Archive for the ‘food’ Tag
Quote of the Day
“When the grasshopper gathers strength to hop, it does not
know where it will land. So, it often is with poets.”
Gerald Brenan
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
At a local college dance, a guy from America asks a girl from Sweden to dance. While they are dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug.” She replies,”Yaah, in Sveden we call it a hug too.” A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.” She replies,”Yaah, in Sveden we call it a kiss too.” Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have sex with her, saying, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich.” She says, “Yaaah, in Sveden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young lady from Fort Kent
Who said that she knew what it meant
When men ask her to dine,
Gave her roses and wine –
She knew what it meant, but she went!
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. Today he got out and his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and jumped into the car. The only thing he said was, “F.F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E.F.” Out on the highway, he said, “F.F.” She immediately responded simply, “E.F.” He repeated it once again, “F.F.” She again replied loudly, “E.F.” “Mom! Dad! What the hell is going on?” Bernie quietly answered, “Your mother wants to eat first!”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Conventional wisdom is to wisdom what junk food is to food.
Quote of the Day
“If the wrong man uses the right means, the right means work in the wrong way.”
Chinese Saying
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy how was I born?” The father answers, “Well, son, I guess one day you were going to find out anyway. Your mom and I first got together in an Internet chat room. Then I set up a date with her via e-mail and we met at a local cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded hotel room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, a little Pop-up window appeared nine months later that said, “You’ve got male.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young man from Missouri.
Who screwed with astonishing fury,
Till taken to court
For his vigorous sport,
And condemned by a poorly hung jury.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
A man from Texas buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar as he announces that his wife has just produced a typical Texan baby boy weighing 20 pounds. Congratulations shower from all around, and many exclamations of “Wow!” are heard. Two weeks later the man again returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, aren’t you the father of the typical Texan baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth ” “How much does the baby way now?” The proud father answers, “15 pounds.” The bartender is puzzled. “Why? What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds at birth.” The Texan father takes a slow sip from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans over to the bartender and proudly announces, “We had him circumcised.”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Pornography is the attempt to insult sex.
Quote of the Day
“Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.”
Kahlil Gibran
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A 75-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.” The next day, the 75-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, “Well, Doc, it’s like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand but still got nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing happened, then she tried with her left, but still nothing happened. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing happened. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too but there was nothing doing.” The doctor was shocked. “You actually asked your neighbor?” the old man replied, “Yep, I did, and no matter what we all tried we still couldn’t get the lid off that goddamn jar.
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
An erotic neurotic named Sid,
Got his Ego confused with his Id.
His errant libido
Was like a torpedo,
And that’s why he done what he did.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
An old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, 50 years ago we were sitting here at this very same breakfast table together.” “Yeah, you’re right” she replied. The old man said, “but as I recall we were sitting here stark naked 50 years ago.” “Well,” Granny snickered, “what do you say, should we strip?” So, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table. “You know, honey,” the little old lady said, “my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.” “I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your porridge.”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Leisure is the mother of Philosophy
Quote of the Day
“Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.”
Nelson Algren
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off, and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes off to the left. The wife eventually finds her ball in a patch of beautiful buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercup patch. Suddenly, a magical woman appears out of nowhere, blocking her path to the golf bag. She looks her up and down and says, I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you’ll be unable to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.” The mystery woman suddenly disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, “Hey, where’s your ball?” “It’s over here in the pussy willows” he shouted. The wife screams back, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
As the elevator car left our floor,
Poor old Sue caught her boobs in the door.
She yelled a great deal,
But had they been real,
She’d have hollered considerably more.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part that they wanted to have healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the TV and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her so much pain. Then Grandpa slowly got up, stumbled to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and yelled, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Piss not against the wind.
Quote of the Day
“Fashions after all, are only inducted epidemics.”
