Archive for the ‘idiots’ Tag

07/06/2022 “More Dummies”   Leave a comment

  • The Connecticut Court of Appeals upheld the kidnapping-robbery convictions of Michael Carter, thus rejecting his claim that witnesses’ identification of him should have been suppressed at his trial. At the time of arrest, according to New Haven police officer Dario Aponte, Carter had proclaimed his innocence but resisted being returned to the scene of the crime so witnesses could see him, asking Aponte, “How can they identify me? I had a mask on.”
  • David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

  • Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck also concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.
  • The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,” he smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not pass through a red light’ five hundred times.”

  • A judge in Louisville decided a jury went “a little bit too far” in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

We should all thank these geniuses for helping to make law enforcement easier.

YOU CAN’T FIX STUPID

06/15/2022 🥴More Dumb Asses🥴   Leave a comment

I love reading stories about criminals being apprehended after being as stupid as we know they can be. For years I spent time reading the endless stories from the Darwin Awards about stupid ways to die. That got a little boring after a while, so I’ve now graduated to reading about stupid criminals. And it’s a special treat to read about them being a former police officer. So enough of this jibber-jabber, on to the idiots.

IDIOT #1

  • A “tourist,” supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn’t know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did – backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

IDIOT #2

  • A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court with a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.

IDIOT #3

  • A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

IDIOT #4

  • The Belgium news agency Belga reported that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn’t have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.

YOU REALLY CAN’T FIX THIS KIND OF STUPID

05/07/2022 Word Play   Leave a comment

The title of the post tells you everything you need to know. I love wordplay, making puns, finding palindromes, and using words that are rarely heard anymore. Word play can be fun and here are a few fun facts for your files.

  • Do you know how to tell the difference between morons, imbeciles, and Idiots? Morons – IQ 51 to 70, Imbeciles – IQ 26 to 50, and Idiots – IQ 0-25.
  • The words tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous are the only four words in the modern English language that end in “dous”.
  • There are no words that rhyme with orange.
  • If “off” means to deactivate, what happens when the alarm goes off?
  • Dr. Seuss is credited with the first use of the word “nerd” in print, from his 1950 book If I Ran the Zoo.
  • The word “Mountweazels” concerns spurious entries or fake words used to catch copyright cheaters.
  • The term “Tattarrattat” was coined by James Joyce in his novel Ulysses for a knock on the door. It also happens to be the longest palindrome in the Oxford English Dictionary.
  • “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep is sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
  • These six words have no accepted singular forms. Pajamas, Shorts, Jeans, Tights, Trousers, and Glasses.
  • “Floccinaucinihilipilification” is the longest real word (29 letters) in the Oxford English Dictionary.

I’ll keep searching for more of these and as I find them, I’ll post them. Language can be fun in so many ways. How cool is it to use the language properly to insult some clueless person who insists on irritating you and them not realizing what you meant.

ONE OF LIFE’S GUILTY PLEASURES

04/26/2022 Dumb Ass Day II   Leave a comment

I was watching Peacock Network last night and made the mistake of tuning in a show where Snoop Dog and three moron friends reviewed videos of stupid people, both criminal and criminally stupid. Between all of the F-Bombs and gratuitous crap about weed, I was bored to tears. So today I’ll give you my written version of that and nary an F-Bomb will be heard. Stream this Doggy boy!

DONT ASK
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver’s license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, “Crook, come forward.” Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

WRONG ALIBI
In Springfield, Mo. Vernon Wayne Richmond, 18, stood up in court to give the details of his crime as part of a plea bargain to cocaine possession. Richmond said he found cocaine, put it in his pocket, and then was arrested by police after a Wal-Mart guard detained him. Unfortunately, Richmond had misunderstood which of his cases the plea was for. Actually, the district attorney was prosecuting him for an earlier arrest for having cocaine in his car and was unaware of the Wal-Mart arrest.

LAY THAT PISTOL DOWN, BABE
In Annapolis, Md., during a celebration of Gregory Johnson’s 32nd birthday, his cousin Darwin Derwood Coates, 21, tucked a .22-caliber handgun into the waistband of his trousers and accidentally shot himself in the groin. As guests tried to assist Coates, Johnson relieved him of the gun and stuck it in the most convenient place he could find, which was the waistband of his own trousers. The gun fired again, striking Johnson in the buttocks. Both men were hospitalized.

TA! DA!

07-05-2016 Journal – Love It or Leave It!   Leave a comment

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Well, another holiday has come and gone. Overall it was a great weekend for us here in Maine.  I do realize there are problems in many parts of this country where patriotism is now frowned upon for fear of alienating all of the aliens, both legal and more likely illegal.  I recently read an article where a student was sent home from school because he wore a pro-America t- shirt.  If that was my son I could easily been persuaded to some sort of violence and rightly so. I realize it’s chic and liberal to trash the United States at every turn but if nothing else it’s disrespectful as hell. It disrespects every person wearing the countries uniform and I suspect it’s mostly done by people who’ve never served.

