Archive for the ‘oral’ Tag
I was perusing through my library this morning when I accidentally tripped and fell back into the 1980’s once again. It always amazes me just how different the sense of humor in the 1980’s compares to now. With that thought in mind I hope you enjoy these little pearls of humor. Cmon, yuck it up a little.
What’s the difference between a gynecologist and a proctologist? Their point of view.
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
Why in the traditional wedding picture is the groom in a chair and the bride is standing? Because he’s too tired to get up, and she’s too sore to sit down!
What’s worse than picking up the soap in an Army shower? Playing leapfrog in the Greek Navy.
How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Four. One to screw it in, and three to discuss how it’s so much more gratifying than with a man!
What does the sign inside of whorehouse say? “No smoking! Use a lubricant!”
What’s a loud wet dream? A snorgasm!
What happens if a young couple mixes up their Vaseline and putty? All their windows fall out!
What’s the easiest way to get a date with a “10”? Ask out two “threes” and a “four!”
What do you get when you cross a donkey with a jar of peanut butter? A piece of ass that sticks to the roof of your mouth!
GIRLS STILL WANT TO HAVE FUN!
For those of you limerick lovers, I thought I’d give you a small selection from a category called “Oral Irregularities”. No further explanation is necessary, just enjoy them.
In his youth our old friend Boccaccio
Was having a girl in a patio.
When it came to the twat
She wasn’t so hot,
But, boy, was she good at fellatio!
😝😝😝
A fellatrix’s healthful condition
Proved the value of spunk as nutrition.
Her remarkable diet
(I suggest that you try it)
Was only her clients’ emission
😜😜😜
There was an old man of Decatur,
Took out his red-hot pertater.
He tried at her dent
But when his thing bent,
He got down on his knees and he et’r.
😱😱😱
The priests at the Temple of Isis
Used to offer up amber and spices
Then back of the shrine
They would play 69
And other unmentionable vices.
🤪🤪🤪
There lived in French Louisiana
A quaint and deceived duenna
Who naïvely thought
That a penis was wrought
To be et like a thick ripe banana.
MORE TO COME SOON
I’d like to welcome you to the planet Mars, since I’m told that’s where men are from. This must be Mars and I’ll tell you why. As part of my never ending search for information to assist me in understanding the female animal I stumbled into the incredibly confusing world of women’s sexual fantasies. To say I was surprised at what I found would be an understatement. It seems that almost everyone has their opinions of what those fantasies are and aren’t shy about putting them out there.
I’m going to show you two top ten lists that claim to have the inside scoop on what women fantasize about. Both I suspect were written by men and they seem a little too good to be true. Here’s list number one:
1. Private Dancer (Striptease)
2. Exhibitionism
3. Force Fantasies
4. Voyeurism
5. Threesome With Two Men
6. Threesome With Another Woman
7. Sex With A Stranger
8. Teacher/Student (Spanking)
9. Domination (You Dominating Her)
10.Domination (Her Dominating You)
Now you understand why I thought I was on Mars. These sound all too familiar to what a list of men’s fantasies would be. I’ve dated a lot of women over the years and been involved in a few serious relationships but never was I made privy to the things on this list. I’ll admit I was made aware of a few of these items but no single women ever claimed ownership of them all. Some of those women were borderline crazy (in a good way) but at best they only rang the bell on six of these items. Now lets look at the second list.
1. Oh my virgin ears (Rape Fantasy)
2. Strap me on, I’m going in (Strap-on Penis)
3. Three-way w/Two Men.
4. Leave a Good Tip (Stripper)
5. I taw, I taw a putty tat (Sex w/woman and a Man Watching)
6. Being Sexually Dominated
7. Lay Me Out on Display (Exhibitionism)
8. Who’s Your Daddy? (Domination of a Man)
9. The More the Merrier (Group Sex)
10.Sex With a Stranger
This is very similar to the first list but in a slightly different order of importance. I’d like any of you women out there to confirm for me that this is even close to the truth. I’ve hoped and prayed that I’d find a women with a list like this my whole life. If most women feel this way then I may have just discovered how little I really knew for all these years. I could become clinically depressed and be forced into therapy if this is all true. Finding out that most women had better fantasies than I did would be devastating.
I’m going to stop writing now because I can feel the depression coming on.
everyuselessthing.com 