Have you ever had something piss you off so bad you felt a sharp, stabbing pain behind your eyes. If you have then the following list will be perfect for you. I love reading lists and I also love writing them from time to time. Over the last few years I’ve experienced almost 60% of the things listed below and it seems to be getting worse each year instead of improving. The pandemic has done nothing to stop these annoyances, it has possibly increased them.
The person who insists on explaining at length something I have absolutely no interest in.
People who snore the paint right off the walls and then deny ever snoring.
People who love to talk over me during a conversation make me want to scream.
Waiting in my car at the ATM for 15 minutes for some moron on a bicycle making a deposit.
The guy in the next men’s room stall at Walmart who opens a stolen package of underwear, puts them on, and leaves his old pair on the floor when he departs.
The attractive woman driving the gorgeous new Lexus who rolls down her window and spits a huge oyster into the passing lane.
People who will stand quietly in line at a movie theater but can’t shut the hell up once the movie starts.
Screaming out-of-control children in public places with parents shopping elsewhere.
The woman chatting on her cell phone as she smashed into my left front fender.
Loud and obnoxious beer drinking morons at any sporting event.
People who are “close talkers” with chronic “stench breath” who won’t stop talking to me.
Finding short and curly hairs in my restaurant food.
Waiting endlessly in a register line for a customer to be trained in the use of their own debit card by the cashier.
People who loudly bitch and moan about their meals and the service at a restaurant.
City workers who insist on destroying my mailbox every year with a 10 ton snowplow.
I feel much better now that I’ve gotten all of those off my chest. It’s a very cathartic experience to say the least. I wrote these items in less than 15 minutes and I’m afraid if I took a bit more time the list would’ve doubled.
With all this heat and rain along with the damn pandemic I’ve discovered just how many things there are that annoy me. I won’t complain about wearing masks or being locked in my home like a prisoner because those things are absolutely necessary. As I began to compile my list it just kept growing and growing. Here they are.
People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
People who are constantly late (I hate them).
Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
People who chit-chat with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them waiting and waiting.
TV shows and commercial ads with ringing phones, which make you think the sound is coming from your house.
Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
TV shows where people are speaking to Alexa which in turn has my Alexa bugging me.
The more I think about this list the longer it gets. I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll find the end.
Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
Celebrities preaching to me about politics or anything else.
People saying “What’s up?” instead of saying “hi or hello”.
The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
Rappers who thank God and their mothers at awards ceremonies.
Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.
When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
Flood pants on men (even stupid hipsters).
People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
People abbreviating words when they speak (Rachael Ray).
Rude people talking at movies (you know who you are).
Barking dogs.
Having to explain the same thing more than once to the same person.
People who don’t flush the toilet.
When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole of your cup at Dunkin Donuts.
Anyone who can’t speak a complete sentence without using the word “like” five or six times.
People who can’t use any pronoun except the word “dude”.
People who are constantly touching their genitals (men and boys).
People who bring babies to movie theaters.
I’ve got to stop this foolishness. If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong. I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list. It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already.
I consider myself a reasonable person with enough life experience to speak on any number of subjects. I’m like a of lot of you out there, I think I ‘m a freaking philosopher as well. The only difference is that most of the time I keep my philosophic thoughts to myself unless asked. I really dislike people who feel the need to preach at me without prompting on their thoughts on every little thing. They love explaining in great detail how to date, who to marry, how to raise children, how to eat properly, and on and on and on. Those people like nothing better than to "beat my ear" with what they think is the final word on everything. My first thought is to tell them to shut up and go away but being that frank with people these days is frowned upon. Decades of politically correct indoctrination has created this know-it-all condition in far too many people.
I can shovel out the blarney with the best of them but I realize that being an annoying prick is not on my bucket list. I’ll be the first person to admit if I need help or advice and I’ll ask for it. While I don’t like asking there are times when I must. You just have to remember that by the simple fact of asking you put yourself in the line of fire for way more information that you’ll ever need or want. It’s just the nature of the beast but it does requires that you stand there and listen to their advice no matter how stupid or inane it may be. So, rule number one: Only ask for advice as a last resort and be absolutely sure you’re asking the right person. You might be better off making a mistake than opening yourself up to the thoughts of a person whose own life experience is somewhat limited.
