Archive for the ‘marriage’ Tag
I’ve been around for what seems like forever and just through longevity alone I’ve become reasonably well versed in dealing with women in almost any circumstance. Most men would agree, we’re tired of hearing about all the problems of women, girl power, ERA, PMS, men are bad, and women should run the world. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! It’s time for me to pass on some of my knowledge to the younger generations of men out there to assist them in surviving relationships with their current or future partners. Let me help you “guys” make those “girls” out there a little crazy before they do it to you first. This double standard against men needs to stop and I’m here to do my part in making that happen. Sit back and learn from the master, grasshoppers.
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Develop the ability where you seem to be calmly listening to their every word. If we as men insist on dating, marriage, and all that follows we must be good listeners. Women want to be heard and over the years mine always were. I’m known for being a good listener, ask anyone. I may only hear every other word but that’s still listening, Right? Look interested, nod a lot, and when they’re done just smile.
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Develop the ability to "Zone Out". I seem to be there paying close attention to her every word but in fact my mind tends to wander to other places and other times. Certain of her key words or voice inflections will snap me right back to the current conversation without her noticing. They sometimes develop the ability to recognize when this is happening and that’s when they get really crazy. Spend the extra time to learn to disguise this talent.
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You must learn a number of different ways to check out other women without being obvious. These are basic methods used by men for decades to hide their ogling. Use reflections in windows to check someone out casually. Wear very dark sunglasses so you can look at anyone at any time but without turning your head in their direction. As you should already know this has always been mandatory male eyewear on any beach for years. Lastly, you must develop the ability to look at other women openly enough to make her crazy but not so obvious as to get you in real trouble. I usually use this move for revenge when she’s done something thoughtless and I want her to pay. It’s worth it’s weight in gold if you learn it and use it properly.
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Casually bring up memories of old girl friends or sexual partners. This will drive your woman over the edge especially if you can do it in an innocent manner. If she thinks your doing it just to make her crazy you may reach a whole new level of OMG. Use this ability with care, it can turn ugly and she may attempt to reverse it on you. You have to be prepared to listen to her experiences if your not really careful.
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You must create in your mind a series of answers that you can draw upon instantly when you hear this question, What are you thinking? It’s been my experience that if more than a minute of silence occurs when you’re together that question will almost certainly be asked. They want your every thought to be about them and it makes them crazy when they imagine that’s not the case. Try blurting out, "I was just thinking of our first kiss." or "I was remembering the first time when we made love in the backseat of my old car." The faster you are able to tell her these things the more believable and convincing they become.
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Learn to use compliments to your fullest advantage. Casual meaningless compliments that will send a chill up her spine. Have you lost weight? You really look sexy in that dress. When you walk like that you make me crazy. This can short circuit almost anything she is currently preaching to you about. It can derail her train of thought just long enough for you to change the subject to something you deem important. Use them sparingly because overuse has it’s pitfalls. If you have actual sincere compliments save them for times when sexual activity is eminent. It’ll payoff big time.
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Learn how to Fake Flirt. This is the ability to make it seem like other women are giving you the eye or being overly friendly. This is simple to do but takes some practice. If you’re ever feeling unloved or taken for granted this is the weapon of choice. This skill develops over time but you must be subtle about it. It will drive her completely nuts.
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Make PMS your friend. Most women deny every having PMS but they know when they’re suffering from it and use it against us at every turn. It’s time to turn that around. The better you treat her without ever mentioning the dreaded PMS the more guilty she’ll feel if she begins snapping at you for no reason. She’ll never admit that’s the case but it’s true. Make her crazy. It’s time we defuse the ever present PMS once and for all.
This is just a partial list of things we can defend ourselves with. Women have apparently learned many of these same skills at a much earlier age than we first guessed. It’s time for us to play catch up and level the playing field a little. I’ll be sure to pass other things along to help make all of you out there the excellent lovers and partners your women are looking for. If it makes them a little crazier than usual that’s just a huge plus.
MAN POWER!!!!!
There are a few things that are unavoidable in life. Death and taxes come to mind but a few others are almost as unavoidable especially if you’re a man. I’ve been around longer than I care to admit and that in itself has inevitably forced me to closely study and attempt to understand the human female. As hard as it is to believe, I’ve made very little progress. On any given day I’m confronted with comments from women about guys “leaving the seat up” or “being difficult to talk to” and a host of other broad-brush criticisms. All I can do is smile a little, say nothing, and be amused by the fact they really don’t understand us either.