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Also shame on those of you in the academic ranks who insist on turning this country into a liberal, politically correct, and impotent world power by brainwashing our children with liberal claptrap (that’s right . . . I said claptrap.). Shame on you all.

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Now that I have that rant off my chest let me continue.  My better-half and I did a little traveling around our state over the weekend and I couldn’t have been prouder. It seems that the people of Maine may distrust our politicians (as they should) but still love their country.  We must have seen five hundred or more flags flying from buildings, businesses, and homes.

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In the town of Sebago, Maine which covers a rather large area, every telephone pole that we saw for miles was flying the colors.  So to all of you America haters across the country how about finding the closest airport, get on the fastest plane you can find and GET THE HELL OUT (call me if you need a ride to the airport).

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA

 

11-29-2014 Journal–The Day After BF!   Leave a comment

Well, it’s the day after Black Friday which in fact started almost a week ago and I assume by next year will almost certainly become Black November.  That way they can begin their annoying Christmas push the day after Halloween.  I chose this year to not leave the house on Black Friday.  I try to miss it as often as I possibly can.  After more than twenty-five years of working for retail corporations and being forced to work Black Friday every year, I refuse to ever do it again.

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This morning my better-half hit the ground running when she arrived in the bedroom to wake me up well before I was ready.  If it isn’t the cat it’s her. She was on her third cup of coffee and talking ninety miles an hour and rattling off the list of stores we’d be visiting on our planned shopping trip.  There just wasn’t enough coffee in the house to get me out of that bed quickly but eventually I stumbled to the kitchen and tried to wake up.

An hour or so later we were on our way.  I really wasn’t into the shopping but I made sure I drove us through areas where good photographs might be found. It was a bright and clear sunny day and I didn’t want to waste any of it.  Here are a few photo’s to help you appreciate Maine a little.

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We had a great day together where my better-half wandered around looking and touching everything she saw and was able to fill the car rather easily with all sorts of treasures.  We’ve just arrived home and hopefully I can settle in and relax for a few hours before the nonsense starts again tomorrow.  I can expect another early wakeup call and I need a little time to come up with a reason or two why I can’t be dragged shopping once again. It’s never worked before but I can only keep trying.

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‘Say hello to the horses.’

01-13-2014 Media Professionals? – NOT   2 comments

I’m a huge critic of the media but at the same time I try to remain fair in that criticism, Truthfully, I hate them all.  When this government of ours was created the Media was to be a watchdog on those politicians known for being corrupt and wasteful with our tax dollars.  The process begins to breakdown once the Media becomes a tool of the government.  You can see it now with Obama putting the Media through it’s paces with little or no criticism of any wrongdoing.  They worship the ground he walks on and it’s pitiful. I think the turning point was reached when all of the largest newspapers and Media outlets were purchased by corporate America.  It’s was a “Kiss of Death” to our democracy as it was meant to be.

The Media has the luxury of editing and reporting only those things that agree with their political agendas as directed by the corporate bosses.  The good quality journalists have become extinct and are only talked about around the water coolers of the surviving newsgroups. What we have now are over educated talking heads who are news readers rather than investigative reporters.  The following list is humorous but at the same time just reinforces my thoughts on the subject.

How do you like these idiotic headlines written by alleged reporters, edited by alleged editors, and published as shown.  Unbelievable is the word your looking for.  Here we go.

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE – ONE DIES

TWO SISTERS REUNITE AFTER EIGHTEEN YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER

NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES FROM LOVED ONE

NICARAGUA SETS GOAL TO WIPE OUT LITERACY

DRUNK DRIVERS PAID $1,000 IN 1984

AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY, LET’S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER

IF STRIKE ISN’T SETTLED QUICKLY IT MAY LAST A WHILE

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

SMOKERS ARE PRODUCTIVE, BUT DEATH CUTS EFFICIENCY

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

CHILD’S DEATH RUINS COUPLE’S HOLIDAY

BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN’T SEEN IN YEARS

MAN IS FATALLY SLAIN

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERTS SAY

DEATH CAUSES LONELINESS, FEELING OF ISOLATION

Remember what you’ve read here when they begin telling you how to think and vote.  Believe nothing they say unless you can verify it though other reliable sources.  It’s your country, take the time and make the effort.

01-08-2014 Dealing With A-Holes   4 comments

Odd Thought: I have a question. Does it mean anything at all that January is Self-Love Month? My follow-up to that question is this: Does it mean anything that the last week of the month is set aside as Meat Week? And lastly does it mean anything at all that the last Saturday of the month is National Seed Swap Day?  I was just wondering, that’s all.

I have a lot of questions like that and they never seem to get answered. What possesses people to do questionable and rude things? Is it sheer stupidity or is it a complete and total disregard of every other person on the planet? In order to find answers to that question I usually spend a little time cruising around Walmart. It’s amazing just how many rude and inconsiderate people can be found in that one building.

