Archive for the ‘writing’ Category
I try to be an avid reader of just about everything. I really enjoy reading poetry as well as being hooked on history. With today’s post I’ll try to mix those two interests. We’ll look back many years to the so-called sophisticated British Empire to find some of the most outrageous limericks and dirty jokes. It seems people are just people regardless of the time period they’re born into. The following piece of history (and I use the term loosely) will make some of you smile and some others cringe. The date of this little gem as best that can be determined was the year 1612. I’ll let you determine it’s value (if you can find any). Enjoy this piece from our sophisticated and disturbing ancestors titled “The Wooing Rogue”.
Come live with me and be my Whore
And we will beg from door to door,
Then under a hedge we’ll sit and delouse us.
Until the Beatle and come to rouse us.
And if they’ll give us no relief
Thou shalt turn Whore and I’ll turn Thief.
❤️❤️❤️
If thou can’st rob them I can steal
And we’ll eat roast-meat at every meal:
Nay! We’ll eat White bread every day
And throw out mouldy Crusts away,
And twice a day we will be drunk
And then at Night I’ll kiss my punk.
❤️❤️❤️
And when we both shall have the Pox,
We then shall want Shirts and Smocks
To shift each others mangy hide
Is with itch so pockified:
We’ll take some clean ones from a hedge
And leave our old ones for a Pledge.
❤️❤️❤️
Isn’t that the most romantic love poem ever? I agree it wasn’t nearly as interesting as works by Emily Dickenson or Robert Frost but it grabbed my heart and soul tightly and rightly. I sure wish I could have lived back then just to met the unknown author and to shake his hand. (Only after it had been thoroughly washed, of course). (SATIRE OFF)
WHO DOESN’T LOVE THOSE OLD ROMANTIC BRITS
I collect odd and unusual books and it’s not often I get truly surprised but it finally happened. I stumbled upon a book titled Bizarre Books – A Compendium of Classical Oddities. It lists in great detail some of the weirdest book titles, subtitles, and authors names I’ve ever seen. Over the next few months I’ll pick out a topic and list some of the titles mentioned in this book that apply. To start I’ve chosen a topic that will spice things up a little, Sex & Marriage. As you will see the human obsession with sex is nothing new. Here we go . . .
- Seven Wives and Seven Prisons – The life of a Matrimonial Monomaniac – L.A. Abbott 1870
- Shipping Semen? How to have a Successful Experience – Pennie Ahmed 1998
- Sex + Sex = Gruppensex – Ruediger Bosschmann 1970
- Orgasmus and Super-Orgasmus – Stephenson Verlag 1972
- Castration: The Advantages and Disadvantages – Victor T. Cheney 2003
- How to Pickup Women in Discos – Don Diebel 1981
- Straight Talk About Surgical Penis Enlargement – Gary M. Griffin 1991
- The External Genitalia of Japanese Females – Kanji Kasai 1995
- In and Out and Up and Down – Jo L.G. McMahon 1922
- High-Performance Stiffened Structures – Bury St. Edmunds 2000
❤️❤️❤️
MY FAV
A Kiss for a Blow – Henry Clark Wright – Undated
SPECIAL THANKS TO RUSSELL ASH & BRIAN LAKE
It’s no secret that I’m what most people would classify as an old man. While it’s true who better to challenge your trivia credentials than me. My early childhood, ages 4-7, consisted of me, my father, and mother sitting in our small little living room in the evening listening to the radio. At that time TV was fairly new and not readily available to most people and the radio was all we had. It introduced me to many shows like The Lone Ranger, Fibber McGee & Molly, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, and my all time favorite The Shadow. My father purchased our first TV in 1955 when I was about 8 years old. It was black/white and about the size of a small modern day microwave and it changed everyone’s life forever. I know most of you won’t understand just how much fun it was on those evenings with just my parents, me, and that stupid old radio. I still miss those quiet evening eating popcorn, drinking Kool-Aid and sitting on the floor next to the radio.
Enough of my reminiscing, let’s get back to today. This post will contain a few questions about the good old days of radio. I really don’t think many of you will score highly but it’s just good fun to introduce some of you to how our wonderful world of Media got it’s start. As always the answers will be listed below. Have fun with it.
- What character introduced the stories on Death Valley Days?
- Who played The Great Gildersleeve?
- Name two actors who made the Life With Luigi transition from radio to TV?
- Who created The Lone Ranger?
- Where did Ones Man’s Family live?
- What character did Gale Gorden play on Our Miss Brooks?
- Who played the title roles of Fibber McGee & Molly?
- What were Molly Goldberg’s two kids’ names?
- What did Ozzie Nelson do for a living on his show?
