Archive for the ‘toys’ Tag
Have you ever had the pleasure of watching the movie, Adventures in Babysitting? I’ve loved that movie for years but living through the actual thing isn’t quite as satisfying. This past week has been an adventure for sure.
I’m officially awarding my better-half my version of the Medal of Honor. She was the main caregiver for two short and lovable little terrorists. I was involved as well but to a lesser degree and thank God for that. Just picture the situation. Both parents left on vacation and were off to LA LA Land. It was the first time that the two boys aged 1 and 3 were separated from their parents and someone had to pay and it was us, the grandparents. OMG!
My better-half may need a week or more to recuperate because they absolutely wore her out, took a short nap, and then wore her out again. She has the patience of a saint but I do not. She made a point of getting me involved as much as she possibly could and I’ll never let her hear the end of that. They drove me to the edge and when I wasn’t looking they kicked me into the abyss.
Diapers, noise, fighting, throwing stuff, and that was on the good days. I never thought I’d see the day when a one year old maniac would bean me with a toy truck as I sat and watched Alvin and the Chipmunks with his big brother for the umpteenth time. I know it’ll take weeks to get that damn theme song out of my head again.
I never realized that walking from my bed to the bathroom in the middle of the night could be so treacherous. It was like trying to tiptoe through a Lego minefield. I’m sure the pain in my foot will fade in a few weeks and I really do believe I look pretty cool walking with a slight limp.
Thank God their parents returned home last night and my better-half did what could be called a family drive-by. Drive to their home, dump the kids, jump back into the car and escape. I had a cold beer waiting for her and our living room had been cleared of most of the debris left in their wake. Two huge sighs of relief and a much needed moment of silence to thank the Gods this week was over.
We slept in this morning, had our delicious cups of coffee, and paused to enjoy the quiet. All in all the week was a success with no injuries, sicknesses, or fatalities. I saw my cat this morning and unfortunately he may have been traumatized permanently. We’ll have to wait and see about that.
IT WAS A GREAT WEEK
A lot of people that know me really don’t know me as well as they think. I’ve been described by many over the last few years as nothing more than an old fart. While some of them do it jokingly other really seem to mean it. They don’t understand that underneath all of this sarcasm and rapier wit resides a very sensitive person who’s feelings can be easily hurt just like everyone else.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not whining only stating the facts. As of this late date I feel the only people close to me that really “get me” are my two grandsons aged three and six months. They came to visit last night for a few hours while their parents enjoyed a night by themselves away from the madness of child rearing.
‘The house looked like a Toys-R-Us exploded.’
My first job was to spend a half hour with grandson #1 chasing him around the house and generally irritating the hell out of my better-half. For a change I had a partner in crime which allowed me to misbehave a great deal more than usual and to blame it on him. We ran around the house throwing and bouncing balls in every room until he got bored, I got tired, and she got angry. Our fun night was just beginning.
I spent the next hour helping him empty out the toy box which left toys and trucks everywhere. I sat and mindlessly helped him build things and destroy other things. He made me his official play-pal when he gifted me with an honorary plastic dinosaur. The way he presented it to me made me feel like I’d just won an Oscar. He was very serious about it and it apparently held a great deal of meaning for him. I was really honored.
‘And the winner of this prestigious award is . . . . ?’
We then took a break from the action by sitting on the couch with his little brother. That little guy just makes me feel good all over because all he does is smile and giggle. I played a little paddy cake with him which I hadn’t done for more years than I care to remember. I have to admit it felt pretty good.
I’m a person who loves to eat, a true foodie, and when dinner came around I found out we’d all be eating from the three year olds menu. Since he’s partial to fish sticks, guess what, we had fish sticks. The last time I had a plate of fish sticks was more than four decades ago. That first bite took me back to age ten in one giant mouthful. It tasted exactly as I remembered and that was pretty cool.
The six month old downed a mug of thawed out mothers milk and crashed on the sofa next to me. The three year old finally ran out of his endless supply of adrenaline and fell asleep rather quickly on my chair. Even an exciting Mickey Mouse movie on Netflix couldn’t keep him awake. Unfortunately for me I’ll be singing and humming all of those catchy little tunes for the next week. The curse of Walt Disney.
