Archive for the ‘walmart’ Tag

08/28/2021 My Favorite Sayings   Leave a comment

I’ve mentioned on many occasions about how my family and friends supply me with odd bits of information. It started decades ago and over the years I’ve read thousands of tidbits of information, sayings and quotations. When I found one that really grabbed me I’d write it down in my notebook. I’m going to list a number of them here today because I’m sure you’ll enjoy them. I don’t know the authors of many of these but that’s totally irrelevant. It’s the information that’s interesting, not so much the person who supplied it. I feel these sayings are worth repeating. Here they are…

  • Everyone lies about sex.
  • Religious men are fools!. Fools should be taken lightly.
  • The 10 best years of a woman’s life are between the ages of 29 and 30.
  • A parent is a little kid pretending to be a big kid so his little kid won’t be afraid.
  • Being involved with two women is like playing pool on two tables. You may have enough balls for it but you’ll wear out your stick.
  • When angry, count to 4; when very angry, swear.
  • A yawn is a silent shout.
  • The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom respectable.
  • There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings.
  • There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.
  • Chastity is curable if detected early.
  • The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.
  • If Christian nations were nations of Christians, there would be no wars.
  • Colleges don’t make fools, they only develop them.
  • Common Sense could prevent most divorces and all marriages.

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Well there you have it. Today’s list of interesting and sometimes humorous thoughts and quotations. There will be more to come in the near future.

HAVE A GREAT DAY

08/24/2021 A New American Tradition   Leave a comment

In the past I’ve written a few things on cursing and swearing. As I’ve often said, “proper cursing is a true art form”, but not really properly acknowledged or appreciated by the mainstream academics. It is the cherry on top of the English language sundae. Everyone knows that a sundae is so much tastier with the addition of a bright red cherry on top. That’s how I see cursing.

A few weeks ago as my better-half and I were spending some quality time at Walmart, I spotted two young gentlemen in their early teens in the Book Department. Young man #1 reached over and grabbed the book from young man #2, and stated “give me that focking book” (the actual word has been purposely misspelled to protect what few innocent ears are left). Young man #2 not to be outdone immediately replied, “it’s my book you focking asshole”. They argued back and forth for a while, dropped the book on the bench, and sped off to find their parents.

I started cursing and f-bombing at a young age too because that was how people in my neighborhood and family spoke. I came by cursing honestly and made a point of refining it as best I could. I’ve always been an overachiever and this was just another challenge to overcome. Listening to those two kids tells me that f-bombing and cursing is alive and well in focking Maine.

I’ve always found the word “fock” an amazing and versatile tool. It can be used as either a verb, adverb, adjective, imperative, interjection, or a noun.

“I got focked by a scam artist”, “My computer is focked.”, “You’re a fock or a focker”. A fock may be an act of sex or just a person who is an ass. The verb, to fock, may be used transitively or intransitive. It can be compounded as “Fock off“, “Fock you“, “Fock up“, and “Don’t fock with me”. A phrase such as “Don’t give a fock.”, makes the word an equivalent of damn. If something is very abnormal or annoying, “This is focked up.” may be used.

I think the word fock should be adopted by all Americans and used in the same fashion as aloha and shalom are used in Hawaii and Israel. It can mean just about anything we want and we should make it our official greeting and our official farewell. When foreign dignitaries and tourists arrive on our shores we should give them a peck on the cheek and a big “Fock you and welcome to America”. When they leave give them a pat on the ass and tell him to “Get the fock out”. They all think we’re a bunch of mouth-breathers anyway, so what’s the harm.

Being the ultimate diplomat was never my intent but I’m willing to step up and do what needs to be done. I’ll be more than happy to testify before any focking Congressional committees and attempt to convince them as focking Americans we need this immediately. Maybe they’ll focking listen but I don’t hold much hope for that. I’d probably just be wasting my focking breath.

