Archive for the ‘crowds’ Tag
‘Amazon Warehouse – My Favorite Shopping Place’
I’ve been rather busy over the last couple of months since I made a commitment to myself to have my Christmas shopping completed, wrapped, and ready for delivery or mailing by Thanksgiving. This also included shopping for my better-half’s upcoming birthday which is entirely too close to the holidays for my liking. As soon as I made it known that this was my plan the criticism began. Fortunately I’ve been called "anal" so may times by so many people that it no longer bothers me. I’m at the point now where it’s actually become quite the compliment.
Call me anal if you’d like but you won’t be seeing me on Black Friday or any other day being elbowed, pushed out of the way, and worse by the crowds of people waiting until the last minute to Christmas shop. The rationalizations thought up by those late shoppers sometimes makes me wonder about their sanity. You get up at 4:30 am on Black Friday, wait in line for a hour for the store to open, and TA DA, save a whole two dollars. It’s some form of X-mas insanity that I just don’t understand. A thousand people show up for free stuff that only the first one hundred actually get. I’d call that the ultimate bait and switch scheme regardless of which retailer is doing it.
You have to understand that I’m more than a little claustrophobic when it comes to large crowds of people or small crowds of people stuffed into even smaller buildings. The retailers today led by my all time non-favorite, Walmart, insist on clogging the aisles and for that matter any open space with a never ending supply of merchandise and stack-outs. You barely have enough room to get through the store with a shopping cart let along enjoy the shopping experience. After ten minutes of that I’m ready to get the hell out of there just as fast as I can. I may be a member of the so called "great unwashed" but that doesn’t mean I have to like rubbing elbows with each and every one of them.
‘IPad Fever’
I made my first Christmas purchase on-line in June. It was earlier than I’ve ever started before and thank God for Amazon and gift cards. This is going to be my first Amazon Christmas and I guarantee it won’t be my last. I’ll still manage a few short trips to some of the smaller local retailers on those days that they’re not too busy. I can’t show up on Christmas morning without all of those stocking stuffers everyone seems to love so much but that’s the extent of my Christmas shopping fun for this year.
The better-half’s birthday will come and go and you can be sure I’ll really be enjoying that Thanksgiving turkey when it finally gets here. I can kick back and relax just knowing my holiday preparations are complete for another year.
Merry Christmas . . . . and thanks Amazon!
“It’s Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature’
Have you ever had something good you were trying to do for someone come back and bite you in the ass? If you haven’t, you don’t know what your missing. I’ve never been known as a “relationship guy”and I’ve failed in so many I should be somewhere in the Guinness Book of Records. As I’ve gotten older I really and truly tried to change my ways with only moderate success.
I was always a good listener but the other skills necessary for maintaining a long term relationship were severely lacking. After trying and failing and then trying again I began to make some progress and was really proud of myself. My better-half constantly assures me that I’m a good partner and we have a healthy and happy relationship. Little did I know that she was lulling me into a false sense of security and it all came to a head yesterday.
It all started with a casual conversation about how stressed she was with Christmas approaching. She was stressing about buying gifts, what gifts to buy, where to buy them, and on and on and on. I fell for it completely and was actually starting to feel sorry for her. After being told what a great relationship we had I felt the need to step up and help her out as much as I could. I casually mentioned that I might consider spending some time with her and using my superior shopping skills to help get her back on track. It might have been one of the dumbest things I’ve ever suggested.
It wasn’t much later when she arrived with a handful of coupons from a bunch of retailers, laid them on the table, and then gave me our tentative travel plans for our full day of shopping. I’m not saying she set the whole thing up but I’m highly suspicious of how quickly those plans came together.
Yesterday was “THE” day. I was rousted out of my warm bed, given some coffee, and a “hurry up, we’re burning daylight” comment. Eight hours, seven stores, two snacks, and three coffees later my ass was dragging. Thank God for Mother Nature. It began raining soon after we left the house and the more it rained the more her shopping enthusiasm waned. As we were leaving the over crowded mall in the late afternoon we made a mad dash for the car and got a little wet. She decided right then and there we should just call it a day and go home. Halleluiah and thank God . . . .
It’s now the next morning and I slept in until 8:30 am. She came running into the bedroom all pumped up with another handful of coupons, ready for another round of shopping. Get this, she even served me bacon, eggs, toast and coffee in bed. I think she needs a bit more training on how to be subtle. Once again Mother Nature arrived to save the day. As we were looking out the window at the already crappy day it began to lightly snow. The first snow fall this year and I made the most of it. I was moving kind of slow (intentionally) and told her I really wasn’t up to driving and shopping in this weather. All of my Christmas shopping was already done and I really just wanted to stay at home and relax for an hour or so. I laid it on pretty thick and before I knew it she left in a cloud of coupons to go shop, shop, shop.
