I think today we should get a little more intellectual than the run-of-the-mill limericks and off-color jokes. After blogging for more than fifteen years I’ve become a true lover of words. Another plus about words is that they come together to form books, lots and lots of books. Every year when I make my New Year’s resolutions, I normally have one requiring that I read at least one hundred books for the year. I have never ever not accomplished that resolution. The only thing I enjoy more than writing words is reading those written by others, it’s just the coolest thing ever. So today this post will be a short trivia lesson about words, language, and books. I hope you find them interesting . . .
One of the greatest orators of all time – Demosthenes was once a stutterer who stubbornly trained himself out of it, reportedly by putting pebbles in his mouth and practicing speaking aloud.
The Polish actress Helena Modjeska was popular with audiences for her realistic and emotional style of acting. She once gave a dramatic reading in her native tongue at a dinner party of people who did know the Polish language, and her listeners were in tears when she finished. It turned out she had merely recited the Polish alphabet.
The French philosopher Rene Descartes sarcastically speculated that monkeys and apes actually have the ability to speak but choose not to.
The inhabitants of a slum called Trastevere, near Rome, speak a dialect all their own. They claim to have more than 2000 vulgar words to describe human genitalia.
The phrase “What a guy!” is a cry of derision in Great Britain and a cry of adoration in the United States.
The average daily issue of the Congressional Record carries more than 4 million words – the approximate equivalent of 20 long novels. It is printed and published overnight.
A forty-five-letter word connoting a lung disease, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, is the longest word in Webster’s Third New International Dictionary. The longest word in the Oxford English Dictionary means the act of estimating something as worthless- floccipaucinihilipilification, which has twenty-nine letters.
The Scottish writer Robert Bontine Conningshame Graham, who had won a seat as a Liberal member of Parliament in 1886, was suspended from the House of Commons for having the audacity to use the word “damn” in a public speech.
The word “ozone” got its name from the Greek ozo, which means “I smell.” It was first officially used in 1840.
All of the world’s main alphabets have developed from an alphabet invented 3600 years ago in the Middle East and known as the North Semitic Alphabet.
As all of you should be aware, I am a lover of history. Not just that run-of-the-mill American history that everybody knows about and has read about in textbooks. I like quirky, odd, and obscure stories of American history. Here are a few samples of some historical notes about the United States that the majority of you never heard of.
The United States has profited greatly twice at the hands of a nation that viewed Great Britain as their enemy. In 1803, France, aware it could not hang on to the vast Louisiana Territory, sold it to the United States for 2 1/2 cents per acre rather than have it fall into Great Britain’s hands. In 1867, Russia sold the 586,400 square miles of Alaska to the United States for less than two cents an acre. The logical purchaser would have been Great Britain, whose minions in Canada bordered the land on the East, but Russia considered Great Britain to be an enemy (Britain had won the Crimean War against the Russians and sided with the Confederacy in the United States Civil War).
The Pony Express, which has lived in legend for more than a century, lived in fact for less than two years. Indian raids curtailed service on the 1966-mile route between St. Joseph, Missouri, and Sacramento, California. The transcontinental telegraph finally replaced it in late 1861.
In 1813, Major George Armistead, command of Fort McHenry, placed an order for a flag “so large that the British would have no difficulty in seeing it from a distance.” In fulfilling the commission for that flag, subsequently celebrated as “Old Glory” and “The Star-spangled Banner,” Mary Pickersgill and members of her family sewed over 400 yards of bunting into a banner 30′ x 42′, costing $405.90. This was the flag that Francis Scott Key saw that “was still there.” It hangs today in the Smithsonian Institution.
The American Colonization Society was formed, in 1816, by the Rev. Robert Finley of New Jersey, for the purpose of establishing an Africa colony to which the 200,000 U.S. blacks freed by slaveholders or born to free parents could be sent. Prominent slaveholders like Calhoun, Clay, Randolph, and Jackson supported the Society because they feared the threat to slavery posed by free blacks. Congress was persuaded to lend aid for land purchases. In all, about 15,000 blacks left America for the colony, which came to be called Liberia. The capital is named Monrovia, for President James Monroe.
The first nation to receive foreign aid from the United States was Venezuela. In 1812, Venezuela, fighting for its independence from Spain, suffered a severe and damaging earthquake. Congress appropriated $50,000 to help the victims.
Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food from freezing.
I wish I could live seventy-five more years and then be able to read a blog similar to this explaining to the citizens of that time how weird, stupid and crazy we were. It would probably be worth a million laughs to those future citizens. The Clinton years alone could supply enough weirdness laughter and gagging for many blog postings.
These limericks were published in New York in 1965. They made their way into my hands via the Northside School Library in Rogers, Arkansas. The last date the book was signed out was on April Fool’s Day in 1967. From reading them I would guess many of them were written in Great Britain, but I’ll note the authors when I can. Enjoy!
🫤🫤🫤
There was a young man of Calcutta
Who spoke with a terrible stutta,
At breakfast he said,
“Get me some b-b-b-bread
And b-b-b-b-b-b-butta.”
😯😯😯
By Robert Louis Stevenson
There once was an old man of the Cape,
Who made himself garments of crepe.
When asked, “Do they tear?”
He replied, “Here and there,
But they’re perfectly splendid for shape!”
😊😊😊
A small boy when asked to spell “yacht,”
Most saucily said, “I will nacht.”
So, his teacher in wrath,
Took a section of lathe,
And warmed him up well on the spacht.
😬😬😬
There was a young bard of Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When they said it was so,
He replied “Yes I know,
But I make a rule of always trying to get just as many words into the last line as I possibly can.”
