Archive for the ‘History’ Category
It’s kind of a rainy day here in Maine. It’s gray and miserable which makes me feel even lazier than I normally do. With that thought in mind I thought I’d reach all the way back to the year 1984 for some retro riddles. As you read them keep remembering these were written in the 1980s which might help you put them into their proper context. Here we go . . .
- What’s the difference between a gigolo, a doctor, a Rabbi, a girlfriend and a Quaalude? A gigolo is a penis vendor, a doctor is a penis mender, a rabbi is a penis ender, a girlfriend is a penis tender, and a Quaalude is a penis bender.
- When did the madam realize that the guy with no arms and legs on the front porch of the brothel wasn’t fooling around? When she figured out how he rang the doorbell!
- What did the dentist say to the lady after she told him she’d rather have a baby then have a tooth pulled? “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair!”
- What did the German general do when he heard that Napoleon wore red into battle so his troops wouldn’t panic in the event he was wounded? He ordered a brown uniform!
- Why should you think twice before you marry a girl with hair down to her waist and boobs that stick out to here? Because in 10 years her boobs will be down to her waist and her hair will stick out to there!
- Why can’t a man win with his wife? Because if he comes home early, she accuses him of being horny. If he comes home late, she suspects that he’s been out getting some. And if he comes home on time, she figures he’s got it already!
- Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning? Because they don’t have testicles!
- What’s a liberated woman? A woman who has sex before marriage and a job afterwards!
- What’s the difference between a pig and a musician? A pig won’t stay up all night trying to fuck a musician!
- What’s a platonic relationship? A relationship between a guy who wants to have sex and a girl who doesn’t!
SMILE, IT’S ALMOST THE WEEKEND
- When Joan of Arc was burned at the stake, she was condemned for two crimes: witchcraft and wearing men’s clothing.
- Two dozen American states considered impotence legal grounds for divorce.
- At any time, .7 percent of the world’s population is drunk.
- The King of Diamonds in a standard card deck was designed after Julius Caesar. King of Spades for King David, King of Clubs for Alexander the Great, and King of Hearts for Charlemagne.
- A flink is a group of 12 or more cows.
- In a single day, one cow discharges enough methane to fill 400 one-liter bottles.
- A standard pencil could draw a 35-mile-long line before it runs out of lead (graphite).
- The average life span of a goldfish living in the wild is 25 years.
- Approximately 500 pounds of Silly Putty are produced every day.
- The Guinness World Records book is considered the most commonly stolen volume from libraries around the world. In the United States the Bible is the most shoplifted book.
And here is my quote of the day:
“It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.”
Bridgette Bardot
To say I am a baseball fan would be an understatement and when writing about famous orators how could I forget the man, “Yogi Berra”. For me, he’s the perfect example of what old time baseball was all about. He was a great player and manager and always made the Yankees fans proud. Weirdly enough he has since become almost as famous for his stream of hilarious quotations. Here are a few for your entertainment.
- “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.”
- “Baseball is 90% mental- the other half is physical.”
- “Nobody goes there anymore – it’s too crowded.”
- “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
- “This is like déjà vu all over again.”
- “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
- “It gets late early out there.”
- “Think! How the hell are you going to think and hit at the same time?”
- “Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”
- When his wife asked, “Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?” His response was, “Surprise me.”
THE AMBASSADOR OF BASEBALL
I’m not a lover of celebrities because in all cases they are as flawed and screwed up as the rest of us. Being famous just makes their activities even worse than what they actually are because the media just won’t let go of things. Here are a few celebrity facts that most of you should find interesting. As I’m told so often, “everyone loves celebrities”. Well almost everyone.
- In 2006, William Shatner was paid $25,000.00 by an online casino for a kidney stone he had recently passed.
- Charlie Chapin once placed third in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
- Martha Stewart once dated actor Anthony Hopkins but dumped him because she couldn’t separate him from Hannible Lecter, his character in Silence of the Lambs.
- Elvis Presley got a “C” in music in eight grade and was told by the teacher that he had no singing talent.
- Actress Cybil Shepherd dated Elvis in the 70’s and hinted on the Oprah Winfrey Show that she had to teach him how to perform cunninlinqus.
- Mickey Mouse creator Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
- Actress Drew Barrymore began drinking at age nine, smoking weed at ten and snorting cocaine at twelve. She then entered rehab at age thirteen, the youngest star ever to do so.
- False web rumors began to circulate in 2005 that TV star Jaleel White (Urkel on Family Matters) had committed suicide and left a note that read “Did I do that?”, Urkel’s catchphrase.
- Nobel Prize winning biologist Francis Crick was high on LSD when he discovered the double helix structure of DNA.
