Archive for the ‘Education’ Category
It’s been a beautiful and almost warm morning today which allowed me to get busy in the garden for a couple of hours. I’ve been doing my best to get all of the preliminary chores out of the way as soon as possible. Today was the day.
I was worried about my old rototiller as always. It’s been used hard for six years and I’m always concerned that it won’t start. To my surprise the little sweetheart started right up without any hesitation. Say what you want, those Sears Craftsmen tools are hard to kill. That was the best $150.00 I ever spent.
It took about 45 minutes to finish and now the soil is well mixed and loose down to about 14 inches. All of the root vegetables this year will be loving life. Here’s the finished product.
As you can see I finished rototilling and immediately began installing the fabric. I’m reusing most of the fabric from last year which will save me a few bucks. Thanks to this fabric 2016 will be a weed free year.
Next on my list was installing the sprinklers. I ran the hoses through the frames and fencing and attached the sprinklers. They should give me more than enough coverage for the entire garden.
Right in the middle of my workday the grand kids arrived to take their grandmother on a walk. I took a few minutes to chase the oldest one around the yard and to wrestle a little. A short time later they left for their walk and I returned to my final task for the day. The compost pile.
A few days ago I found a product in a garden center which when added to a compost pile promotes decomposition. I took the rototiller to the compost pile and stirred things up a bit. I sprinkled the product liberally through the piles, mixed them in, and covered everything with a tarp. It should make the compost I use later this year and next much richer.
With my list for today completed I can relax for a while. A nice hot shower will feel great and give me enough energy to get out and run a few errands. Since the better-half is working this evening my time is my own. Here’s a shot of the garden, end-to-end.
ALL I NEED NOW IS WARM TEMPERATURES
More aches and pains as the garden begins to take shape. I’m trying to do as much work on it as I possibly can as early as I can. Last years efforts were almost ruined because I waited until the last minute to do much of the small things that are necessary. Learning from my mistakes is absolutely essential if I’m to have the garden I want.
Yesterday was another chilly morning but I was up and at it earlier than usual. I picked up my supplies the day before from Home Depot, the only store in the area that carried the type of fencing I needed. Here is the before photo on the newly completed frame without the fencing.
The fencing is made for controlling small animals such as rabbits and skunks which are my main problem. We have larger game in the area but they’ve never ben a problem for me. Fortunately I have a nearby neighbor with fruit trees and the deer love their fruit. The insist on visiting him on a regular basis and leaving me alone.
After an hour or so of cursing and swearing my job was completed. That should keep the little buggers out of the garden this year. I really dislike killing any animals so the cost of the fence is worth it to keep me guilt free. Here’s the photo of the completed fence.
If the weather warms up a little in the coming days I can drag out my rototiller to loosen up the soil. Then I can lay down the fabric into the frames which eliminates weeding completely because I hate weeding.
How about a little garden humor to start your day . . .
A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” Her neighbor replies, "Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” Well, what the heck? She does it. The next day her neighbor asks how it worked. "So-so,” she answers, "The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
Here’s a salute to everyone’s favorite redneck gardener, Jeff Foxworthy . . .
You Might be a Redneck Gardener If:
You mow your lawn and find a wheelbarrow.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it is yellow.
You don’t water your front yard rather than mow it.
You know how many bags of fertilizer your car can hold.
You’ve even cleaned your house with a leaf blower.
You empty the trash when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
You can amuse yourself for more that an hour with a hose.
You’ve been cited for reckless driving on a riding lawn mower.
You move your weed-eater to take a bath.
And finally here is a cute limerick which any Maine gardener will appreciate . . .
I ordered some new bulbs by mail
and tried to grow orchids large scale
exotics won’t grow
under three feet of snow
or battered with blizzards and hail!
C’MON WARM WEATHER
I’m being as lazy as I possibly can this morning and looking ahead to the beginning of a labor intensive Spring which is scheduled to begin on Thursday. Regardless of the cooler temperatures and crappy weather Lowe’s will be making a delivery which means much more work and a few aching muscles for me. It’s confusing for me to be so eager to get started with a project that will hurt so much but I’m forced to deal with the realities of the situation.
The garden is only moments away from becoming my main focus for at least the next three months. During that time I’ll be adding additional loam to all of the frames, fertilizing, and rototilling everything in sight to help loosen the soil. Then it’s just a matter of setting the fabric in place in all of the large frames to eliminate the need to weed this summer. Completing a general cleanup will then allow me to sit back and relaxing until the warmer temperatures decide to arrive.
