Archive for the ‘retailers’ Tag
This is not one of my favorite times of the year. Summer is ending, skies are gray, rain is cold, leaves are dropping, and the runup to the end-of-year holidays has begun. A little depressing to say the least. I can deal with depression but it’s also very annoying. I thought a quick compilation of my major annoyances would be in order and here they are.
- Leave it up to the money hungry retailers to have Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas merchandise already displayed. IT’S OCTOBER YOU MORONS!
- People who insist on talking over me during a conversation makes me want to scream. JUST PLAIN RUDE!
- Every Wendy’s that lists coffee on the menu and then makes me wait until they make a pot. Every time! WORST KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE!
- The person in front of me at the express checkout line with an entire cart load of merchandise. ASSHOLE!
- Black Friday was always annoying, but this year should be priceless. They’ve begun advertising it already. CORPORATE GREED!
- Anyone still writing checks at the register in a food store. SHEER STUPIDITY!
- Anyone who has a debit card but can’t figure out how to use it. EXASPERATING!
- People who claim to have something really important to tell me, then send a four-word text message. CALL ME!
- Any person, male or female, who is more than 30 pounds overweight and attempting to slim down by wearing skinny jeans. SO BAD!!
- People who continually bitch and complain about their food and service in a restaurant. STAY HOME!
- Twenty or more minutes of every hour for moronic ads on every conceivable type of device. JUST KILL ME NOW!
- City workers and their gigantic snowplows destroying at least one of my mailboxes every year. IGNORAMUSES!
- People who insist on telling me all about their child who is an honor student somewhere. I DON’T CARE!
- Rear window decals displaying family members and pets. LAME!
A RANT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER
“It’s Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature’
Have you ever had something good you were trying to do for someone come back and bite you in the ass? If you haven’t, you don’t know what your missing. I’ve never been known as a “relationship guy”and I’ve failed in so many I should be somewhere in the Guinness Book of Records. As I’ve gotten older I really and truly tried to change my ways with only moderate success.
I was always a good listener but the other skills necessary for maintaining a long term relationship were severely lacking. After trying and failing and then trying again I began to make some progress and was really proud of myself. My better-half constantly assures me that I’m a good partner and we have a healthy and happy relationship. Little did I know that she was lulling me into a false sense of security and it all came to a head yesterday.
It all started with a casual conversation about how stressed she was with Christmas approaching. She was stressing about buying gifts, what gifts to buy, where to buy them, and on and on and on. I fell for it completely and was actually starting to feel sorry for her. After being told what a great relationship we had I felt the need to step up and help her out as much as I could. I casually mentioned that I might consider spending some time with her and using my superior shopping skills to help get her back on track. It might have been one of the dumbest things I’ve ever suggested.
It wasn’t much later when she arrived with a handful of coupons from a bunch of retailers, laid them on the table, and then gave me our tentative travel plans for our full day of shopping. I’m not saying she set the whole thing up but I’m highly suspicious of how quickly those plans came together.
Yesterday was “THE” day. I was rousted out of my warm bed, given some coffee, and a “hurry up, we’re burning daylight” comment. Eight hours, seven stores, two snacks, and three coffees later my ass was dragging. Thank God for Mother Nature. It began raining soon after we left the house and the more it rained the more her shopping enthusiasm waned. As we were leaving the over crowded mall in the late afternoon we made a mad dash for the car and got a little wet. She decided right then and there we should just call it a day and go home. Halleluiah and thank God . . . .
It’s now the next morning and I slept in until 8:30 am. She came running into the bedroom all pumped up with another handful of coupons, ready for another round of shopping. Get this, she even served me bacon, eggs, toast and coffee in bed. I think she needs a bit more training on how to be subtle. Once again Mother Nature arrived to save the day. As we were looking out the window at the already crappy day it began to lightly snow. The first snow fall this year and I made the most of it. I was moving kind of slow (intentionally) and told her I really wasn’t up to driving and shopping in this weather. All of my Christmas shopping was already done and I really just wanted to stay at home and relax for an hour or so. I laid it on pretty thick and before I knew it she left in a cloud of coupons to go shop, shop, shop.
‘Thank You Once Again Mother Nature’
This experience has shown me who my perfect women really is, it’s Mother Nature. She’s a little older than me but she’s still got it going on. I’m a good listener and I clean up pretty well so we should be able to easily make our relationship work over the long term. I also understand she’s not much of a shopaholic which is just another plus. My better-half had better slide a little further over in the bed to make room for our new friend.
52 SHOPPING DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS
I worked for two retail companies for a total of nineteen years which makes me something of an expert. I continue to be amazed at the poor hiring practices used by most retailers. They hire on the cheap and expect the world of those same inexperienced and poorly trained employees. Walmart is the largest retailer around and the stories from their stores are amazingly bizarre. They are just the tip of a gigantic and costly iceberg.
All of us have tales to tell about the odd, strange, and stupid behavior of cashiers from almost any chain or store you can think of. It has forced many companies to create cash register systems that are more and more complex. Their thought process is to make the registers so smart that it takes the guesswork out of the hands of the cashiers. It’s a great idea but doomed to failure. All that solution gives the store is an expensive and complex computer checkout system run by an eighteen year old inexperienced dumbass.
Here are a few stories I’ve found that make my point and then some.
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A cashier noticed that a man never signed his name on the back of his credit card. She informed him that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When he asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature he’d just signed on the receipt. So he took a pen and signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one he signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
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A young girl went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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A woman was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" She said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That’s why we ask."
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At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear retail coworker who was leaving the company due to "down-sizing," the store manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. Everyone just looked at each other like “deer in the headlights”.
These problems exist across the board with every type of retailer. Kids who can’t make the proper change even after the register tells them the proper amount. I could make a twenty minute shopping trip to any store and have at least one good story to tell about employee screw-ups. If you can imagine how many errors are being made on a daily basis in this country, it gets a little scary.
This should be considered your PSA (Public Service Announcement) for today. Keep your eyes and ears open when shopping because not all mistakes cost just the company money. You could be losing money every time you shop if your not paying attention. Check your receipt before you leave the store for any obvious errors. Companies are notorious for putting prices on a sign near the product but forgetting to update the UPC system. It costs us millions of dollars every year and that’s a conservative estimate.
Buyer Beware!
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