George Bernard Shaw
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
Our guy was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake, and he’d been fishing from dawn till dark along with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, a friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seems to be all about just fishing. The guy states, “Yes, but you know how much I love to fish.” The guide replied, “But aren’t you newlyweds supposed to be doing something else as well?” “Yes, but she’s got gonorrhea, and you know how much I just love to fish.” A few hours later the guide again said, “I understand, but you do know that’s not the only way to have sex.” “I know, but she’s also got diarrhea, and you know how much I just love to fish.” The guide shakes his head sadly. The guy then tells him, “She also has chlamydia, but don’t forget just how much I just love to fish.” Later that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated, the guide said, “I guess I’m not sure why you’d ever marry someone with all of these types of health problems.” The man smiled and calmly answered, “It’s because she also has worms, and you know how much I love to fish.
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young naval cadet
Whose dreams were unusually wet.
When he dreamt of his wedding
He soaked up the bedding,
And the wedding ain’t taken place yet.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Two 5-year-old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, “Your thing doesn’t have any skin on it!” “I’ve been circumcised,” the other replies. “What’s that mean?” “It means they cut the skin off the end.” “How old were you when it was cut off?” “My mom said I was only two days old.” “Did it hurt much?”, the kid asked inquiringly. “You bet your ass it hurt – I didn’t walk for a year!”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
The Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
I know that most people have all of their attention with Christmas involved with the buying and wrapping of gifts. While that is important to all of the kids, as an adult I’m in it for the food. For me Christmas is just a second Thanksgiving with gifts and a new list of foods for me to pig out on. Candy canes, cookies, fudges, brownies, pies, little cakes, and SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR!! Bring it on Santa, I’m ready to devour it all. So, folks, here are some limericks about food from a serious and chubby “foodie”. Enjoy!
🍷🍷🍷
A cheese that was aged and gray
Was walking and talking one day.
Said the cheese, “Kindly note
My mama was a goat
And I’m made out of curds by the whey.”
🍗🍗🍗
There was an old lady of Rye,
Who was baked by mistake in a pie.
To the household’s disgust
She emerged through the crust,
And exclaimed, with a yawn, “Where am I?”
🍜🍜🍜
There was an old man from the Rhine
Who was asked at what hour he’d dine.
He replied, “At eleven,
At three, six, and seven,
At eight and a quarter to nine.”
🍦🍦🍦
There was a young man of Calcutta
Who spoke with a terrible stutta.
At breakfast he said,
“Give me some b-b-b-bread
And a pat of b-b-b-b-butta.”
2 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
I thought today might be a good time to address the “gouging” that’s been going on with food prices. I thought the oil industry was the champion gouger of all times but once again I was mistaken. I should have known that once it started with gas prices it would eventually spread to damn near everything else. Blame it on inflation or President Biden or on the many business men who seized on an opportunity to put it to the American public once again.
Yesterday I had the misfortune of doing the food shopping for the week. It will be a cold day in hell when I pay $5.50 for a dozen medium sized chicken eggs. I won’t list all of the things that pissed me off but trust me, there were dozens. With that thought in mind I’d like to time travel back to the “good old days” to do some comparison shopping. Welcome to the late 1940’s.
The average salary for a full time employee was $2900.00 and the minimum wage was a whopping $.40 an hour. I’m sure we’d all like to see prices like this again.
Bread (lb) $.14
Bacon (lb) $.77
Butter (lb) $.87
Eggs (1 dozen) $.72
Milk (gal) $.44
Potatoes (10 lb) $.57
Coffee (1 lb) $.51
Sugar (5 lbs) $.47
Gasoline (gal) $.26
Movie Tickets $.36
Postage Stamps $.03
Car $1250.00
Single Family Home $7700.00
Who is to blame? It’s a long list heavily populated by hundreds of politicians and thousands of loyal American businesses and corporations. As always, the regular guy gets stuck paying for their errors in judgement and sheer stupidity. Hooray for love of country and patriotism (sarcasm off).
U.S.A. ! – U.S.A. ! – U.S.A.!
Since I’m a bit of a “foodie” I thought I’d do a little research about food. I started my day watching an oldie-but-goodie, an episode of the original Iron Chef program from Japan. I now know everything I need to know about the preparation and consumption of pork belly. Let’s get on with this . . .
- Did you know that the cereal Post Toasties was originally named Elijah’s Manna. The name was changed in 1904 after objections were received from the clergy.
- The country of Norway consumes more spicy Mexican food than any other European nation.
- The literal meaning of the Italian word linguine is “Little tongues”.
- Margarine was originally called “Butterine” when first marketed in England.
