It’s Tuesday but unfortunately it feels a lot like Monday. I have about two hours to kill before a doctor’s appointment and I need to get this posting finished before I go. I thought I’d share with you some truths about people that are a little odd and interesting.
Tattoos have apparently been around for a very long time. In 1990, the frozen and well-preserved remains of a Bronze Age man was found between Austria and Italy in the Alps. The so-called “Iceman”, as he was dubbed, is believed to be more than 5000 years old, and he clearly had a series of lines tattooed on his lower back, ankles, knees, and foot. Possibly the very first “tramp stamp”.
The human head is a quarter of our total length at birth but only an eighth of our total length by the time we reach adulthood. It’s too bad this doesn’t apply to other body parts.
Food typically travels from the mouth, through the esophagus, and into the stomach in just 7 seconds. Just so you know, it works for beer as well.
At age 77, New Yorker Clarence Kinder won $50,000 on the state lottery on a Thursday night – and died from a heart attack the following day. A 24-hour success story.
The British royal family changed its name from “Sax-Coburg and Gotha” to “Windsor” in 1917, during World War I, because it sounded too German. My only comment is “Who cares?”.
The brain requires more than 25% of the oxygen used by the human body. That certainly explains a lot about a few of my friends who I’m sure use a lot less tan 25%.
On September 13, 1859, California Senator David Broderick established a record that is unlikely to ever be broken or repeated, for that matter. He became the only sitting US senator to be killed in a duel. That’s what I call “term limits.”
The founder of the Smithsonian Institute, James Smithson, who in 1826 willed $508,318 to the United States to “create an establishment for the increase and diffusion of knowledge’. Strangely enough, he never set foot in the United States. He was apparently smarter than he once looked.
The limericks for today relate to accidents – more or less fatal. They are basically “G” rated but will certainly help you start your day with a smile. Enjoy . . .
💀💀💀
There was a young fellow named Hall,
Who fell in the spring in the Fall.
T’would have been a sad thing
If he died in the spring,
But he didn’t – he died in the fall.
💀💀💀💀
There was a young man of Herne Bay,
Who was making explosives one day.
But he dropped his cigar
In the gun powder jar.
There was a young man of Herne Bay.
💀💀💀💀
There was a wee girl named Estrella
Who owned an enormous umbrella.
Till one day in a gale
With lightning and hail
The umbrella went up with Estrella
💀💀💀💀
When a jolly young fisher named Fisher
Went fishing for fish in a fissure,
A fish, with a grin,
Pulled the fishermen in.
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher.
💀💀💀💀
IT’S MONDAY, START THE WEEK WITH A LAUGH OR A GIGGLE
Have you ever had the pleasure of talking with someone who has mastered the art of speaking in clichés? ? I’ve met one or two over the years and it’s actually pretty funny. We all use clichés everyday but almost no one knows how they originated and what their original meaning was. Here are just a few examples . . .
BAKER’S DOZEN
This phrase dates back to medieval England. Henry III (1216-1272) instituted a law, The Assize of Bread and Ale, that called for severe punishment for any baker caught shortchanging customers. English bakers developed the habit of including an extra loaf of bread when asked for a dozen to ensure that if one were stolen, dropped, or lost, they wouldn’t be accused of shortchanging their customers.
BY THE SKIN OF ONE’AS TEETH
By the narrowest of margins. By a hairs breath. There are several metaphors emphasizing the physical danger of a given situation from which one might just have escaped. “By the skin of one’s teeth” specifically is a slightly misquoted biblical phrase that means to have suffered a “close shave”.
“My bone cleaveth to my skin, and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth.” Job 19:20
COLD ENOUGH TO FREEZE THE BALLS OFF A BRASS MONKEY
This means that the weather is extremely cold, and although the expression sounds delightfully vulgar, it was not originally a reference to a monkey’s testicles. A brass monkey is a type of rack in which cannonballs were stored. Being brass, the “monkey” contracted in cold weather, resulting in the cannonballs being ejected. The expression has also mutated into a shortened form, again commenting on the temperature, as “brass monkey weather”.
EVERY DOG HAS IT’S DAY
This is a commonly used phrase that seems to have appeared in an English writing of R. Tavener in 1539 and subsequently by Shakespeare:
“Let Hercules himself do what he may, the cat will mew, and the dog will have his day.” Hamlet (1600;5:1)
Well, there you have it. These three clichés have been used by millions of people and now you’re one of the few that knows the actual story behind them.
As I’ve stated on many occasions, I am not a religious person. But as I do my homework for this blog, I discover many things that I didn’t know before about religion. While I disagree with most organized religions that currently exist, I found that there are a few that I had no knowledge of at all and that being said, I thought I’d pass along their information to all of you.
The first group is the Universe People. They live in and around the Czech Republic and believe that ancient non-earthly beings operate a fleet of spaceships orbiting the earth. The Universe People followers are waiting to be transported into another dimension. I hope they have a really nice trip!
