Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
As I’ve stated on many occasions, I am not a religious person. But as I do my homework for this blog, I discover many things that I didn’t know before about religion. While I disagree with most organized religions that currently exist, I found that there are a few that I had no knowledge of at all and that being said, I thought I’d pass along their information to all of you.
- The first group is the Universe People. They live in and around the Czech Republic and believe that ancient non-earthly beings operate a fleet of spaceships orbiting the earth. The Universe People followers are waiting to be transported into another dimension. I hope they have a really nice trip!
- The second group is named after Bhagwan Shee Rajneesh. This gentleman was an India-born mystic who settled in Oregon in the 1980s. The group’s claim to religious fame is that Rolls-Royce’s are a sign of holiness. He owned dozens of them. He also tried to poison nonbelievers by introducing salmonella into the salad bars of several Oregon fast-food restaurants. Take no communion wafers from these folks.
- The third group is called the World Church of the Creator. It’s a white separatist movement advocating a white-only religion called Creativity. Ironically, despite their name, group members do not believe in God. They are atheists! They are also idiots, pure and simple.
- Number four is called Nuwaubianism. It’s a loose term referring to the religion founded by Dwight York, a black supremacist leader and convicted child molester (currently serving a 135-year prison sentence). These people believe all humans have seven clones living on different parts of the planet. Humans were bred on Mars as part of a Homo erectus breeding program gone awry, and famed scientist, Nikola Tesla, was born on the planet Venus. Let’s have a big AMEN here!
- Number five is one I’ll only mention briefly because they’re all dead. And that was Heaven’s Gate. A cult founded by Marshall Applewhite, whose followers believed that once they were free of their earthly bodies, a spaceship would take them away to a celestial paradise. In 1997 with the appearance of the Hale-Bopp comet they were assured their spaceship had arrived. In March of that year all 36 members of the cult were found dead in a mass suicide. Problem solved!
What more can I say about organized religions. My only
comment is that “You just can’t make this shit up.”
As always, I offer up more questionable poetry. Some people like this style and some do not. To me that makes for what I call “bad poetry”. If everyone loves and understands it, then it’s “good poetry”.
😞❤️😞
I rush down the highway of my life.
Hoping that things I need and desire, will follow.
To feel, see and experience, the love, hate and strife.
Hear words that mean something and nothing, hollow.
The need to experience and taste it remains key.
The search for the reverse of me continues, can never cease.
Passing years and people have changed how I am able to see.
My mysterious other self demands fairness, the ultimate release.
A quantity known but not known comes to me after flirting.
Near hopes end a miracle occurs and love blossoms, smell the flowers.
Feel intense love, caring and gentleness, no more hurting.
That for which we all search is now mine and hers, ours.
The years of love and caring release me from my chains.
My life quest finally realized, my soul with its mate.
Melting together, love and tenderness growing my heart can’t explain.
My lover has taught me, what counts is love, not hate.
YOU’VE JUST RECEIVED YOUR DAILY DOSE OF BLAHHHHHHHH!
A few weeks ago, I posted about some language oddities called malaprops. To quote a reader who responded to that post, “Those things are like fingernails on a blackboard to me.” So, I thought today would be a good day to run some fingernails over that same blackboard, just for the fun of it. This time I’ll give you a list of malaprops written by grade schoolers, high schoolers, and a few college geniuses. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
- Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
- The walls of Notre Dame Cathedral are supported by flying buttocks.
- Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
- Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- People have sex, while nouns have genders.
- Christmas is a time for happiness for every child, adult, and adulteress.
- Most words are easy to spell once you get the letters write.
- The bowels are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y.
- The climate of the Sahara Desert is so hot that certain areas are cultivated by irritation.
- The United States Constitution was adopted to secure domestic hostility.
YOU GOTTA LUV OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM
I love sharing quotations with you and I have more of them than I have limericks. I know that’s hard to believe but it’s true. Most quotations are meant to offer up some sort of truth or to pluck at our sentimental heartstrings. Those are all fine and good but really not the ones I like best. I love celebrity quotes because most of them are humorous, and they help to humanize celebrities that always need a little humanizing. Here are a few I discovered.
- “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas A. Edison
- “Music should strike fire from the heart of man and bring tears from the eyes of woman.” Ludvig von Beethoven
- “Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.” Ogden Nash
- “If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.” Sir Paul McCartney
- “I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.” Fran Leibowitz
- “There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.” Mark Twain
- “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
LET’S HOPE THEY NEVER STOP REGALING US WITH THEIR WISDOM
If you’ve read this blog at all your well aware that I love citing quotations. I’m a firm believer that quotes that are remembered and repeated often have some sort of meaning that touches people. Unfortunately, some quotable people offer up quotes that are remembered for their stupidity and ignorance. Today I will cite a few that I’d prefer to forget, and I hope you will as well.
