Archive for the ‘raunchy’ Tag

08/06/2022 “RAUCHINESS”   5 comments

My favorite word today is “Raunchy”. It’s not a word that’s heard too often these days, but I’ll do my best to do it justice. Another of my favorite things are riddles. As a kid we enjoyed them, and they were always fun. I’ll merge them together and give you ten “Raunchy Riddles” from the 1980’s. Here we go.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porche? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How fast can a girl go when she’s having sex? 68 . . . If she went 69, she’d blow a rod.

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.

Why did the girl take a bath in peroxide? Because she heard that on the whole gentlemen prefer blonds

What can a girl put behind her ears to make her look sexy? Her knees.

What’s the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a hooker with diarrhea? An epileptic corn husker shucks between fits.

Why don’t men mind women claiming to be the foundation of our country? Because they know who laid the foundation.

What’s worse than a centipede with athletes’ foot? Captain Hook with jock itch.

What’s the French method of self-defense? Tung Fu

Why was the Duchess on her knees? She was down for the Count.

DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THE 80’S?

02-12-2016 Journal–Raunchy, Tasteless & Gross!   1 comment

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I’m in a mood this morning. I have yet to decide whether it’s a good mood, a bad mood, or a I-don’t-give-a-damn mood.  It depends more on my interactions today with other people than anything else.  Normally I look for something funny or at least a little humorous to set me on the right track for the day but I’m actually feeling like taking a trip down the wrong road. This road leads to tasteless, gross, and raunchy humor.  Be warned.

I think I’ll throw in a few filthy limericks, a dirty joke or two, some raunchy riddles, and anything else I can think of.  Some of these items and photos might even gross you out a little but hopefully not too too much. Over the years I’ve purchased a number of books in old book stores  filled with questionable humor and today I intend to share some of their contents with you.  So let’s get started.

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Riddles

Q. What’s the difference between frustration and panic?

A. Frustration is the first time you find out you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time you find out you can’t do it the first time.

 

Q. When do you know you’ve had the world’s best head?

A. You have to pull the sheets out of your ass!

 

Q. What’s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

A. A rooster clucks defiance!

 

Q. Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?

A. The guy who finishes first and third in the masturbation contest!

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Jokes

A young up-and-coming executive was informed that he would be forced to take a thirty percent pay cut. Later that evening he was discussing with his wife ways in which they could trim some fat from their household budget. “Honey,” he said, “if you could learn to prepare a few meals, we could fire the cook.”  “Well, dear,” she replied, “if you could learn to fuck, we could fire the gardener.”

A urologist claimed that he could find any disease just by testing a person’s urine. One man, who had tennis elbow, decided to fool the doctor. He made an appointment, received his specimen bottle, and was told to come back the next day. That night he urinated in the bottle, then his wife did, followed by his daughter, and the the family dog. Then he masturbated into it as well. He returned the next day with his sample and gave it to the doctor for testing. Four hours later the doctor returned. “You know,” he said, “it took me a long time, but I think I’ve finally got it. Your wife has VD, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has mange, and if you’d quit beating off, you wouldn’t have tennis elbow.”

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Limericks

All these small cocks (of which we won’t dwell)

Looked no bigger encouraged to swell; I’ve endured the tedium

Of others, classed medium,

But at last – I’ve discovered XL.

 

Said a President prone to give pecks,

To those areas  other than necks:

“Although this is sultry,

It is not adultery –

I’m not even sure if it’s sex!”

-dedicated to Bill Clinton

A well-endowed chap with a cock,

Several sizes too big for his jock,

Eventually found

It was far better wound

Round one leg and tucked into his sock!

 

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,

Complacently stroking his madam;

And loud was his mirth

For he knew that, on earth,

There were only two balls – and he had’em.

 

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Well there you have it. What better way to start off your day and the weekend.  These were just a rather tame samples of what’s to come (no pun intended). The next time I’ll use the harsher and crazier stuff.

10-07-2014 More Useless Boring Things!   Leave a comment

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It’s raining, it cloudy, it’s gray, and I’m suffering from a total lack of interest in just about everything.  This change of seasons gets me down every year and has done so for as long as I can remember.  It’s sort of become a really annoying tradition for me.  I’ve always been told by others that traditions are the backbone of everything and with that in mind I guess I’ll celebrate that tradition with this new tradition.

You know what that means . . . .  more totally useless information.  There’s really no way to categorize this kind of stuff and I won’t even try. I’ll just put it out there for your enjoyment and you can decide if it’s worth your time or not.  So, there will be no photographs today because I’m too preoccupied with being bored to be taking pictures.  Let’s get started.

  • 28% of Africa is wilderness while 38% of North America is wilderness.
  • On November 29, 2000, Pope John Paul II was made an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
  • Heavyweight boxing champion, Ken Norton, was rejected for the role of Apollo Creed in the 1976 film Rocky because he made the star Sylvester Stallone look too small.
  • The largest fruit crop on earth is grapes – followed by bananas.
  • No one knows exactly why a duck’s quack doesn’t echo.

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I’m on my third cup of coffee, still in bed, and munching on a miniature lemon/poppy seed muffin.  I just don’t get these small versions of normal muffins.  People are only kidding themselves if they think it’s healthier to only eat these tiny little useless muffins instead of the real thing.  Give me a big full sized, fat, sugary, crunchy muffin with two inches of frosting on it any day of the week.  If you’re going to eat something sinful don’t mess around, go for it. Revel in the wickedness of your evil deeds.  Forgive me but I seem to have wandered off the reservation a little due to the influences of this destructive and dangerous sugar I just ingested.  Back to the point of this posting which as you should know is "there is no point".

  • Actress Farrah Fawcett had a tap named after her – the gold plated Farrah Fawcet.
  • The snow scenes in the film It’s a Wonderful Life were shot during a record heat wave in southern California.
  • As of 2002, rats in New York outnumbered humans by twelve to one.
  • A pigs orgasm lasts for thirty minutes.
  • When press tycoon William Randolph Hearst sent a telegram to a leading astronomer asking if there was life on Mars and to please cable a thousand words on the subject, he received the reply, “Nobody knows,” repeated five hundred times.

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It’s only proper when posting some useless information to end that posting with a big bang or three.  There’s nothing better than a few really raunchy and bawdy limericks to kick start your day. Enjoy.

The derriere Doris displays

In the park never fails to amaze;

She flounces and bounces

Those wonderful ounces,

And old men are ecstatic for days.

* * *

There was a young virgin named Jeanie

Whose dad was an absolute meanie;

When he’d fashioned a hatch,

With a latch, for her snatch –

She could only be had by Houdini!

* * *

I’d rather have fingers than toes.

I’d rather have ears than a nose.

And, a happy erection

Brought just to perfection

Makes me terribly sad when it goes.

HAVE A GREAT DAY

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