Archive for the ‘commercials’ Tag

09-09-2014 Journal Entry–Advertising Rant!   Leave a comment

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I’m a child of television. I come by it honestly because I was a member of the first generation that had TV. So for good or bad I’ve spent a great deal of my life listening and watching the tube. In my early years television was unsophisticated  and simple with only three networks to choose from and a 12” black and white screen.

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Years later it was still black and white pictures but there were rumors of something called ‘Pay TV’ on the horizon.  It was the latest and greatest evolution of Television where you paid a monthly fee and there would be no commercial interruptions. Around that same time full color TV’s were introduced. The worst thing about ‘Pay TV’ was that we bought the fiction hook, line, and sinker.  Before we knew it cable TV was born and so began the steadily rising monthly fees, surcharges, and the reintroduction of commercials but only on a limited basis (so they said). Yeah, we bought that BS as well.

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Move forward a few more years and the monthly rates continued to increase based solely on the companies ability to increase the number of channels that you really weren’t all that interested in having but they were “part of the package”. More commercials were then added because the companies claimed a need for extra revenues to help cover their costs of production and maintenance of their infrastructure.  Another giant pile of BS.

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Move forward in time to yesterday. I’m now receiving my TV programming by the satellite dish hanging off the side of my house.  Pretty impressive but only if you live somewhere where it never rains or snows.  I never see any reduction in my monthly fees due to all of the weather related interruptions in service. I especially enjoy winter and those numerous trips I’m forced to make in my bathrobe to clear the dish during snow squalls.  I also don’t appreciate all of the extra channels I’ve been involuntarily stuck paying for because “it’s part of the package”. You’d think by now they’d have a better list of stupid reasons for inflating our monthly charges.

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I never thought I’d see the day when advertisements would come to be thirty minutes long on virtually every channel for a good part of the morning viewing hours.  How stupid is it that the advertisers then take short breaks during those half-hour infomercials for a commercial or two. Commercials inside commercials, unbelievable right?

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We are inundated with commercials everywhere everyday.  Planes flying over our beaches. Talking digital images on every end cap at Walmart activated as you walk by to spew their annoying messages.  Gas station pumps talking in your ear with more lame and unimportant messages.  It just never stops, so I decided to do a little research.

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For two hours last evening during good old TV prime time (6-8 pm), I began counting the number of commercials.  In a 120 minute time frame on two different channels I was forced to listen to all of these in this exact order:

Transvaginal Mesh Lawsuits, Back Support Device, Xarelto Drug, Hair Club, Sleep Number Beds, Belviq Weight Loss Drug, DR rapid fire log splitters, Hip replacement implant lawsuits, Dolphin Tale 2 Trailer, Little Caesars Pizza, Target, Gone Girl Movie Trailer, News Update, Lowry Law Firm, Toyota, Dick’s Discount Furniture, Dunkin Donuts, The Box Trolls Trailer, Hannaford Foods, Political Ad Maine, Kohl’s, Dodge, Scion Maze Runner Trailer, Sonic, Hershey, Dos Equis, Hanes Underwear, Nasacort Allergy Meds, US Navy, Dairy Queen, Geico, Reese’s Pieces, Dewars Whiskey, Gillette Razor, Dulera Asthma Meds, John Deere, Progressive Insurance, Tostados, Burger King, Hershey, Honda, Direct TV, Nasacort Allergy Meds, Pizza Hut, Fuse Electric Cigarettes, Schick Razor, Supernatural Trailer, Corona, Jolly Rancher, Walk Among the Tombstones Trailer, AT&T, Ace Hardware, Toyota, Sonic, Reese’s Pieces, Dewar Whiskey, Gillette Razor, Cricket Wireless, State Farm, Heineken, Dunkin Donut, Winter soldier Trailer, Kit Kat, Allegra Allergy Meds, UFC, Heinz, Evel Knievel trailer, Cricket wireless, Wendy’s, ROLO, Honda, Direct TV, Maze Runner Trailer, ITT Tech, Dos Equis, KFC, Reese’s Pieces, Nasacort Allergy Meds, Fiat, Domino’s Pizza, Ice Breakers Breath Mints, Sonic, Skittles, Cricket Wireless, Lipton Tea, Kit Kat, Dos Equis, Walk Among the Tombstones Trailer, Eye Exam PSA, Lending Tree Loans, Scion, State Farm, Reese’s, UFC, Sons of Anarchy Trailer.

