Archive for the ‘unrated’ Tag
It’s 5:30 am and everyone is sleeping in (I hope). It’s only fair that I start this weekend with some looney limericks to help me stay awake. Not bawdy rhymes but good clean fun for all. Then it’s back to bed for another hour of sleep for me. Enjoy!
By Frank Jacobs
There once was a skunk in the dell
Who hated all people , they tell;
“Human beings,” he said,
Always fill me with dread,
Plus they give off that terrible smell!”
*****
By Mary Mapes Dodge
There once was a knowing raccoon
Who didn’t believe in the moon;
“Every month – don’t you see?
There’s a new one,” said he;
No real moon could wear out so soon.!”
*****
By Frank Jacobs
A very large woman name Kate
Is six hundred pounds overweight;
On an overseas trip
She transported by ship
In a wooden container marked “Freight.”
*****
By Gelett Burgess
I’d rather have fingers than toes;
I’d rather have ears than a nose;
And as for my hair,
I’m glad it’s still there;
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND
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As much as I love bawdy limericks, I also love those written by the kids for other kids. And it’s also nice to know that another generation of limerick lovers and writers are waiting in the wings.
Amanda Chew – Age 13
There is a math teacher called Rundle
Who ties up his books in a bundle.
It’s too heavy he feels,
So, he puts it on wheels.
Now Rundle can trundle his bundle!
😊😊😊
Raymond Coleman – Age 11
There was a young lad called Davy
Who hated the food in the Navy.
He couldn’t have beef
In case his false teeth
Would drop out and fall in the gravy.
😜😜😜
Mark Rothery – Age 8
A certain young goalie named Finn
Lost count of the goals he let in.
When his coach bawled “Eight!”
He replied, quite sedate:
“Then we only need nine goals to win!”
😄😄😄
Rebecca Telford – Age 7
There was a brown dog named Spot
Who tied up his tail with a knot,
To remember his bone
Which he left back at home
When he sometimes went out for a trot.
😏😏😏
GIVE A HAND TO THESE FUTURE POETS
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It’s time for a few limericks written primarily for kids and young adults. It’s nice for a change to post limericks that aren’t totally crude and for adults only. I like to offer an interesting selection and here we go . . .
😗😗😗
There was a young farmer of Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
It soon came to pass
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn’t sit down for the weeds.
😜😜😜
There was a young fellow of Perth,
Who was born on the day of his birth.
He was married, they say,
On his wife’s wedding day,
And he died when he quitted the earth.
😁😁😁
A certain young man of great gumption,
‘Mongst cannibals had the presumption
To go – but alack!
He never came back.
They say ’twas a case of consumption.
😊😊😊
There was a young lady named Perkins,
Who had a great fondness for gherkins.
She went to a tea
And ate twenty-three,
Which pickled her internal workin’s.
HAPPY HUMP DAY
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A few months ago, while I was surfing on eBay, I purchased a number of books on a whim. In one of those books, I discovered it was a library book from the North Side School Library in Rogers, Arkansas dated 1965. The book contains limericks written by quite a variety of people, some well-known some not so much. They’re funny and cute and dated. I hope they bring a smile to your face as you read them. Here we go . . .
Edward Lear
There was an old man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a bee.
When they said, “Does it buzz?”
He replied, “Yes, it does!
It’s a regular brute of a bee.”
😁😁😁
Ogden Nash
There was an old man of Calcutta,
Who coated his tonsils with butta,
Thus, converting his snore
From a thunderous roar
To a soft, only oleaginous mutta.
😛😛😛
Lewis Carroll
His sister named Lucy O’Finner,
Grew constantly thinner and thinner,
The reason was plain,
She slept out in the rain,
And was never allowed any dinner.
😉😉😉
Rudyard Kipling
There once was a small boy in Québec
Stood buried in snow to his neck.
When asked: “Are you friz?”
He said: “Yes I is,
But we don’t call this cold in Québec.”
😋😋😋
Carolyn Wells
A canner, exceedingly canny,
One morning he remarked to his granny,
“A canner can can
Anything that he can,
But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”
As you can see, some of these people were famous but that was 57 years ago. The limericks were mostly written in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s.
