Archive for the ‘Trivia’ Category

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

With the holidays on the horizon,

I placed 20 calls to Verizon.

They stuck me on hold

Til my dinner got cold.

And I still absolutely despise them.

12/08/2021 Letters to Santa   Leave a comment

One of my favorite things to do during the holidays is surfing the web and reading letters to Santa from the younger children. Most of these letters are from kids in the second and third grade from cities across the country. Enjoy them, they’ll bring a smile to your face like they did to mine.

  • I hope I am on the good list. I hope the reindeer get enough food. Please thank the elves because they have been working hard. I hope you like my cookies. For Christmas I would like an iPad. I would like an iPhone too. Have a safe trip. From, Allison
  • I want surprise presents. I want my cousin Barchetta to have a puppy and my dog to have a squeeze toy and a coat to keep my dog warm. I really want my little cousin Natalia to be nice and happy and it presents. I want a PSP game and the game for the PSP. I also would like this Christmas to be awesome for the whole town. Sincerely, Danna
  • I take great care of the toys you got me. All I would like for Christmas is for it to snow and forth to be a happy Christmas. It’s okay if I get toys. I do want them, but I want a happy Christmas more. I saw a route off last year. What is your favorite kind of cookies? We’ll make sure you bring a happy Christmas. Sincerely, Camrynn
  • I hope you like the cookies I made. I have been good this year. I hope the reindeer get enough food. I hope you have a safe trip. I wish you a Merry Christmas. Love, Elizabeth
  • Can you make it snow at night? How are the reindeer? Hmmm . . . I would like a remote-control airplane. I would like an iPhone maybe. I would like to make people happy at Christmas. Could I have surprise gifts? Merry Christmas Santa. Sincerely Katarina
  • I think I’ve been really good this year. I hope you like our chimney. It is very wide. I hope you have a Merry Christmas! I hope you like the cookies. I hope you like my letter. I love you Santa. From, Natalie
  • I want you to surprise me. My mom said when she was little she got surprised by you. So I am trying it this year. I can’t wait till you come. How hard you work in your workshop? I hope you have a great Christmas. I am going to have a great Christmas. Sincerely, Abigail

In my humble opinion Christmas, the gift giving holiday, is mainly for the young children. Christmas, the birth of Christ holiday, is for everyone. I hope you and yours enjoy both sides of the holiday and prosper in the new year.

DEAR SANTA, I WANT A RED CORVETTE – LOVE, JOHN

There’s a bottle of Tequila under the tree.

16 Shopping Days

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

When Rudolph got hurt in a fight
He couldn’t lead Santa that night
Too much Christmas cheer
And eggnog, and beer,
His red nose was shiny, all right!

12/06/2021 🌲X-mas Trivia🌲   Leave a comment

I’ve never been one to have an overabundance of Christmas spirit. I lost most of it back in 1963 when, while in college, I worked part time on a Christmas tree farm in Edinboro, Pennsylvania. After cutting, trimming, bundling, and loading close to 5000 trees onto trucks, I’d had enough. Took me three weeks to get all of the sap and pine smell off my body and out of my clothing. Every time I smell pine scent, it gives me flashbacks to that tree farm. But never let it be said that my issues with Christmas would keep me from supplying you with some holiday spirit in the form of Christmas trivia. Enjoy. . .

  • Bing Crosby’s” White Christmas” was released in 1942 and is considered to be the best-selling Christmas song of all time.
  • In Greek, X means Christ; that is where the word “Xmas” originated.
  • Christmas Clubs, savings accounts in which a person deposits a fixed amount of money regularly to be used at Christmas for shopping, came about in 1905.
  • America’s official national Christmas tree is located in Kings Canyon National Park in California. The tree, a giant sequoia is called the “General Grant Tree”, and is over 300 feet high. It was made the official Christmas tree by Congress in 1925.
  • An average household in America will mail out 28 Christmas cards each year.
  • California, Oregon, Michigan, Washington, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina are the top Christmas tree producing states. Oregon is the leading producer of Christmas trees harvesting approximately 8.6 million a year.
  • Christmas caroling began as an old English custom cold “Wassailing” – toasting neighbors to a long and healthy life.
  • In an effort to solicit cash to pay for a charity Christmas dinner in 1891, a large “crab pot” was set down on a San Francisco street corner, becoming the first Salvation Army collection kettle.
  • During the Christmas/Hanukkah season, more than 1.7 6 billion candy canes will be made.
  • Hallmark introduced its first Christmas cards in 1915, five years after the founding of the company.
  • In Syria, Christmas gifts are distributed by one of the wise men’s camels. The gift-giving camel is said to have been the smallest one in the Wise Men’s caravan.
  • In 1907, Oklahoma became the last US state to declare Christmas a legal holiday.
  • Mistletoe, a traditional Christmas symbol, was once revered by the early Britons. It was so sacred that it had to be cut with a golden sickle.