‘An full hour of this is almost unbearable.’
Once they were all asleep my better-half and I returned to our reality, a cold drink and a little peace and quiet. These babysitting nights are always a lot of fun but also a little strange at times. If my mind wanders for just a moment all of a sudden I’m six years old again and playing with my childhood friends. It must be true what they say, everything we experience in our lives is stored somewhere in the brain and comes out when we least expect it.
I look forward to their next visit and the little bit of time travel that it offers.
I’ve been so busy of late I decided to take today off. My only task this morning was to can another ten jars of Bread & Butter pickles. The garden is producing ridiculous numbers of cucumbers, zucchini’s, and beans, making it a little difficult to keep up.
‘Before’
‘After’
I really hope to get a little reading done over the next few days. Last weekend we visited a local fair at St. Matthews church in Limerick, ME. This is an event that we try never to miss. It’s a three day event and draws quite a crowd from southern Maine. It consists of a huge flea market where you can still find a treasure or two for a very low price. Over the years I’ve found quite a few jewels and this year was no different. I found two stainless steel stock pots in like new condition without a mark on then for $15.00. If I tried to buy them at a retail store it would have been more like $50.00.
There were crowds of people everywhere but as always the biggest crowd was in the book tent. Tens of thousands of books, sorted on tables, and being rummaged through by hundreds of people. I normally am able to buy enough books to keep me reading for most of the Winter for less than $20.00. It’s hardback books for a buck and paperbacks for $.50 each. I bought so many I had two make two trips to the car to unload the bag. I may be a big fan of the Ereader’s but at these prices I’ll take a step back to reading actual books anytime. I still like the feel of the book in my hands and turning each page manually. An Ereader is more convenient to be sure but old habits are hard to break.
‘My Winter Stash’
Another thing I look forward to are the french fries. I’ve been on a no-carb diet for almost a year but there are certain occasions that demand that I eat some greasy, salty, and crunchy fries. I pigged out and with the help of my better-half, her daughter and her husband, and the grandson, we totally destroyed a giant box of fries along with half a bottle of ketchup. It was sinfully delicious.
The grandson who is just now starting to speak spent most of his time near the tent where they sell used children’s toys. He was drawn to a hot looking plastic Camaro with flashing red lights and shiny decals. That should keep him occupied for a week or so making it an excellent investment.
They offer some minor gambling with a chuck-a-luck wheel, a greenhouse selling plants, and a host of other food booths. The odd clown or two doing face painting for the kids and a huge barbecue cooking area loaded with roasting beef and chicken. The aroma is almost overwhelming. I like all of it except for those clowns that always seem to roaming around the grounds and showing up right next to me. After all these years they still creep me out.
‘Yikes!’
The better-half, the daughter, and the grandson are leaving on a road trip tomorrow heading south to Delaware and then on to Ocean City, Maryland. They’ll be meeting up some of her family members for a few beach days and a night or two on the Boardwalk. I guess I can expect another silly baseball hat and T-shirt to add to my collection. That also means a week off from everything on my better-half’s Honey-Do list. I’ll be able to read a few books, relax on the deck with the cat, and clear my head a little.
It should be a good week for us all.
I’ve spent the last year being educated by my better-half’s daughter’s pregnancy and subsequent child birth. It was quite a project from start to finish and the costs for one child being born seem to be skyrocketing each year. Hospital costs, pre and post natal costs, home improvement costs (nursery setup), and of course the never ending supply of baby food, clothing, and diapers. It’s an easy matter to drop a couple of grand to outfit the child with a bassinette, crib, high chair, walker, and the unending need for more and more toys. I haven’t tallied up a grand total because it would be more than a little scary and really depressing.
With regular visits anticipated from the kid we were also required to double up on some the necessary equipment for our home just to make life easier on all concerned. We now have a crib and enough toys to outfit a small orphanage at our place which I have the painful pleasure of tripping over if I’m not careful. I won’t even get into the costs for car seats which are just ridiculous. Have you gotten my point yet? It’s a freaking expensive proposition.
