Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category
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12/14/2021 🌲More Christmas Humor🌲 Leave a comment
One Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light and next to him is a little girl on her brand-new bike. The cop says to the young girl, “Nice bike you got there sweetheart. Did Santa bring that to you?” “Yes, he did,” she replied sweetly.
With a smile on his face, the cop says “Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike,” and he proceeds to hand the girl a $20 ticket. Before the cop rides off, she says “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” Playing along the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”
“Well, next year, tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”
10 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
🌲Christmas Limerick🌲 Leave a comment
Santa’s sleigh and GPS were upgraded this year,
With Alexa in charge of all eight reindeer.
Rudolph rudely told Santa, this change really blows,
As Santa screamed loudly, “Alexa, turn on his freaking nose!”
HO! HO! HO!
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CNN ‘Reliable Sources’ Panel Blames Americans for Biden’s Sagging Approval Rating
🌲Christmas Limerick🌲 4 comments
There once was a woman named Bess
For whom holiday cooking meant stress.
Five puddings, ten turkeys
And a thousand beef jerkeys –
Bess did tend to cook to excess!
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12/10/2021 What Should I Insure ?? Leave a comment
We are deep into the Christmas season now and I’m sure that the great majority of people everywhere are spending and spending and spending. The holidays tend to put a strain on everyone’s purse especially those people with children. I thought I’d like to lighten the mood a little bit and tell you a few facts I happened upon in a book I was reading recently. As you also know I love writing about celebrities and alleged celebrities and all of their quirks and odd behaviors and that’s what I’m going to do today.
For those of us on the not-so-famous list, the following items might seem a bit much. Apparently in Hollywood their personal budgets are a touch higher than ours, and their interests are totally different. I insure my 12-year-old car, my house, my smart phone, and a sizable annual cost to protect all of my computers, tablets, and laptops. Let me now give you a list of some of your favorite celebrities, present and past, and the things they insure, it’s mind-boggling. Here we go . . .
- American country and western singer and actress, Dolly Parton, insured her legendary boobs for $600,000.
- Rolling Stones guitarist, Keith Richards, insured his right index finger for $1.6 million.
- Australian cricket hero, Merv Hughes, insured his mustache for $38,000.
- In 2006, soccer player, David Beckham, insured his entire body for $190 million.
- German supermodel, actress, and singer, Heidi Klum, insured her legs for $2.2 million.
- American actress, Jamie Lee Curtis, insured her legs for $1 million.
- Lord of the Dance, Michael Flatley, insured his legs for $47.5 million.
- American rockstar, Bruce Springsteen, insured his voice for $6 million.
I hope you don’t think this is anything unusual, because it isn’t. The habit of celebrities insuring body parts goes back many years. The numbers were a little smaller “back in the day” but at the time it was still a great deal of money. Here’s some oldies but goodies . . .
- American dancer and film star, Fred Astaire, had his legs insured for $75,000 each.
- British stripper, Frankie Jakeman, insured his penis for $1.6 million.
- 20th Century Fox film star, Betty Grable, insured each of her legs for $1 million. Hence the origin of the phrase, “million-dollar legs”.
- German cabaret artist, singer, and film star, Marlene Dietrich, insured her voice for $1 million.
- American actress, Bette Davis, took out a $28,000 insurance policy against putting on weight.
- American singer and actor, Jimmy Durante, insured his nose for $50,000.
- Hungarian food critic, Egon Ronay, insured his taste buds for $400,000.
- In 1964, the Beatles, were insured for $1 million on their first US tour.
There you have it folks. Be glad you only have to insure your house, car, children, smartphones, computers, and those pesky life insurance policies for you and your spouse. As you can see it could be a lot worse if you’re one of the famous people. I certainly don’t feel sorry for them and I’m pretty sure you don’t either.
14 Shopping Days Left
🌲Christmas Limerick🌲 Leave a comment
With the holidays on the horizon,
I placed 20 calls to Verizon.
They stuck me on hold
Til my dinner got cold.
And I still absolutely despise them.



