As you can see by the title this post is a Limerick Alert. Sometimes that means bawdy and off-color, and other times lame and just plain entertaining. Something else that we all seem to love are our pets and animals, therefore all of today’s limericks will be “animal” related. Here are four examples that caught my eye and I hope you enjoy them. I’d rate these limericks as “G” so the kids can read them too.
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There once was a young lady named Maggie Whose pet dog was terribly shaggy, The front end of him Look quite vicious and grim, But the tail was always friendly and waggy.
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The thoughts of a rabbit and sex Are seldom, if ever, complex. For a rabbit in need Is a rabbit indeed, And does just as one might expect.
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A freshman from down in Laguna Fell madly in love with a tuna. The affair, although comic, Was so economic, He wished he’d have thought of it soona!
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A sightseer from far McAboo, Observed a strange beast at the Zoo, When she asked: “Is it old? “ She was smilingly told It’s not an old beast, but a gnu!.
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And finally a clean favorite for my better-half the gardener:
I consider myself to be an animal lover. I have a long history of dealing with dogs and an even longer history with cats. Fortunately, or unfortunately people in this country categorize people as being either a cat person or a dog person for some reason. Over the years I’ve had every kind of pet you can think of from snakes, mice, birds, squirrels, hamsters, dogs and ferrets. My favorite pets after my cats were the ferrets and my best years as a pet owner were when I had one cat and two ferrets. There was never a dull moment in the house, and they kept me smiling with their endless play times. Today’s posts are some interesting facts about our pets.
Your average cat uses up to 100 different vocalizations. Dogs, on the other hand, use a mere 10.
Multiple studies have shown dogs are more emotionally intelligent than cats; they are more trainable, have larger brains, and are far more social. Sorry, cat people, if it makes you feel any better, other studies have shown that cat owners are smarter than people who own dogs.
Cats can be trained in a manner of minutes simply by placing a litter box in the house. No actual training is required – it’s instinct that drives cats to use litter boxes.
The average canine has 42 teeth, compared to only 30 teeth for domestic cats.
Dog memory is more “associative” instead of true memory. And a dog’s short-term memory lasts for about 20 seconds.
A canine nose has more than four times as many scent receptors as the average cat and more than 14 times as many as the human nose.
In both cats and dogs sweat glands are present only in the paws. To cool down, dogs pant. The thin ears of cats expose blood to ambient room temperatures and help them to lose excess body heat.
So-called “seizure-alert dogs are able to detect changes in their owner’s verbal cues and body language and warn them of things ahead of time. This skill is not taught – it’s innate in a very small number of canines.
Most people are aware that chocolate is toxic to dogs. Fortunately for cats they cannot taste sweetness, so the odds are lower of cats gorging on your half-eaten chocolate bar.
Studies show that dogs respond with less aggression, and cats display positive reciprocation when interacting with women rather than men.
I come from a long line of dog lovers. My parents always had multiple dogs for many years. My father ran a training kennel for beagles and our home and yard was always filled with twenty to thirty puppies. I spent my formative years feeding, grooming, and shoveling many wheelbarrows loads of 💩💩. If I was being punished for any reason (and there were many), I was forced to clean the kennels in my bare feet during a rainstorm. Yes, you guessed it, I am not a dog person. I love most dogs but the ones I like best are those that are owned by someone else. I love playing with dogs and they love playing with me but then I get to go home, and they don’t. I’m sure some of you dog lovers out there will be moaning and groaning over this post but the truth is the truth. I’m a decades long cat lover. To help you get through this post here are a few “dog” jokes for all of you “dog” people and I hope they make you smile.
A dog walks into a bar, he jumps up on the barstool and says to the bartender, “Hey, today’s my birthday. Do I get a free drink?” The bartender replies, “Sure, the toilet is around the corner.”
Q. What’s a dog’s favorite wine? A. “Please, please, please throw my ball”!
A great Dane walks into a bar and calls to the bartender, “I’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . water.” The bartender looks at the Dane and says, “What’s with the long pause?” “These?” the dog asks, looking down at his feet, “I’ve had them all my life.”
I’ve been an animal lover my entire life centering mainly on cats. I’ve had just about every animal you can think of from snakes to ferrets, guinea pigs, and many others. Since today is a slow Sunday, it’s rainy and gray, and I have two grandchildren coming to visit in a few hours, I won’t be able to get much accomplished once they arrive. Today’s post will be short and sweet. If you like or love animals here are a collection of odd facts which you might find interesting.
Besides humans, the only animal it can stand on its head is the elephant.
A newborn panda is smaller than a mouse.
The heads of a freak two-headed snake will fight over food despite sharing the same stomach.
The armadillo is the only animal apart from man that can catch leprosy.
A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel.
A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A donkey will sink in quicksand, but a mule won’t.
Polar bears can smell a human being from 20 miles away.
The world’s biggest frog is bigger than the world’s smallest antelope.
Deer sleep only 5 minutes a day.
Kangaroos can’t walk backward.