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Is it just me or is this pure insanity.  72 commercials of varying lengths in just 120 minutes. There’s little doubt that these money hungry cable companies will eventually supply us with only 10 minutes of actually programming per hour if we just agree to watch 50 minutes of effing commercials. Is it any wonder that we can’t just sit down and relax anymore. Even if the TV is off the radio chimes in with their commercials. Signs along the roads and on thousands of vehicles driving by make it impossible to escape.

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Try and enjoy your day.

01-21-2014 Journal Entry-Boredom!   Leave a comment

It’s a terrible thing to be bored.  It’s doubly terrible when you’re in Maine and it’s Winter.  It feels like being up in the air on the “Vomit Comet” flying very high, then diving straight down, and then pulling back up again to what is supposed to be normal.  That weightlessness between dives in my mind is the ultimate boredom.  You’re just floating around in a pointless manner, accomplishing nothing, and feeling even worse.

Maybe if you were like me and had a fifty year love affair with adrenaline, the ultimate aphrodisiac, it would help you to understand a little.  Hang gliding, sky diving, bungee jumping, and smashing down doors to apprehend criminals or mental patients can in no way be considered boring. Defying death or serious injury was never the point for me.  The point was experiencing the dangers and not giving a shit what happened.  Putting your entire existence into the hands of fate and doing so with no regrets. Most people never get to that point and don’t really want to, unless they can feel the adrenaline rush without committing to the danger.

So you have your regular run-of-the-mill boredom and then there’s the adrenaline-free boredom which is even worse.  I’m drifting through life living vicariously through my own past experiences to help keep my head above water.  Unfortunately once you reach a certain age with all of the physical limitations that come with it, your choices become strictly limited.  Writing a blog, painting a picture, sculpting, sketching, remodeling a home or even walking in the woods are a just a stupid laundry list of poor substitutes.

I actually attempted for a while to live vicariously through others but OMG what a mistake.  Many of the people in my sphere of influence, not all of course, put me into a deathlike comma.  They’re lives have taken boredom to new heights and they don’t know the difference since they have nothing to compare it to. I may sound a little harsh in my criticisms but so what.

So I’ll start another day writing this blog, walking a couple of miles on my treadmill, reading a book, watching some TV, petting my cat, and then walking outside and screaming at the top of my effing lungs.  Now don’t you feel a hundred percent better about your life?  You should.

Here are a few boring things from my list of thousands.

  • Celebrity Worship
  • Baseball (Except for Little League)
  • Soccer (I don’t consider it a real sport.)
  • Politics and Politicians (Pundits and  Talk Shows too)
  • Sermons (Religious or Otherwise)
  • Musicals
  • Shopping War Stories
  • Vampires
  • Werewolves
  • “Wives of”  (From any City. State, Country, or Planet)
  • Sports
  • Country Music
  • Waiting Rooms
  • Commercials of Any Kind
  • Soap Operas

07-21-2013   3 comments

With all this heat we’ve been suffering through I discovered just how many things there are that annoy me when I’m all hot, sweaty, and irritable.  My normal list of annoyances has increased by a factor of ten. 

I realize the heat makes it even worse but it getting ridiculous.  Yesterday I found myself annoyed by a plane flying over my house.  The fact that it was at least 25,000 feet high made no difference.  Those bastard pilots.  It’s getting out of control and I’m praying for cooler weather before someone decides to kick my ass.

I jotted down a few more that  some of you will hopefully agree with.