I happened upon an interesting article that might help put things into perspective. The following list was contained in an 1857 Manual of Domestic Economy and its quite a bit different than our modern day list of required goodies for newborns. Have a look.
* * *
1. A low chair, with or without rockers.
2. A footstool.
3. Two thick flannel aprons.
4. One large washing basin.
5. One soap-dish and soap (best yellow or white curd).
6. One small enamel saucepan.
7. One semi-porcelain pipkin (a small earthen pot) and lamp.
8. One pap-boat (silver or crockery).
9. One feeding-bottle, with two or three nipples.
10. One small jug.
11. One teaspoon and one desert-spoon.
12. One small pot de chamber, with two flannel covers.
The above list was intended for a baby’s first month. Semi-porcelain pipkin and lamp was “a most useful modern invention” used to warm water and food. The pap-boat was used to “force” the baby to take disagreeables, either in the shape of food or medicine. The nipples on the feeding bottle should be India-rubber, preferred to the traditional hollowed-out cow teat or sewn-up wash-leather both of which were liable to become semi-putrid.
* * *
Some of the terms mentioned were strange and the item names ever stranger. It would probably take me forever to compile a current list of the items required these days for the babies first month. It would be exhausting and just too much work to even attempt. I have to admit it’s much better to be collateral damage from someone else’s pregnancy than having one of your own. Thank God for menopause.
I’m sleeping in a little today after the festivities of last night when our favorite and only grandson celebrated his first birthday. It wasn’t a huge party just a small group of family members to take a lot of photographs, eat some cake, and watch our newest member take his first steps into the world.
I haven’t had the pleasure of attending birthday parties such as this for a very long time. As I recall the last time was decades ago when my niece and nephew were new to the world. Since his mother is a believer in traditional values the party was just as you might expect. The star of the night was in fine form and hamming it up with everyone as soon as they arrived. He was all smiles and attitude and I felt like he knew it was a special occasion of some sort but wasn’t quite sure what it was. He knew he was receiving a lot of extra attention and really enjoyed himself.
Both of his grandmothers were there to coo over him as they’re supposed to do and he ate it up as usual. All of the family pets were involved (2 dogs and 2 cats) and were running around, having a great time, and enjoying the excitement like everyone else.
Then it was time for gifts as we sat around and watched him unwrap a gift, play with it for a moment, and then go for the wrapping paper. He enjoyed the stupid paper as much as the gifts. He was quite taken by a huge bag of foam blocks that he immediately dove into and began to play with. He’s either going to be some sort of engineer or possibly a Lego salesman. We’ll just have to wait and see.
The highlight of the night for me was the cake presentation. His Mom baked him a small green cake that he was expected to demolish and OMG did he ever. In one short minute the cake was man-handled, smashed, and smeared over anyone daring to get too close. Once he realized he could destroy it, he did so. His face, hands, arms, eyes, were covered as he shoveled it into his mouth with both hands. He was also nice enough to feed a good portion to the two dogs who were hovering around waiting for some. He was a real mess and I’ve saved plenty of photo’s to prove it. I’m looking forward to the day a few years down the road when I can show them to him.
He finally was dumped unceremoniously into the bathtub and scrubbed clean by an assortment of volunteers. He was dressed in his new fancy PJ’s and settled in for his final bottle of milk for the day. All in all quite a successful first birthday party. I hope the rest of them as just as festive and filled with people who love him.
What more can a person ask.
Well today’s December 16th, leaving eight more shopping days till Christmas. I’ve been trying desperately to find a little more Christmas spirit but it’s been difficult. In years past I never bothered to make much of an effort because I didn’t care all that much.
My better-half has been doing her best to get me going and last night she decided a trip to Walmart was necessary. She seemed to think that if I listen to some Christmas music and check out some possible gifts, I’ll get that old feeling back. That included of course a cruise through the toy department looking for gifts for her new grandson who’s all of two months old.
