Archive for the ‘country western’ Tag
After seeing the great response to my recent Cowboy/Western limericks, I decided to expand my Cowboy/Western repertoire to include some western humor that was once appreciated by some of our older generations. To me, funny is funny, regardless of when it was introduced so get out those Cowboy hats, have a cold beer, and give me a huge YEE HAW!
- The worst record ever cut came out of a local Nashville studio. The song is so bad it’s already replaced capital punishment in 15 states. It’s also #1 on the Billboard charts throughout Central America.
- A scientist in Tennessee has spent twenty years studying the mating habits of the Smokey Mountain squirrels. His findings will be released to the public in a new book titled: “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex in a Nutshell.”
- A rancher paid an enormous stud fee for the use of a neighbor’s prize bull. The bull had a choice of twenty lovely cows, but a month went by and nothing happened. Finally, the rancher called his friend and complained. “Relax, “soothed the studs owner. “He’s just not in the moo-o-o-o-d!”
FRONTIER FACT
Since no insurance was available to the early settlers our ancestors really went west in “uncovered” wagons.
C & W POETRY:
There once was a singer name Dolly
Who had loads of great talent by golly.
She out croons the rest
But the best is her chest
That shakes like a quake when she’s jolly.
- Did you hear about the country boy who became a nudist. He wanted to get his soul and body in Harmony. Harmony’s father shot him.
- A girl was hired to wait tables in a Country/Western nightclub. She was given a cowboy hat, boots, and a very scanty outfit. Being the modest type, she stood in front of the dressing room mirror for thirty minutes adjusting the costume until she was satisfied that she was showing as little as possible. She walked nervously into the barroom and went to work. Later that evening her boss called her aside. “Well, did you like the job? The people?” “Yes sir”, she replied. And how are your tips?”, he asked. “Oh God”, she muttered. “Do they show?”
🤠🤠🤠
I started collecting music at a very young age. I didn’t just collect everything because that would be impossible. I have my musical likes and dislikes but as everyone else the music of my twenties and thirties holds the biggest attraction. I collected first on eight tracks, then cassettes and later on CD’s which resulted in a collection of more than 400 albums of what are now called classic oldies. Ten years ago I decided to make the move to digital and spent months with a software package called Audiograbber and converted all of my CD’s into MP3’s. It was a massive job but it permitted me to take my entire collection and install it on my first 80 gig IPod. It was one of my better purchases because I’m still using it today, 11 years later, on the original battery.



Most of my music is from the late 1950’s through the early 1970’s. Only a few albums and artists have been added over the years because I only collect what I really like. I could sit here and attempt to razzle-dazzle you with song titles and artist’s names but what would be the point of that. We all love the music we love and some of us don’t like much of anything. Some people only enjoy the music for its ability to create an atmosphere that will lead to social gatherings at bars and clubs, drinking, dancing, and the occasional bout of recreational sex.
I’m fairly eclectic in my music tastes and enjoy quite a variety which doesn’t include Hip Hop or Country & Western. Only a very select few from those genres made the cut. Salt & Pepa, En Vogue, Delbert McClinton, and Bonnie Raitt are just a few that did.



Every so often when I’m alone for a few hours or when I’m working on the computer I’ll crank up certain selections and rock the house down. One day last week I decided to celebrate some of my favorite artists that had tons of musical talent and died before their time. I spent two hours listening first to my two favorite balladeers, Jim Croce and Harry Chapin. Then I moved on to the Big Bopper, Richie Valens, and Buddy Holly. I saved the best for last with Janis Joplin, Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, and ended the montage with Jim Morrison and Freddie Mercury. Wow. . . it was more than just a little wonderful. I’m still humming and singing those songs in my head and will be for quite some time.



After two hours of that music I found myself extremely sad to have lost them before their time and could only imagine all of the fantastic music that died with them. The only positive thing I can think of is that they and their music will outlive us all and be enjoyed by millions in future generations. They found their immortality albeit in a most unpleasant fashion.
I look toward to many more special moments listening to their songs as I’ve enjoyed doing in the past. With that:
R.I.P.
I’ve stated thousands of times in the past that I’m NOT a fan of Country music. My constant exposure to it as forced on me by my better-half has really and truly dulled my senses. I’ve made my peace with that because I had no effing choice but just between you and I, I still hate C & W music.
I could give you any number of reasons why I hate it from the nerve shattering nasal twine of many of the singers to their choices of really stupid song titles and lyrics. The following song titles have been discovered and passed on to you just to prove my point. I’m not saying any of these titles made the Billboard charts but they are just as stupid as I predicted.
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I’ll Marry You Tomorrow But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight
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I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
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She’s Looking Better After Every Beer
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I Ain’t Gone To Bed With No Ugly Women, But I Shore Woke Up With A Few
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I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here
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I’ve Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin’ On My Back and Cryin’ Over You
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She’s Actin’ Single and I’m Drinkin’ Doubles
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I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better
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Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
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How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
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I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
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I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
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I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
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If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me
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My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love Jesus
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My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
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She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
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Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone
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You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too
So to those of you shit-kicking country folk out there you’d better get on-line as soon as possible and order this list of songs. I’d hurry if I were you because rumor has it that the demand is huge and you might be placed on a waiting list. They also may require that you take a short IQ test to insure you’re stupid enough to own them.
I’m writing this while my better-half is at work and I’ll do whatever I can to keep her from reading this posting tonight. She’s sure to throw a hissy fit and make me listen to even more of this alleged music than before. I’m not sure I could survive that. Hep me Jesus and Yee Haw, Y’all.