Welcome to another hot sweltering and sweaty day in Maine. I’ve been confined to my man-cave because it’s the only place in this house where I won’t sweat through my clothing. It’s so bad even my cat is sleeping on a chair right next to me directly under a fan. I’ve always suspected my cat was more intelligent that it was letting on and this just proves it. Since the cat and I are having a week off from my better-half who is vacationing and visiting relatives in Maryland, we can do as we please for a change. We can eat what we want, sleep when we want, and misbehave if necessary. It’s our vacation too.
Today’s post is prompted by a series of facts I’ve recently discovered concerning wives and mistresses. Since I’m the guy who knows virtually nothing about women, I hoped these snippets would give me a better frame of reference. They probably won’t but what the hell, here they are anyway . . .
👩🏻👩🏻🦰👱🏻♀️
Peter the Great had his wife’s lover executed and his head placed into a jar of alcohol. She was required to keep it in her bedroom at all times. (That’s a kinky threesome, for sure.)
Mary Todd (OMG)
Stephen Douglas’s antagonism towards Abraham Lincoln stemmed partly from the fact that Mary Todd had chosen Lincoln over Douglas as a suitor. Mary Todd met both Douglas and Lincoln at the same time and was courted by both. Her ambition led her to evaluate the two men and she chose Lincoln as the most likely to attain future success and as her own best chance for glory.(Who knew Mary Todd wasn’t just crazy but was a slut too?)
In ancient Greece, women counted their age from the date on which they were married, not from the day they were born, signifying that the wedding marked the start of a women’s real-life.(You could end up with a wife who was supposedly twenty years old but really fifty. Yikes!)
The fourth Mogul Emperor, Jahangir, who ruled from 1605 to 1627, had a harem of 300 royal wives, 5000 additional women, and 1000 young men for alternate pleasures.(The man was obviously horny and insane.)
Alexander Gustave Eiffel, the builder of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, which opened in 1889, created at its peak the highest man-made love nest so that he could carry on his personal trysts. The aerie is now opened to all visitors. (Guys will do anything to get high and get laid.)
👩🏻👩🏻🦰👱🏻♀️
The British trounced George Washington’s depleted army at White Plains, then at Fort Washington, then at Brandywine, then at Germantown, and could have easily delivered the knockout blow at Valley Forge in the ferocious winter of 1777–78. But they didn’t. They didn’t attack because William Howell, the British general in command of George III’s forces in the colonies, had found warm comfort in nearby Philadelphia with a certain Mrs. Loring. By spring, the colonial army was able to wiggle off the hook.(Wow! Our country was saved by one piece of strange.)
The Babylonians auctioned off marriageable girls every year. Men had to bid high for the most attractive girls, and their money provided dowries so that the ugly girls, for whom no one would bid, could find husbands. (I think we should reinstitute this immediately.)
By the end of the 16th century, there were approximately 11,600 courtesans in Venice, twelve times the number of patrician wives. The names and addresses of the courtesans were published in a book, copies of which may be seen today in the library of St. Mark. The courtesans were the only commoners who mixed with ease with the Venetian upper class. (And you thought Las Vegas was bad.)
Catherine the Great BOW WOW!
After his love affair of two years with Catherine the Great, Gregory Alexandrovich Potemkin continued to be an important advisor to Catherine. He even helped to choose many of her subsequent lovers. (Every court should have a well-placed pimp in residence.)
When the Elector of Hanover became George I of England in 1714, His wife did not become Queen because she had committed adultery. He placed her under house arrest in Ahlden Castle, where she stayed for 32 years. Those who knew her fate called her the “Prisoner of Ahlden,” And so she remains in history. Ironically, George had arrived in England with his two mistresses. At that time adultery was only a crime for wives.(I’ll bet her guards were well satisfied.)
A few weeks ago, I posted a number of limericks written in the World War II era. Your response was much better than I anticipated so I thought I’d dig up a few more from that same era to make you laugh and smile all these years later.
Both William Shakespeare and Miguel D. Cervantes, who is considered by some to be Shakespeare’s literary equivalent, died on the same day, April 23, 1616.
In 1958, a Kansas tornado ripped a woman out of her house and deposited her, unharmed, 60 feet away, next to an LP record of the song Stormy Weather.
In Paris in the Twentieth Century, Jules Vern describes the Paris skyline dominated by a large metallic structure. The book was written in 1863, years before the Eiffel Tower was conceptualized in 1887.
The bubonic plague was nicknamed the Black Death because of the nasty black sores it left on its victims’ bodies.
In January 2008, the Dunkinfield Crematorium in Manchester, England, asked local residents and clergymen to support its plan for heating and powering its chapel and boiler using the heat created by burning bodies.
John Lennon’s killer, Mark David Chapman, was a church group leader. It is said that he would lead sing-alongs to the tune of Lennon’s song “Imagine”, during which he would change the lyrics to “Imagine there is no John Lennon”.
If 13 people sit down to eat at a table together, one of them will die within the year.
A grilled cheese sandwich bearing the image of the Virgin Mary was sold in 2004 for $28,000.
Novelist Ernest Hemingway and poet Hart Crane were both born on July 21, 1899. Both struggled with alcoholism and depression, and both committed suicide.
American author Norman Mailer once stabbed his wife and then wrote a novel about it (An American Dream).
These 10 items are just a mishmash of oddities. Fortunately for me the more I research the more of them I stumble upon. Like it or not I’ll be passing them on to you for your enjoyment. I’d like to finish this post with a quote from John Lennon which I found interesting:
“Everybody loves you when you’re six foot in the ground,”
The truth is sometimes strange and at other times ridiculous. These factoids are a little of both. They’re good for making a few bucks at bar bets on trivia night.
The term ” soap opera” comes from the fact that shows used to work advertisements for soap powder into the plot lines.
A champagne cork flying out of a bottle can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour.
People who fear the number 666 suffer from hexakaosioihexekontahexaphobia.
On November 21, 1980, 83 million Americans tuned in to watch the finale of the Dallas cliffhanger “Who Shot J.R.?” A few weeks earlier, 85.1 million Americans voted in the Reagan-Carter presidential election.
During a 60-year life span, an average tree will produce nearly 2 tons of leaves to be raked.
Dancing the tango was considered a sin in Paris during the early 1900s.
Those roped off areas where boxing matches take place actually used to be round, hence the term “boxing ring”.
Pope John XXI (1276-01277) had been in office less than a year before the ceiling on a new wing of his palace collapsed on him while he slept. He died six days later.
Nearly 4% of American women claim that they never wear underwear.
The Pentagon goes through more than 600 rolls of toilet paper every day.
TOO WEIRD TO BELIEVE? . . . WELL, BELIVE IT ANYWAY
I’m sure some of you know the definition of a malaprop. If not, here it is. A malaprop is the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar sounding one, often with unintentional amusing effect. I really didn’t know the definition or the word myself but while posting yesterday I noticed two entries that amused me. After digging around in my books I discovered the term malaprop and a number of examples I thought you might find interesting and hopefully amusing. Here they are . . .
Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.
Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead.
William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.
The book was so exciting I couldn’t finish it until I put it down.
The difference between a king and a president is that king is the son of his father and a president isn’t.
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
The Magna Carta provided that no freemen should be hanged twice for the same offense.
Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. Your head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.
He saw three other people in the restaurant, and half of those were waiters.
Now you know what malaprops are. As I read them, I realized that I’ve seen samples of them many times before but never heard anyone use the term. I’m ambivalent about knowing it now and I’m almost sorry I made you aware of it. I may revisit this subject in the future or maybe not.
everyuselessthing.com 