Archive for the ‘bacon’ Tag

09-15-2015 Journal – Hot Damn !!!   Leave a comment

Do you have a favorite food?  I think everyone does but unless you ask you may never know what it is.  For most of my life bacon was my favorite but as with all things, changes can occur.  I still love bacon and will eat it until I die regardless of the possible consequences to my health.

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‘My favorite pie.’

I now have a new love in my life that captured my attention about ten years ago.  For me it was like finding the Holy Grail.  I’ve been obsessed with it ever since and there’s no end in sight.  What is it you ask . . . Habanero Peppers.  They’ve changed my life as well as my taste buds, FOREVER!!

Many people love hot food laced with Cayenne, Serrano, or even Ghost peppers but heat isn’t everything.  I require as much heat  as possible but I also want flavor as well.  I’ve tried almost every hot pepper I could find over the years and even came up with a few exotic mixtures in my lame attempt to find excellent flavor with head-sweating heat.

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‘Red-Savina’

After a few years I began hearing about a type of habanero pepper called red-savina.  I ordered some from a place in New Mexico and my life was changed forever.  Since my discovery I’ve made many batches of chili and salsa using red-savina’s as the heat.  The flavor is incredible and the heat is a killer. The perfect pepper for me.  It’s difficult to find them in regular markets but my solution was to periodically purchase a red-savina mash on–line.  It lasts a reasonable length of time in the frig and I can get a half pint for approximately $10.00.  That will last me a good six months.

Recently I found myself running out of red-savina’s and was forced to temporarily fallback to using the standard habanero peppers.  Some were grown in my garden and the remainder were purchased from a local food store.  Then it was time to get to work. I put on my extra thick latex gloves and began the process.

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‘My babies.’

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‘Sliced and Diced’

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‘And Dehydrated’

If you’re going to try this make sure you wear the appropriate mask to keep the dust from your nose and sinuses as you’re grinding it.  You’ve been warned, it really is painful.  The end result is a  small jar of habanero dust good to use with almost any meal you’d like to prepare.

I’m working on a new recipe which uses habanero soaked bacon strips laid across a stack of tasty pancakes covered with maple syrup.  Sinfully delicious and hot enough to make you cry.

06-01-2015 Journal– Normalcy Returns!   Leave a comment

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‘Rear Yard Water Feature’

Today I’m celebrating my release from two days of captivity in "computer hell".  All of my network connected items are finally working once again and all is right in my world.

I spent four hours yesterday digging into the software on my main computer in an attempt to find that one little thing that would fix all of my networking problems.  It was a mentally exhausting exercise that really didn’t make me much smarter just more frustrated. 

As I peeled away the layers of this damn computer onion I discovered a lot of settings that are automatically set by the Windows program when working with local networks. After four hours of searching I discovered a small screen that I’d never seen before. I clicked on a small box on that screen which initiated some sort of BS setting, and miracle of miracles, everything began working properly.  I read the small descriptive blurb  near that switch but understood none of it …… but it worked.

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‘It’s amazing what a little rain can do.’

Today is a day of much needed rain and I’m relaxing with the cat in front of the television.  As you can see by the photo’s the rain is quickly turning our property into a jungle. I just finished watching for the umpteenth time, season one of Sherlock. It’s a modernized version of Sherlock Holmes produced by the BBC. It’s my all time favorite recreation of Holmes and believe me I’ve read and seen everything ever made or written about the great detective.  It’s just a great way to spend a lazy and rainy day.

Earlier I prepared an appetizer for our dinner tonight which I hope will be spectacular.  I hollowed out eight fairly large jalapeños, stuffed them with a mixture of cream cheese and spices, and wrapped them in bacon.  I’ll toss them on the grill and crisp them up to start off our meal of roasted chicken. Add a small salad and we’ll should have an excellent meal.   I may even throw in a few tortilla chips and a jar of my home made black bean/corn salsa. That’s hot enough to spice up any meal and to keep your mouth burning for quite a while.

I’m also spending some time planning our two day vacation for next week. It may involve a day of shopping and walking through the Old Town section of Portsmouth, NH, and also visits  to a few local wineries and breweries. It should be a relaxing couple of days if the weather doesn’t screw it up.

04-08-2015 Journal – My Favorite Addictions!   6 comments

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Over the years I’ve read on a number of occasions about people with addictive personalities. These are people who are drawn to addictive behavior and activities for some unknown reason and can’t ever stop being addicted to something.  I’ve finally decided to admit that I may be one of them.

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My first major addiction started when I was just turning twelve years of age.  Both of my parents were smokers and so were my grandparents. This was before anyone was aware of the dangers of smoking and we all thought it was pretty cool.  Most of my friends smoked as well and we spent more time stealing cigarettes from our families than we did actually smoking them. I was so good at taking their cigarettes they never had a clue. It wasn’t until many years later that I told them about it and we all had a laugh or two. It was either steal from them or take a chance of being caught shoplifting in a store.

There was and still is a price to pay for such behavior and I soon found out what karma was all about.  My best friend at the time was my partner in crime and karma reared it’s ugly head in the following incident we were involved in. It occurred at our elementary school where we accidentally started a fire in a nearby  field while sneaking a cigarette that burned that field just prior to the annual Easter egg hunt.  Lots of fried eggs, firemen, and police officers are all I remember about that day. Karma can be a real bitch.