I’m open to the philosophy of others but prefer to read it rather than listen to it. Over the years I’ve collected different thoughts, statements and quotations, both humorous and serious, that I thought were interesting. Today I’ll pass along some of them to you. You have the option of reading them or not, it’s your choice. I’m making these tidbits available as a service that requires no additional conversation with me whatsoever.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
I hope these little pearls of wisdom will aid you in your search for answers to all those questions we struggle with. Some are funny but none the less true.
With all this heat we’ve been suffering through I discovered just how many things there are that annoy me when I’m all hot, sweaty, and irritable. My normal list of annoyances has increased by a factor of ten.
I realize the heat makes it even worse but it getting ridiculous. Yesterday I found myself annoyed by a plane flying over my house. The fact that it was at least 25,000 feet high made no difference. Those bastard pilots. It’s getting out of control and I’m praying for cooler weather before someone decides to kick my ass.
I jotted down a few more that some of you will hopefully agree with.
People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
People who are constantly late.
Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
Co-workers that try to sell stuff to you at work.
People who make small talk with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them.
Stores with TV monitors at the checkouts that play commercials.
TV shows and commercials ads with ringing doorbells or phones, which make you think the sound is coming from your house.
Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
Fake laughter.
The more I think about this list the longer it gets. I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll reach the end of this nonsense.
Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
Celebrities preaching to me about politics.
People saying "What’s up?" instead of saying "hi or hello".
The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
People who refer to themselves in the third person.
Rappers who thank God at awards ceremonies.
Mumbling, then annoyingly saying "Forget it!" when people don’t hear you.
Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.
Business buzz words: synergistic, globalize, paradigm shift.
People who dress their pets.
Annoying nervous laughter.
Someone opening a cabinet door or drawer and leaving it open.
People who say "carmel" instead of "caramel".
Overuse of the word "Like"
Mispronunciation of words.
People who are over age 21 who say the word "dude" way too often.
When people use the word "literally" inappropriately. I.e. "I literally almost jumped out of my skin."
People who bring their babies to the movies.
Wow, I’m starting to think almost everything is annoying me these days.
When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
Flood pants on men.
People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
People abbreviating words when they speak.
Rude people talking at movies.
Barking dogs.
Having to explain the same thing more than once.
People who don’t flush the toilet.
When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole at Dunkin Donuts.
I’ve got to stop this foolishness. If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong. Being annoyed by myself while listing annoyances of other people that annoy everyone else. It’s a conundrum I tell you. I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list. It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already so get to it.
Have you ever had something piss you off so bad that you felt a sharp, stabbing pain behind your eyes. If you have then the following list will be perfect for you. I love reading lists and also love writing them from time to time. Most people are occasionally annoying but on their really bad days they make my list. These items have started this Summer Season with a vengeance.
People who love to talk over me during a conversation make me want to scream.
The person in front of me at the 14 item express register checkout with fifty items in his cart and a bad attitude when confronted.
Waiting in my car at the ATM for fifteen minutes for some moron on foot makes a withdrawal.
The guy in the men’s room stall at Wal-mart who leaves the stall in a condition that some people (but not me) might call a real “shit hole”.
The attractive woman driving the gorgeous new Lexus who rolls down her window and spits a huge oyster into the passing lane. When you then look at her she resorts to giving you the dreaded “finger”.
People who will stand quietly in line at a movie theatre but can’t shut up once the movie starts.
People who have something important to tell me and then send me a four word text.
People who are “close talkers” with chronic “stench” breath who won’t stop talking.
Waiting endlessly in a register line for a customer to be trained in the use of their debit card by the cashier.
People who insist on telling me their child is an honor student in some BS school with a freaking bumper sticker.
I feel much better now that I’ve gotten all of these off my chest. It’s a very cathartic experience to say the least and just might keep me from hurting myself and others.
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