I was awakened at 2:30 this morning by one of those annoying Mother Nature calls. I visited her briefly and upon returning to my bed, tried to fall back asleep. During those few minutes of half-sleep some of the words of the following limerick popped into my head. I made a quick note in my cell phone and went to sleep. This morning a did a little editing and the finished limerick was born. I have absolutely no idea where or why it came to me but here it is. This is for all of you limerick and nursery rhyme aficionados.
❤JACK & JILL❤
Jack and Jill climbed up a hill on Nantucket.
He brought a few condoms and she an old bucket.
The bucket was tossed, and Jill’s virginity was lost,
I’ve been offering up quite an assortment of trivia these last few weeks about all sorts of different topics. Today I thought I’d throw some more out there concerning our great country. Odd tidbits of forgotten American history.
The kitchen is the scene of the greatest number of arguments in an American household.
1913 was the first year that motor vehicle registrations surpassed a million. There were 1,258,070 vehicles registered – 1,190,393 of them passenger cars; 67,677 of them were trucks and buses.
In 1960 the citizens of Hot Springs New Mexico voted to rename their town in or honor of a popular radio show. It is now called Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.
Patience and Fortitude are the names given to the two lions in front of the New York Public Library thanks to Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.
The average American motorist spends approximately 6 months of his or her life waiting for red lights to turn green.
The clock on the reverse side of the $100 bill shows Independence Hall. Time on the hall clock is 4:10.
The state of Arkansas has towns named Athens, Carthage, Damascus, Egypt, England, Formosa, Hamburg, Havana, Holland, Jerusalem, London, Manila, Melbourne, Oxford, Palestine, Paris, Scotland, and Stuttgart.
The first Gallup poll was taken by George Gallup in a survey to find the prettiest girl on campus at the University of Iowa, where he was editor of the student newspaper in the early 1920s. Gallup ended up marrying the winner, Ophelia Smith.
Mount Katahdin in Maine has the unique distinction of being the first spot in the United States to be touched by the rays of the rising Sun.
The New York City weather forecast on the day of the Great Blizzard of 1888 was “Clearing and colder, proceeded by light snow.” The city was hit with 20.9 inches of snow and a temperature of -6°F.
I was pleased to see that yesterday’s post on sports trivia was well received. I thought I’d expand it a little more today.
In 1994 NY Giant’s linebacker Lawrence Taylor played his last game. He took a small but poignant souvenir from that game which was the referee’s yellow flag. He felt that he deserved it because the refs “throw it against me often enough”.
Walter Payton the famous Chicago Bears running back missed only one game during his 13-year career. He carried the ball more often (3838 times) for more yards (16,726) and scored more rushing touchdowns (110) than anyone else.
In 1925 the Dartmouth football team contained 22 members of the Phi Beta Kappa honor society.
Golfing great Ben Hogan is also known for his famous reply when asked how someone can improve their game. It’s short and simple answer is still true today, “Hit the ball closer to the hole.”
After retiring as a player, Babe Ruth spent one year as a coach for the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1938.
Roger Bannister
In 1912, at the Stockholm Olympics, electric timing devices and a public address systems were used for the first time.
Famed fullback Jim Brown while attending Syracuse University in the mid-1950s also played lacrosse. and made All-American.
In June 1938 the Cincinnati Reds southpaw pitcher John Vandermeer pitched two no-hitters. They were the only two he ever threw, and they were consecutive. He pitched the first one against the Boston Braves and then his next game he pitched one against the Brooklyn Dodgers.
Ty Cobb was the only major league baseball player to have a brand of cigarettes named after him.
In 1979 New York Yankee manager Billy Martin had a confrontation with a marshmallow salesman and lost his job.
In in 1954 Roger Bannister, was named the Sports Illustrated magazines first Sportsman of the Year for breaking the four-minute mile.
Since I was talking about Little League baseball in my last post, I thought a little more sports trivia might be interesting. Here are a few tidbits from baseball and football that you might be aware of, and you may not. Enjoy . . .
Baseball
In the early days of baseball, players were permitted to throw the ball at a runner for an out and pitching underhanded. Balls caught on one bounce were considered outs.
The team who won the first recorded game of baseball was the New York Nine. They beat the New York Knickerbockers 23 to 1 in 1846. By 1857, 16 New York area clubs were playing baseball under the auspices of the National Association of Baseball Players (NABBP), the sports first governing body.
