Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category

12/26/2022 “Good News Finally”   Leave a comment

Late last night we were able to have an emergency run of propane to the house which heled warm everyone a little. The temperature was hovering around 45 in the house at the time. Twenty minutes later after three and a half days our power was restored. I need to spend the rest of today trying to return things to normal. The blog will return tomorrow, and we can try to put this wonderful nightmare of a holiday behind us.

ONWARD TO NEW YEARS

02/25/2022 Christmas is Still Sucking   Leave a comment

Another quick note. It’s our third day without power, heat, internet or patience. Our generator just ran out of propane so now we can sit around and freeze our collective asses off. Ho! Ho! Ho! Deck the effing halls. Hopefully we’ll get some good news tomorrow.

12/24/2022 Mother Nature’s X-mas Gift   Leave a comment

This entry will be different than some of my others. Since this massive wind and rainstorm hit, I can’t access WordPress since we’ve been without power since 12/23/2022 at 1130 am. I’m typing this on an old school word processor and will post it if and when the internet comes back up. My computer is operating with the help of a generator that’s still working but quickly running out of propane. We currently have no idea when the power or the internet is going to be returning but like the saying goes, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” This post is being written on Christmas eve and will be posted under that date as soon as possible.

Regardless of Mother Nature’s interruption I still would like to wish all of you a very merry and safe Christmas. I’ve got to go now because I have another batch of “lemonade” to make. The grand kids will be here soon, and they don’t care at all about the lack of electric power or no internet. Their first question will be “Which of these gifts are mine.” You gotta love them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

12/18/2022 😵Mortality😵   Leave a comment

What better things are there to do on these snowy, wet, cold, slushy, and otherwise crappy days? My favorite thing is to just go to my bookshelf and randomly pick a book to read and to look for interesting information. Since it is the holiday season I thought why not talk about death. Unfortunately, or fortunately the book that I picked at random this morning contains quite of lot of information on death and dying. So, in the spirit of the season I’m going to supply you with a list of actual ways people on this planet decide to be buried. Some of these ways are a little strange but who am I to judge.

  • Create a certified, high-quality diamond from the cremated ashes of your loved one.
  • Send a symbolic portion of your loved ones cremated remains into Earth orbit, onto the lunar surface, or into deep space.
  • Have your cremated remains placed in a “reef ball” to help seed this planet’s coral reefs.
  • Have your remains frozen in liquid nitrogen, with the intent of restoring your body (in good health, of course) when technology becomes available to do so.
  • Have your remains frozen and transformed into organic compost and buried with in a potato-starch coffin that promotes plant and tree growth.

  • Have your remains incorporated into fireworks, so you can have a custom fireworks display for your friends and loved ones.
  • Create a custom portrait of your loved one incorporating their cremation ashes.
  • Have your body mummified the old-school Egyptian way.
  • Donate your body to be “plastinated” or embalmed for public display for educational and instructional purposes.

Now that I’ve succeeded in depressing you let me take it one step further.

  • It has been estimated by scientists that since human beings became a distinct species, more than 100 billion, give or take a few million, have died.
  • It is estimated that more than 135,000 people will die on your next birthday. Just give a kind thought to the 135,000 people who are estimated to pass away on the same day.
  • You have a higher chance of being killed by a donkey than of dying in a plane crash.
  • You’re slightly more likely to die from a cave-in than from contact with hot tap water.
  • Death from being struck on the head by a coconut occurs for about 150 people each year worldwide.
  • Mike Edwards, cellist for the 1970’s band, The Electric Light Orchestra (ELO), was killed by hay bale that rolled down a hill and smashed into his moving van.

😵😵😵

6 MORE SHOPPING DAYS

12/16/2022 “Prices”   Leave a comment

Let’s talk about shopping. I’m not a shopaholic by any means but my better-half is. She keeps me posted on many things and it never ceases to amaze me how the prices have soared since the pandemic. I’m not here to say that’s a good thing or a bad thing but it is a thing we have to deal with. I myself do a lot of food shopping and I track food prices fairly closely to save a buck here or to save a buck there. It usually takes a lot to surprise me but the prices in the last year have been rising at a ridiculous rate. I don’t know whether it’s just the ability of every business in the country to gouge the crap out of the population or maybe there is some other logical reason for it. Honestly, I think it’s a little bit of both. Just to satisfy my bizarre curiosity I decided to do some price matches from the 1950’s against our present prices. This list is primarily products that everybody uses and needs, and I retrieved the 1950’s numbers from my archives which are unquestionably accurate and for the present-day numbers you can thank Google. Prepare yourself to be truly depressed.