Are you a follower of all things “Royal”? With the passing of Elizabeth, I thought it was only right and respectful to wait a period of time before I decided to jump into the vast emptiness that all of the Brits are probably suffering from. I’ve never understood the need for “Royals” but nevertheless here are a number of items of trivia you might find interesting about them.
Elizabeth was born on Wednesday or “hump day” if you prefer.
The Queen always wrote with a fountain pen that belonged to her father, King George VI.
Her husband Prince Philip once crashed his car within minutes of having delivered a speech on road safety in 1957.
Prince Charles first Shetland pony was named Fum.
Prince Andrew refused to wear shorts under his kilt as a child to be like Prince Philip. “Papa doesn’t wear anything and neither shall I!” he would cry.
Princess Diana was the first royal bride not to use the word obey in her marriage vows.
Prince Philip kept a collection of press cartoons of himself on the walls of his lavatory in Sandringham.
The Queen was an excellent mimic and sometimes entertained the family by aping the prime ministers she’d known in the last half-century.
Princess Margaret was afraid of the dark.
All royal babies are baptized with water brought from the river Jordan.
There you have it, some totally useless trivial facts about the royal family. I’ve always wondered if many of their activities were as normal as some of the things that we do. I won’t get into the details of what I sometimes think because it would be a little disrespectful and absolutely hilarious. A friend of mine after a recent discussion about the Royals put some strange thoughts into my head (off-color to be sure) which I won’t get into today. Here’s one last quote to help keep things in their proper “Royal” perspective.
The Queens description of Niagara Falls was “It looks very damp.”
I’m as big a critic of President Biden as anyone one but one of my biggest pet peeves with him is his inability to make a quick and logical decision without involving the Congress or twenty advisory committees. It’s as if he realizes his decisions may be faulty so he asks for backup to try and cover his butt if things don’t go as expected. In my mind that does not make a good leader, it actually weakens the presidency in the eyes of the world as recent comments from Great Britain confirm. So I’ve gone searching for the thoughts of other late and great Americans on this subject.
“Problems come when the individual tries to hand over the decision-making to a committee.” Rupert Murdoch
” If I had to sum up in one word what makes a good manager, I’d say decisiveness.” Lee Iacocca
“The percentage of mistakes in quick decisions is no greater than in long, drawn-out vacillations, and the effective of decisiveness itself “makes things go” and creates confidence.” Ann O’Hare McCormick
” A decision delayed until it is too late is not a decision; it’s an evasion.” Anonymous
I understand the need of big government to have panels and advisory committees. The President supposedly makes the final decision but a really smart president makes it in a reasonable length of time. The need for lengthy meetings, conferences, and telephone calls in the middle of the night to Democratic and Republican buddies isn’t getting the job done in my view. Nothing is more important than a timely decision. If the voters in this country took as long to make a decision as some of the politicians, it would take twelve years to elect a president. Now that I think about it maybe that’s the best way to go.
A QUESTIONABLE DECISION IS PREFERABLE TO A DELAYED ONE
I always try to plan ahead for ideas for this blog but today I’m having a difficult time concentrating. I’m a lover of all new technology and make it a point to stay up to speed with new software and hardware as it comes available. Today is one of those days that computer junkies fear the most. No working internet connection.
We had a moderately heavy rainstorm last night and things were fine when I crashed into bed at 1 am. I awoke this morning and my internet connection is dead. While my in-house network is still functioning thanks to a battery backup unit, good old Time Warner’s internet feed is missing in action. Unfortunately our house is located in a semi-dead spot for internet, GPS, and telephone reception. I have range extenders for damn near everything but they also run in conjunction with the internet.
In order for me to make or receive calls today I’ll be forced to drive a few hundred yards up a nearby hill near the house to get just two bars. My alarm system is sending me text messages on the phone (3G) telling me the system is off. Damn, tell me something I don’t know.
In the past the system usually comes back on-line very quickly but not today. It’s been four hours already and still nothing. And of course their telephone lines are busy, busy, busy.
Let’s kill some time today while I wait for the internet to return by revisiting some things I truly enjoy and that’s limericks. I’ve collected many, written a few, and they always seem to lean to the naughtier side of things. Some of the best I’ve ever seen have come from Great Britain because they’ve been writing them for centuries and have some of the naughtiest and funniest. I’ll try to keep todays collection naughty but nice and I’ll skip the x-rated stuff for now. Here’s five of my fav’s.
#1
With a maiden a chap just begat
Bouncing triplets named Pat, Nat, and Tat;
Twas fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding;
As there wasn’t a spare tit for Tat.
#2
There once was a young lady named Hilda
Who went out with a top body-builder;
He said that he should,
That he could and he would,
And he did and it damn near killed her.
#3
A notorious harlot named Hearst
In the pleasures of men is well-versed;
Reads the sign at the head
Of her well rumpled bed;
“The customer always comes first”.
#4
There was a young fellow from Kent
Whose tool was incredibly bent;
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double,
And, instead of coming he went!
#5
As the elevator car left our floor,
Poor old Sue caught her boobs in the door;
She yelled a great deal,
But had they been real,
She’d have bellowed considerably more.
***
‘And one from an anonymous kid.’
Hopefully some time today I can get these posted but I’m at the mercy of the Time Warner road crews. Here’s one of my own limericks I wrote after living in Maine for more than ten years. No names have been used to protect the somewhat innocent.
There once was a young lady from Maine
Who ruined her dress with a stain.
She thought she was clever,
But her mother knew better,
And asked “What the hell is his name”.
It’s now been eight hours without the internet and it just came back on. “Better late than never.” should be scrawled somewhere on Time Warner’s Logo.
everyuselessthing.com 