- “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” Mariah Carey
- “We went to Atari and said, “Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us?” They said, “No.” So, then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, “We don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.” Steve Jobs looking for financial backers for the Mac.
- “Atomic energy might be as good as our present-day explosives, but it is unlikely to produce anything very much more dangerous.” Sir Winston Churchill
- “The Edison Company offered me the general superintendency of the company but only on condition that I would give up my gas engine and devote myself to something really useful.” Henry Ford
- “True, I’ve been a long time making up my mind, but now I’m giving you a definite answer. I won’t say yes, and I won’t say no, but I’m giving you a definite maybe.” Samuel Goldwyn
- “Rock ‘n Roll is phony and false, and some, written, and played for the most part by cretinous goons.” Frank Sinatra 1957
- “I believe that Mink are raised for being turned into fur coats and if we didn’t wear fur coats, those little animals would never have been born. So, is it better not to have been born, or to have lived for one or two years to have been turned into a fur coat? I don’t know.” Playmate Barbie Benton
I think that’s about enough of these stupid quotes but unfortunately during my research I discovered there’s probably many more of these than the one’s worth remembering.
HAVE A PLEASANT UNQUOTABLE WEEKEND
I love reading stories about criminals being apprehended after being as stupid as we know they can be. For years I spent time reading the endless stories from the Darwin Awards about stupid ways to die. That got a little boring after a while, so I’ve now graduated to reading about stupid criminals. And it’s a special treat to read about them being a former police officer. So enough of this jibber-jabber, on to the idiots.
IDIOT #1
- A “tourist,” supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn’t know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did – backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
IDIOT #2
- A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court with a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.
IDIOT #3
- A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
IDIOT #4
- The Belgium news agency Belga reported that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn’t have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.
YOU REALLY CAN’T FIX THIS KIND OF STUPID
My father was a dog lover. My mother was a dog lover. I am not. My father trained hunting dogs and in his kennel were normally 15-20 adult dogs and upwards of 10-20 puppies. One of my chores and punishments was the shoveling and removal of their droppings on a daily basis. Many wheelbarrow loads later I decided dogs would never be my favorite pet. This may upset some of you “dog” people out there but so be it. I tried having dogs as pets in my twenties but I was a dismal failure. I eventually switched over to cats and became an official “cat” person. Here are a few facts from the history of dogs.
- In the 11th century the king of Norway, upset with his subjects, named his dog Saur to the throne. He reigned for three years as king. Note: “Dog Days” came to mean something totally different than it does today.
- In the 1600’s in Japan the shogun, Tokugawa Tsunayoshi, passed laws to protect dogs. Anyone who injured, harmed, killed, or annoyed a dog could be exiled, jailed, or executed. In one month alone in 1687 300 people were executed for being unkind to dogs. In his 30-year reign more than 60,000 people were put to death because of dogs. Note: Give me a cat anytime.
- In China dogs lived a double life. Some were treated as royalty by the elite of the county and were a preferred gift for the emperor and his minions. The other side of the Chinese coin was that the common folk more often than not ate dogs as a main course for their evening meal. Note: I know that eating dog is disgusting but unfortunately it still goes on to this day. Once I mistakenly ate a bowl of dog soup in Korea in 1968. I don’t recommend it.)
- Laika, the first dog to fly into outer space aboard Sputnick II, became one of the most famous dogs in the world. Unfortunately, the pooch passed away a few hours into the flight from overheating. Both a cosmonaut and a hotdog. Note: That was a joke, so don’t send any nasty comments.
CATS RULE!
Today I’d like to discuss a topic that politicians have used against us for years. The old saying “the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer” has been used by the liberal left for decades to influence the vote at every election. The strategy of “Divide and Conquer” remains valid after centuries of misuse around the world. Since I’m neither rich nor poor, I will offer a few tidbits to keep some of those arguments alive.
It’s also true that the “rich” are constantly criticized by almost everyone. Their every move is watched and analyzed, and every problem of the society is blamed on them. Is it unfair? To a certain extent it is. I also believe that there’s plenty of blame to spread around that encompasses every special interest group you can think of. Of course, the rich are their own worst enemy at times and these statements will provide proof of that . . .
- Martha Stewart had this to say during an interview. “I have a beautiful weekend house in the Hamptons, but it is not, as it turns out, my summer dream house. It doesn’t have the view of the ocean that I absolutely want. It doesn’t have the rustic wood floors that I absolutely crave. It doesn’t have a little dock to which I can tie my little rowboat. And it doesn’t have the shallow water of a quiet lagoon where I can pick my plants.”
- When a reporter asked him to confirm the speculation that he was worth over $1 billion, J. Paul Getty thought for a moment and replied, “Yes, I suppose it’s true, but one billion dollars doesn’t go as far as it used to.”