HAVE A NICE FOCKING DAY FOLKS

08/22/2021 Olfactory Time Travel   Leave a comment

I hear people talking all the time about how a certain song takes them back. I’ve had that experience on many occasions myself and it’s enjoyable and comforting for just an instant. Music can be a trigger to the past for some but I find that my sense of smell works better for me. A certain smell can capture me and move me to a different time and place. It can be so vivid to a specific incident that I can close my eyes and see the exact spot, smell the exact smells, and see the people who were there. It’s an amazing transition and it usually happens when I least expect it.

If I pick up a baseball glove in Walmart, the smell of the leather sends me back in 1955 as I was driving with my father to my first Little League practice. Interestingly enough Elvis Pressley was singing Heartbreak Hotel on the radio at the time.

Over the years I’ve frequently spent time on shooting ranges to stay proficient with my pistol. On certain wet and rainy days coupled with the smell of gunpowder, takes me immediately back to the summer of 1968 and my time in the Korean DMZ for the Army. I still break out in a cold sweat because it seems so damn real.

There’s one other memory I’d like to recall but I do so cautiously. My father was something of a farting professional. He enjoyed nothing better than to take me food shopping with him which was always a bit embarrassing for me. He was a phantom farter who would leave SBD’s in an aisle and then walk to an adjacent aisle to enjoy the reactions. I can’t tell you on how many occasions I was blamed for being the culprit as he hid laughing hilariously nearby. Still after all these years if I smell a fart in any food store I automatically think of my Dad.

How about the smell of Jean Nate. My first real tongue-on-tongue kiss was done to the smell of Jean Nate. It was 1961 and we were at the Friday night dance at St. Ladislaus Church. We kissed briefly in the alley behind the church and believe me it was memorable. Unfortunately for me my mother came to love Jean Nate a year of so later which created a lot of confusion for me. That smell still takes me back to that alley for that incredible kiss but I keep thinking my mother’s sneaking around somewhere and will unexpectedly show up. It’s a little disconcerting and a major distraction to a wonderful memory. By the way Kathy G., it still remains a wonderful kiss.

So for those of you who are moved by music, and those of us who are moved by smell, we’re the lucky ones. I fear there are many people out there who aren’t moved by much of anything. Links to their past are either too painful to relive and they’ve blocked them or they just don’t care at all.

I LOVE OLFACTORY TIME TRAVEL

09-16-2016 Journal – Look Out! X-mas is Coming.   Leave a comment

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Another week coming to an end and we’re already halfway through the month of September. The summer of 2016 went by in the wink of an eye and the holidays are again rushing towards us. I wonder to myself which retailer will strike the Christmas colors first. I suspect that as in years past Walmart will be the one to get things rolling 15 minutes after the Halloween holiday is over. That in itself is supremely depressing but it seems to get earlier and earlier every year regardless of how much we complain.

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Yesterday I received this list of companies that have already made it known that Black Friday will begin for them by being open for business on Thanksgiving Day. I guess that’s the new approach to companies who put their employees families second on their list of priorities. That seems to be the ongoing retail way of thinking these days and unfortunately I can bitch about it all I want but no one in the retail establishment gives a damn what I think or what you think. Look at the upside . . . you’ll have a great place to spend your holiday if you get sick of eating Thanksgiving dinner, spending time with your family, or God forbid actually relaxing and enjoying the day. The almighty buck rules all. Make sure to thank these folks:

J.C. Penny

Kohl’s

Toy’s r Us

Target

Walmart

Sears

Macy’s

Belk

Sports Authority

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Dollar General

Best Buy

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While I write this posting I have a Christmas wish that will never be fulfilled. I wish that the population of the millions of so-called consumers in this country would pull their collective heads out of the sand and stop allowing retailers to continue to think that the “great unwashed” are that easily controlled. It’s a lazy population that lets celebrities, the media, politicians, and big business tell them how to think, act, what to buy, and how to be politically correct at all times.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO US ALL

You usually get what you deserve.