‘Thank You Once Again Mother Nature’
This experience has shown me who my perfect women really is, it’s Mother Nature. She’s a little older than me but she’s still got it going on. I’m a good listener and I clean up pretty well so we should be able to easily make our relationship work over the long term. I also understand she’s not much of a shopaholic which is just another plus. My better-half had better slide a little further over in the bed to make room for our new friend.
52 SHOPPING DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS
In this installment we’ll continue our journey through the huge crowds of people and make our way to visit the huge crowds of animals. I couldn’t possibly post all of the animal photos I took. The number and variety was amazing and the better-half made sure we saw each and every one of them. Here’s a montage:
‘Shave and a haircut.’
‘Llamas, I’m not a big fan.’
‘Clean as a whistle.’
‘Huge !!!’
If the Fair were held a little closer to our home I suspect we’d spend multiple days just roaming around the animal barns. Attending the many events where animals are displayed for judging would easily take an entire day. We were a little pickier this year in what we attended but as always because of my better-half’s love of pigs we took these pictures.
‘One happy pig.’
‘Many happy piglets.’
It’s now approaching the noon hour and we made our way to a small grandstand to watch the skillet throwing contest. I’m a big fan because the contest is a tongue-in-cheek throwback to the good old days of farm shows. I’ve captured a number of entrants as they tossed their skillets into the air but the last one was the big winner of the day. She was also the returning champion from last year’s Fair and to be as kind as possible she was more than a little scary.
‘Going . . . .’
‘Going . . . .’
‘ Gone !!!!, The winner and still champion.’
I took a quick picture of this guy who was either bored to death or just plain exhausted. He was sitting on his four wheeler with hundreds of people walking by and was dead asleep.
I knew exactly how he felt because it was the same malady that struck me as I sat listening to this Country and Western group while my better-half wandered around on her own shopping for more Fair junk.
My final installment from the Fair will be posted in two days and will include a variety of random shots taken throughout the day. Lots of food stops shopping kiosks, and hours of people watching. Come back to visit.
My body is talking to me this morning and it isn’t all that happy. Fryeburg Fair Day has come and gone for another year leaving us walking wounded behind. I’m going to post our Fair Day over the next few days because I have a lot of photos I’d like to share which should help give you a real feel for the place. The ride to Fryeburg was uneventful but the closer we got to the fairgrounds the more the traffic increased as you can see.
Being the simple person that I am I thought I’d start our day at the main entrance to the fairgrounds. This is one of the few events where I don’t mind paying a $10.00 entry fee. It’s worth every penny of that $.80 an hour it’s costing me. That’s a good deal anytime.
Yesterday was a day of smells. Twelve hours of smelly crowds, really smelly animals, and the aroma of deep fried everything. If you ever wanted to deep-fry a particular item, you could find a booth selling it here at the Fair. There’s nothing like the smell of old and hot cooking grease at 8:30 in the morning.
‘You don’t see signs like this too much anymore.’
If you like crowds this is the place to be. I’ve been coming to this event for seven years and my better-half for almost fifteen. In our opinion the crowd today is the largest either of us have ever seen. The fact that it’s Woodsmen Day is probably part of the explanation. It’s the day for axe throwing, log rolling, tree climbing, and an assortment of other events for the wannabe lumberjack. If you like beards and flannel shirts this is where you need to be.
I’m not sure exactly sure just how large the fairground is but with all of the campgrounds surrounding the place it must cover at least 100 acres or so. That’s an uneducated guess so those of you from Fryeburg who may be reading this shouldn’t get your panties in a knot if it’s a little inaccurate. To put it simply, the place is huge !!!!!
We normally start our visit with the area set aside for the little kids. Pony rides and small merry-go-rounds right next door to Old McDonald’s petting zoo. The little ones seem to love getting in there for a little "hands on" with the baby animals.
‘They love milking the plastic cow.’
Before doing anything else we stopped for our traditional Fair Day breakfast meal. A large order of greasy French Fries, vinegar, and ketchup will certainly get the old heart started on these cool Fall mornings. Another hour or so of wandering around is next on our agenda before we head for the animal barns. My better-half waits all year to return here to visit all of her animal friends. I swear she must have been born a farmer in a previous life. My next posting will offer up an assortment of animal pictures and a few other interesting events like the skillet toss.
That’s it for today, installment two will post in 2 days and if you have an interest in farm animals, stop back to visit.