1950’s v. 2022

Bread (1 lb.) $ .14 / $1.75

Bacon (1 lb.) $ .77 / $7.61

Butter (1 lb.) $ .87 / $5.00

Eggs (Doz.) $ .72 / $3.42

Milk (Gal.) $ .44 / $4.41

Potatoes (10 lb.) $ .57 / $6.00

Coffee (1 lb.) $ .51 / $2.99

Sugar (5 lbs.) $ .47 / $ .59

Gas (Gal. Reg.) $ .26 / $4.02

Postage $ .03 / $ .50

I’m all for getting the people who supply these goods to us a fair wage and a fair price but to see this much of a change in some of these categories leads me to believe some of these prices are not fair. It seems that everyone these days is an expert on just about everything so I’m sure I’ll get some trolls complaining about this post. These are my opinions and if you disagree with me, I’d recommend that you start a blog, do some research, post your own information, and then answer all of the lame-ass email criticisms you’ll likely to receive from people just like you. Merry Christmas!

8 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

12/15/2022 “Christmas Traditions”   Leave a comment

I’m a bit of a history nut and because it’s the Christmas season I began wondering, how the Christmas we celebrate came to be. Of course, having a trace of Celtic blood in me leads me directly back to the Druids and some of their odd and unusual celebratory customs. As far as I can tell that’s where the tradition of mistletoe began as it was a part of many of their holiday ceremonies. As I read through a number of books there was absolutely no history of kissing under the mistletoe in the days of the Druids. The tradition of hanging a sprig in the house is supposedly linked to them as well. That came much later with the earliest recorded mention in some sort of music from 1784.

In illustrations of Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol, there appeared pictures of people kissing under the mistletoe. It’s quite likely that those illustrations popularized the custom. Leave it up to us Americans to take an old Bronze Age custom and turn it into just another reason to be kissing on someone.ofofofI was also curious of where the custom of bringing a tree into the house originated. As best I can determine it started with the Germans who got it from the Romans, who got it from the Egyptians who got it from the Babylonians. Who knows what’s true and what isn’t. It seems that those pesky Babylonians passed down a lot of crazy traditions to anyone who’d listen. Apparently, there was some sort of Babylonian fable concerning an evergreen tree that grew out of a dead tree trunk. Sounds stupid to me but any reason is a good reason when you want to throw a party or orgy.

The first written record of a decorated Christmas tree comes from Latvia, in the 1500’s. Local merchants decorated a tree and danced around it in the marketplace. When they became too tired to dance, they set it on fire. I’m sure glad that custom didn’t make it to the present day. Around that same time the Germans in their infinite wisdom passed a law to limit the size of a Christmas tree to just over four foot high. You gotta love them Germans.

Jump ahead a hundred years when it became common in Germany to decorate Christmas trees with apples. During the 1700’s in parts of Austria and Germany, evergreen tips hung from the ceiling and were decorated with apples, gilded nuts and red paper strips. The first mentions of using lighted candles came from France in the 18th century. Those quirky French must have a fondness for the occasional house fire. As Europeans emigrated to America, they brought their customs with them. The Christmas tree was introduced in the United States and grew from tabletop size to floor-to-ceiling. If you’re going to live in America, everyone knows things must be bigger and better.

In the 1880’s trees began to be sold commercially in the United States and were normally harvested from the forests. The first glass ornaments were introduced again from Germany and were mostly balls. Toys and figurines also became more common during those years. Sears, Roebuck & Company began offering artificial Christmas trees for sale – 33 limbs for $.50 and 55 limbs for $1.00. There was nothing that Sears Roebuck won’t rush to sell to make a few bucks.

The 1900’s brought us the first Christman tree farms because the surrounding forests were being overharvested. W.V. McGalliard planted 25,000 Norway spruce on his farm in New Jersey to get the ball rolling. President Theodore Roosevelt actually considered banning the practice of having Christmas trees out of his concern about the destruction of the forests. His two sons disagreed and enlisted the help of conservationist Gifford Pinchot to convince the President that the tradition was not harmful to the forests. In 1966 the National Christmas Tree Association began its time-honored tradition of having the Grand Champion grower present a Christmas Tree to the First Lady for display in the Blue Room of the White House. Currently there are approximately 25-30 million real Christmas trees sold each year in the United States. Almost all of these come from farms.