12-22-2015 Journal–The X-mas Weirdness Continues!   1 comment

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‘Is this weird enough for you?’

Three days to go. Three more days of retail madness in a sea of questionable citizens. As I’ve stated a number of times recently this may be the weirdest Christmas I’ve ever had.  Overly warm weather, no snow, no sleet, no slush, no SNIRT (Snow + Dirt), and all of that having a strange effect on the population including me.

Observation #1 – As I drive around through the surrounding countryside all I’ve been seeing are snowmobiles and snow blowers parked in the grass along the roads with For Sale signs on them.  All of our more determined snow bunnies are now being forced to travel into the White Mountains in nearby New Hampshire if they want to frolic in the white stuff. We have none.

Observation #2 – One of the major priorities in Maine is preparation for Winter by purchasing sufficient amounts of heating oil, wood or other fuels well in advance of Christmas.  Heating oil costs over the last few years have fluctuated between $2.75 per gallon to $3.45 per gal.  It’s currently hovering just below the two dollar mark and dropping. Hooray for us and our bank accounts.  This kind of weirdness I can learn to love.  It’s one of the reasons I’m sitting here in my man-cave this morning waiting the arrival of an oil delivery truck.  When the price drops like this it’s time to fill up the tank.

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‘Ho, Ho, Ho, who wouldn’t go!’

Observation #3 – The warm weather has people here a bit confused and acting strangely. The better-half dragged me along on another one of her shopping forays to Walmart recently. We all know Walmart is known for some truly off-the-wall folks that can be seen there on any given day.  This week I saw at least ten people in shorts, T-shirts, and strutting their stuff in flip-flops. It was 35 degrees for God’s sake.

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‘Goats love going for a spin.’

Observation #4 – I’ve saved the best for last. I’ve been telling the world about Maine and Mainers for years and at times I gotten the feeling they think I might be exaggerating.  This blurb may just prove my point once and for all.

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‘They love feeling the wind in their hair.’

Yesterday morning I was looking out my picture window with a hot cup of coffee in my hand. I was watching the early morning traffic speeding by when I saw a truck approaching in the distance. It was one of those huge Suburban pickup trucks all clean and shiny. As it passed by I saw what I thought was a dog hanging out of the passenger side window like they love to do. As it got closer I started laughing to show my appreciation for Maine once again.  It wasn’t a dog at all but a big brown goat. Sitting right next to the driver and enjoying the ride.  Only two things could have improved that moment. The first would have been to have my camera ready and to have snapped that picture. The second would have been if that damn goat had been wearing a Santa hat.

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‘Nothing as romantic as a man and his goat.’ 

One Mainer + One Pickup Truck + One Happy Goat = One Weird Christmas

3 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

11-28-2015 Journal–A Christmas Ass Kicking!   1 comment

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone and I’ve digested all that good food I’d like nothing better than to relax for a bit.  Dream on fool, here comes Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Christmas, and New Years!

Meanwhile, here’s a quick look at our Thanksgiving table for this year. A luscious prime rib roast, asparagus, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and a chilled bottle of honey mead. I have to say it was the best Thanksgiving meal we’ve had in recent memory. Hope yours was the same or even better.

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Black Friday has also come and gone and fortunately for me I missed it completely. I missed all the large crowds of pissed off shoppers, the pushing, the shoving, the fighting, and the shootings that makes these holiday seasons so near and dear to my heart. There’s nothing like a little physical combat with pregnant women, kids, or anyone else for that matter who gets in the way.

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It feels extra special to shove some old lady to the ground and to grab an item from her hands that you wanted more than she did. A big thanks once again to Walmart for costing a few people their lives and many others minor injuries and arrests. The almighty dollar rules absolutely in the  world of Walmart with very little concern for the consequences of their actions.  Nothing new, right?

