I’m a little depressed today after reviewing the maneuverings of Putin in Russia. His attempts to reconstruct the old USSR continue. I think that’s a foolish goal and will do nothing except destroy the economies of millions of people and caused the deaths of thousands more. Putin is old school, and he thinks and acts like it’s still World War II. Thinking like the KGB operative he once was he’s sure he’s the baddest guy on the block. The day will come when he’ll be forced to recognize that the days of the KGB and the USSR are over. He’s following in the footsteps of Russia’s worst enemy and is making the Ukraine the new Poland. Fortunately for the world, tyrants almost never meet a happy end. Here are a few additional thoughts on tyrants.
Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
“It is an is characteristic of a tyrant to dislike everyone who has dignity or independence; he wants to be alone in his glory, but anyone who claims a like dignity or asserts his independence encroaches upon his prerogative and is hated by him as an enemy to his power.”
“A tyrant should also endeavor to know what each of his subjects says or does, and should employ spies . . . For the fear of informers prevents people from speaking their minds, and if they do, they are more easily found out. Another art of the tyrant is to sow quarrels among the citizens.”
Joseph Campbell (1904-1987)
“The tyrant is proud, and therein resides his doom. He is proud because he thinks of his strength as his own; thus, he is in the clown role, as a mistaker of shadow for substance; it is his destiny to be tricked.”
I thought a good way to start a Tuesday would be to offer for your entertainment a few retro bumper stickers dating back to the 1980’s. The first one I’ll mention was on an orange Gremlin that I owned. It garnered a lot attention or so my mother told me on the day she borrowed my car. She was so naive, she thought all of those people honking were just being friendly. LOL Here is my first:
HONK IF YOUR HORNY
VINTAGE LOVER – AGED TO PERFECTION
LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO DANCE WITH UGLY MEN
RECYCLERS DO IT MORE THAN ONCE
BEER ISN’T JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE
I AM WOMAN. I AM INVINCIBLE. I AM TIRED
ANSWER MY PRAYERS. STEAL THIS CAR
JAPANESE CADILLAC
NOBODY’S UGLY AFTER 2 A.M.
GET OFF MY ASS, MORON
That’s enough for today. I need to find a website that prints custom made bumper stickers. Some of these need to be brought back to life here in the 21st century.
It’s a cold Monday in February which means “Hurry Up Spring” I’m tired of waiting for you to get here. With that thought in mind I feel the need for something humorous on this drab Monday. I’ll try to keep my posted jokes no worse than PG, but I make no absolute guarantees. Unfortunately, I love bawdy humor thye most but I’m screening as best I can.
“One spring day two men were out in the woods hunting. Feeling a sudden need to relieve himself, George went over to the nearby clump of bushes, unzipped his fly, and started in when a poisonous snake lunged out of the greenery and bite him on his penis. Hearing George’s howl of pain and fright, his friend Fred came running up and told him to lie still while he rushed into town for a doctor. “There’s only one way to save your friends life,” said the doctor gravely. “If you cut an X over the bite and then suck all the poison out, you’ll probably be okay, but otherwise there’s not much hope.” Hearing Fred’s footsteps, George rose weakly up on one elbow and cried out, “Fred, what’d he say? What did the doctor say?” “George, old friend, “said Fred sadly, “he said you’re going to die.”
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A woman went into the neighborhood grocery store and ask the grocer for a can of cat food. The grocer knew the woman and knew that she didn’t have a cat. So, he asked why she was buying the cat food. The woman replied, “It’s for my husband’s lunch. “The grocer was shocked and said, “You can’t feed the cat food to your husband! It will kill him.” “I’ve been giving it to him for a week now, and he really likes it!” she replied. And so, each day, the woman would come in and buy a can of cat food for her husband’s lunch. One day the grocer happened to be scanning the obituary columns of the local newspaper and noticed that the woman’s husband had passed away. When she came into the store a few days later, he said to her, “I’m sorry to hear about your husband, but I told you that if you kept giving him cat food it would kill him.” The woman replied, “It wasn’t the cat food that killed them. He broke his neck trying to lick his ass!”
So much for my Monday humor. I firmly believe they would’ve been much funnier if I had posted some really dirty jokes. I’ll bear that in mind for future postings. Here’s one final joke for all of you sports fans out there.
Why did the Detroit Lions hire two nuns and a prostitute for next season? A: Because they’re in dire need of two tight ends and a wide receiver.
It’s time for another day of limericks. I’ve been lucky enough to have most of the limericks in my files categorized by type. The list of types involves thousands of limericks and today’s topic will be “Virginity”. Since everyone has been a virgin at one time in their life, we should all enjoy these little tidbits of bawdy rhymes.
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“Competition is keen, you agree,”
Said an ancient old flapper from Dee,
So, she dyed her gray tresses,
Chopped a foot from her dresses,
And her reason you plainly can see.
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The bride went up the aisle
In traditional virginal style,
But they say she was nary
An innocent charity,
But a whore from the banks of the Nile.
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There was a young girl named Anheuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.
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A lisping young lady named Beth
Was saved from a fate worse than death.
Seven times in a row,
Which unsettled her so
That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth”.
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You just can’t beat those old-style limericks. I think I actually enjoy them more than most of the newer versions.