Then comes the numerous trips to a selection of nurseries to purchase plants, plants, and more plants. Building and installing a few new trellises for the beans and snap peas as well as a box of .22 caliber ammunition for the assassination of the damn skunk. There are indications he’s already been visiting the property this year and I really have to get serious about ridding myself of him. With my luck he’ll have three or four relatives who’ll show up after his demise to make me even more crazy. It’s a wait and see situation for me, for him, and for them.
Welcoming the end of a rather lackluster winter season is something I’ve been looking forward to for months. In another month or two I’m sure to be complaining about the garden, the heat, the humidity, and wishing for Fall to arrive as soon on as possible. It’s a vicious cycle that we all seem to get caught up in every year.
Here’s my all time favorite garden quote. If it isn’t a little off-color then how can it be one of my favorites?
"A dirty hoe is a happy hoe."
For most of my life I’ve been lectured about religion by an oh-so Catholic mother. Part or her lecture series was to make sure I kept the Sabbath, “A Day of Rest”. It wasn’t until this morning, 60 years later, that I decided to remember that. According to my Mom it was a day to relax, reexamine your week, and be sorry for every rotten thing you did or even thought about doing. I always had more than enough things to review that it usually took me the entire day.
Since I no longer do bad things or think bad things it puts me into a quandary. What do I do with my Sundays these days? Being a well behaved and sinless person really opens up my Sundays for other activities. One of which is posting more useless, uninformative, and silly items of trivia.
Some of these tidbits are really and truly interesting but the other 99% are a waste of time. If you’re a clean living person like me then you too will have plenty of time today to read this nonsense. Since I’ve been watching a lot of English historical programs of late, I thought we should begin with these.
-
As a prince, King Edward VI had a “whipping boy” named Barnaby Fitzpatrick, who was beaten every time the prince misbehaved during his lessons.
-
The sirloin was introduced when King James I knighted a joint of beef (a loin), which was particularly tasty.
-
King Charles I’s favorite joke was to place his court dwarf, Jeffrey Hudson, who was eighteen inches tall, between two halves of a loaf of bread and pretend to eat him.
-
King Edward III died of gonorrhea, which he caught from his mistress when he was sixty-five years of age. Henry VIII and Edward VI also died of venereal disease.
So much for so-called royalty. They’re just plain disgusting pervs like the rest of us. Now onto some strikingly stupid mis-statements released by the Media. This should convince you just how overrated and inaccurate they really can be.
-
“And now the sequence of events in no particular order.” – Dan Rather
-
“We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to the weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather. – Actual Arab news report.
-
“Passive activity income does not include the following income for an activity that is not a passive activity.” – I.R.S. form.
-
“The Supreme Court rules that murderers shall not be electrocuted twice for the same crime.” – Cleveland Daily News
Now a few miscellaneous items in no particular order of importance.
-
More than 200 people in West Virginia returned their license plates to the Motor Vehicle Bureau because they began with the letters “OJ”.
-
Henry Ford never had a driver’s license.
-
A survey of career women who had tattoos revealed that they preferred to adorn their left breast rather than their right by a ratio of three to one.
-
In the early days of Hollywood, Western sets were made to seven-eighth scale to make the heroes seem larger.
-
There are now said to be more Samoans in Los Angeles than in American Samoa.
-
When W.C. Fields was caught glancing through the Bible, he explained it with, “Looking for loopholes.”
-
In New Mexico more than eleven thousand people have visited a tortilla chip that has the face of Jesus Christ burned on it.
And for all of you dieters out these, here’s my favorite food quotation from Miss Piggy. “Never eat more than you can lift.”
HAVE A PEACEFUL DAY OF REST
After yesterdays shopping trip with my better-half I’m sitting here this morning trying to figure out exactly what kind of positive benefits I might have reaped from it as well as any negatives. The trip was relatively short compared to her usual shopping forays so I was forced to sit and read my Kindle at only three locations. Fortunately for me they were all in the Mall and out of the weather.
The positives.
Positive #1 – I sat an hour or so in the Mall out of the rain and cold weather.
Positive #2 – I had a free hour of reading time.
Positive #3 – I made my better-half happy by accompanying her.
Positive #4 – I was out of the house.
Positive #5 – I was able to continue my detailed study of black leggings and the effect they have on me when worn by skinny, well built, chubby, and the occasional obese woman.
Positive #6 – The good feelings that are generated by all those black leggings on the really well-built women.
Positive #7 – We ate a really delicious luncheon meal at Uno’s and:
Positive #8 – Our well-built waitress was wearing black leggings (that were even better than any dessert).
Now let’s move on to the negatives.
Negative #1 – I was forced to go out in the rain and cold weather to sit in an effing Mall.
