The drinks left for him by each bed,
Had gone straight to old Santa’s head;
He was found off the road,
With an upside-down load,
And himself slumped, dead drunk, in his sled!
11/21/2021 ***1st X-Mas Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
11/21/2021 The 12 Days Leave a comment
With just 33 shopping days left till Christmas, I thought I’d start the season off with a few facts about the list we are all familiar with, “The Twelve Days of Christmas’. This information was in part sourced from the Cumbrian Church newsletter.
Catholics in England during the period 1558-1839 were prohibited by law from any practice of their faith, public or otherwise. According to a popular urban myth, “The Twelve Days of Christmas” was written as a catechism song to help young Catholics memorize the tenets of their faith and avoid being caught with anything in writing. They found a sneaky way to put Christ back into Christmas.
- The True Love referred to God himself, the Me to every baptized person. The Partridge in a Pear Tree is Jesus Christ the Son of God. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge which feigns injury to decoy predators from her helpless nestlings, an expression of Christ’s sadness over the fate of Jerusalem.
- The Two Turtle Doves are the Old and the New Testaments.
- The Three French Hens are Faith, Hope, and Charity, the theological virtues.
- The Four Calling Birds are the four Gospels and/or the four Evangelists.
- The Five Golden Rings are the first five books of the Old Testament, which gave the history of “man’s” fall from grace.
- The Six Geese a’Laying are the six days of Creation.
- The Seven Swans a’Swimming are the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments.
- The Eight Maids a’Milking are the eight beatitudes.
- The Nine Ladies Dancing are the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit.
- The Ten Lords a’Leaping are the Ten Commandments.
- The Eleven Pipers Piping are the eleven faithful apostles.
- The Twelve Drummers Drumming are the twelve points of doctrine of the Apostles Creed.
This is the result of living and worshiping in a country with little or no religious freedom. The English of the time were more than a little intolerant of just about everything and everybody. Be glad you weren’t there.
AND A BIG HO, HO, HO, TO US ALL!
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“Actions will be judged according to intentions.”
Muhammad (570?-632)
11/20/2021 Corporation Games Leave a comment
“Welcome to the Company”
During my formative years as a corporate “slug” working my way up the ladder of success, I discovered many helpful tools. Many times we’d get assignments requiring the creation of new programs of one type or another. You’d name, create, and implement the program while being “eyeballed” by the upper-level executives. A group of us young upstarts were always looking for ways to ease tension by messing with the stodgy “suits” who were just so full of themselves and their positions. We used the following table for years to name our new programs and never once had the names of the programs questioned or changed. Here’s how it works:
Name the program by selecting one term from each of the following three columns. If it was a “Personnel” program you could use 5-1-6. Responsive Organizational Time-Phase or “ROT” for short.
If it sounded good the “suits” approved it every time. Our all-time favorite was a program developed to build morale within the Corporation with petty incentives designed to convince the associates that the company cared. We chose 3-1-0. Parallel Organizational Options or “POO”. “POO” was anonymously leaked to the rank-and-file in the company and the name became the actual morale builder. We had associates across the country talking up the “POO” program for weeks at every meeting. I freaking loved it.
Feel free to use it as often as you please because it’s a worth million laughs. Please be careful out there because the “suits” will get you if you’re not paying attention.
1 7 6
TOTAL INCREMENTAL TIME-PHASE
THE ‘TIT’ PROGRAM
âš¡Stupid Newspaper Headlineâš¡ Leave a comment
“New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group”
11/19/2021 Presidential Trivia 2 comments
While I don’t fully respect most politicians, I do respect the office of the Presidency, regardless of party. It doesn’t change my opinion that most if not all politicians are underprepared for the responsibility of the office. Here are some facts concerning past presidents you might find interesting even if the individuals weren’t.
- Our first president was George Washington. He is portrayed along with three other American presidents carved into Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. His birthday is the first federal holiday to honor an American citizen and was implemented by an act of Congress in 1879. He stood 6’2″ tall, weighed 200 pounds, and wore size 13 shoes. He is the only president who didn’t live in Washington during his presidency.
- Eight presidents were born British subjects: Washington, J. Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, J.Q. Adams, Jackson, and W. Harrison.
- Eight presidents never attended college: Washington, Jackson, Van Buren, Taylor, Fillmore, Lincoln, A. Johnson, and Cleveland.
- The college that has the most presidents as alumni (seven in total) is Harvard: J. Adams, J.Q. Adams, T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, Rutherford B. Hayes, John F. Kennedy, and George W. Bush.
- Presidents who would be considered “Washington outsiders” (i.e., the 18 presidents who never served in Congress) are: Adams, Jefferson, Taylor, Grant, Arthur, Cleveland, T. Roosevelt, Taft, Wilson, Coolidge, Hoover, F. Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Carter, Reagan, Clinton, Trump, and G.W. Bush.
- The most common religious affiliation among presidents has been Episcopalian, followed by Presbyterian.
- The ancestry of all 46 presidents is limited to the following heritages, or some combination thereof: Dutch, English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Swiss, German, and African.
- The oldest president inaugurated was Joe Biden (age 78); the youngest was Kennedy (age 43). Theodore Roosevelt, however, was the youngest man to become president – he was 42 when he succeeded McKinley, who had been assassinated.
- The tallest president was Abraham Lincoln at 6’4″, Madison was the shortest.