- One of the earliest quiz shows on radio became TV’s first. Can you recall the name?
BONUS QUESTION
Who was the wealthy man-about-town with the hypnotic ability to “cloud men’s minds” to fight crime, famously introduced by the phrase, “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!”
❤️❤️❤️
Answers
The Old Ranger, Willard Waterman, J. Carol Naish & Alan Reed, Fran Striker & George W. Trendle, San Francisco, Osgood Conklin, Bob Sweeney & Cathy Lewis, Rosalie & Sammy, For the most part, nothing, Uncle Jim’s Question Bee, BONUS – Lamont Cranston.
Now that my never-ending retro trivia posts have been completed, it’s time to return to my first love those funny and bawdy LIMERICKS. As I’ve always said, I love limericks and I also love history. I’ve decided today to combine the two with a few limericks made famous during the World War II era. I assume some of these may have been written by a few GI’s but I can’t be sure. I find it refreshing that even during the worst war we’ve ever experienced, a sense of humor was still maintained. Some of these might be considered a little much for younger children. Be warned!
💥
O Soldiers come back to us clean!
Wear rubbers – you know what I mean.
Thou I’d very much ruther
You’d bugger each other
Than any French whore that I’ve seen.
💥💥
A lady of doubtful nativity,
Had an ass of extreme sensitivity.
She could sit on the lap
Of a Nazi or Jap
And detect Fifth Column activity.
💥💥💥
A slant-eyed young girl from Peking
Said of the Rape of Nanking,
“Every Jap in North China
Has explored my vagina,
It’s so sore I can’t pee through the thing.”
💥💥💥💥
In the Army and Navy the toast is
To the talented USO hostess
Who was diddled and screwed
While she tried to conclude
Which service she really liked mostest.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
🪖WAR TIME SENSE OF HUMOR🪖
Here’s the fifth and last installment of the retro trivia series. I hope you’ve had as much fun with them as I had putting them together. The answers will be listed below. See how you do.
- What craze included terms like “handglide” and backslide”?
- Whose visit to South Korea in May, 1984, promoted the tightest security in that nations history?
- What brand of sweetener did G.D. Searle & Company put on the market in 1983?
- The U.S. mining of what nation’s harbors caused a congressional uproar in April, 1984?
- What was the name of Jesse Jackson’s hoped for coalition?
- What was the bug that caused havoc in California?
- Who was shot and killed at the airport in Manila in 1983?
- What group in 1981 was compensated $5,000.00 per person for their unusual stint overseas?
- Seven people died after popping these cyanide-spiked pills?
- In what nation did a Soviet submarine find itself beached in 1981?
BONUS QUESTION
What celebrated figures were married in St. Paul’s Cathedral?
👇👇👇
Answers
Breakdancing, Pope John Paul II, NutraSweet, Nicaragua, The Rainbow Coalition, Mediterranean Fruit Fly, Benigno Aguino, The Iranian Hostages, Extra Strength Tylenol, Sweden, BONUS-Prince Charles & Lady Diana Spencer,
TA! DA!
Here is the fourth installment of retro trivia from the decade of the 1970’s. These questions should be a little easier than the last three decades. As always the answers are listed below.
- Who was court-martialed in 1971 for atrocities committed in Southeast Asia?
- What became the capital of the reunited North and South Vietnam?
- What was the name of the Russian spacecraft that linked with an Apollo module in 1975?
- In 1974 what building became the tallest in the world?
- What woman won the Nobel Prize in 1979?
- What nation tried “The Gang of Four”?
- Name the senator that presided over the Watergate hearings?
- Where was the Queen Elizabeth when it caught fire and sank in 1972?
- Who was the first native American to be canonized by the Catholic church?
- Name the war hero who quit the Israeli cabinet in 1979?
BONUS QUESTION
What caused Iceland and England to sever diplomatic relations in 1976?
👇👇👇
Answers
Lt. William Calley, Hanoi, Soyuz, The Sears Tower, Mother Teresa, China, Sam Ervin, Hong Kong, Mother Seton, Moshe Dayan, BONUS-Cod Fishing Rights
COMING NEXT-1980’S
The 60’s were an interesting and drug filled decade. I lived through it and thoroughly enjoyed almost all of it, How much do you know or remember? Put on your bell bottoms and crappy sandals, drop some acid, and go for a walk on the street to chat with strangers. I dare you!
Lets step back into the 1960’s. As always the answers are listed below.
- What was the name of the “doorway” between the divided Berlins?
- In what city was the 1968 Democratic Convention held?
- Name of the Rockefeller that never returned from New Guinea?
- Who were the first astronauts to fly the two-occupant Gemini capsule?