  • People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
  • People who are constantly late.
  • Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
  • Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
  • Co-workers that try to sell stuff to you at work.
  • People who make small talk with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them.
  • Stores with TV monitors at the checkouts that play commercials.
  • TV shows and commercials ads with ringing doorbells or phones, which make you  think the sound is coming from your house.
  • Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
  • Fake laughter.

The more I think about this list the longer it gets.  I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll reach the end of this nonsense.

  • Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
  • Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
  • Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
  • Celebrities preaching to me about politics.
  • People saying  "What’s up?" instead of saying "hi or hello".
  • The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
  • Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
  • People who refer to themselves in the third person.
  • Rappers who thank God at awards ceremonies.
  • Mumbling, then annoyingly saying "Forget it!" when people don’t hear you.

Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.

  • Business buzz words: synergistic, globalize, paradigm shift.
  • People who dress their pets.
  • Annoying nervous laughter.
  • Someone opening a cabinet door or drawer and leaving it open.
  • People who say "carmel" instead of "caramel".
  • Overuse of the word "Like"
  • Mispronunciation of words.
  • People who are over age 21 who say the word "dude" way too often.
  • When people use the word "literally" inappropriately. I.e. "I literally almost jumped out of my skin."
  • People who bring their babies to the movies.

Wow, I’m starting to think almost everything is annoying me these days.

  • When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
  • Flood pants on men.
  • People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
  • Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
  • People abbreviating words when they speak.
  • Rude people talking at movies.
  • Barking dogs.
  • Having to explain the same thing more than once.
  • People who don’t flush the toilet.
  • When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole at Dunkin Donuts.

 
I’ve got to stop this foolishness.  If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong.  Being annoyed by myself while listing annoyances of other people that annoy everyone else.  It’s a conundrum I tell you.  I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list.  It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already so get to it.

Man it’s hot in here.

06-25-2013   Leave a comment

Why is it that we just love to entertain ourselves listening and watching young children.  I suppose it’s their innocence and honesty so effortlessly projected.  The recent rash of TV commercials containing one adult and four kids in a discussion group setting has captured everyone’s hearts.  The honest answers coupled with their totally innocent facial expressions is priceless.

I understand the desire of businesses to use these kids for commercial purposes.  If there were four or five adults sitting around talking most of us would click the remote and move on to things that were more interesting and believable.  Adults are never perceived as being honest, especially those involved in the making of television commercials.

Over the years most commercials involving young kids and adults have not so subtly treated the adults like idiots.  The kids are then shown as the smart and sensible members of the family.  This kind of posturing plays right into the younger demographics but I always thought it was a little insulting to us adults.  I readily admit that many adults are idiots but I always held out hope that it was just a small percentage.

This morning lying in bed in a semi-relaxed state I was quietly surfing the net when I came upon a number of sites listing actual letters from parents who were excusing their children from school.  These samples reflect the actual wording and mis-spellings that those parents used.  I’m sure the teachers who received these notes were as shocked as I was.  It’s hard to understand how a reasonably intelligent parent would want their notes to the school to read this way.  Enjoy them and then just slowly shake your head with your total lack of understanding as I did.

  • Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words in ( )’S were crossed out.]
  • Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
  • Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.
  • My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
  • Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
  • Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
  • Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
  • My child was absent from school yesterday because he had a sore trout.
  • Please excuse my son for being absent yesterday. “He has a cold and could not breed well”.
  • Excuse my son. He’s been under the doctor.
  • Please excuse my son from being absent yesterday. “He had diarrhea and his boots leak”.
  • Please excuse my daughter for being absent yesterday. “She was in bed with very bad gramps”.
  • Please excuse my child from school yesterday. “He had a bad stomach egg”.
  • Please excuse my child from missing school yesterday. “I thought we had a 3 day weekend”.

I certainly hope that the children of these parents are smarter than the parents seem to be.  Bad grammar, misspellings, and a general lack of concern with making the notes read like they came from a thinking adult.  There are times when talking with youngsters is the most refreshing part of the day.  At least they’re honest and anything humorous they come up with is based on a lack of experience and not a lack of intelligence.