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‘Deck the Halls’

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‘Happy Holidays’

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‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’

I’m not blaming all of these problems on Walmart because Target, Best Buy, and hundreds of others are just as guilty.  My better-half and her daughter braved the crowds yesterday while I sat at home hoping they survived without injuries or incidents.  They fortunately arrived home in one piece with more shopping war stories that I’ll be forced to listen to for another year. There are some traditions that need to go and Black Friday is one of them.

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This is the time of the year I thank God I’m claustrophobic. All the more reason to increase my on-line presence next year and never leave the freaking house.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND STAY OUT OF MY EFFING WAY

A quote stolen from more than ten million shoppers.’

10-09-2014 (Sarcasm On) Merry Christmas!   Leave a comment

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We’ve reached mid-October and I’m starting to see indications of that holiday freight train that is rumbling full speed towards us. I was tasked with an errand last night that required me to pickup my better-half who was attending a wedding of a co-worked in a town north of here.  Darkness had fallen and our trip home took us through a number of neighborhoods and small towns. We were within a quarter mile of home when I spotted something that sent a cold shiver down my spine . . .  a lighted Christmas tree in front of a neighbor’s home. These neighbors are the newest members of our little community and are folks who love to celebrate each and every holiday with decorations of all sorts hanging from trees, shrubs, and anything else that doesn’t move too much.  It can be cute but also it’s also more than a little annoying just like that tree was last night.

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During some of my shopping  forays in recent weeks I’ve observed the expected Halloween and Thanksgiving craziness but Christmas rearing it’s ugly head this early in October is ridiculous. Having worked for many rears for retail companies I understand the management mentality in getting the jump on competitors.  It just seems they’ve all picked up some of the more bothersome bad habits of the king of all retailers, Walmart.  They seem to think that anything that Walmart does automatically become the final word in making money.  Having spent six months in a Walmart management training program allows me to proclaim that Walmart is just as screwed up as any other company.  Their saving grace secret is their size.  When you’re as big as Walmart it’s much easier to  hide your screw ups and bad decisions.

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I have a sneaking suspicion that Sam Walton is probably spinning in his grave after watching what has gone on with his company.  On my first day at Sam’s Club I was handed a paperback book on the life and times of their founder Sam Walton.  I was ordered to read that book immediately and was questioned heavily on it’s contents throughout the training period.  Almost all of the training tapes that were in use were tapes made by Walton himself who at the time had been dead for more than ten years.  I was being trained by a dead guy in Walmart’s lame attempt to brainwash me into their world of retail. Just before my graduation from that training program I was on my way to work and wishing I wasn’t. Ten minutes after I arrived I walked into the General Manger’s office and resigned. I walked away and never looked back. They only succeeded in making me unhappy, miserable, and just a little crazy. I’ve never regretted my decision.

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This isn’t a rant just about Walmart but a general disappointment with the cynical approach taken by almost every retailer. I think we can thank Wall Street and the Harvard Business School for a lot of these issues. The stock market virtually requires companies to meet expectations regardless of the methods used.  The Harvard MBA’s that I’ve been involved with over the years were all young bean-counters of the worst sort.  They’d gut a company, fire any number of employees, cut benefits, just about anything to help meet those Wall Street projections.  People are just numbers to them and are treated accordingly.  Is it any wonder things are the way they are.

So after saying all of that I hope you’re prepared for the avalanche of Christmas nonsense headed your way.  Ten glorious weeks of Santa Clause, presents, endless TV commercials, and a hit to your wallet that will be larger than ever before.  Oh yeah, I recently heard a nasty rumor that once upon a time Christmas had something to do with religion.  How stupid am I?