HAVE A GREAT DAY
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I’ve rounded up a few more limericks written exclusively by the youngest generation. I’m constantly amazed just how well they construct their limericks. When I was their age, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to match their skills. Enjoy . . .
Belinda Kellett – Age 8
There was a young lad he named Tony
Who ate plates of fried macaroni.
He got very fat,
But he didn’t mind that,
‘Cos, he bounced when he sat on his pony.
☘☘☘
Audrey Freeland – Age 12
There was a young fellow called Fred
Had an elephant sit on his head.
Where the elephant sat,
Fred’s head grew quite flat,
But Fred didn’t care, he was dead!
☘☘☘
Christine Tailby – Age 7
There was a young lady of Leeds
Who was constantly doing good deeds.
As she bit her young brother,
She said to her mother
“I’ll bind up the wound if it bleeds!”
☘☘☘
Ron Rubin (Unk Age)
As he shrugged and made room on her tuffet,
He whooped: “You’re my lunch, dear Ms. Muffet!”.
Then the monstrous tarantula
Began to dismantle her,
And that’s how Ms. M came to snuff it.
😃😂😁😀😉🙂😛
If any of you happen to have a favorite limerick, email it to me at (everyuselessthing2@yahoo.com) and I’ll post it. Better yet, if you write your own just sent it along and get credit for your work. Don’t be shy, everything here is done just for the fun of it.
MORE TO COME
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Today’s been a slow day here in Maine and after two days of sunshine we’re back to our normal gray, cold, and miserable days. When trying to decide what to post today, I went back into my e-mails and discovered quite a few requests for more children’s limericks. I enjoy them myself but in truth, I love the bawdy ones just as much. Here are a few from the kids. I hope you enjoy them.
And undisciplined child named McLundy
Always got to school late, until one day
He was early for once,
But the ignorant dunce
Had forgotten that it was a Sunday!
😃😃😃
A greedy young schoolboy called Mark
Stuffed bananas all week, for a lark.
And when he was done,
Gobbled nuts by the ton,
Now he swings through the trees in the park.
😄😄😄
A robber named Brian McGrew
Decided to burgle a zoo.
But he foolishly stole a
Huge boa constrictor
Which ate him without more ado!
😁😁😁
A naughty young schoolboy from Datchet
Sneak off with his grandfather’s hatchet.
Then was heard to cry: “Oh!
I’ve chopped off my toe!
Won’t somebody please re-attach it?”
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A few days ago, I posted a mish-mosh of items which included two limericks from young children. I love the fact that there are kids growing up into a new generation of limerick writers. I would hate to think limericks would fall by the wayside here in the 21st century when they’ve added so much amusement and laughter for hundreds of years. I have a collection of children’s limericks that I’ll share with you periodically because they are cute, adorable and much less bawdy than their adult counterparts. These are for those of you who are too delicate to read the real deal. I hope you enjoy them.
👩🏻👳🏻♂️👲🏻
Consider the poor hippopotamus
His life is unduly monotonous.
He lives half sleep
At the edge of the deep,
And his face is as big as his bottom is.
👩🏻👩🏻🦰👩🏻🦳
A sea serpent saw a big tanker,
Bit hole in its side and then sank her.
He swallowed the crew
In a minute or two,
And then picked his teeth with the anchor.
👱🏻♂️👲🏻👨🏻🦳
There was a young bather from Bewes,
Who reclined on the bank of the Ouse,
His radio blared,
And passers-by stared,
For all he had on was the news!
👼🏻👱🏻♂️👳🏻♂️
“What,” said our teacher, Ms. Pink,
“Is this moth doing here in my ink?”
Said a cheeky young lass,
At the front of the class,
“The Butterfly Stroke, I should think!”
NOT TOO BAD FOR YOUNGSTERS
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The Bad Elf
There was an elf too tired to work,
He called Santa a big fat jerk.
He grabbed up some toys,
Making almost no noise
And fled to Club Med with a clerk.
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