It takes a male horse only 14 seconds to copulate.
This is my former owner “Stormy” who passed away 3 years ago after suffering a heart attack. He spent 17 years with me and is sadly missed. This post is in his memory.
He was a sly and subtle cat who was laid back and always appeared aloof and uncaring. I’ve been acquainted over many years with seven cats and each one has had its own peculiarities and personality quirks. After years of observing them all I’ve determined that one characteristic was common to them all. I call it the 20 second, Delayed Response Syndrome. With dogs you shout a command and they spring to their feet wagging their tails and just begging to do your bidding. I think cats get the same rush from our attention but they choose not to show it quite so openly. They’ll sit and wait for 20 seconds then nonchalantly stroll over to see what’s going on. Try it out yourself if you’re owned by a cat, it’s amazing.
You’ll also note that I continually say “owned by a cat” and I’m not kidding. Years ago I read a Sci-Fi short story that went a long way to convincing me that an actual alien invasion of the Earth had already taken place. Apparently thousands of years ago the first cats landed on this planet and began their slow and deliberate takeover. Many people say the Chinese are people who think long-term. Compared to cats the Chinese have the attention span of a moth around a flame. I consider myself a well trained and officially certified pet belonging to a cat.
Let me explain further. My better-half was a dog person and when we finally decided to cohabitate I was concerned about her relationship with “Stormy”. He and I had been together for almost 10 years at that time and had been living the swinging bachelor lifestyle. It appeared to be a Mexican standoff with my better-half and her son for the first month but slowly and surely Stormy began to reel them in.
We bought him only the best food, fresh water every day, and we shoveled and cleaned his disgusting litter box all too often. He also had access to an outside deck where he could lounge all day in the sun and chase a bird or two. He had the good life and he knew it.
We mourned the loss of Stormy but life must go on. After a year and a half we finally decided we needed a new owner and we made a trip to the local shelter. Now let me introduce you all to the new Queen of the World, “Lucy”.
She is a handful. She is snippy, sassy, and opinionated. She is the center of her own universe and therefore so are we. She is attitude personified and has enough for ten cats. If we feed her food she doesn’t like, she just walks away. She also expects special treats each and every time someone walks near her food dishes.
Stormy was always a quiet unassuming cat but she is anything but. She never shuts up. She walks through the house showing her annoyance with just about everything. God help us all if the litter box isn’t kept clean enough. She’ll just squeal a little and then poop on the floor next to it and then just strut away. As you can see in the photo she has that “evil eye” thing going on. She gives me that stare at least ten times a day.
Finally last night as I was just dozing off she jumped up on the bed and allowed me to move the hell over and make room for her. What a sweetheart. Because I didn’t immediately begin to pet and cuddle her she turned her back on me and left the room. I found her later sleeping on my chair in the living room.
I’d like to continue this story but the sun’s coming out and Queen Lucy has been bugging me for the last 20 minutes to open the door to the deck. She gets a tad grumpy if she doesn’t get her deck time.
It’s been a number of months since I last visited my blog and I’m not entirely sure why. I suppose it’a mixture of laziness, apathy, and the holiday season that’s approaching. I’ve been wanting to write but I don’t want it to be more of the same crap you’re hearing and seeing in other media. The “Trump is the devil.” nonsense is wearing really thin except for a few braindead liberals and diehard Democrats.
There’s a time and place for everything but the last thing we need is the steady media drumbeat of negativety during the holidays. I’d much rather enjoy the season with my family than listening to an incredibly biased media laying hours and hours of propaganda and fake news on me. Life is just too goddamn short.
We’ve had out first two snow falls for 2017 and the snowblower came through as expected. I’m going to try very hard not to do the normal fall-on-my-ass routine that seems to occur every year. I’ll be staying in the house as much as possible, I’ll keep nice and warm, and have a drink or two to calm my nerves. Before I know it Spring will be here once again.
So Merry Christmas to family and friends and anyone bored enough to read this blog.
I’ve also been giving some serious thought to my New Year’s resolutions for 2018. I’ll do a quick review of 2017 just after Christmas and then post 2018’s early in January.
Stay healthy . . . Stay warm . . . Kiss the kids and grandkids . . . Hug your pets.
This is my week for celebrating. There aren’t many days during the year that I choose to remember fondly but this is one of them. Today is my cat Stormy’s fourteenth birthday. Don’t worry, this posting will not be some crazy-ass cat lovers gushy and sentimental rant. I’m not some over-the-top PETA idiot who thinks animals are more important than people but I do have a soft spot for certain ones.
I’m what most people would consider a cat person. Over the years I’ve had a number of dogs, a snake, a ferret or two, hamsters, and a few cats. For some reason I like having a friend who keeps his or her opinions to themselves, who is that perfect listener we all seem to be looking for, and is somewhat self-sufficient. A friend whose who offers a fair amount of unconditional love and will listen to whatever nonsense I decide to spew. If he doesn’t like it he just walks away without snide remarks or any rolling of the eyes.