09-21-2014 Journal Entry-Pumpkins, Pumpkins, Pumpkins!   Leave a comment

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Well to continue the story as I promised in the last post, we (my better-half and I) were in dire need of pumpkins.  Why, I honestly don’t know but we can’t live without them apparently.  We especially need to find those ever so illusive white pumpkins which are just ghostly enough to make Halloween worth celebrating.  After checking prices at Walmart and Lowes the decision was made to go elsewhere so as not to feel any more extorted than normal.

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These days the prices continue to climb on just about everything. The love of the almighty dollar leaves little regard for us customers and with the advent of the big box retailers the days of lower prices at roadside stands are slowly disappearing.  The farmers no longer try to beat the prices of the larger stores but are certainly happy to match them.   That translates to an end of bargain prices for all of us.

Fortunately if you want to spend the time and effort there are still a few farmers who’ll sell their wares at a decent price, collect their profits, and retain their customer base.  It’s one of those places that we headed to after our drive to Kennebunkport and the southern coast.

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As we arrive at the farm there are piles and piles of pumpkins and squash of all sizes and kinds.  These folks cultivate just over a hundred acres every year and they always seem to have excellent results.  They actually sell a large portion of their products to local school districts for the kids lunches.  I’ve always been a firm believer about "buying local" and supporting the farmers in our area and it’s folks like these that make that happen. They also give me an excellent place to take incredible Fall pictures. Here are a few.

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My better-half made her purchases of an assortment of orange and white pumpkins with a promise to return and pick up a few cornstalks and a bale of hay or two.  She feels the need to reassure me that we’re almost ready for Halloween and the Fall season.  I’m so relieved.

01-08-2014 Dealing With A-Holes   4 comments

Odd Thought: I have a question. Does it mean anything at all that January is Self-Love Month? My follow-up to that question is this: Does it mean anything that the last week of the month is set aside as Meat Week? And lastly does it mean anything at all that the last Saturday of the month is National Seed Swap Day?  I was just wondering, that’s all.

I have a lot of questions like that and they never seem to get answered. What possesses people to do questionable and rude things? Is it sheer stupidity or is it a complete and total disregard of every other person on the planet? In order to find answers to that question I usually spend a little time cruising around Walmart. It’s amazing just how many rude and inconsiderate people can be found in that one building.

This has been a week of Walmart for me. I was almost run down and injured by a rather large woman with a cart full of merchandise that was so full it was overflowing and falling on the floor. She pushed me out of the way in order to get 4 feet ahead of me in line at the checkout register. Being the calm and polite person that I am I quietly asked, “Ma’am just what the hell do you think your doing?” She gave me a rather dirty look, turned her back to me and began throwing her merchandise onto the register counter. I was then forced to wait even longer when she had an issue over the use of an EBT card. That’s a food stamp card for those of you not in the know.  She was pissed off that the cashier was questioning her purchases of alcohol.  Go figure.

How many times have you sat and patiently waited for a parking spot to clear and then have some A-hole pull in from the other direction in front of you? It happens all too often for my liking but unless your willing to risk some sort of “road rage” incident your forced to swallow your pride and just “let it go”.  How many times does it have to happen before you flip out completely and create a huge scene and argument? In my younger days I was one of the guys who wouldn’t put up with that crap and came close to fisticuffs a number of times.  That was when I finally became aware that there are large numbers of people out there who are total and complete morons.  And don’t get me started on the rudeness displayed with cell phone usage. That’s a whole other posting that will be addressed soon.

I’m not just picking on Walmart customers because these incidents occur with people driving those big expensive SUV’s as well who think that we peons are just inconveniences to be dealt with when we interfere with their activities. More inconsiderate well-to-do A-holes.

The express checkout lane is only an illusion…

Years ago I spent a few bucks on adhesive paper that fit my inkjet printer and printed up a number of  of small bulletin cards for addressing parking lot rudeness, driving rudeness, and other sorts of  inconsiderate activities that pissed me off.  If someone blocked me in or parked in an inconsiderate manner I’d slap one of my adhesive bulletins on their windshield directly blocking their view from the drivers seat. It took a little elbow grease and a lot of cursing for them to remove those bulletin from the windshield but it was oh so satisfying for me as I drove away.

