Archive for the ‘off-color’ Tag

4-30-2026 Journal–Cuss’in & Swear’in!   Leave a comment

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Now that I have grandchildren running through the house occasionally I’ve been forced to curb my use of all cusswords.  I’ve always loved cursing and swearing but stopping cold-turkey has been tough.  I have no doubt they’ll be picking up a few dozen new cuss words at home and especially at daycare. We can only hope they don’t pick up too many of the really good ones for a while yet.

I decided to do a little research into cussing as it applies to what will be their daily lives soon enough.  Before I do that I thought I’d give you a short history lesson too.  Here’s a few retro cusswords from back in the good old days.

 Old School Cussing

Heavens to Betsy

Jumpin’ Jahosafat

Yikes

Gadzooks

Holy cow

Sugar

Dagnabit

flippin’

Geez Louise

Jeez oh man,

Fudge

Eat it … RAW

Hell’s bells

Oh Shoot

Great Caesar’s Ghost

Jiminy Cricket

Holy Mary-Mother of God

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They sound so lame to us now but back in the day they got the job done with us kids.  My Mom knew all of these and a few more modern words as well.  Now lets take a look at cusswords in use in the USA today. Some fool took the time to do a study to determine what states used certain cusswords  the most. Here are the results.

Asshole – New England, Nevada, Oregon, Utah, Arizona

Bitch – Texas through the Carolinas – Along the coast.

Darn – Most of the Great Plains states.

Shit – Texas to Delaware along the coast.

Fuck – All coastal states, East, West, and South.

Motherfucker – Southwestern states and Maine’s

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Before too long our grandchildren will on the Web and getting introduced to Facebook and Twitter and all of the associated idiots who roam there. Here is some information and usage on both of those sites.

Twitter

Detailed work by researchers at Wright State University in Ohio has found that 34.7% of all the swearwords in their sample of 51m tweets were "fuck" or one of its long list of cognates.

In comparison, the second and third most popular swearwords – "shit" and "ass" – accounted for 15.0% and 14.5% respectively, while other highlights included "bitch" (10.3%), "hell" (4.5%), "whore" (1.8%), "dick" (1.7%), "piss" (1.5%) and "pussy" (1.2%). Between them, the top seven make up 90.6% of all the swearing on Twitter.

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Facebook

Someday, when aliens are sifting through Facebook data to find out what 21st-century humans thought and cared about, they’re going to see a lot of shit. That’s the most popular swear word on Facebook, according to an analysis by Slate. In the three-day period queried, shit appeared in 10.5 million U.S. Facebook interactions, fuck in 9.5 million, damn in 6.3 million, bitch in 4.5 million, and crap in 2 million.

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This next section applies directly to Rap Music. It’s always been known for bad language and we find out now that criticism was totally justified.  I feel bad for the fool that had to sit through this terrible music to complete this study.  It must have been brutal.

Rap Music

  • 217.7 cuss words-per-album average.
  • One song from the study had, on average, 13.76 instances of profanity.
  • Too $hort’s 1985 album Raw, Uncut & X-Rated was the most profane album, clocking 49.8 curse words per song.
  • The most profane artists per song were The Geto Boys, as they uttered cuss words on average 46.4 times per song. The second-most vulgar artist? Geto Boys’ Scarface, with 33.3 cuss words per song.
  • Bun B’s song “Some Hoes” had the most instances of profanity in its lyrics with over 113 cuss words. The words “nigga” (51 times) and “ho” (46) make up the majority. However, the study qualifies that Lil Jon’s “Roll Call” is perhaps the most vulgar with 329 cuss words but it was not used in the study.
  • The most profane year in Hip-Hop from the study was 2001 with 22.66 cuss words per song.

If both grandson’s can last more than fifteen minutes in this cuss filled society without becoming cussing experts it will be nothing short of a miracle.  Since I believe that “turn-about is fair play” I’ll just wait until they start cussing on their own then I’ll step in and add a few of mine.

SHIT ! ! !

IF IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR FACEBOOK, IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

04-06-2016 Journal – Cemetery Humor & Limericks!   Leave a comment

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I thought that since today is once again cold and sunny I should dig into my trivia library for some interesting facts  rather than going out to brave the weather. I might even find a few that aren’t so interesting but as always you can be the judge of that. These are items primarily related to cemeteries and funerals. I may be forced to throw in a few off-color limericks as well.  Let’s get started.

Here’s an entry I’m adding just for my beer drinking better-half.

  • A headstone in a cemetery at Saint Kilda, Victoria, Australia, depicts a hand holding a jug of beer. The headstone was the result of a threat often made by the widow to her thirsty husband.

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This item amazes me.  I can’t begin to understand the level of dedication this involves.

