I’m declaring today as Silly Day. As I’m feeling right now I have no interest in anything important. I don’t want to discuss the problems of our society, questions about the universe or the reason why my legs and butt cheeks hurt when I get up in the morning. None of that is least bit important today.

I have quite the collection of quotes and sayings and adages for every occasion but today Silly and Stupid reign supreme. The following tidbits address just about anything you’d like to think about and do so in a silly and stupid way. These tidbits have been obtained from all sorts of strange and wonderful sources from TV shows, philosophers, and even a comedian or two.

We all need to laugh once in a while.  Enjoy!

• Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.  – Rita Mae Brown
• A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.  – Sir Winston Churchill
• Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.  – Anonymous
• Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you’re William Hurt. – Phil Dunphy of Modern Family
• Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.  – Carl Zwanzig
• Home is heaven and orgies are vile but I like an orgy, once in a while. – Ogden Nash
• A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.  – Jack Benny
• I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.  – Fred Allen
• Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker.  – From the movie Naked
• Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.  – Colin Sautar
• Who says nothing is impossible.  I’ve been doing nothing for years.  – Anonymous
• A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge.  – Robert Brault
• I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.  – Anonymous
• She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.  – Mae West
• She was what we used to call a suicide blond – dyed by her own hand.  – Saul Bellow

• After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party?  Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.  – P.J. O’Rourke
• I have six locks on my door all in a row.  When I go out, I lock every other one.  I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.  – Elayne Boosler
• If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me.  – Song title by Jimmy Buffet
• Man was predestined to have free will.  – Hal Lee Luyah
• Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.  – Aldous Huxley
• Murphy was an optimist.  – O’Toole’s Commentary

• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.  – Bill Watterson

• You can’t have everything… where would you put it?  – Steven Wright
• He’s turned his life around.  He used to be depressed and miserable.  Now he’s miserable and depressed.  – Harry Kalas
• I plan on living forever.  So far, so good.  – Anonymous
• Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.  – Anonymous
• Love your enemies.  It makes them so damned mad.  – P.D. East
• As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed.  Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around.  – Robert Brault
• I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants.  – Dave Beard
• There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.  – Jerry Seinfeld
• And on the eighth day God said, “Okay, Murphy, you’re in charge!”  – Anonymous
• When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.  – Anonymous
• A great name for a new country song:  If I’d Shot You Sooner, I’d Be Out of Jail by Now.  – Anonymous

• A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.  – Fred Allen
• Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.  – H.L. Mencken
• A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.  – Anonymous
• A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t. – Anonymous
• All generalizations are bad.  – R.H. Grenier
• All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.  Now I see that I should have been more specific.  – Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe
• The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away.  – Tom Waits
• Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.  – Attributed to both Jason Hutchison and John Benfield

Did I lie? Silly and Stupid. I just felt like lightening matters up today because if I take a peek into the real world it depresses the hell out of me. Politics sickens me and listening to drug company commercials and the constant stream of advertisements on every bit of media almost every second of every day of every year for the rest of my effing life makes me want to scream out loud.

The weekend is coming, so let this steaming pile of minutia get you in the right frame of mind.