Now that my never-ending retro trivia posts have been completed, it’s time to return to my first love those funny and bawdy LIMERICKS. As I’ve always said, I love limericks and I also love history. I’ve decided today to combine the two with a few limericks made famous during the World War II era. I assume some of these may have been written by a few GI’s but I can’t be sure. I find it refreshing that even during the worst war we’ve ever experienced, a sense of humor was still maintained. Some of these might be considered a little much for younger children. Be warned!
It’s time to end this series of posts about limericks. It’s been fun writing and researching all of these older limericks and I’ll continue to do so with periodic posts of this type. I became enamored with limericks as a ten year old boy listening at the door of a card game while my father and his friends were playing poker. One of them recited the following limerick and I’ve never forgotten it. It imbodies everything I like in poetry. It’s both a little funny and a little bawdy. Enjoy. . .
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There was a man from Cass
Whose balls were made of brass.
During inclement weather he’d rub them together
And lightning would shoot out of his ass.
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If you aren’t smiling at that one then limericks aren’t for you. Over the years I’ve written many myself and upset both friends and family because I lean to the bawdy side of things. The following ditty was written by me just a few days ago and it reminded just how much fun it is to create one. Here it is . . .
I’ve always been a huge fan of Asimov even before I learned he was a proficient writer of limericks. I’ve been reading his novels for many years and have always considered him to be fellow lover of science fiction. After reading some of his limericks I discovered his relationship with John Ciardi and their famous limerick wars. For those of you not familiar with Azimov and his works I’d recommend you read his greatest work, The Foundation Series. I love reading long and involved stories and I’d put Asimov right up there with J.R.R Tolkien and J. K Rowling. Here’s a few samples of his well constructed limericks.
While primarily known as a poet and translator of Dante’s Divine Comedy, he also wrote several volumes of children’s poetry and contributed to the Saturday Review as a columnist and long-time poetry editor. I could continue with all of his accomplishments but they are endless. In 1981 he co-authored a book, LIMERICKS, with his friend Isaac Asimov. It was called a “War of Words (limericks)” and makes for a great read. Two utterly famous men who absolutely loved writing limericks just for fun.
David McCord was a notable American author, best known for his contributions to children’s poetry and also serving as the executive director of the Harvard Fund Council for several decades. His limerick are still somewhat mild as seen in Mr. Lear’s contribution.
I pride myself on having a huge and varied collection of limericks as you well know. Most of them are very old with the identity of the writers long forgotten. For the next two weeks I’ll be highlighting some of the more famous limerick writers with samples of their work. Most were well known poets, writers, and authors. Some of their limericks will be off-color and a bit sexual so I recommend that younger children be monitored. Over the next two weeks you’ll be introduced to some of histories best limerick authors. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.
The first thing I’d like to do is give you a short history lesson on limericks because they’ve been around a lot longer than you might think. The first known limericks appeared in the early 18th century and they just happened to be written in French (and they weren’t called limericks then). Around that same time the Irish Brigade was serving in France (1691 to 1780). The short poems were eventually imported to Limerick, Ireland where their current name originated. Edward Lear 1812-1888, initially wrote many rather mild limericks. It wasn’t until the Victorian Era that the citizenry seized upon the limerick as a way to vent as many four-letter words as possible, much to the delight of young schoolboys. It seems that the bawdiest limericks of that time tended to be written by the British. A few samples of Lear’s tamer limericks will be featured in my next post in two days.
Here is a sample a moderately bawdy limerick of the era:
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Said a widow whose singular vice
Was to keep her dead husband on ice,
“It’s been hard since I lost him.
I’ll never defrost him,
Cold comfort, but cheap at the price.”
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My next post will be an introduction to Edward Lear who authored many limericks over many years.
I thought today I would post a few sports related limericks. I need to cheer up a little after finding out the NFL morons put the screws to Coach Belichick. They couldn’t find a way to beat him on the field so they they took their cheap shot by denying him a first ballot entry into the Hall of Fame. If they had any balls at all they’d step forward and explain their reasoning. We need to know just who these stupid vindictive bastards are.
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I was told by a football-mad chum
He’d been badly mauled in a scrum.
One poor ear, I hear,
Ended up in the beer,
And his teeth in a quarterback’s bum!
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A golfer, employing a wedge,
Chipped his chip-shot behind a thick hedge.
But he hadn’t been seen,
So he strolled to the green
And dropped a new ball on the edge.
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A basketball player named Small,
Who was actually fourteen foot tall,
Could score just by standing
And putting his hand in
The basket and simply dropping the ball.
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There’s no-one so dreadful as Bender,
For batters whose bodies are tender.
He gets on their nerves
With his murderous curves
That demand either death or surrender.
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I trashed the NFL because of their mistreatment of Belichick. That was coming from a life-long Steeler fan whose teams regularly had their asses kicked by Belichick. Good is just good and admiration lasts forever.
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GO STEELERS & PATS AS LONG AS THEY AREN’T PLAYING EACH OTHER
We’re three days into the new year which naturally demands a fresh batch of cute and bawdy limericks. These might be considered unacceptable for the younger children so DON’T LET THEM READ THEM. I’d rate them as “PG”, so consider yourself warned. Here we go . . .
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There was a young sailor named Bates
Who did the fandango on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
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I lost my arm in the army,
I lost my leg in the navy,
I lost my balls
Over Niagra Falls,
And I lost my cock in a lady.
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A lady both athletic and handsome
Got wedged in her bedrooms transom.
When she offered much gold
For release, she was told
That the view was worth more than the ransom.
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There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you’d probably think –
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.
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And here’s a fav from a long-term recovering Catholic.
I’ve always been a huge fan of westerns especially those starring John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. The western genre has also been exported to the entire planet making it possible to see many fans wearing boots and cowboy hats even in Japan. We’re in the final days leading up to the holiday and what better way to relax from all of the Christmas insanity, than to take a short mental trip to the Old West by way of limericks. These should be considered “PG”. Enjoy . . . Partner!
I guess I’m feeling a slight tingle of Christmas spirit this week. Being filled with the spirit tends to make me feel a little lazy. So, after my third, forth, and fifth rum soaked eggnogs I decided to dive into some of my older archives for a few Christmas inspired limericks. Here goes nothing . . .
everyuselessthing.com 