- Fifteen presidents served as vice presidents: J. Adams, Jefferson, Van Buren, Tyler, Fillmore, A. Johnson, Arthur, T. Roosevelt, Coolidge, Truman, Nixon, L.B. Johnson, Ford, George Bush, and Joe Biden.
- For two years the nation was run by a president and a vice president who were not elected by the people. After VP Spiro T. Agnew resigned in 1973, President Nixon appointed Gerald Ford as vice president. Nixon resigned the following year, which left Ford as president, and Ford’s appointed, Nelson Rockefeller, as second in line.
- James Buchanan was the only president never to marry. Five presidents remarried after the death of their first wives – two of whom, Tyler and Wilson, remarried while in the White House. Reagan was the only divorced president. Six presidents had no children. Tyler – father of 15 – had the most.
- Presidents Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, and Kennedy were assassinated in office.
- Assassination attempts were made on the lives of Jackson, T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, Truman, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, G.H.W. Bush, Clinton, and G.W. Bush.
- Eight presidents died in office: W. Harrison (after having served only one month), Taylor, Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Harding, F. Roosevelt, and Kennedy.
- Presidents Adams, Jefferson, and Monroe all died on the Fourth of July; Coolidge was born on that day.
- Kennedy and Taft are the only presidents buried in Arlington National Cemetery.
There you have todays trivia. Can’t wait to see what odd facts Joe Biden will leave for us. For sure he won’t be a candidate for Mt. Rushmore. Hollywood has the Walk of Fame with hundreds of gold stars on their sidewalks. We should institute a Walk of Shame around Bill Clintons presidential library with gold 🚽’s instead of stars. The first three recipients could and should be Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, and Donald Trump. Coming up fast on the outside is Joe Biden looking for his spot. Actually I think I’ll just nominate him right now to avoid the rush later.
HAIL TO THE CHIEF
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“Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian.
Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.”
George Burns
11/18/2021 Mindbusters Answers Leave a comment
As promised, here are the answers to the questions posted a few days ago. I certainly hope someone out there was able to answer them all correctly. It’s been a long time since I found someone who did.
Answers
26 = Letters of the Alphabet
7 = Wonders of the World
1001 = Arabian Nights
12 = Signs of the Zodiac
54 = Cards in a Deck (with the Joker)
9 = Planets in the Solar System
88 = Piano Keys
18 = Holes on a Golf Course
32 = Degrees Fahrenheit at which Water Freezes
90 = Degrees in a Right Angle
200 = Dollars for Passing GO in Monopoly
8 = Sides on a Stop Sign
3 = Blind Mice (See How They Run)
4 = Quarts in a Gallon
24 = Hours in a Day
1 = Wheel on a Unicycle
5 = Digits in a Zip Code
57 = Heinz Varieties
11 = Players on a Football Team
1000 = Words that a Picture is Worth
29 = Days in February in a Leap Year
40 = Days and Nights of the Great Flood
64 = Squares on a Checkerboard
13 = Donuts in a Bakers Dozen
52 = Weeks in a Year
11/17/2021 ✨Great Quote Award✨ Leave a comment
“Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wings, those who cheer
today will curse tomorrow; only one thing endures – character.”
Horace Greeley (1811-1872)
11/17/2021 Are You Dumb? Leave a comment
Today is DUMB day here in Maine. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be DUMB today but all things being considered I might be DUMB tomorrow. This word is used almost as heavily as “shit” and “fuck”. One bad move and you are immediately labeled a “DUMB shit” or a “DUMB fuck”. You may have only made a minor mistake but you’re still painted with a broad brush that identifies you as someone who screwed up in a big way. Our language is not fair and not for the faint of heart. Have you ever heard the term “dumbassary” or how about “shitheadedness”? You can build your own words and introduce them into the lexicon and pray that someone repeats them, that they then catch on, and all of a sudden you’ve been immortalized. People everywhere use the word DUMB and some even attempt to make money from its use. Here are few examples . . .
- A 1998 song by the group “Garbage” was named DUMB.
- Another group of fine upstanding musicians called “The 411” used it as a song title way back in 2004.
- And probably one of the more famous weird bands, “Nirvana”, sang their hearts out in their 1993 In Utero album to the song DUMB. Later found to be highly prophetic when Kurt Cobain, the lead singer, offed himself with a shotgun. And lucky us because of that incident the magical title of celebrity was passed onto the band “Hole” and introduced us to Courtney Love. Really, how DUMB was that?
As flexible as the word DUMB is, the language has also supplied us with dozens of words with DUMB as the underlying meaning. If you hear any of the following words used in describing you in any fashion, the speaker is in fact, calling you a DUMB ass.
cretinous, feebleminded, simpleminded; boobish, foolish, idiotic, imbecile, moronic; ignorant, illiterate, lowbrow, uneducated, uninformed, unintellectual, and untaught, unthinking; absurd, asinine, balmy, cockeyed, crackpot, crazy, cuckoo, daffy, daft, dippy, fool, half-baked, harebrained, insane, kooky, loony, lunatic, mad, nonsensical, nutty, preposterous, sappy, screwball, silly, unwise, wacky, zany; fallacious, illogical, invalid, irrational, unreasonable, and last but not least, STUPID.
So when I state that I am anti-stupid you can see just how busy I’ve really become. It’s an endless battle identifying and pointing out all of the stupid, dumb, and idiotic citizens roaming our streets right under our noses. Fortunately for all of you, I grudgingly volunteered years ago to lead the charge against DUMB and STUPID.
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