Just a tip from a former college student who worked part-time on a Christmas tree farm in Edinboro, Pennsylvania in the 1960’s. It was the worst job I ever had. I smelled like pine trees for months and ruined most of my clothes because of the sap. That job convinced me to say the hell with tradition, just get me one of those beautiful artificial trees. I never looked back.

9 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

12/06/2022 “Mish Mosh”   Leave a comment

I’m already getting a little bored with Christmas so here’s my change of pace. Mish Mosh is always interesting and it will help to get me out of this holly, jolly, mindset I’ve fallen into. Weird and strange facts which someone (maybe even you) will find interesting.

  • Women tend to shave approximately 412 square inches of their bodies, while men shave only 48.
  • Tap water in New York City is considered non-kosher, as it has been found to contain microorganisms that qualify as shellfish.
  • December is the most common month for children to be conceived.
  • Fingerprints are unique to each individual, of course, but the same goes for tongue prints and lip prints.
  • A pound of peanut butter is made up of 720 peanuts.

  • During his nine-year reign as pope (beginning in 955), John XII was charged with multiple sexual acts and toasting the devil with wine. He was allegedly killed by a jealous husband.
  • Confederate volunteers in the Civil War were paid $11 per month in 1861. Their pay was increased to $18 per month by 1864, but by then the currency was almost worthless.
  • As General George Patton crossed a bridge over the Rhine River into Germany during World War II, he stopped in the middle and urinated into the river.
  • The working title of the Beatles hit “With a Little Help from My Friends” was “Bad Finger Boogie”
  • The human heart produces enough pressure to squirt blood more than 30 feet.

I already feel better since ridding my brain of all this holiday insanity, if only for just a few minutes. I’m afraid that I’ll be back at posting about the holidays and Santa and reindeer and mistletoe and snow and Christmas cards and OMG please stop me now.

18 MORE DAYS LEFT

12/03/2022 “Christmas Craziness”   Leave a comment

Thank heaven this isn’t my house.

I thought I would continue my Christmas craziness today with a description of my better-half’s last two weeks of Christmas preparation. I’m not a huge Christmas person but my better half is the poster girl for Christmas insanity. It all started approximately two and a half weeks ago when she began unloading the attic with a never-ending pile of boxes containing thirty years of Christmas paraphernalia. It’s not that she wanted to use all of that stuff to decorate the house but the more she looks through those boxes the more decorations magically begin to appear everywhere. I may lose my every so merry mind. There are wreaths on the front door, garage doors, across the deck which is also strung with yards and yards of tinsel and lights. I think I now have one of the largest collections of extension cords in this part of Maine. I’m so proud!

I need a short break from all this holiday cheer. Try to answer these five Christmas movie trivia questions. Are you a serious elf or just a poser? I’ll list the answers at the end.

In “A Christmas Story”, who gifts Ralphie a pink bunny onesie for Christmas?

In “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, what is the name of the Grinch’s dog?

In “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”, how many lights are on the Griswold house?

In “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, what does Jack Skellington call Santa?

What is the highest-grossing Christmas movie of all time?

This is what my elf wants our house to eventually look like.

Let me say again that of this morning fully fifty percent of every surface in the house has something Christmassy on it. All the windows are decorated, small statuettes of every Christmas figure you could possibly think of are sitting on every piece of furniture within my field of vision. Help! I’m being held prisoner in Santas southern vacation home, and I can’t escape. There’s only one elf living here, and she is out-of-control. I’m reasonably sure if I stood still for more than five minutes, I’d have yards of tinsel hanging from my body with an appropriate number of silly little ornaments and bells attached. If I stood still for a full ten minutes, I guarantee she’d find a way to have flashing lights wrapped around me and twinkling “Oh So Merrily”. My only refuge from the Christmas madness is my man-cave. She has yet to visit there and I’m guarding the door to keep her out. Three more weeks of this and I’ll probably make the nightly news. I’ll be the guy dressed like Santa Clause threating to jump off the nearest bridge in Portland, Maine, “Film at Eleven!” Oh yeah . . . here are your trivia answers. How did you do?