- The top two selling spices in the world are pepper (top seller) and mustard.
- Peter Cooper, best know for inventing the locomotive “Tom Thumb”, also patented in 1845 a gelatin treat later marketed as “Jello”.
- There are 12 flowers embossed on an Oreo cookie, four petals on each.
- The standard pretzel shape was created by French monks in 610 a.d. and made to resemble a little child’s arms in prayer.
- Canned herring are called sardines. The process for canning originated in Sardinia where herring were first canned.
- When the Birdseye company first introduced frozen food in 1930, it was called “Frosted Food”. The name was changed shortly thereafter to “Frozen”.
Now you know. I also strongly recommend taking some time to visit the Roku Channel and the Iron Chef program. I loved it way back in the day and it still remains an all time favorite.
EAT, DRINK, AND DO MARY
Today is my favorite kind of day. I spent yesterday shopping for ingredients and today making thirteen quarts of super-hot chunky black bean and roasted corn salsa. It’s a lot of work but worth every minute of labor. My better-half was born and raised in south Texas and insists salsa should be nice and smooth and hot. I prefer my salsa to be chunky and OMG hot so I jacked up the heat a little because good salsa should always make your head sweat. Enough about my salsa. Let’s talk about some scary food facts since I’m in the mood.
- While the results of water contamination tests are made public, manufacturers of bottled water do not divulge their test results.
- Almost 99% of imported food is never inspected by the FDA or the USDA, the two agencies responsible for protecting Americans from tainted products.
- One in five office coffee mugs contains fecal bacteria and E. coli, which can cause diarrhea, food poisoning, and infections.
- Vegetarians beware: many low-fat and nonfat yogurts and sweets contain gelatin, which is made from animal tendons, ligaments, and bones.
- Even when grapes are harvested by hand, some insects wind up in the picker’s baskets. Workers simply don’t have time to inspect every grape individually as they work.
- Long a staple of the American diet and US economy, corn is a high-carbohydrate, high-glycemic food that fattens up cattle and does the same to humans who consume it in excess.
- Beef cattle evolved to survive on grass but are regularly fed corn, which has disastrous effects on their digestive systems, requiring a constant regimen of antibiotics to keep them healthy.
- Peanut allergies afflict an estimated 4 million Americans and can be life-threatening. Almost half of annual emergency room visits and two thirds of deaths due to anaphylaxis are the result of peanut allergies.
- Independent studies show that bell peppers, celery, kale, carrots, lettuce, and potatoes are the vegetables most likely to expose consumers to pesticides, despite being rinsed and peeled.
- A diet high in processed meats like sausage, hot dogs, and luncheon meats increase the risk of pancreatic cancer. Chemical reactions that occur during the preparation of these meets yields carcinogens.
ENJOY YOUR LUNCH
I have to admit I’m a bit of a “foodie”. At one time I was confident that the food systems in the United States were closely inspected. That was until I began learning additional facts that left me wondering what I’ve actually been eating. We are a country of laws (too many for sure) but these food facts are disturbing for me.
- Ground pepper must contain fewer than 475 insect fragments per 50 grams.
- No more than two rodent hairs, or 29 gnawed kernels, can be shipped in a pound of popcorn.
- Frozen peaches may contain up to 3% wormy or moldy fruit.
- Shelled peanuts must have fewer than 20 whole insects in a 100-pound bag.
- Canned pineapple cannot contain more than 20% moldy fruit pieces.
- Chocolate must contain fewer than 60 insect fragments per 100 grams, and no more than one rodent hair.
Here are a few additional food trivia facts.
- In China, the most popular use of Ketchup is as a condiment for fried chicken.
- The top-selling candy in the United States are M&Ms. Candy was invented in 1941 and named after its two inventors, Forrest E. Mars and R. Bruce Murrie. They debuted in 1954.
- The Haribo company produces roughly 100,000,000 gummy bears per day. If all of the gummy bears produced in a year were laid head-to-paw they would circle the earth four times.
- Each year Americans spend $9 billion dollars on candy.
- Out of each dollar spent at a movie theater’s concession stand, roughly $.85 is pure profit.
EAT UP
ENJOY YOUR BUG PARTS AND RODENT HAIR