This has been a week of Walmart for me. I was almost run down and injured by a rather large woman with a cart full of merchandise that was so full it was overflowing and falling on the floor. She pushed me out of the way in order to get 4 feet ahead of me in line at the checkout register. Being the calm and polite person that I am I quietly asked, “Ma’am just what the hell do you think your doing?” She gave me a rather dirty look, turned her back to me and began throwing her merchandise onto the register counter. I was then forced to wait even longer when she had an issue over the use of an EBT card. That’s a food stamp card for those of you not in the know.  She was pissed off that the cashier was questioning her purchases of alcohol.  Go figure.

How many times have you sat and patiently waited for a parking spot to clear and then have some A-hole pull in from the other direction in front of you? It happens all too often for my liking but unless your willing to risk some sort of “road rage” incident your forced to swallow your pride and just “let it go”.  How many times does it have to happen before you flip out completely and create a huge scene and argument? In my younger days I was one of the guys who wouldn’t put up with that crap and came close to fisticuffs a number of times.  That was when I finally became aware that there are large numbers of people out there who are total and complete morons.  And don’t get me started on the rudeness displayed with cell phone usage. That’s a whole other posting that will be addressed soon.

I’m not just picking on Walmart customers because these incidents occur with people driving those big expensive SUV’s as well who think that we peons are just inconveniences to be dealt with when we interfere with their activities. More inconsiderate well-to-do A-holes.

The express checkout lane is only an illusion…

Years ago I spent a few bucks on adhesive paper that fit my inkjet printer and printed up a number of  of small bulletin cards for addressing parking lot rudeness, driving rudeness, and other sorts of  inconsiderate activities that pissed me off.  If someone blocked me in or parked in an inconsiderate manner I’d slap one of my adhesive bulletins on their windshield directly blocking their view from the drivers seat. It took a little elbow grease and a lot of cursing for them to remove those bulletin from the windshield but it was oh so satisfying for me as I drove away.

I think it’s time to reinvent my bulletins.  I’ll refresh the wording a little and make them even more polite than usual.  It has much more of an effect on rude people when you politely tell them they’re rude and inconsiderate. I’ll start carrying a supply of them with me again and begin making their lives as miserable as they make mine.  By doing it this way I avoid those dangerous confrontations while still getting my points across.

Once I start passing them out I’ll keep you posted on the results.  This is the only safe way I can think of to make them aware of my unhappiness and just how stupid, inconsiderate, and ignorant they seem to be.

Revenge is sweet regardless of what all those the do-gooder’s tell you.

P.S. And yes I understand that they may think that I’m rude and inconsiderate by my actions. Consider for a minute the source of that criticism and then “let it go”.

09-29-2013   Leave a comment

If you count my years as a police officer, my time in retail investigations, and seven years working in an assortment of state jails and courthouses, you’d think I’ve seen and heard just about everything.  If you thought that you’d be right.  Those facilities offer up a list of experiences that most people would never experience or want to.  People give me strange looks at times and really have a hard time believing some of those stories.  Odd, weird, and unusual are everyday occurrences there whether they like to believe it or not.

I spent seven years, five days a week sitting in courtrooms and listening to testimony and statement by attorneys that were stupid, funny, and pitiful all at the same time.  For the most part the judges were just highly paid referees between the attorneys and their ever so stupid defendants and witnesses.

These items were actual statements made under oath and recorded by court reporters.  It’s a small sampling of how our criminal justice system really works.

* * *

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

* * *

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

* * *

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

* * *

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

* * *

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

* * *

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

* * *

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

* * *

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

* * *

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy."
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

* * *

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

* * *

I really can’t explain to you the look on some of the defendant’s faces when they hear some of the questions their own attorneys ask.  It doesn’t fill them with confidence that their court appointed attorney has no clue about what’s going on.  The attorneys seem speechless at times when they hear their own clients testimony.  I found my jaw dropping on many occasions when a defendant said just enough to convince the jury he was an idiot and a guilty one at that.

09-16-2013   Leave a comment

I’ve always loved slamming celebrities and today will be no different.  I do it fairly by just simply using their own words against them.  Many of these so called celebrities insist on disturbing my calm by being in my face at every turn on both TV and radio. They’re determined to explain to me how much smarter they think they are about politics, the environment, and any other effing cause they are promoting.  It became tiresome more years ago than I care to mention. Since I can’t tell them in person what I think about them without being accused of being a stalker or paparazzi, I’ll use this blog to at least vent enough to make me fell better.

You can take the Bill Maher’s and the Susan Sarandon’s of the world and all of their wack-job friends and ship them wherever you’d like.  Just get them out of my face.  Here are a few quotes that I’m sure these geniuses wished they’d never made.  Here we go . . . .

  • Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
    – Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss USA Pageant
  • "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are."
    – Mat Lauer, Today Show, NBC
  • "I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
    – David Dinkins, New York City Mayor answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
  • "Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life."
    – Brooke Shields
  • "We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
    – Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
  • "I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
    – Hillary Clinton
  • "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
    – Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor
  • "It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
    – Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President

I will admit that celebrities make writing this blog easy at times.  They are the proverbial “gifts that keep on giving” and I for one appreciate it. 

And as a final thought, thanks to Fred Thompson and his celebrity buddies trying to convince all the seniors in this country that reverse mortgages are the best thing since sliced bread.  What a giant load of crap.

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