Answers: Aunt Clara, Max, 25,000, Sandy Claws, Home Alone

HO! HO! HO! THREE WEEKS TO GO

12/01/2022 “School Days”   Leave a comment

I was never in high school during the 1950’s.  I just wanted to be clear on that point because I was in then what is now called Middle School.  To say there are differences between now and the fifties is the hugest understatement you will ever hear.  As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, political correctness is responsible for accelerating that change. This article was initially posted in 2010 but I’ve updated it somewhat. Here are a few hypothetical scenarios showing the differences between then and now.  When you first read them, you might think the scenarios are exaggerated to make a point.  If you really look at it honestly you can also see how exaggerated, they aren’t.

* * *

Scenario 1

Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.

1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2022 – School goes into immediate lock down, FBI and media are alerted, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called for all of the traumatized students and teachers. Media interviews replayed for days.

Scenario 2

Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1957 – A crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2022 – Teachers alert the police, and the SWAT team arrives only moments before the Media — Johnny and Mark are arrested. They’re both charged with assault and expelled even though Johnny started it. The Media interviews experts on how to control the terrible violence in schools and they are replayed on numerous stations across the country.

Scenario 3

Jeffrey will not be quiet and well-behaved in class; he disrupts other students.

1957 – Jeffrey is sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt the class again.

2022 – Jeffrey is immediately tested for ADD and given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie like creature. The family then applies to SSI, and Jeffrey is labeled “disabled”. The monthly government checks begin to arrive. The Media does a three-night special on the networks concerning the national pandemic of ADD and praises the benefits of Ritalin.

Scenario 4

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2022 – Neighbor’s immediately call the police. Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse; Billy is removed to a foster care facility for evaluation. He soon joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom then has an affair with the psychologist and makes a guest appearance on the Jerry Springer Show. Film at eleven!

Scenario 5

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with a friend who also has a headache, and he feels much better.

2022 – Teachers immediately call police, and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations (zero tolerance). His car is then searched for drugs and weapons. Media proclaims continued drug problems in the school systems and Oprah Winfrey does a two-hour special.

Scenario 6

Pedro fails high school English.

1957 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and then goes to college.

2022 – Teachers are concerned for Pedro and his cause is taken up by the state authorities. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files a class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from the core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t speak English.

Scenario 7

Johnny takes leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July and puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a nest of red ants.

1957 – Ants die.

2022 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called in. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism for mishandling explosives. The FBI investigates his parents – and all his siblings are removed from their home and all computers confiscated. Johnny’s dad is placed on a terrorism watch list and is never allowed to fly again. Protesters and morons picket the family home because they are against domestic terrorism. A dangerous traffic jam is created by all of the Media vans attempting to get a little face time on camera.

Scenario 8

Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 –In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2022 – Other teachers and Johnny’s parents accuse Mary of being a sexual predator and she loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison and when released becomes a well-educated street walker. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy and drugs and eventually finds God, shaves his head, and is now working full-time at the airport playing a tambourine.

* * *

Do you honestly think I exaggerated a bit?  Some of this is certainly tongue-in-cheek but a lot of it isn’t. I’m glad of two things; one is that I’m not a kid attending school these days, and secondly, that my children would have been taught by me the basics on how to best survive liberal academics and their constant propagandizing.

HAVE A MERRY POLITICALLY CORRECT CHRISTMAS

11/30/2022 “Football Geniuses”   1 comment

These last few weeks I’ve been inundated with football facts, game reviews and a general feeling of unease. That means that I’ve got no dog in the Super Bowl hunt this year. Without a team to support I find almost everything else a little boring. I’m not by any stretch of the imagination an avid sports fan and now I remember why. I’ve always been bored watching games but listening to the hundreds of so-called experts’ blather on and on makes me nauseous. I’ve dug down deep into my trivia files and have found a few interesting quotes from some of our gallant football gladiators. Here they are . . .

  • “If you can’t make the putts and can’t get the man in from second on the bottom of the ninth, you’re not going to win enough football games in this league, and that’s the problem we had today.” Sam Rutigliano – Cleveland Browns coach
  • “He fakes a bluff.” Ron Fairly – New York Giants commentator
  • “I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.” Ray Malavasi – St. Louis Rams coach
  • “I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” Terry Bradshaw, player/announcer
  • “I’m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.” Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints general manager
  • “I want to rush for 1000 or 1500 yards, whichever comes first.” George Rogers, New Orleans Saints running back
  • “He (his coach) treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver

RAH! RAH! RAH!