I’m going to introduce you today to a man who was famous for writing limericks, Mr. David McCord. He was also a philanthropist, writer, and poet who held honorary degrees from 22 universities. He was famous for his work in teaching children to write poetry. This first limerick is a short instruction on who to structure a limerick.
David McCord
The limerick’s lively to write:
Five lines to it – all nice and tight.
Two long ones, two trick
Little short ones, then quick
As a flash here’s the last one in sight.
There are 13 limericks published over fifty years ago and were Mr. McCord’s attempt to explain and teach how to write a limerick. Here are the first four. I’ll post a few each day until the entire collection is in your hands. Maybe they will encourage you to write a few of your own.
There once was a scarecrow named Joel
Who couldn’t scare crows, save his soul.
But the crows put the scare
Into Joel. He’s not there
Anymore. That’s his hat on the pole.
💥💥💥
“There was an old man” of wherever
You like, thus the limerick never
Accounts for the young:
You will find him unsung
Whether stupid, wise, foolish, or clever.
A Rare Non-Dirty Nantucket Limerick
There was a young man let me say,
Of West Pumpkinville, Maine, USA.
You tell me there’s not
Such a place? Thanks a lot.
I forget what he did anyway.
💥💥💥
Take the curious case of Tom Pettigrew
And Hetty, his sister. When Hettigrew
As tall as a tree
She came just to Tom’s knee.
And did Tom keep on growing? You bettigrew.
That’s lesson number one for today. If you read them carefully, he gives excellent rhyming tips and how exactly to structure the limerick. More to follow tomorrow.
“Great art is more than a transient refreshment. It is something which adds to the permanent richness of the soul’s self-attainment. It justifies itself both by its immediate enjoyment, and also by its discipline of the inmost being. Its discipline is not distinct from enjoyment but by reason of it. It transforms the soul into the permanent realization of values extending beyond its former self.”
Facing mandatory retirement in London, and upon being offered an appointment at Harvard, Whitehead moved to the United States in 1924. Given his prior training in mathematics, it was sometimes joked that the first philosophy lectures he ever attended were those he himself delivered in his new role as Professor of Philosophy.
I’ve always considered myself something of an artist. Most artists lack a certain amount of self-confidence about their works and don’t even understand why. I know I do. Other people view artists entirely different than the artists themselves. It’s something I’ve been trying to figure out for most of my life and no matter how much I create I always have doubts about my abilities. Even the people close to me don’t get it at all. It’s frustrating to say the least and I’ll probably never figure it out. Every artist I’ve ever known suffers through the same nonsense in one way or another. Here are a few quotes about art and artists from some of the greats of history.
“All art is subversive.” Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
“An artist must have his measuring tools not in the hand, but in the eye.” Michaelangelo (1475-1564)
“The more I become decomposed, the more sick and fragile I am, the more I become an artist.” Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890)”
“Today, as you know, I am famous and very rich. But when I’m alone with myself, I haven’t the courage to consider myself an artist, in the great and ancient sense of the word . . . I’m only a public entertainer, who understands his age.” Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
It makes me feel better about myself when I hear doubts voiced by great artist like Picasso. I can put my doubts to rest for now but without question they’ll return as soon as my next project begins.
“IT IS ART, AND ART ALONE, THAT REVEALS US TO OURSELVES”
It’s that look when I’m not really looking. It’s that lick of your lips when I am. It’s the smell of your hair when I’m near you. It’s the feel of your body in my hands.
It’s the taste of your ear when I’m horny. It’s the wet of my tongue when you are. It’s whispering something really corny. It’s your voice when say you want more.
It’s these moments you’ll never forget. It’s the essence of what we’ve become. It’s the reasons we eventually met. It’s to these moments we finally succumbed.
I thought a little silliness would be in order on this slow Sunday. I’m expecting a gorgeous warm and sunny day for a change, and I plan to enjoy the hell out of it. Here are a few things that might tickle your funny bone.
RETRO BUMPER STICKERS
I MAY BE FAT BUT YOUR UGLY
!@#!*&$%
GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY
THERE ARE 3 KINDS OF PEOPLE: THOSE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN; THOSE WHO WATCH WHAT HAPPENS; AND THOSE WHO WONDER WHAT HAPPENED.
And finally, more dumb-ass crooks. This one explains how not to handle dangerous weapons.
In Wichita, Kan., police officers staking out a convenience store inadvertently unnerved two men parked innocently at an adjacent liquor store. According to police, a 19- year-old man in the car had a gun and thought that since police officers were nearby, he ought to get rid of it, but in the process of pulling it out of his pocket, he accidentally fired one round, which hit him in the leg, went through the front seat, and hit his 20-year-old companion. According to police Capt. Paul Dotson, the officers on stakeout, who had until then ignored the liquor store, had their attention engaged by the gunshot and the gun owner’s limping out of the car and throwing the gun over a fence. The shooter was charged with illegal possession of a firearm, and his companion was treated at a hospital and released without charges.
I thought today we might start the month of June with a collection of limericks. This is what can be called a double dose because these limericks were written about limericks. I know it sounds confusing, but you’ll get the gist once you start reading. Enjoy . . .
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
😷😷😷
If you find for your verse there’s no call,
And you can’t afford paper at all,
For the poet, true born,
However forlorn,
There’s always the lavatory wall.