  • In Nara, Japan, a lantern in the tomb of a Buddhist priest, Kyobo Daishi, in the monastery of Koya San has been burning continuously for 1126 years.

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This one I can appreciate somewhat. The woman was truly dedicated to her profession, regardless of the consequences.

  • The epitaph of the late Shirley Pitts of London, England, dubbed the “Queen of Shoplifters” reads, “Gone Shopping”.

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Everyone loves a good “Love” story and here’s a beauty.

  • “Husband: I anxiously awaiting you, 1827.” “Wife: Here I am, 1867 – Gravestones in a Paris, France cemetery.

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Here are two entries concerning two stubborn fools.

  • “Here stands old Britt Bailey” – Epitaph to James Britton Bailey, who was buried standing up because he refused to look up to any man.
  • A tombstone in Weather Hill, New England, reads: “Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor, who lived and died without a doctor.”

Here are a few rather interesting approaches.

  • A tombstone in a cemetery in Medway, Massachusetts, reads, “Beneath this stone, this lump of clay, lies Uncle Peter Daniels, who too early in the month of May, took off his winter flannels.”
  • “Here lies the father of twenty-nine, He would have had more but he didn’t have time.” – Gravestone in Moultrie, Georgia.
  • A gravestone near Uniontown, Pennsylvania: “Her lies the body of Jonathon Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake.”
  • “Owen Moore Is gone away, Owen’ more than he could pay.” – Epitaph in Surrey, England.

And finally a proper send off for an attorney.

  • The tombstone of an attorney in Willwood cemetery, Rockford, Illinois: “Goembel, John E. 1867-1946: The defense rests.”

Now for a couple of art related limericks.

For a sculpture that’s really first class,

You need form, composition, and mass;

To do a good Venus,

Just leave off the penis,

And concentrate more on the ass!

 

A lascivious lecher, called Fletcher,

Was also a talented sketcher.

Of ladies (quite nude)

He invariably screwed,

But did they enjoy it? You betcha!

I think that’s enough silliness for today.  Look for more limericks in the future because I recently stumbled upon quite the collection, most from the British Isles. They have an excellent approach to raunchiness that I really admire.

11-10-2013 American Geography Trivia Quiz Answers   3 comments

It’s time for you to discover just how much you really know about these United States of ours.  While the questions were moderately difficult, they were answerable with a little thought and a basic knowledge of the country (in my opinion).  The answers are as follows:

1.  Florida and South Dakota.

2.  Hilo, on the big Island of Hawaii. It’s at 19° 42 N; Mexico City is at 19° 25 N.

3.  Hell’s Canyon, also known as the Grand Canyon of the Snake River, which reaches a depth of 7900 feet.

4.  I-10, I-80, and I-90.

5.  Eight.

6.  Hartford, Connecticut; Dover, Delaware; Boston, Massachusetts; and Richmond Virginia.

7.  Juneau, Alaska. It covers an area of 3,108 square miles. Rhode Island covers 1214 square miles.

8.  New Orleans

9.  13: The entire states of Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa and Nebraska; and parts of Louisiana, Oklahoma, Kansas, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota and Minnesota.

10. Boonesborough.

Lets end last week and begin the new week with a few laughs.  As you all know I’m a sucker for limericks.  I’ve made a point of collecting as many of them as possible, both funny and filthy.   Some I’ll forward along but even for the likes of me the language on some others is a little rough.

I thought today I would send a few your way written by children.  I was amazed by their creativity and the complexity of their work.

There was a young girl called Miss Muffet
Who sat down one day on a tuffet,
She’d sooner have had
A chair, I might add,
But sometimes you just have to rough it.

Two brothers called Reggie and Fred
Chased a fierce-looking wasp from their bed;
Said Fred: “It’s gone. How?”
Said Reg: “Don’t look now . . .
”But it’s sitting on top of your head!”

There was an old prophet called Jonah
who said sailing a ship from Ancona;
One day, in a gale,
He was ate by a whale,
and sicked up on the beach in a coma.

A jolly old fellow in red
Set his reindeer on full-speed ahead;
And all in one night,
Much faster than light,
Left presents round everyone’s bed!

There’s a witch in our village called Joyce
Who is cursed with a hideous voice;
But, please, don’t assume
She rides round on a broom,
She’s rich, and she drives a Rolls-Royce!

They’re well on their way to becoming the next generation who will eventually write all those dirty little ones I love so much.  Don’t you just love tradition?  I can’t end this posting until I give you one little off-color limerick to jump-start your day.

There was a young man named McBride,
who could fart anytime that he tried;
In a contest he blew
Seven thousand and two,
But then shit and was disqualified!

Have a great day!  For those of you in Israel, I hope you scored higher than you anticipated. Remember those bonus points I  mentioned.