- When an elderly John D. Rockefeller, Sr., learned that members of his family intended to give him an electric cart to aid him in getting around his estate, he told them, ” If you don’t mind, I’d rather have the money.”
- Newport spinster Edith Wetmore, who died in 1966, never entered a grocery store until she was over eighty years old, when a friend took her to an A & P. After shopping the aisles, she wheeled her cart to a checkout counter. But Miss Wetmore, whose income was $6000 a day, did not have a cent in her purse so her friend was forced to pay the bill.
What these samples have shown is that when you’ve reached a certain level of wealth your entire outlook on everything changes. I’m not making excuses for the rich, but they see things from quite a different perspective when it comes to living their life. I know if someone dropped a couple of million dollars into my bank account, I’d take a whole different approach to money and how to use it.
Will this ridiculous bickering continue, probably? Apparently, no one has the solution or if they do, they’re not sharing it with anyone. This battle will continue to the end of time when only two people are left. One will have a penny and the other will not. You can be sure that the guy with the penny will almost certainly lord it over the other.
SOMETIMES THE HUMAN RACE JUST SUCKS
I’ve been watching the news from Russia and the Ukraine rather closely, as I suspect everyone has. The motivation for the conflict by Putin is something we can only guess at. Of course, he wants power, and he wants to rebuild the USSR and return to his glory days which were the days of his youth. Of course, a lot of his motivation is economic as well but it’s a full-time job struggling with his massive ego. In my opinion he’s done nothing but “shoot himself in the foot” or in more crasser terms “he stepped on his dick”. Not being a professional politician it’s only possible for me to guess at these things. I prefer to look for answers from an expert who knew about wars, up close and personal.
George Washington was an American military officer, statesman, and Founding Father who served as the first president of the United States from 1789 to 1797. Appointed by the Continental Congress as commander of the Continental Army, Washington led the Patriot forces to victory in the American Revolutionary War.
George Washington (1732 – 1799) from a letter to John Bannister, 21 April 1778
“Men may speculate as they will, they may talk of patriotism; they may draw a few examples from ancient story, of great achievements performed by its influence; but whoever builds upon it as a sufficient Basis for conducting a long and (bloody) War will find themselves deceived in the end . . . A great and lasting War can never be supported on this principle alone. It must be aided by a prospect of Interest or some reward. For a time, it may of itself push Men to Action, to bear much, to encounter difficulties; but it will not endure unassisted by Interest.”
I would hate to surprise and shock everyone when I say this loudly for all to hear:
PUTIN, YOU’RE NO GEORGE WASHINGTON
Do you love going to the dentist like I do? I’ll bet you don’t, because most people would rather do anything than have strangers with their hands in your mouth drilling and poking and prodding and all of the associated fun of dental visits. I spent much more of my life in the dentist’s chair than I ever thought possible starting when I was 14 years old and had most of my front teeth knocked out while playing in a backyard football game. That was back in the day before mouthguards were even something anyone knew about, and it only cost me about six teeth and a lifetime of partial plates and dentist visits. You put forth what effort you must to maintain a reasonable appearance because as we all know bad teeth are not going to attract the opposite sex. Over the centuries there have been some strange superstitions about teeth. Some may be true and others ridiculous and here they are . . .
- Don’t trust people with pointed teeth regardless of how charming they are! You never know, vampires traditionally have pointed teeth and it’s best not to take any chances.
- People with obvious spaces between their teeth will be lucky, wealthy, and widely traveled. This was a common belief before orthodontists.
- People who have well-placed teeth with no gaps have fine singing voices.
- People with protruding teeth will live a short life. Remember, these were the days before braces.
- Breaking a tooth is a sure sign a friend will die.
- Those of you who have teeth with few cavities have a good deal of sexual strength. If you have teeth susceptible to cavities, you are prone to sexual weakness.
- It’s bad luck to count the teeth of a baby. But if a baby is born with teeth, he or she will be a famous adult but only if you don’t count them.
- It’s bad luck for a man with false teeth to marry a woman with false teeth. The marriage will be unhappy.
- The ancients had a number of talismans to avoid a toothache. Split open a nutshell. Dig out the meat but be careful to keep the two halves intact. Put a dead spider in one half and close up the shell. Hang it around your neck on a string and you will never have another toothache.
- Always carry a wolf’s tooth with you. You will never get a toothache.
- Last but not least, if you cut your fingernails on a Friday, you will not have a toothache for a month.
There you have it, the wisdom of the ages concerning teeth. There’s only one thing I know for certain. If I had all of the money I’ve spent on my teeth, I could’ve bought that Lamborghini that remains on my bucket list.
KEEP SMILING
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