We arrived with the best of intentions but as most of you know Walmart makes me crazy year-round not just at Christmas. The lunatic fringe was out in droves shopping their asses off and wearing Christmas outfits that were not only indescribable but worthy of immediate arrest for felony bad taste. I know one thing for sure, I’m not a big fan of the recent fad at Walmart of wearing pajamas pants to shop in. Not only is it a stupid thing to do but OMG could they find anything uglier to wear. I saw no less than five somewhat normal looking human beings wearing them and of course they were all women.
As we entered the Toy Department I suddenly found myself in a new and unfamiliar situation. I was being made to shop for a two month old child’s toys. Doesn’t my better-half realize that the new grand child is still trying to focus his eyes and to figure out what those five things are at the end of each of his arms. I decided to go along with it but immediately discovered what I mistake I’d made. OMG there were freaking toys as far as the eye could see. In the car I indicated that possibly a Lego set would be something to consider but there must have been a hundred freaking Lego sets filling two aisles. My head was spinning just trying to take it all in.
A short distance down the aisle were a young married couple and their child’s grandparents. They weren’t actually fighting but the discussion was a bit heated. If those four already experienced parents and grandparents couldn’t figure these things out, what chance did I have. That would be absolutely NONE. I went through the motions for another twenty minutes and we eventually left empty handed. Another twenty minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
As we left Walmart the unthinkable began happening. What’s Christmas without an effing snow storm. The radio weather experts tell me that by tomorrow we’ll have 6-10 inches of accumulation. Yippee! I think I’ll go home and find my snow shoveling gear and my magic shovel.
I’M SLOWLY SLIDING TOWARDS THE “I HATE CHRISTMAS” ZONE, HELP ME!
I’ve never been accused of being overly sentimental but on a number of occasions I’ve been told by friends and family members that I was anti-Santa and had no Christmas spirit. I never took those kinds of criticisms to heart because I know they weren’t always factual. Unless you’ve been in an intimate relationship with someone you just can”t honestly make those kind of assumptions or so I thought.
Since it’s the Christmas season and everyone is alleged to be happy and jolly I thought I would pass some of my happy and jolly along to the rest of you to explain those terrible but true accusations.
I was accused many years ago of being a Bah Humbug and a holiday hater. Unfortunately at that time I was. I worked during at that time for a national toy company and Christmas was considered our life blood, it was a freaking nightmare. We began planning for Christmas in early June every year and it was the constant drumbeat every effing day until the following January. It lasted until January because that was when all of the phony people returned the so-so gifts they were given because they sucked and they just wanted cash. I worked there for thirteen long, long, long, Christmas seasons.
Normal people spend approximately one month a year with the holidays constantly on their minds and almost all of them are exhausted in January and glad to have them over with for another year. So in my thirteen years with the Child World\/Children’s Palace chain I was blessed with effing Christmas cheer for a total of 104 months. For you math majors in the audience that equates to over a century of Christmases that I’ve been blessed with. Red and green ribbons, gifts, toys, pissed off customers, bratty little shits, drunken Santa’s, and a long stream of six day work weeks. You bet your ass I hated Christmas. My skin would actually crawl when I heard Silent Night or Deck the Freaking Halls.
I don’t remember most Februaries during that time because I was asleep. It took me until April to get back to normal just in time to begin preparations for the next Christmas. It was a Holly Jolly hell and I felt I was being punished for something awful I did in another life. I’d been convinced by karma that I was at one time, some where, in another life, a no good bastard whose was still paying for all of his misdeeds.
Now to the present. I still suffer through Christmas but every once in a while I feel a stab of sentimentality. When my better-half runs crazily through the house wearing stupid reindeer antlers or when her kids show up unexpectedly to surprise her with a Christmas visit, I feel the love. This year will be extra special and I’m already feeling the tug on my heart strings for the new grand child. To me Christmas has always been for the young children. Having this new young family member will most certainly keep the true spirit of Christmas alive for us for many years to come.
So to you all, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and a great big BAH HUMBUG from me.
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