The second group is named after Bhagwan Shee Rajneesh. This gentleman was an India-born mystic who settled in Oregon in the 1980s. The group’s claim to religious fame is that Rolls-Royce’s are a sign of holiness. He owned dozens of them. He also tried to poison nonbelievers by introducing salmonella into the salad bars of several Oregon fast-food restaurants. Take no communion wafers from these folks.
The third group is called the World Church of the Creator. It’s a white separatist movement advocating a white-only religion called Creativity. Ironically, despite their name, group members do not believe in God. They are atheists! They are also idiots, pure and simple.
Number four is called Nuwaubianism. It’s a loose term referring to the religion founded by Dwight York, a black supremacist leader and convicted child molester (currently serving a 135-year prison sentence). These people believe all humans have seven clones living on different parts of the planet. Humans were bred on Mars as part of a Homo erectus breeding program gone awry, and famed scientist, Nikola Tesla, was born on the planet Venus. Let’s have a big AMEN here!
Number five is one I’ll only mention briefly because they’re all dead. And that was Heaven’s Gate. A cult founded by Marshall Applewhite, whose followers believed that once they were free of their earthly bodies, a spaceship would take them away to a celestial paradise. In 1997 with the appearance of the Hale-Bopp comet they were assured their spaceship had arrived. In March of that year all 36 members of the cult were found dead in a mass suicide. Problem solved!
What more can I say about organized religions. My only
comment is that “You just can’t make this shit up.”
This day requires only a short posting since I too am independent. I plan on enjoying this day of celebration by drinking more than I should and misbehaving when I can. With that thought in mind, enjoy these tidbits of independent American thought.
“So, lead your life that you can look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell.”
An anonymous quote repeated by John D Rockerfeller Jr. at Dartmouth College
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“I don’t give a damn for any damned man that don’t give a damn for me.”
Anonymous American Saying
🎆🎆🎆
AND FINALLY
DANIEL WEBSTER
“It is my living sentiment, and by the blessing of God it shall be my dying sentiment – independence nowand independence forever.”
Daniel Webster’s eulogy for John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, 08/02/1826
I’m normally not one to celebrate holidays on this blog but I think celebrating the 4th of July is important. So let me climb up on my “soap box” for a few minutes. I’m a former vet who enlisted in the army in the 60’s and served two and a half years overseas. It changed my life forever, for the better I might add. Independence Day is celebrated as the day we forced our independence on the Brits. Without servicemen that would never would have happened. I celebrate this day by honoring the men and women who served this country in the past and the men and women of the future.
For the last 4 days I’ve been watching a Netflix special called Dateline World War II. The program is 80 short episodes chronicling the war from the 1930’s to the final day with the surrender of Japan. This documentary is a collection of films taken by photographers from both the Allies and the Axis countries. It’s impossible to spend this many hours and see the murderous, hateful, destruction and loss of life without being affected. Numerous times while I was bingeing the series I had to stop and to take a time out. I made it through the 80 episodes in 5 days and have an even greater appreciation of this country than before.
For those generations like mine that came into existence because of World War II (the baby boomers), it’s a reminder of what our parents and their generation went through to ensure our independence. I come from a proud family that had a grandfather seriously injured in France during WW I, my father and uncle serving on destroyer escorts fighting U-Boats to get supplies to England in WW II, and I’m the third generation.
I would hope some of our generation and members of the generations that followed would take the time to watch this documentary. It’s hard to know where your country’s headed unless you have some idea of where it’s been.
ENJOY YOUR INDEPENDENCE – WE’VE PAID A HEAVY PRICE TO KEEP IT
I just found out that the White House appears to be haunted and has been for some years. I love thinking about the Carters, Clintons, and Bushes being visited in the wee hours. Oh, if it were only true. Here are a few reported incidents that truly tickle my funny bone.
You as we’ve learned in our history lessons in school, Pres. William Henry Harrison became ill at his inauguration and died from pneumonia on April 4, 1841, just one month after taking office. Harrison’s translucent ghost has been seen throughout the White House but primarily in the residential areas. It appears to be looking for something and walks through closed doors.
If you like to hear about a happier ghost, go to the Queen’s bedroom the White House where President Andrew Jackson’s ghost can occasionally be seen. Since in life he was known as quite the ladies’ man, the Queen’s bedroom at that time was reserved for female guests of honor.
During World War II that same Queens bedroom was called the Rose room and was where Winston Churchill once stayed. He encountered the ghost of Abraham Lincoln standing in front of the fireplace with one hand on the mantle, staring down at the hearth. Always a quick wit, Churchill said, “Good evening Mr. President, you seem to have me at a disadvantage”. According to Churchill, Lincoln smiled at him and disappeared.
When Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands stayed in the Queen’s bedroom in 1945, she was awakened by noisy footsteps in the corridor outside her room. When the Queen finally opened her door, she was face-to-face with the specter of Abraham Lincoln. She said he looked very much alive and was dressed in travel clothes including top hat and coat. The queen gasped, and Lincoln vanished.