Today was a perfect example. I was asked along on one of her famous shopping excursions so I prepared as I always do. I packed my e-reader, one book, and my camera. This is the basic survival equipment required for these short local shopping trips. I also have several other necessities I require for extended shopping trips that last more than three hours including but not limited to binoculars, a back scratcher, a pillow, and a a warm fuzzy blanket. Being a former Boy Scout I’m still a big believer in the motto, “Be Prepared”. I need these things to keep me comfortable as I wait in the car in front of every Kohl’s, Target, Michael’s, and Wal-Mart. The alternative is go in and push a cart around for a mile or two and idiot watch. Do I get any credit for just keeping her company? A big no. It’s always something like “you men, you never want to be with us. You just sit in the car and play with your toys”. How’s that for gratitude? I’ll have you know anything I own that cost me more than $400.00 is no freaking toy. Sorry, it just had to be said but unfortunately only the men are listening.
I have a few other issues with women but no one seems to pay much attention to my thoughts and conclusions. Simple stuff, like why does it take fifteen minutes to pull a car into the garage and get out. I’ve timed my better-half many times and it’s never takes her less than ten minutes. Gotta check the hair and the makeup (for some reason), then she goes through her bags (always carrying at least two), checks the back seat, glove compartment , and possibly her pulse and blood pressure as well. Do I loudly criticize her for these things? Not anymore. I gave up even mentioning them years ago because it was a waste of time. It goes in one ear and directly out the other.
What are my conclusions. I have none. But as a human male who is a long standing member of the Men’s union and a continuing target for female criticisms (valid or otherwise), I’ll keep trying to make sense of it all.
A few juicy wisecracks immediately come to mind but today I’ll ne nice. I won’t use them except in my own defense if she starts getting feisty when she can’t find clothes that will fit. I’ll do my best to convince her it’s not the fault of all the men in the world that she can’t fit her ass into a pair of jeans. I guarantee you she won’t believe a word of it.
This is what I would call a text book example of what a women would consider a normal relationship. They talk and we listen, just perfect.
With cold and snow still dominating the landscape for at least another month it gives a person a great deal of time to think about this and that. Today is the day for marriage to be thought about and examined. I like millions of others have been married and divorced and suffered with the accompanying emotional damage. Nineteen years of memories I would love to remove from my memory banks except for a few months of actual happiness.
I was raised by parents who dated from when they were in their teens. They lived a few blocks from each other and were inseparable as teens until my father enlisted in the Navy during WW II. I always thought their marriage was a happy one because we (my sister and I) were protected from certain things. My father later in life made me privy to a number of incidents and occurrences that brought them close to divorce and I wished he had me told me those things earlier. They might actually have helped me through some rough times in my own marriage. It was only my mothers religious beliefs concerning divorce and a fear of community and family ridicule that kept them together.
Marriage can be a wonderful thing but when it doesn’t work it a freaking nightmare. Yet millions of people still believe that they are the exception to the rule and continue to jump into what at best is a fifty-fifty proposition. A normal thinking person would almost never gamble their money on those kind of odds but are immediately willing to jump into a legally binding relationship which has a better than average chance of failing.
In the past it was ingrained in children that marriage was the ultimate goal with having kids, a mortgage, and the proverbial white picket fence. Here are a few more recent facts obtained from the Pew Research Center that begin to show just how much that has changed in recent years.
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The ratio of new marriages to divorces is 2 to 1 (Marriages and Divorces).
Total Marriages showed a sharp drop in 1998 and after a brief rebound, continued to trend down.
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The population of unmarried women will soon surpass the number of married women. This indicates a rejection of the Divine Institution of Marriage by the general population.
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The number of Unmarried Couple Households (live-in) is increasing steadily.
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Children living with only one parent have increased from 9% in 1960 to 27% in 2009. Of those 87% of the children live with the mother.
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Previous marriage experience plays a big role in whether people want to get married (again) or not.
These facts indicate that the drop in the marriage rate is due primarily to people believing that marriage is more of a problem than a solution. Apparently people these days are deciding in greater numbers that the marriage gamble isn’t worth the risk. The emotional damage coupled with the financial ramifications to both partners has taken some of the shine off of the marriage apple.
I’m currently unmarried and that will never change. I’m sharing my life with my soulmate which was always the most important thing to me. Marriage never supplied me with much of anything except a piece of paper. Living together has surprisingly given us a great deal of freedom in that we are both free to leave at any time with no divorce nonsense as a consequence. We are together because that’s what we both want. I actually find myself working harder to keep our relationship peaceful and loving like never before. It was like the marriage document itself put undue pressure on me, both emotionally and financially.
I wish the gay community all the best in their efforts to marry legally. As I’ve said many times before why should they miss out on all the benefits of marriage. Arguing, fighting, cheating, financial problems, divorce, alimony, and child support. They must be crazy.
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