- Actress Rebecca Gayheart while on her cell phone stuck and killed a nine-year old girl in LA in 2001. She pled guilty to manslaughter and was sentenced to three years’ probation and a fine.
WE’RE LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS WHO WANT TO BE FAMOUS
I feel the need to distribute a little more useless information today. There seems to a never-ending supply which I will happily make available to as many people as possible. Some of this information was also supplied by my all-time favorite writer, Isaac Azimov.
- The foundations of the great European cathedrals go down as far as 40 or 50 feet. In some instances, they form a mass of stone as great as that of the visible building above the ground.
- While Columbus was seeking new worlds to the West, Italian engineers were rebuilding the Kremlin in Moscow.
- The number of possible ways of playing just the first four movies on each side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
- There were more than 100 distinct ethnic groups in the old Soviet Union.
- The Pacific Ocean fills nearly a complete hemisphere of the Earth’s surface.
- Because of the story in Genesis that Eve had been created out of Adam’s rib, it was widely believed during the Middle Ages that men had one fewer rib than women.
- Immediately after the end of the American Revolution, Congress abolished the United States Army, the Navy, and the Marine Corps, leaving the Congress itself as the only national government organization. They feared a standing army.
- When Thomas Jefferson became president, in 1801, 20% of the people in the United States were slaves. There were 5 million people in all.
- It was only in 1968 – 43 years after the Scopes “monkey trial” – that the state of Tennessee abolished its anti-evolution law and accepted the doctrine of evolution.
- “Red Tape” the rigid application of regulations and routine, resulting in the delay in getting business done, got its name from the color of the tape that was commonly used to tie official papers. The term was in use as early as 1658.
Well, for all of you trivia lovers out there you’ve just received your daily fix of totally useless information. My supply never seems to run low and more will definitely follow.
ENJOY YOUR WEEK
I decided that it was time to post a few limericks collected from a small and damaged book I discovered some months ago. It was published in 1980 and contains over 150 of the lewdest limericks I’ve ever seen. The great majority are so nasty I wouldn’t dare post them here, but I’ve found four of the more acceptable ones to give you an idea what I’m dealing with. Tell the kids to leave the room. Rated at least an “R”.
A worried young man from Stamboul
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool.
🍆🍩🍆
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam,
And so loud was his mirth
For on all of the earth
There were only two balls – and he had’em.
🍩🍆🍩
There was a young girl in Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.
Though he diddled his best,
And fucked her with zest,
She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?”
🍆🍩🍆
There was a young man from Purdue
Who was only just learning to screw,
But he hadn’t the knack,
And he got too far back
In the right church, but the wrong pew.
🍩🍆🍩
AND THESE WERE THE TAME ONES
As I was looking through some old boxes and albums recently, I time traveled back to the days of my youth. Trust me it was a long, long, long time ago – circa 1946. So, in celebration of my recent birthday I put together this quick summary of the year I was born.
- It was peace time in American after World War II but that didn’t slow the politicians down too much. President Truman seized the mines after employees rejected government-negotiated contracts and costly strikes hit General Motors, Ford, General Electric, along with meatpackers, musicians, longshoremen, railroad workers, coffin makers, and in Washington, DC, taxi drivers.
- The Army and Navy were granted permission to manufacture atomic weapons.
- On May 2, in San Francisco, Marines landed on Alcatraz to battle armed convicts in an attempted jailbreak.
- Pacific tidal wave kills 205 in Hawaii.
- On July 1 the United States detonated a bomb, the Bikini Helena, beneath the Pacific at the bikini atoll.
- In France, the Cannes Film Festival was held for the first time, after its debut was rudely delayed by Hitler’s invasion of Poland.
- Admiral Byrd led an expedition to the south pole.
- Penicillin was synthesized for the first time by a United States chemist Vincent Du Vignea.
- The three top billboard stars were Perry Como, Dinah Shore, and Frankie Carle.
- In baseball, it was the American League over the National League, 12 to 0, in the annual All-Star game.
- In pro football, the Chicago Bears bagged the National Football League title for a record sixth time.
- The movie It’s a Wonderful Life debuted.
- The top box office celebrity was Bing Crosby.
- Consumers in New York reported eating horse meat as America’s meat and poultry supplies hit an all-time low. While poultry prices reached a dollar a pound, ceiling prices on choice cuts of horse were $.17-$.21 per pound.
- On a shopping spree Cashmere and wool mufflers cost $6.50. 16mm movie projectors were $56.75. A party dress cost $14.95. A set of hickory skis came in at $9.95. A fancy Stetson felt hat could set you back a whopping $6.00.