It appears that Abraham Lincoln refuses to leave the White House. His apparition has been seen clearly by hundreds, including Eleanor Roosevelt’s maid, sitting on a bed, removing his boots. Calvin Coolidge’s wife saw Lincoln’s face reflected in the window in the Yellow Oval Room. I thought it was tough to get rid of the Clintons but Lincoln’s just being ridiculous.
Abigail Adams did her laundry and hung it out to dry in the White House’s East Room. Her ghost appears regularly and is wrapped in a shawl.
Dolly Madison was the designer of the Rose Garden. When Woodrow Wilson’s second wife Edith, ordered gardeners to dig up the garden for new plants, Dolly’s apparition appeared and allegedly insisted that no one was going to touch her garden. You should know that to this day those roses remain exactly as they were when the Madisons lived in the White House in the early 1800s.
Well, all of these entries should tell you something but I’m not quite sure what. The White House is either filled with dozens of ghosts that refuse to leave or everybody that hangs out in the White House is delusional. I’m not a big believer in ghosts but to hear all these stories makes me wonder more than I usually do about politicians and their vivid imaginations.
HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR HILARY TO RETURN? . . . OOOOOOH, SCARY!
I’m still contemplating whether to post those extremely lewd limericks I’ve been talking about for weeks. At some point I’ll be forced into a decision but not just yet. How about a few that aren’t quite as disturbing. Here are a few prizewinners about virgins.
There was a young virgin named Alice
Who thought of her puss as a chalice.
One night, sleeping nude,
She awoke feeling lewd,
And found in her chalice a phallus.
😏😏😏
A lisping young lady named Beth
Was saved from a fate worse than death.
Seven times in a row,
Which unsettled her so
That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth”.
😜😜😜
There was a young fellow named Biddle
Whose girl had to teach him to fiddle.
She grabbed hold of his bow
And said, “If you want to know,
You can try parting my hair in the middle.”
🤣🤣🤣
A girl named Alice, in Dallas,
Had never felt of the phallus.
She remained virgo intacto,
Because, ipso facto,
No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.
😘😘😘
That should keep you limerick lovers calm for a while until I make my final decision. I’ll probably have to come up with some kind of a warning paragraph with flashing lights to ensure no children read the wrong limericks. I’m still working on that and trying to keep my better-half from kicking my ass. She’s a bit of a prude.
A few weeks ago, I posted about some language oddities called malaprops. To quote a reader who responded to that post, “Those things are like fingernails on a blackboard to me.” So, I thought today would be a good day to run some fingernails over that same blackboard, just for the fun of it. This time I’ll give you a list of malaprops written by grade schoolers, high schoolers, and a few college geniuses. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
The walls of Notre Dame Cathedral are supported by flying buttocks.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
People have sex, while nouns have genders.
Christmas is a time for happiness for every child, adult, and adulteress.
Most words are easy to spell once you get the letters write.
The bowels are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y.
The climate of the Sahara Desert is so hot that certain areas are cultivated by irritation.
The United States Constitution was adopted to secure domestic hostility.
I always enjoy looking back at my life and learning things I either never knew or have forgotten. Recently I obtained some literature from the year 1940. That’s a long time ago and I can appreciate that since I was born only six years later. Let’s see what 1940 had to offer its citizens.
Local dime stores were the place to be as a child. Candy and soda pop were the favorites.
Newspaper headline from January: OSKAR SHINDLER BEGINS PROVIDING REFUGE FOR KRAKOW JEWS
Jack Nicklaus was born on January 21st.
Formal dancing, accompanied by the sounds of the big bands of the day, was a great way to conclude a celebrative event.
The Philadelphia Story and Fantasia were the top box office hits. One of Disney’s first animated hits, Pinocchio, was released as a feature-length film.
Tom Brokaw, Ted Koppel, and Fran Tarkington were all born in February.
The use of telephones was in its infancy. Party lines were shared lines and kept everyone in the loop, as those online could quietly listen to any conversations at hand.
Winston Churchill became the Prime Minister of Great Britain.
On May 15, 1940, the first nylon stockings went on sale.
The state of New York hosted the World’s Fair at Flushing Meadows.
On November 7, 1940, the Tacoma Narrows bridge collapsed into the water. The only casualty was a dog sadly left in the car as its owner fled.
FDR was president, the population of the United States was at 132 million, and the average salary for a full-time employee was $1200 a year. The minimum wage was $.30 an hour.
The first McDonald’s restaurant opened on May 15, 1940, in San Bernardino California.
On January 31, 1940, Ida M. Fuller became the first American citizen to receive a Social Security check.
Bread was $.08 a loaf, bacon $.27 a pound, eggs $.33 a dozen, milk $.26 a gallon, coffee $.21 a pound, gasoline $.11 a gallon, a movie ticket was $.24, postage stamps were $ $.03’s, average cars costs $990, and the cost for a single-family home on average was $2938.
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