18 More Shopping Days

MERRY CHRISTMAS

⚡Stupid Newspaper Headlines⚡   Leave a comment

House Passes Gas Tax on to Senate

12/04/2021 Christmas Party Time   Leave a comment

Here’s a little holiday humor for you:

Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas party. He didn’t even remember how he’d gotten home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he’d done anything wrong.

He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So was the rest of the house.

He took the aspirins, and cringed when he saw a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!” He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating. Jack asked, “Son, what happened last night?” “Well Dad, you came home after 3 A.M from the Christmas party, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.” Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a fresh red rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me. What the hell?”

His son replied, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bathroom to clean you up last night, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone bitch, I’m married!'”

20 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

The Bad Elf

There was an elf too tired to work,

He called Santa a big fat jerk.

He grabbed up some toys,

Making almost no noise

And fled to Club Med with a clerk.

Posted December 3, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm, Trivia

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⚡Stupid Newspaper Headline⚡   Leave a comment

Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing

12/02/2021 Synchronicity ???   Leave a comment

The subject of this posting is synchronicity which is just another fancy word for coincidence. Being a former criminal investigator I was trained to believe there is no such thing as coincidence. For quite a few years I truly believed that there weren’t but one midnight shift in the summer of 1974 change all that. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible but I tend to ramble so bear with me.

It was an extremely hot August night; it was Sunday which was one of the slowest days of the week for police business. My partner and I were bored out of our minds because due to the heat there was very little activity. Around 2:30 in the morning we drove back to the state police barracks to check on the desk man who was working alone in the building. We brought him some soft drinks and lunch and we settled down to kill a few minutes.

We walked into the desk area, and it was like a bomb went off in there. He had been given an assignment on a slow night to start purging old reports from the files. We’re talking reports going back for years or more and he had three large trash barrels completely filled with pink slips. The pink slips were slips where each call was recorded and then forwarded to the appropriate officers for follow-up and reports. While both of us felt really sorry for the desk man, we didn’t feel sorry enough to jump into that nightmare. After 20 minutes of whining, we were guilted into helping the poor guy.

I was standing over one of the trash barrels that must’ve contained at least 400 old pink slips. While I was talking to the desk man I randomly picked one up and quickly read the title. Now you got to go back with me a few minutes because an hour or so prior to our visit to the barracks we’d been on a call for a suspicious vehicle at a specific residence at a specific time in the northern part of our county. I looked down at the pink slip I’d picked out of the barrel, and it was dated exactly one year ago and concerned a suspicious vehicle at a specific residence at a specific time in the northern part of the county. It was identical to the call we just completed. Exactly the same residence at exactly the same time and for the same reason. Then it got really weird because the officers assigned to the original complaint were my partner and me. To say we were stunned is an understatement.

To this day I can hardly believe the whole thing happened but it did. I have absolutely no explanation as to how that could have come about which I suppose is what keeps it interesting to this day. It’s made me wonder upon occasion if some of the weird coincidences we hear about are absolutely true.

I just finished reading a book titled Incredible Coincidences, written by Alan Vaughan. He documents dozens and dozens of cases similar to this and of course can offer no explanation for his either. It seems to me that it happens way more than we think if his book is any indicator. I’m still not a big believer in all the weirdness that people alleged is out there, but this incident gave me pause.

WEIRD!

12/01/2021 🌲Christmas Humor🌲   Leave a comment

I found this joke on line and couldn’t resist sharing it with you:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he said. “Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “You may also pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “These are Carol’s.”

23 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

Posted December 1, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Sarcasm, Sex, Trivia

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