1903 was the first year in which a World Series was played. The Boston Americans (American League) beat the Pittsburgh Pirates (National League) in a best-of-seven nine-game series. Five years later, the Boston Americans rebranded themselves as the Boston Red Sox.
It is commonly believed that Glenn Burke of the Los Angeles Dodgers, gets credited for the invention of the high-five. During the final game of the 1977 regular season, Dodger player Dusty Baker hit a home run and was greeted in the dugout with the high-five slapped by teammate Glenn Burke. The rest is history.
Football
President Theodore Roosevelt is credited with instituting the forward pass rule in football. He demanded a change to footballs rules in 1905, after 18 players were killed and 159 injured that year. The forward pass was intended to open up the game and minimize the chaotic dog piles associated with lateral passing. The rule was adopted in 1906.
The original name of the Oakland Raiders was the Oakland Senors. It was the winning entry in a 1959 test sponsored by the Oakland Tribune to name the new franchise.
The Chicago Bears are the only current NFL team playing in its original city, under its original name. They’ve been the Chicago Bears since 1921.
It is estimated that 78% of professional football players are bankrupt or in severe financial trouble after retiring from the NFL. That’s after just two years of retirement.
Deion Sanders in 1989, played in the Super Bowl for the Atlanta Falcons and in the World Series for the New York Yankees. He’s also the only person to have scored a touchdown and hit a major league home run in the same week.
This will be a short and sweet posting today. Spring/Summer has arrived with a huge bang now that the weather has turned warmer. Family obligations come first since they’re mostly about the grand kids anyway. Last evening my better-half and I attended our first little league ballgame to support our grandson. This is a league for 7–9-year-old future all-stars and it’s a real hoot to watch these kids as they try to figure the game out. Most barely know how to swing a bat, let alone having enough arm strength to throw a ball to a base. It’s getting them on the field and teaching them the beginnings of playing as part of a team. This is baseball at its absolute best. There were about 20 kids in their fabulous new T-Shirts, a host of moms and dads and brothers and sisters, and about ten million effing mosquitos to drive us all insane. That visit will keep us both in the good graces of grandson #2.
Grandson #1 will be taking the field in a day or so in a league of older kids. I can’t wait to see him at bat since I was his unofficial batting coach in his younger days. More fun baseball, more black flies, and more mosquitos. Being a baseball fan and a grandparent is almost a full-time job and we both love it.
Unfortunately, the blog will suffer a bit. I may miss a few days here and there but hopefully not too many.
Just sitting here this morning with three layers of clothes on and my feet still feel like blocks of ice. We decided to turn off the heat two weeks ago to save a few bucks when we thought “Spring had Sprung”, but we should’ve known better. Wrong again. Never let it be said that Maine doesn’t fail to deliver on crappy weather. So here I sit at my computer with my little space heater preparing to supply you with some straight facts you didn’t know you needed to know. Here they are . . .
The world’s oldest surviving recipe is a formula for making beer. It was discovered outside Baghdad in 1850 on a 3800-year-old Sumerian clay tablet.
A fetus acquires fingerprints by the end of the first trimester.
In 2003, the personal fortune of JK Rowling, best-selling British author of the widely popular Harry Potter books, surpassed that of the Queen of England.
Voltaire, the French philosopher, novelist, and ardent atheist, once held up the Bible and proclaimed, “In 100 years this book will be forgotten, eliminated.” Less than 50 years after his death, the Geneva Bible Society bought his house in order to produce and distribute Bibles.
You can in fact get cooties. Cooties are lice.
George Clooney once vowed never to remarry or have children, but Michelle Pfeiffer and Nicole Kidman each bet $10,000 that he’d be a father by age 40. On Clooney’s 40th birthday (May 6, 2001), the actresses conceded defeat and sent their checks. Clooney returned their money, betting double or nothing that he wouldn’t have any kids before turning 50.
Cigars are called “stogies” because pioneer drivers of Conestoga covered wagons made in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, preferred the long, cheap cigars available in that region. Over time, “Conestoga” was shortened to “stogie.”
The term “What in tarnation!” derives from the expression “What in eternal damnation!”
The percentage of American men who say they’d marry the same woman if they had to do it all over again: 80%. The percentage of American women who say the same: 50%.