Marijuana was next on my list and I did my best to smoke as much of it as possible over a five year period.  I slowly weaned myself from both marijuana and cigarettes and finally kicked both nasty habits.  I dabbled with alcohol as well a for a while but I could never get into the projectile vomiting thing.

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After cleaning up my act I fell into two new addictions which I still have to this day. I’m John and I’m a chocoholic and caffeine addict.  I just can’t stay away from these wonderful things and I promise I never will. Unfortunately it may require that I be buried with a bag of Hersey kisses and a hot cup of Hazelnut coffee.  I won’t even get into my bacon issues which are even worse.  It seems like every addiction I’ve ever had has been bad for me and that pisses me off.  Why can’t I find a really healthy addiction?

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My latest and possibly most boring addiction won’t kill me but it does irritate and annoy me. It’s called Words With Friends, a computerized take off of the old Scrabble game and is played on Smart Phones and Tablets.

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I’ve tried on a number of occasions to quit but I keep getting pulled back into it by my friends and family members.  It’s maddening at times because it requires that I respond in a reasonable fashion to their game play. There have been times that I’ve had as many as ten games going on at the same time and at that point it becomes more of a chore than fun. I want to stop but the ever present peer pressure to continue is there and plays heavily on my competitiveness. It becomes even more ridiculous when friends and family members become upset with me if I decline to play or if don’t do an immediate rematch.

I need to find a new addiction and fast.  I’ve never been addicted to sex like some people but I could easily be pulled in that direction. Even that seems like too much work if you think about it.  I want a lazier addiction that I can enjoy without it becoming strenuous. 

I’m being forced to continue my never-ending search but in the meantime does anyone out there know a good four letter word that contains a "Q", an "X", and a "J"? 

Where’s that twelve step program when you need one?

03-28-2013   2 comments

Do you have any addictions that your not too proud of?  I’m not talking about the regular run-of-the-mill addictions like drugs, booze, and sex but lesser known ones. This question came up while I was watching a television show called Strange Addictions. Not many shows have the capability to give me the creeps but this one did. These quirky addictions like eating dirt or dryer sheets to me aren’t really addictions. I’m not sure what the hell they are but OMG WTF is going in in this society when that needs to be broadcast to the world as entertainment.

I can understand wanting to bask in the glow of celebrity for fifteen minutes but apparently they are no ‘good taste’ limits anymore.  Who in the hell goes on national television to tell the world how screwed up they are? Their families must be so proud.  I’m also sure that some  person or group would immediately step forward to defend this behavior with all sorts of justifications that by talking about these issues it’s possible to help others.  I’m sorry but that sounds to me like a huge load of BS. Over the years I’ve developed one of the best BS detectors ever and I know when someone’s feeding me load of manure. By publicizing this odd and weird behavior nothing is truly being accomplished.  It’s just another P.T. Barnum moment when the suckers are drawn in by the weirdness and the creators of these shows walk away with a great deal of money in their pockets.

No one has ever approached me about my addiction.  My addiction is just as newsworthy as all of these others but I’ve yet to be offered a segment on any television show.  My addiction isn’t the least bit horrible or disgusting unless your a member of the Muslim religion.  So today is the day that I’m standing up and shouting out to the world that I’M ADDICTED TO BACON.  I’ve reached out to many people for help with little or no success.  It’s gotten so bad I’ve even considered coming out of my early retirement to buy property and open a pig farm.  Then I could have an endless supply of that beautiful, crunchy, salty, and flavorful food.

My addiction is real, not exaggerated for television.  I’ve lived with this for more than forty years and I’ll probably go to my death with the smell of bacon on my breath.  Bacon and eggs, BLT’s, and bacon bits are the high lights of my week.  I realize the dangers but I just can’t stop.  It was easier to quite smoking after twenty years than to give up my wonderful bacon addiction.

I just finished reading an article about a product that is to be released soon. While it won’t help me with my addiction it seems that many woman with the same addiction are soon to be made very happy. It’s nice to see that some companies are stepping forward with new products that have sadly been missing from our lives for far too long. Read on.

I don’t think this what Bill Gates had in mind when he offered $100,000 to someone to invent the next generation condom. Just when you though the bacon fad was fizzling out, J&D’s Foods –the same Seattle-based company that brought us the bacon coffin and bacon mayonnaise (all real products) — now has introduced Bacon Condoms that claims to "make your meat look like meat." As an added bonus, each condom is coated with its very own J&D’s baconlube.

From a press release: "Truly the new standard of animal protein themed prophylactics Bacon Condoms are proudly Made in America of the highest quality latex and rigorously tested to help ensure the utmost reliability and safety for when you’re makin’ Bacon."

And just when you hoped America’s bacon fad was dying out, the company is also releasing  Bacon Sunscreen. Why?  According to the release, "science has shown us that 10 out of 10 people prefer the smell of Bacon to coconut, which makes this the most anticipated new product of the summer." Please, put a fork in it.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2013/03/28/company-releases-new-bacon-flavored-condoms/#ixzz2OvwKd19w

My life is now complete. If I buy these products it will not only greatly improve my sex life but the sex lives of bacon loving women everywhere.  Stand up and declare your addiction ladies and then call me.  Maybe we can get one of the networks to put us on the air and give us our fifteen minutes of fame.   (Sarcasm Off)

Posted March 29, 2013 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Sarcasm

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