Archive for the ‘unrated’ Tag

06/20/2022 “Retro Limericks”   Leave a comment

A few months ago, while I was surfing on eBay, I purchased a number of books on a whim. In one of those books, I discovered it was a library book from the North Side School Library in Rogers, Arkansas dated 1965. The book contains limericks written by quite a variety of people, some well-known some not so much. They’re funny and cute and dated. I hope they bring a smile to your face as you read them. Here we go . . .

Edward Lear

There was an old man in a tree,

Who was horribly bored by a bee.

When they said, “Does it buzz?”

He replied, “Yes, it does!

It’s a regular brute of a bee.”

😁😁😁

Ogden Nash

There was an old man of Calcutta,

Who coated his tonsils with butta,

Thus, converting his snore

From a thunderous roar

To a soft, only oleaginous mutta.

πŸ˜›πŸ˜›πŸ˜›

Lewis Carroll

His sister named Lucy O’Finner,

Grew constantly thinner and thinner,

The reason was plain,

She slept out in the rain,

And was never allowed any dinner.

πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

Rudyard Kipling

There once was a small boy in QuΓ©bec

Stood buried in snow to his neck.

When asked: “Are you friz?”

He said: “Yes I is,

But we don’t call this cold in QuΓ©bec.”

πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹

Carolyn Wells

A canner, exceedingly canny,

One morning he remarked to his granny,

“A canner can can

Anything that he can,

But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”

As you can see, some of these people were famous but that was 57 years ago. The limericks were mostly written in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s.

HAVE A GREAT DAY

05/23/2033 More Kid Limericks   1 comment

I’ve rounded up a few more limericks written exclusively by the youngest generation. I’m constantly amazed just how well they construct their limericks. When I was their age, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to match their skills. Enjoy . . .

Belinda Kellett – Age 8

There was a young lad he named Tony

Who ate plates of fried macaroni.

He got very fat,

But he didn’t mind that,

‘Cos, he bounced when he sat on his pony.

☘☘☘

Audrey Freeland – Age 12

There was a young fellow called Fred

Had an elephant sit on his head.

Where the elephant sat,

Fred’s head grew quite flat,

But Fred didn’t care, he was dead!

☘☘☘

Christine Tailby – Age 7

There was a young lady of Leeds

Who was constantly doing good deeds.

As she bit her young brother,

She said to her mother

“I’ll bind up the wound if it bleeds!”

☘☘☘

Ron Rubin (Unk Age)

As he shrugged and made room on her tuffet,

He whooped: “You’re my lunch, dear Ms. Muffet!”.

Then the monstrous tarantula

Began to dismantle her,

And that’s how Ms. M came to snuff it.

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜€πŸ˜‰πŸ™‚πŸ˜›

If any of you happen to have a favorite limerick, email it to me at (everyuselessthing2@yahoo.com) and I’ll post it. Better yet, if you write your own just sent it along and get credit for your work. Don’t be shy, everything here is done just for the fun of it.

MORE TO COME

04/03/2022 More Kids Limericks   Leave a comment

Today’s been a slow day here in Maine and after two days of sunshine we’re back to our normal gray, cold, and miserable days. When trying to decide what to post today, I went back into my e-mails and discovered quite a few requests for more children’s limericks. I enjoy them myself but in truth, I love the bawdy ones just as much. Here are a few from the kids. I hope you enjoy them.

And undisciplined child named McLundy

Always got to school late, until one day

He was early for once,

But the ignorant dunce

Had forgotten that it was a Sunday!

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

A greedy young schoolboy called Mark

Stuffed bananas all week, for a lark.

And when he was done,

Gobbled nuts by the ton,

Now he swings through the trees in the park.

πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

A robber named Brian McGrew

Decided to burgle a zoo.

But he foolishly stole a

Huge boa constrictor

Which ate him without more ado!

😁😁😁

A naughty young schoolboy from Datchet

Sneak off with his grandfather’s hatchet.

Then was heard to cry: “Oh!

I’ve chopped off my toe!

Won’t somebody please re-attach it?”

03/21/2022 Kids & Limericks   Leave a comment

A few days ago, I posted a mish-mosh of items which included two limericks from young children. I love the fact that there are kids growing up into a new generation of limerick writers. I would hate to think limericks would fall by the wayside here in the 21st century when they’ve added so much amusement and laughter for hundreds of years. I have a collection of children’s limericks that I’ll share with you periodically because they are cute, adorable and much less bawdy than their adult counterparts. These are for those of you who are too delicate to read the real deal. I hope you enjoy them.

πŸ‘©πŸ»πŸ‘³πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ‘²πŸ»

Consider the poor hippopotamus

His life is unduly monotonous.

He lives half sleep

At the edge of the deep,

And his face is as big as his bottom is.

πŸ‘©πŸ»πŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ¦°πŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ¦³

A sea serpent saw a big tanker,

Bit hole in its side and then sank her.

He swallowed the crew

In a minute or two,

And then picked his teeth with the anchor.

πŸ‘±πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ‘²πŸ»πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€πŸ¦³

There was a young bather from Bewes,

Who reclined on the bank of the Ouse,

His radio blared,

And passers-by stared,

For all he had on was the news!

πŸ‘ΌπŸ»πŸ‘±πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ‘³πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

“What,” said our teacher, Ms. Pink,

“Is this moth doing here in my ink?”

Said a cheeky young lass,

At the front of the class,

“The Butterfly Stroke, I should think!”

NOT TOO BAD FOR YOUNGSTERS

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

The Bad Elf

There was an elf too tired to work,

He called Santa a big fat jerk.

He grabbed up some toys,

Making almost no noise

And fled to Club Med with a clerk.

Posted December 3, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm, Trivia

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