And last and most importantly: I was born on August 8 (Baby Boomers Rule!).
IT’S FUN TO LOOK BACK, BUT NEVER TO GO BACK
I’m a huge collector of useless information and have been for many years. The more obscure the information the better I like it. These following tidbits contain true information that is not well known but still very interesting. I could write a paragraph on each item to explain the sources but it’s entirely too much work for me. Any blog that writes long and involved articles has a problem. The longer it takes to read my entry the less people will read it. It’s just a fact of life for any blogger.
- The United States imprisons more of its population than any other country.
- Barbie is based on a German sex doll.
- One in three American homeless men is a military veteran.
- The government can take your property without even charging you with a crime.
- Cigarette butts are the most common type of litter.
- The Patriot Act is used in cases that have nothing to do with terrorism.
- Well over 300,000 tons of chemical weapons have been dumped in the sea.
- Out of every 100 people, ten weren’t fathered by the man they believed is dad.
- Head transplants on monkeys have already been performed.
- For over 100 years, almost every discharge of waste into US waters has been illegal.
The book is 50 Things You’re Not Supposed to Know authored by Russ Kick. It makes for an interesting read.
I HOPE YOU’RE ALL SURVIVING THIS DAMN HEATWAVE
I am a longtime lover of feet. When most guys were scoping out boobs and butts, I was looking for women wearing sandles. I’m not sure why or when I developed this love of feet, but it started at a very young age. Over the years it has been a wonderful addition to my dating repertoire. With that in mind here are some odd facts about feet you may not have been aware of. Read on and be converted you butt loving and boob loving men (or women). It’s all good.
- The world’s tallest man, Robert Pershing Wadlow (8’11”) wore size 37 shoes.
- In many Asian countries is considered the height of rudeness to let the soles of your feet face another person.
- Your foot and ankle together contain 26 bones.
- The Achilles tendon is the longest and strongest tendon in your foot. The tendon is named after the Greek warrior who was killed when he was hit there with an arrow.
- The skin on the soles of your feet is .2 inches (5 mm) thick.
- Athletes foot can cause intense itching and pain. It is a fungus that grows between your toes because it likes the dark, moist conditions found there.
- It takes 20 muscles to hold each of your feet together and allow them to move as in dancing, running, and skipping.
- Getting “cold feet” means you want to back down or walk away from something you had planned to do.
- Your toes can get into lots of trouble. You could have hammer toes, claw toes, and overlapping toes, not to mention ingrown toenails. In some cases, people have been known to have their second toe a half inch or longer than the big toe (you know who you are).
- If you have fallen arches, the arch of your foot has flattened. The entire sole of your foot is on the ground, so you don’t have a natural shock absorber system as you walk.
There you have a few oddities about feet. Most of the things I mentioned are a rarity and doesn’t do anything to disturb my foot fetish. I remain as always, a dedicated (disturbingly so) lover of women’s feet. Add to that bright red, blood red nail polish and I’m yours for the taking. LOL
EVERYONE NEEDS AT LEAST ONE INTERESTING FETISH
I’ll be the history fanatic today offering you a few facts that most people haven’t heard or read about. So, no run-of-the-mill stuff today. I hope you enjoy them.
1900
In Brussels, a young anarchist made an assassination attempt on the Prince of Wales. (Future King Edward VII). His Royal Highness reputedly explained, “Fuck it, I’ve taken a bullet.”, although he was in fact untouched.
1902
So numerous were the mistresses of Edward VII that at his coronation a special pew, known as the “loose box” was reserved for them.
1904
The French physician and psychiatrist, Madeleine Pelletier, A cross-dressing celibate feminist, became a Freemason, joining the Novell Jerusalem lodge.
1905
The 25-stone Chelsea goalkeeper, William “Fatty” Folkes, lifted a Port Vale forward off the ground and hurled him into his own goal. The penalty was awarded against Chelsea.
1905
Maurice Garin won the Tour de France, but four months later it was shown that he had traveled some of the route by train rather than by bicycle.
1909
On 12 December, King Leopold II of the Belgians married Caroline Lacroix, a prostitute who had borne him two sons. He died five days later.
1912
As soon as the Titanic went down, the White Star Line, the ship’s owners, stopped the wages of the crew.
1914
On November 4, a British attempt to capture the port of Tanga in German East Africa was repelled when the invaders were attacked by swarms of bees and were obliged to retreat into the sea.
1915
In New York, the French artist Marcel Duchamp submitted a work entitled Fountain to the Salon des Independents, which rejected it. The work comprised a porcelain urinal, signed by “R. Mutt”