😉😉😉
The limericks callous and crude,
It’s morals distressingly lewd.
It’s not worth the reading
By persons of breeding,
It’s designed for us vulgar and rude.
🥴🥴🥴
Oh limericks, Dr. Jekyll’s oblivious,
Till his alter ego is delirious.
Then it can’t be denied
Such rhymes by Mr. Hyde
Will be lecherous, lewd and lascivious.
🤪🤪🤪
That’s it for today. Keep checking in on a daily basis because I’m planning a full week of limericks that will definitely not be acceptable to the younger generation. Let’s call it “Questionable Limerick Week”. I’m compiling the list of limericks as we speak.
Are you left-handed? I’ve been reading up on left-handedness and right-handedness after watching my two grandsons play in a Little League baseball game. I began wondering why we become one or the other. I was apparently born left-handed, but my father changed all that. When I was about 11 years old, he decided that in order for him to have a lifelong golfing partner he had to teach me how to play golf. Unfortunately, we weren’t a wealthy family, and I was taught to golf using right-handed clubs. After a time, I made the adjustment and moved on with my life. Later in my Little League years I was a pitcher. In one game I actually pitched half of the game right-handed and the second half left-handed. I’ve been ambidextrous ever since.
I decided to look a little further into the history of left-handedness and here’s the result . . .
In ancient Egypt artwork and hieroglyphics, it appears that most Egyptians were right-handed. They portrayed their enemies as left-handed, which can be seen as derogatory.
The ancient Greeks never crossed their left leg over their right, because they believed a person’s sex was determined by their position in the womb with the female, or “lesser sex”, sitting on the left side of the womb.
The Romans also had a bias against left-handedness. Roman customs required that when entering a friend’s home, it should be done placing the right foot forward. Also, Romans should always turn their head to the right when sneezing. The Latin word for left was sinister (meaning evil or ominous), the word for right was dexter (meaning skillful or adroit). Even the word ambidextrous literally means “right-handed with both hands”.
The Anglo-Saxon root for left is lyft, which means “weak”, “broken,” or “worthless”. Riht is for right and means “straight”, “just”, or “erect”.
The Bible is totally biased in favor of right-handed people. Both the Old and New Testaments always refer to “the right hand of God”. There is also a distinction made even in religious art. Jesus and God are nearly always drawn giving blessings with their right hand, and the devil is usually portrayed doing evil with his left.
I feel a bit slighted by all of those old-time religious fanatics and the Bible as well. It seems to me that the Greeks, Romans, Anglo-Saxons, and damn near anyone else had been brainwashed with the idea that left-handedness is evil. Even the Muslims require that you only eat food with the right hand. Just one more reason for me to take anything said by any organized religion as utter and complete nonsense.
LEFTIES ARISE AND PROCLAIM YOUR LEFTINESS TO THE WORLD
Now that Mother’s Day has come and gone, let’s look into something a bit more musical. Everyone seems to love music of one sort or another, so why don’t we all try to enjoy some music related limericks.
I’ve always proclaimed my love for Sci-Fi. It’s been a consistent part of my life since I first watched my mother cover the walls of my bedroom with rocket ships and planets. Next came Sputnik and the space race began, and I was hooked. I read everything I could get my hands on that was sci-fi related and the first real book I devoured was Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. I found the book in a garbage can along the road as I was walking home from school one afternoon. My mind became instantly expanded in 1965 when the novel Dune was released. It was a complicated read for a young kid, but it was mind blowing as well. I read it two additional times with the book in one hand and a dictionary in the other. I wanted to understand it all.
In 1984 I was sent reeling when it was announced that a movie had been made. I loved the movie but as all movies do, they fall well short of the book. I saw that first movie a number of times over the years and still enjoy it to this day. That being said, I’ve read the entire five book series of Dune at least six times in the intervening years and it still blows my mind. Every time I reread it; I find things I missed before. As with J.R.R. Tolkien, J.K. Rowling, and Frank Herbert it staggers my imagination that they could sit down and write such epic works.
There was a TV series in 2000 but it gets no mention here. It sucked! I’ve recently began reading the original series again prompted by the release of the new movie. I’ve just finished The Children of Dune and I can’t wait to get started on the final two novels. I haven’t yet decided whether to see the new movie because I know in my heart it will disappoint me. Here are two quotes from the books I particularly liked. It’s this kind of writing that doesn’t translate well to a movie.
“The one-eyed view of our universe says you must not look far afield for problems. Such problems may never arrive. Instead, tend to the Wolf within your fences. The pacts ranging outside may not even exist.”
“Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders.”
Today is the start of a better day than yesterday. Today I’m assured of at least another year before the cancer might return. A good doctor’s report makes for better days ahead. I can stop obsessing over this whole cancer deal until October when I’m due to be scanned again. So, what better way to pass the time than throwing some bad poetry your way. I wrote this many years ago during what I used to call the I-don’t-give-a-shit days. And believe me, I had plenty of them.
❤❤ It’s near in the mist. ❤❤ It watches and waits, as its urges flicker to life. A stroke of the hand, a kiss in the dark, and a seed is spilled near your wife. Some call it desire, others haven’t a clue, I see it near you!
everyuselessthing.com 