I’ve been mentioning the Fryeburg Fair for a month now and today was the day. We were up at dawn and enroute to pickup the better-half’s daughter and one year old grandson. I’d pounded down two quick cups of coffee to get my heart started and to keep me alert during the fifty minute drive to Fryeburg, Maine. It was early, I hadn’t slept all that well, and I knew it was going to be a very long day.
I was looking forward to taking the grandson to his first Fair but everything else was up for grabs. As we entered the town of Fryeburg traffic was exactly as expected, grid lock. We moved very slowly through town to the area where the fairgrounds are located and parked in the front yard of a local resident for $5.00 bucks. Every house on the street approaching the fairgrounds has a sign up and a person waving a flag trying to entice idiots like us to park with them. Depending on the size of their yard they can turn a nice profit during Fair week. We unloaded the two hundred pounds of baby stuff, threw the little guy into his high-tech stroller and began walking the short distance to the main entrance of the fairgrounds.
When I say there were thousands of people swarming the area I’m not kidding. I have a minor phobia about large crowds and close quarters and I knew today was going to test me in a big way.
The better-half has a few things during every Fair visit that have become a tradition for her such as immediately buying a stack of postcards, a giant plastic coffee mug, and chowing down on a box of french fries. It took just a few minutes for those three items to be scratched from her to-do list and the rest of us were finally permitted to find a freaking rest room.
The crowds continued to grow, the sun came out, and it turned into a beautiful yet sweltering day. During the drive to the Fair the temperature was in the low fifties but within an hour of our arrival it started climbing into the mid seventies. An absolute scorcher as it turned out.
We visited exhibits, nibbled at various food items and delivered the grandson to the petting zoo for an introduction to a few of Mother Natures favorite animals. He was curious for a moment as he and his mother were mobbed by a herd of small goats looking for the food they were carrying. His interests in the goats waned a bit but then he discovered the straw covering the floor. It held his interest almost as long as the goats. Maybe next year he’ll be more interested in the animals.
We sat for a time in the shade of a tree and listened to a local performer singing a selection of songs and making nice with the crowd. We were able to catch our breath, cool off a little, and change our damp little boy. He had some fun clapping with the music and trying to dance and smiling and giggling at everyone. It was pretty cool.
It was as expected a very long day. We visited more animals, barns, horses, oxen, cattle, chickens, and llamas than I ever want to see again. We ate more food, drank more water and made many more trips to the restrooms. That for me is the biggest racket of all at this Fair. They have an assigned attendant in each restroom who I was expected to tip after relieving myself. Of course I left no tip because I refuse to pay someone to stand there and direct me to a urinal and then watch me take a leak. Something is just wrong and a little creepy about that and I refused to participate. I’d love to see just how those folks would list that job on their resume. I won’t even try to guess.
It was finally four o’clock and we’d been roaming around for almost eight hours. My back hurt, my feet hurt, I was hot and sweaty, and the baby was getting a little cranky. The better-half and her daughter were exhausted as well and I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. So we did.
The soft seats of that car were the best part of the day. The baby instantly fell asleep and we made our way home. I was happy to be involved with his first official Fair visit and we were able to document it with hundreds of photographs. Next year he’ll be walking, talking, and be a little more aware of what’s going on around him. I’m already looking forward to that.
I’d really like to write more but I’m heading for the shower and then our nice soft bed. I am pooped.
Well we returned home at 9pm last night from our day and a half road trip to Rhode Island. I was never so glad to be home. Road trips in and of themselves can be fun but only if you have enough time to stop and smell the roses. Anyone who tries to squeeze four or five days of activities into one day is out of their effing mind.
I can tell you from my experience yesterday that the last place you want to be on a hot summer Sunday in August is Newport, Rhode Island. Thousands of people jamming the streets and every business and building. You’d better not be the least bit claustrophobic because if you are you’re royally and supremely screwed.
There were so many pedestrians on the streets it was difficult to even drive a city block without issues. If you do somehow find yourself kidnaped by your spouse and her family members and taken there against your will, you have my sincerest sympathies. If you go there voluntarily then you have some issues of your own to deal with.
Make sure you have plenty of cash with you as well. Things are a little pricy and you’ll pay top price for everything. Parking fees are utterly outrageous and insulting. Restaurants will serve you huge portions of food that you’ll never be able to finish just so they have justification to jack the prices up as high as possible.
Do I sound angry? If I don’t then I’m not getting my point across. My last visit to Newport was twenty years ago and I guarantee there will never be another. The entire place offends my sensibilities and going back again is just out of the question.
There, I feel a little better after getting that off my chest. Now I can allow my life to return to what I think is normal. No more unorganized, hit or more miss, expensive, and un-fun outings. I promise!
One other thing, any members of my better-half’s family who may read this, don’t take anything I’ve written too personally. If you do, so be it.
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