This post is being written on Easter Sunday and should be considered a tongue-in-cheek horror story from my youth. It will also explain to readers why I have never celebrated Easter as would be expected. In my early childhood I was always confused by my parents when my mother claimed Easter was a religious holiday but the rest of the family loaded me up with chocolate bunnies, candy eggs, and plastic eggs in the yard containing quarters. I was greatly confused but truly enjoyed all the candy that eventually rotted out a few of my teeth.
When I reached the age of ten they decided to take a different approach to Easter. I still got all the candy and eggs but they added a few things to the mix. I received four baby chicks that immediately ran behind the refrigerator and refused to come out. Eventually they did but within two weeks they had all passed away and never even got an offer of an Easter resurrection. I was truly sad but I hadn’t had time to develop much of a relationship with them. I did give them a silent prayer and a beautiful burial ceremony as my father tossed them into a trash can. I forgot to mention one other thing. Along with those chicks I was also gifted two small white baby rabbits which I immediately fell in love with. They were so damn cute and cuddly.
Now, let’s jump ahead three years. Those cute little bunnies had grown into two huge white rabbits that were so big we were forced build a hutch in the yard for them to live in. I still loved them both but my father did not. He constantly complained about them being a nuisance but I wouldn’t let him sell or give them away. I came home from school one afternoon prepared to do my homework and then have dinner. As I sat down at the table I immediately noticed a large plate of steaming meat and was told by my father to “eat up”. I asked what kind of meat it was and he told that the two rabbits would no longer be a problem. He’d killed my bunnies and served them to me for dinner. Needless to say I went to bed hungry that night. Happy Effing Easter!
That pretty much erased Easter from the list of holidays I chose to celebrate. Even now I cringe a little when my spouse has the grandchildren over for their annual Easter egg hunt. They love finding the hidden eggs especially the plastic ones with money in them. My only requirement is “No Bunnies or Chicks” chocolate or otherwise. I’d have terrible nightmares for a week.
I realize that most people have no real use for statistics and suspect they can be manipulated easily by politicians and others to suit whatever point they’re trying to make. I believe that as well but nonetheless I’m about to supply you with a few statistics and facts you may never have heard before. Here they are.
The number of atoms in a pound of iron is nearly 5 trillion trillion: 4,891, 500, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000.
Manhattan Island from end to end is less than 1,000,000 inches long.
Three pairs of common English rabbits were let loose in Australia, in the middle of the 19th century. Within a decade, the six rabbits multiplied into millions, menacing the country’s agriculture.
Coffee is the world’s second largest item of international commerce. Petroleum is first.
The abacus was used in the West in medieval times, and then forgotten. Interest in the accounting tool was revived when the abacus was brought to France by Lieut. Jean Victor Poncelet, when he was freed by the Russians after the Napoleons fall.
Drilling an oil well 5 miles deep require drilling night and day, seven days a week, for as long as 500 days.
In terms of the resources he will use in his lifetime and the pollution he will cause. One citizen of the United States is the equivalent of about 80 citizens of India.
During the next minute, 100 people will die in 240 will be born. The world’s population increases by 140 people per minute.
There are 2,500,000 rivets in the Eiffel Tower.
There are 11.5 psychiatrists per 100,000 population in the United States. In the nation’s capital, however, there are 56.1 per 100,000.
There you have. More totally useless information for you to clog your brain with. The more I find the more I continue to find.
More aches and pains as the garden begins to take shape. I’m trying to do as much work on it as I possibly can as early as I can. Last years efforts were almost ruined because I waited until the last minute to do much of the small things that are necessary. Learning from my mistakes is absolutely essential if I’m to have the garden I want.
Yesterday was another chilly morning but I was up and at it earlier than usual. I picked up my supplies the day before from Home Depot, the only store in the area that carried the type of fencing I needed. Here is the before photo on the newly completed frame without the fencing.
The fencing is made for controlling small animals such as rabbits and skunks which are my main problem. We have larger game in the area but they’ve never ben a problem for me. Fortunately I have a nearby neighbor with fruit trees and the deer love their fruit. The insist on visiting him on a regular basis and leaving me alone.
After an hour or so of cursing and swearing my job was completed. That should keep the little buggers out of the garden this year. I really dislike killing any animals so the cost of the fence is worth it to keep me guilt free. Here’s the photo of the completed fence.
If the weather warms up a little in the coming days I can drag out my rototiller to loosen up the soil. Then I can lay down the fabric into the frames which eliminates weeding completely because I hate weeding.
How about a little garden humor to start your day . . .
A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” Her neighbor replies, "Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” Well, what the heck? She does it. The next day her neighbor asks how it worked. "So-so,” she answers, "The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
Here’s a salute to everyone’s favorite redneck gardener, Jeff Foxworthy . . .
You Might be a Redneck Gardener If:
You mow your lawn and find a wheelbarrow. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument. You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it is yellow. You don’t water your front yard rather than mow it. You know how many bags of fertilizer your car can hold. You’ve even cleaned your house with a leaf blower. You empty the trash when you have enough to fill up the pickup. You can amuse yourself for more that an hour with a hose. You’ve been cited for reckless driving on a riding lawn mower. You move your weed-eater to take a bath.
And finally here is a cute limerick which any Maine gardener will appreciate . . .
everyuselessthing.com 