I’m too much of a cynic to be a big believer in superstitions. They’re fun to talk about and laugh about but only a small percentage of people actually believe most of that nonsense. We’ve all heard about “don’t walk under ladders” or “black cats crossing our path”, and dozens more. I happened upon some additional information that I’d never heard before concerning the everyday common egg. You can believe what you will, I’m just spreading the word for fun.
Superstitions about eggs are still held, particularly in rural farming areas. One such belief is that if you see many broken eggs, you will soon have a lawsuit on your hands.
If you find a snake’s egg in a hen’s nest, your friends are really your enemies.
It is bad luck to bring a wild bird’s egg into the house.
If a woman dreams of eggs, she will quarrel with her friends.
Two yolks in one egg means good luck for the one who eats them. Folks who only buy eggs fresh from the farm will have the opportunity to find these. Factory examinations these days usually eliminate double yellow yolkers.
Eggs laid on Friday will cure stomach aches. Of course, only folks who keep laying hens know when the eggs are actually laid. This superstition is impossible to follow in heavily populated urban areas.
In some parts of the Middle East if you buy a new car, you have to kill a chicken and pour the blood on it. The chickens’ blood was thought to ward off any evil spirits that may be lurking in the vehicle.
Throughout human history, more eggs have been eaten raw rather than cooked! Eggs have always been a chief source of protein for primal humans and still are in most cultures. Americans often drink raw eggs in eggnog, flavored with a taste of vanilla and doused with whipped cream, another source of protein.
As I’m sure you can recall over the last few decades eggs were first vilified as being unhealthy and a few years later some illustrious scientists changed their minds. All of a sudden eggs became a healthy addition to our diet. So much for the credibility of governmental and scientific experts. I simply love eggs, always have and always will. If eating large numbers of eggs is going to kill me, so be it (I think the bad water and air will get me first). At least I’ll die with a smile on my face because I just love eggs (with lots of bacon, of course).
I have what I think is a healthy sense of humor. It can be bawdy at times, unfunny at times, but well used at all times. I love people who can make me laugh and I love making others laugh. It’s one of the few joys I have, and I try to use it as often as possible. I have a new appreciation for standup comedians since I now have one in the family. Being funny all the time is extremely hard work but it’s really worth the time spent. It’s been said that laughter is the “best medicine” and while that is true it also serves many other purposes. The following paragraph was written by George Orwell the well-known author of 1984. It makes for some thought-provoking ideas. Every aspiring comedian should read this before each show. Enjoy . . .
“A thing is funny when – in some way that is not actually offensive or frightening – it upsets the established order. Every joke is a tiny revolution . . . Whatever destroys dignity and brings down the mighty from their seats, preferably with a bump, is funny.”
Eric Arthur Blair
Eric Arthur BlairĀ (25 June 1903 ā 21 January 1950), known by hisĀ pen name George Orwell, was an English novelist, essayist, journalist and critic. His work is characterized by lucid prose, bitingĀ social criticism, and a total opposition toĀ totalitarianism.
Today I’m feeling a little odd which means I’m going to take a trip down the weird road. Here are few strange and weird facts which you may have heard before, but I doubt it.
Diabetes can lead to high levels of sugar in the urine. Before simple tests for sugar levels were available, doctors would taste their patient’s urine to see if it was sweet!
The belief that a person can cause bad luck for someone else simply by looking at them is known as the “evil eye.”
One evil theory to explain why a dunked witch would not float was that witches deliberately ate foods that made them fart. The gas would build up in their guts, making them lighter than air, so they could fly.
In Europe in the Middle Ages, it was believed that there were over 7 million demons in the air, which could be inhaled or swallowed and would cause disease or make a corpse turned into a vampire.
The human eye can see only about 3000 stars on the clearest night, even though there are more than 100 billion stars in our galaxy alone.
The first rock music taken into space is thought to be a Pink Floyd tape taken to the space station Mir in 1988 by French astronaut Jean-Loup Chretien. Perhaps it was The Dark Side of the Moon.
According to a 1991 survey of Americans, 2% reported experiences that indicated they might have been abducted by aliens. This would mean that one in 50 Americans have been abducted – that’s over 5 million, at the rate of 2740 per day! Skeptics point out that this would mean the skies over America must be full of hundreds of alien spaceships every night.
Elephants are also among the world’s most potentially dangerous animals, capable of crushing and killing any other land animal, from rhinoceros and lions to humans. It is thought they may kill up to 500 people every year.
The mantis shrimp is a delicacy in China, where it is used in a dish known as “pissing shrimp” because the mantis shrimp urinates itself when put in a cooking pot.
Emetophobia is a fear of vomiting or of being around others who are vomiting. It is the fifth most common phobia according to the International Emetophobia Society.
Well, that fills my quota for today of the weird and odd. As always more to come.
“Of the few innocent pleasures left to men past middle life, the jamming of common sense down the throats of fools is perhaps the keenness.”
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Thomas Henry HuxleyĀ (4 May 1825 ā 29 June 1895) was an EnglishĀ biologistĀ andĀ anthropologistĀ specializing inĀ comparative anatomy. He has become known as “Darwin’s Bulldog” for his advocacy ofĀ Charles Darwin’s theory ofĀ evolution. After comparingĀ ArchaeopteryxĀ withĀ Compsognathus, he concluded thatĀ birdsĀ evolved from small carnivorousĀ dinosaurs, a theory widely accepted today.
everyuselessthing.com 