- What was the first Apollo mission to carry a color TV camera to the moon?
- In what European city was Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassin apprehended?
- In what area of the Dallas policed station was Lee Harvey Oswald shot by Jack Ruby?
- What popular tranquilizer was introduced in 1963?
- In 1968 which nation became the fifth to have “the bomb”?
- How was the Nazi war criminal Adolph Eichmann put to death?
BONUS QUESTION
What two nations combined to form Tanzania?
👇👇👇
Answers
Checkpoint Charlie, Chicago, Michael, Gus Grissom & John Young, Apollo XII, London, The Garage, Valium, France, He was Hanged, BONUS-Tanganyika & Zanzibar
NEXT UP – THE 1970’S
Here is the next installment of more retro trivia facts from the 1950’s. Lets see if you can improve on your score from the 1940’s quiz. As always the answers will be listed below. Have fun!
- How man presidents were elected in the 1950’s?
- Name the pope elected in 1958.
- Who did George Jorgensen become?
- Name the first atomic submarine.
- What lamp reached it’s height of popularity in the 1950’s?
- What British king died in 1952?
- The Ford Motor Company has never lived down the failure of what car, introduced in the 50’s?
- Name the political group that was established in 1950 by H.N. Arrowsmith, Jr,
- Established in 1953, NASA stands for what?
- What Russian word, popularized in the late 1950’s , means “fellow wayfarer”?
BONUS Question
Where did the unoccupied Soviet spacecraft Lunik journey?
👇👇👇
Answers
One, John XXIII, Christine Jorgensen, The Nautilus, Pole Lamp, King George VI, The Edsel, The American Nazi Party, National Aeronautics and Space Administration, Sputnik, BONUS- To the Moon,
THE 1960’S ARE NEXT
Currently there seems to be no lack of interest in all things NFL. Now that the the Combine is approaching the interest level on football is once again skyrocketing. Every fan seems to think they are the absolute experts about all things football thanks to their involvement in the never-ending list of fantasy leagues. Here are a few tidbits of trivia that may interest some of them. Answers will be listed below.
- Name the kicker who led all NFL scorers in 1998 while making every single field goal and extra point attempt?
- After suffering a serious knee injury in 2011, which running back made an amazing comeback to lead the NFL with a near-record 2,097 yards rushing and 2,314 yards from scrimmage in 2012?
- Despite leading the NFL in the number of times sacked, which player posted the highest QB rating during the 2012 season?
- When he started his 117th consecutive game in 1999, which player did Brett Farvre overtake to become the new NFL “Ironman”?
- Who was the first QB to win four Superbowl Championships?
- In 2012 what quarterback broke the Johnny Unitas longstanding record for consecutive games throwing at least one touchdown pass?
- What was the first team to win five Superbowl championships?
- Which running back was the first player to rush for 20 touchdowns in a single season?
🏈❤️🏈❤️🏈
Answers
Gary Anderson, Adrian Peterson, Aaron Rodgers, Ron Jaworski, Terry Bradshaw, Drew Brees with 54 games, The San Francisco 49ers, John Riggens
It’s been a long week of limericks and I’ve had my fill. I enjoyed the week immensely but it has had it’s drawbacks. I still find myself at odd hours of the night and early morning lying in bed thinking about how to rhyme words. Then I start mentally composing my own limericks and it’s driving me a little nuts. Todays post should help me to clear all of those limerick cobwebs from my brain. Her we go . . .
“To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not
that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is,
and of what is not that it is not, is true.”
(Aristotle)
I feel better now that Aristotle has explained things for me.
- In the Jurassic Park movies. the fierce Velociraptors are about as tall as an adult human. In real life, however, they were only as tall as a turkey.
- Confucius has more than three million living descendants.
- Pablo Picasso, the influential Spanish cubist, wasn’t breathing when he was born in 1881. His face was so blue that the midwife left him for dead. One of his uncles revived him by blowing cigar smoke up his nose.
- From the 1300’s to the 1600’s, the heads of England’s slain enemies – including William Wallace and Thomas More – were displayed on London Bridge.
- The first recorded mastectomy was performed in A.D. 548 on Theodora, Empress of Byzantium.
- The word “hooch” comes from the Hoochinoo Indians of Alaska. They made a liquor so strong it could knock a person out.
- Spoons were such a rare novelty in Elizabethan England that wealthy aristocrats would bring their own folding spoons to fancy banquets.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
Here is a riddle found inscribed about 3500 years ago on a stone slab. It’s mainly for my better-half who should have no problem coming up with the correct answer.
In your mouth and your urine, constantly stared at you,
the measuring vessel of your lord.
What it it?
🍺🍺🍺
BEER, OF COURSE!
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