There are 2,598,960 possible hands in Texas Hold ‘Em.
Let’s start this silly post with another really stupid headline. I’ve always wondered how much the headline writer’s get paid and are they ever fired for these kinds of mistakes. They probably never get fired; they’re usually promoted to Editor.
COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
Let us move onto another of my favorite categories, Retro Bumper Stickers. I’m pretty sure my better-half still has the second one on her current car.
YOU! Out of the gene pool!
Don’t Drink and Drive – You Might Spill Your Beer.
As always, I like throwing a quote into the mix. Here’s a pearl of wisdom from Coco Chanel, one of the hottest women ever (in her 20’s & 30’s).
Her Best Look!
“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”
And last but not least, an honorable mention to another of our favorite stupid criminals.
NOT ALL THERE
Oklahoma City – Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer. The Assistant District Attorney said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, “I should have blown your [expletive] head off.” The defendant paused, then quickly added, “-if I’d been the one that was there.” The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.
Now that Mother’s Day has come and gone, let’s look into something a bit more musical. Everyone seems to love music of one sort or another, so why don’t we all try to enjoy some music related limericks.
The title of the post tells you everything you need to know. I love wordplay, making puns, finding palindromes, and using words that are rarely heard anymore. Word play can be fun and here are a few fun facts for your files.
Do you know how to tell the difference between morons, imbeciles, and Idiots? Morons – IQ 51 to 70, Imbeciles – IQ 26 to 50, and Idiots – IQ 0-25.
The words tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous are the only four words in the modern English language that end in “dous”.
There are no words that rhyme with orange.
If “off” means to deactivate, what happens when the alarm goes off?
Dr. Seuss is credited with the first use of the word “nerd” in print, from his 1950 book If I Ran the Zoo.
The word “Mountweazels” concerns spurious entries or fake words used to catch copyright cheaters.
The term “Tattarrattat” was coined by James Joyce in his novel Ulysses for a knock on the door. It also happens to be the longest palindrome in the Oxford English Dictionary.
“The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep is sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
These six words have no accepted singular forms. Pajamas, Shorts, Jeans, Tights, Trousers, and Glasses.
“Floccinaucinihilipilification” is the longest real word (29 letters) in the Oxford English Dictionary.
I’ll keep searching for more of these and as I find them, I’ll post them. Language can be fun in so many ways. How cool is it to use the language properly to insult some clueless person who insists on irritating you and them not realizing what you meant.
Poetry is an enigma to me. I wouldn’t know good poetry if my life depended on it and even the bad poetry that I sometimes see doesn’t sound so bad. Anything that confuses me like that makes it impossible for me to take it too seriously. After a recent Bad Poetry Post, I received a few e-mails with samples from some of my readers. I assume they sent them because they thought they were bad, I don’t really know, so you figure it out. I think the first one was sent to me because I’m from Maine and someone thought I might be interested in Moose poetry. Good luck with that one. Here it is . . .
A moose is like a bull on stilts With a silly kind of head. And if one of them sat on you You’d probably be dead.
Do you really think that’s bad poetry? It seems okay to me but nothing special. It’s a little bit of truth with a little bit of silliness. Here’s the next one which I really don’t understand about a Toad. It’s a little weird but kind of funny. It seems more like a limerick than poetry but when you get right down to it there isn’t much of a difference.
The story that is told By a severely flattened toad, Is of evidential failure In attempts to cross the road.
This next poem hits home for me primarily due to my advanced age and secondly because it brings back memories of my favorite grandmother who passed away a very long time ago. See what you think.
💖
Of love and marriage who can say, which way these things can go. A loving wife, a shrieking hag, no one will ever know.
The years of youth have come and gone, with memories good and bad. The happiness of family, the love of mom and dad.
The years should teach you something, or so we’re always told. Remain yourself no matter what, and mellow when your old.
Your life is filled with happiness, and sorrows big and small, But not until your old and gray, will you understand it all.
It is a shame that through the years, this knowledge lies unused. Erring and blundering again and again, with help and advice refused.
So, think about the elder ones, grandmothers, grandfathers and such, Who’ve experienced life’s many problems, and could help you oh so much.
Their days are few in number, and once their gone it’s sad. Accept their help and listen close, to the experiences that they’ve had.
And when they’ve gone, you’ll think of them the way they used to be. The memories are all you have, but that’s enough you see.
