of my favorite humorous epithets. It’s good to have a sense of humor even after death.

From Enosburg, Vermont

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

☠️☠️☠️

From Bayfield, Mississippi

Stranger pause. my tale attend,

And learn the cause of Hannah’s end.

Across the world the wind did blow,

She ketched a cold that laid her low.

We shed a lot of tears ’tis true,

But life is short – aged 82.

☠️☠️☠️

From Medway, Massachusetts

Beneath this stone, this lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

☠️☠️☠️

From Canterbury, Kent, England

Of children in all she bore twenty-four:

Thank the Lord there will be no more.

☠️☠️☠️

From Chelmsford, Essex, England

Herer lies the man Richard,

And Mary his wife.

Their surname was Pritchard,

They lived without strife.

And the reason was plain,

They abounded in riches,

They had no care or pain,

And his wife wore the breeches.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOURS YET?

08/26/2002 ☠️☠️Morbid Humor☠️☠️   Leave a comment

Over the years I spent a great deal of time roaming through graveyards in New England and elsewhere. I’ve always found them to be very quiet and calming. I also discovered that the older the tombstones the more interesting are the epithets. Here are a few you might get a kick out of.

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

😵😵😵

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent to them manna.

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

😵😵😵

Here lies my husbands, One, Two, Three,

Dumb as men could ever be.

As for my fourth, well, praise be God,

He bides for a little longer above the sod.

Alex, Ben, and Sandy were the first three names,

And to make things tidy I’ll add his – James.

😵😵😵

Here lies the body of fat May Preston

Who’s now moved to heaven

To relieve the congestion.

T.G.I.F.F.

03/14/2022 “Epithets”   2 comments

For many years after moving to New England, I spent a great deal of time in dozens of local cemeteries in southern Maine, checking out epithets, and anything else interesting that I could find. There was a time when I would stretch T-shirts over old tombstones and do rubbings of family names and places which I then sold in a local gift shop. Business became so brisk I was able to take requests from certain families to memorialize their long dead relatives. It was a little weird at times but very interesting. I also got to meet a few of the local law enforcement officers who repeatedly stopped to check me out. The epithets were remarkable since most of the early deaths were colonists from England, the home of the limerick. What follows are not the ones I discovered back then but discoveries made by other morbid folks who were also fascinated by them. Here are a few priceless ones I think you might enjoy.

Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake,

Who died for peace and quietness’ sake.

His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin’,

So, he sought for repose in a twelve-dollar coffin.

Burlington Massachusetts

🎇🎇🎇

Here lies Ann Mann;

She lived an old maid and

She died an old Mann.

Bath Abbey, England

🎇🎇🎇

Sacred to the memory of

Elisha Philbrook and his wife Sarah

Beneath these stones do lie,

Back-to-back, my wife and I!

When the last trumpet the air shall fill,

If she gets up, I’ll just lie still.

Sargentville, Maine

🎇🎇🎇

Sacred to the memory of

Jared Bates

who died August 6, 1800.

His widow, age 24, lives at 7 Elm

Street, has every qualification for a

good wife and yearns to be comforted.

Lincoln, Maine

🎇🎇🎇

THINK UP A GOOD ONE FOR YOURSELF

AND LEAVE IT WITH A FRIEND

09-08-2016 Journal – The Big Easy-5   Leave a comment

Our fourth day in NO took us to one of the most interesting places I’ve ever been.  I’ve always been a big fan of graveyards but this one was the ultimate. It’s called St. Louis #1, the oldest cemetery in the city. Some residents have been there since the late 1700’s.  The temperature was 95 degrees but once we got inside the cemetery it rose to just over 100 degrees.

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Since all bodies are buried above ground in NO the cemetery is just concrete walkways and white tombs.  The heat actually accelerates the decomposition which is important I suppose.  The cemetery isn’t open to the public any longer but I’m sure the Catholic Church is getting their taste from all of the tour groups visiting every day.

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To add to the solemnness of the visit we happened upon what has become a common occurrence these days. A Hollywood celebrity showing up to spend 60,000 dollars to build an eight foot tall white pyramid right in the middle of all this history. Who else would it be but that way-out-there celebrity . .  Nicolas Cage.  Only one word comes to mind and that is A-Hole.

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I think I lost five pounds of water weight in the hour and a half we spent roaming around the place. Our tour guide was an encyclopedia of history of New Orleans and the people resting in that cemetery.  It was a highlight of our trip.

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The vacation continues with Pat O’Brien’s Bar scheduled for dinner and drinks tonight. We both need a dip in the hotel pool and a few cold ones to rehydrate before visiting there.  I’ll cover O’Brien’s in the next post.

MAN WAS IT EVER HOT

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