Of all of my pets two stand out from the others. They’re both cats and both lived to be more than fourteen years old. I started out as a dog person due to my father’s decision to raise and sell hunting beagles. We always had dogs and puppies running around the yard and I shoveled my fair share of excrement as part of my chores. I really do prefer shoveling it from a litter box instead of scraping it up from different areas of the house.
Once I returned from the Army and started my working life, dogs became more responsibility than I could handle. My jobs required that I move around from apartment to apartment, state to state, and having a dog would have been impossible. Dogs for me are much like small children who never grow up and remain needy as long as they live.
Stormy came into my life for a number of reasons. I found him in a local shelter the week after 9/11. One of my ferrets had just died and her bonded mate was grieving terribly. I brought Stormy home and that cat and ferret eventually became inseparable. Years later when the second ferret passed on Stormy was inconsolable and slept on top of the empty ferret cage for months. We’ve been together every since, thirteen years and counting.
He’s makes friends easily, had his own Twitter page for a while, and even had a children’s book written about him. Now that he’s reached middle age he’s slowed down some but still the best mouser I’ve ever seen. Just last night he was on patrol all night because he saw one of those annoying field mice that decided to take shelter in his house. It’s only a matter of time before that stupid mouse makes a fatal misstep and I’ll find his corpse in the kitchen next to Stormy’s food bowl some morning. That’s where he leaves his trophies so I can see and appreciate them.
He’s also attached himself to my better-half and slowly over time has become her official bed buddy. So a big Happy Birthday to Stormy and hopefully he’ll have many more years with us. I might even spring for a can of Fancy Feast for dinner tonight, after all it is a special occasion.
I’m a cat person as are millions of others in this country and I’ve been told there are currently more cats than dogs being kept as pets. You’d think that cat’s would now be considered “mans best friend”, but they’re not. I’ve written before about how I believe cats think we humans are their pets and we’re actually “a cats best friend”. That being said, it appears that I am owned by an exceptionally inscrutable and sly cat. In general cats are pretty laid back and appear to the uninitiated that they are aloof and uncaring. I agree to a point on aloof but cats really do have personalities that are as different from each other as human beings.
I’ve been acquainted with five cats in my life and each one has had it’s own peculiarities and personality quirks. After years of observing them closely I’ve determined that one characteristic is common to them all. It’s called the Twenty Second Delay Response Syndrome (TSDRS). With dogs you shout a command and they spring to their feet wagging their tails and just begging to do your bidding. I think that cats get the same rush from your attention but choose not to show it quite so openly. They sit and wait for approximately twenty seconds then nonchalantly stroll over to see what’s going on. Try it out yourself if your owned by a cat, it’s amazing.
You’ll also note that I continually say “owned by a cat” and I’m not kidding in the least. Let me explain further. My better-half was for years a dog person. When we finally decided to live together I was more than a little concerned about her relationship with “Stormy”, my feline friend. He and I have been together for almost twelve years and we lived the swinging bachelor lifestyle for almost eight years. It was a “Mexican Standoff” with my better-half and her son Chris for the first month or so after we moved in. Slowly but surely Stormy began to reel them in until my better-half was finally converted. Chris was more fortunate when he moved to California and broke free of the cats hypnotic effects.
We buy Stormy the best food, we give him fresh water every day, and we shovel and clean his disgusting litter box. He also has access to an outside deck where he can lounge all day in the sun and chase a bird or two. My better-half and I once had a double bed to share our nights together. It has now become a triple bed with Stormy deciding who sleeps where and how much room is allowed for each of us. In the morning God forbid we don’t immediately run to the kitchen to get his breakfast ready or he will bother, harass, and annoy us until we do. He’s a twelve pound, hairy alarm clock with a huge chip on his shoulder.
He loves to play but he can be more than a little rough. I have years of scars on my hands, arms, and feet to prove it. Recently during a play session I really pissed him off and he latched onto my foot. I screamed an obscenity which quickly ended the play time with him scurrying away and me limping to the bathroom for hydrogen peroxide and a band-aid. We didn’t speak for a week and every time we were in the same room he would sit with his back to me and begin the “Big Ignore”. After a week of his shunning I began to feel bad so I made sure his water was fresh, I changed his litter box early, and fed him a treat or two which he refused to eat until I left the room. Finally last night as I was just dozing off he jumped up on the bed and allowed me to move the hell over and make room for him. What a guy. He nudged me a few times expecting to be petted and loved-on a little and of course I complied.
Now I hope you understand if you’re an actual cat person just exactly who owns who. I’d like to continue this little story but the sun’s out and Stormy has been bugging me for the last twenty minutes to open the door to the deck. He’s getting as much deck time as possible while the Fall sunshine lasts and before the snow begins to fly. He gets a bit grumpy if he doesn’t get his deck time because he’s concerned about losing his summer tan.
A lot of people use the term “a dogs life” to define the perfect way to live. I’d much rather have “a cat’s life”.
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