I think it’s time to reinvent my bulletins.  I’ll refresh the wording a little and make them even more polite than usual.  It has much more of an effect on rude people when you politely tell them they’re rude and inconsiderate. I’ll start carrying a supply of them with me again and begin making their lives as miserable as they make mine.  By doing it this way I avoid those dangerous confrontations while still getting my points across.

Once I start passing them out I’ll keep you posted on the results.  This is the only safe way I can think of to make them aware of my unhappiness and just how stupid, inconsiderate, and ignorant they seem to be.

Revenge is sweet regardless of what all those the do-gooder’s tell you.

P.S. And yes I understand that they may think that I’m rude and inconsiderate by my actions. Consider for a minute the source of that criticism and then “let it go”.

11-06-2013 Journal Entry   Leave a comment

Today is my ninth day living in this one-legged hell my life has become. I’ve learned a few valuable things in these nine days and I thought I’d share them with you.

  • First, don’t break your damn leg. I know it’s a bit simplistic but sometimes you just need to be told the obvious.
  • Second, hope and pray your relationship is solid because it will be tested. I’ve become somewhat irritable and difficult or at least that’s what my better-half has been screaming at me.
  • Third, prepare yourself for the realization that all it takes is a small bone in your leg to break to turn you into a giant dependent ball of human flesh.

I was raised to be as independent as possible and have spent my entire life just that way.  I hate relying on anyone for anything.  I’ve had a few times in my life where I was laid up for a day or two but nothing like this. Six to eight weeks of sitting on my ass and stumbling around the house being unable to do a damn thing. It’s incredibly frustrating to say the least. My better-half remains supportive but realizes I’m quickly going out of my mind with cabin fever. 

I’ve improved my walking abilities with these crutches but it’ll never be enough to make this situation bearable. Since I’m unable to carry coffee and walk on crutches at the same time it took a day or two for me to solve that problem.  A sealable carry-mug that fits nicely into my pocket was the solution. I can now walk/hop/drag a leg to the kitchen, retrieve some coffee, and return to my chair.  It sounds stupid I know but it’s a major accomplishment for me.

Thank God for my X-Box and IPad.  Those two devices are the only things keeping me from going bat-shit crazy.  I’ve always spent a lot of time on the X-Box but now it’s totally out of control.  I’m afraid I may be developing a serious case of X-Box thumbs. The IPad has allowed me to connect with hundreds of other addicted Scrabble fanatics to play Word HD with Friends.  A great little App that allows me to continuously play multiple games with people from around the country.  The time really flies by very quickly when I’m focused in those games.

I received some good news on my follow-up visit to the orthopedist today. The leg is healing properly and no surgery will be required.  I’m to spend the next two weeks doing things much the same as I’ve been doing. That news raised my morale a bit and hopefully in two more weeks I’ll be permitted to put some weight on the leg which will really jump start this recovery.

One other quick note.  My better-half suggested a trip to Walmart today to pickup a few items and somehow strong-armed me into riding on one of their infamous electric carts.  I put up a good fight but there was no talking to her.  For years I’ve bitched and complained about certain people on those carts blocking aisles and being a general nuisance to other shoppers.  Well, today I joined the elite ranks of the Walmart Disabled Shoppers Group.  I was hoping for a Walmart hat or T-shirt but sadly I was out of luck.  They wanted to give me a pair of pink sweat pants that had “JUICY” on the ass but I declined.  Pink just isn’t my color.  It clashes way too much with my purple sweatshirt and my orange Budweiser baseball cap.  That’s my official Walmart shopping outfit.

We’re headed back home now where I’ll enjoy another afternoon of Scrabble, Tiger Woods 2011, and really bad TV.  I must have done something really terrible in a past life to deserve this karmic ass-kicking.

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