Negative #2 – I wasted an hour of my precious time trying to read my Kindle in a crowded and annoying Mall.
Negative #3 – I remained silent and refused to voice my displeasure so not as to upset my better-half.
Negative #4 – I was taken to the Mall when my time could have been better spent at home with my X-Box.
Negative #5 – I was continuously distracted by a steady stream of women wearing black leggings.
Negative #6 – With all the hormones flying around because of the black leggings I was forced to remain seated the entire time (I hope you get my drift here).
Negative #7 – Eating out requires that I pay for a meal that I could have made at home for a fraction of the cost.
Negative #8 – Our waitress was way too efficient making numerous trips to our table to distract me from conversations with my better-half (it was those damn black leggings she was wearing).
Since the negatives cancelled out the positives I suppose you could say we had a reasonable day. Not outstanding but not terrible either. If it wasn’t for my better-half and all of those black leggings it could have been much less enjoyable. It’s amazing to me how our excellent relationship has developed over the years due to those thousands of little inconsequential compromises we make. Only one thing could have made our day better and close to absolute perfection.
MY BETTER-HALF NEEDS TO BUY A FEW PAIRS OF BLACK LEGGINGS !!
Critical Disclaimer: Darling this entire post was written with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. You’ll just have to compromise a bit for all of the sarcasm.
I thought that since today is once again cold and sunny I should dig into my trivia library for some interesting facts rather than going out to brave the weather. I might even find a few that aren’t so interesting but as always you can be the judge of that. These are items primarily related to cemeteries and funerals. I may be forced to throw in a few off-color limericks as well. Let’s get started.
Here’s an entry I’m adding just for my beer drinking better-half.
-
A headstone in a cemetery at Saint Kilda, Victoria, Australia, depicts a hand holding a jug of beer. The headstone was the result of a threat often made by the widow to her thirsty husband.
This item amazes me. I can’t begin to understand the level of dedication this involves.
-
In Nara, Japan, a lantern in the tomb of a Buddhist priest, Kyobo Daishi, in the monastery of Koya San has been burning continuously for 1126 years.
This one I can appreciate somewhat. The woman was truly dedicated to her profession, regardless of the consequences.
-
The epitaph of the late Shirley Pitts of London, England, dubbed the “Queen of Shoplifters” reads, “Gone Shopping”.
Everyone loves a good “Love” story and here’s a beauty.
-
“Husband: I anxiously awaiting you, 1827.” “Wife: Here I am, 1867 – Gravestones in a Paris, France cemetery.
Here are two entries concerning two stubborn fools.
-
“Here stands old Britt Bailey” – Epitaph to James Britton Bailey, who was buried standing up because he refused to look up to any man.
-
A tombstone in Weather Hill, New England, reads: “Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor, who lived and died without a doctor.”
Here are a few rather interesting approaches.
-
A tombstone in a cemetery in Medway, Massachusetts, reads, “Beneath this stone, this lump of clay, lies Uncle Peter Daniels, who too early in the month of May, took off his winter flannels.”
-
“Here lies the father of twenty-nine, He would have had more but he didn’t have time.” – Gravestone in Moultrie, Georgia.
-
A gravestone near Uniontown, Pennsylvania: “Her lies the body of Jonathon Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake.”
-
“Owen Moore Is gone away, Owen’ more than he could pay.” – Epitaph in Surrey, England.
And finally a proper send off for an attorney.
-
The tombstone of an attorney in Willwood cemetery, Rockford, Illinois: “Goembel, John E. 1867-1946: The defense rests.”
Now for a couple of art related limericks.
For a sculpture that’s really first class,
You need form, composition, and mass;
To do a good Venus,
Just leave off the penis,
And concentrate more on the ass!
A lascivious lecher, called Fletcher,
Was also a talented sketcher.
Of ladies (quite nude)
He invariably screwed,
But did they enjoy it? You betcha!
I think that’s enough silliness for today. Look for more limericks in the future because I recently stumbled upon quite the collection, most from the British Isles. They have an excellent approach to raunchiness that I really admire.
Most people who blog love to write and I guess that’s understandable. What I don’t understand are those people out there who choose not to write or read. I’m not criticizing, just questioning why. It seems that some people are wired differently and just aren’t all that interested. I read almost the entire Lord of the Rings story to my young son and he enjoyed it immensely. I can honestly say that might be the last book he ever had read to him and he hasn’t read one on his own very often if ever. He just isn’t interested in reading.
Is it nature or nurture? I really don’t have a clue. Using my son again as an example, on his twelfth birthday I bought him a book on the history of baseball and statistics on every player of note for the last fifty years. I knew he loved sports and I took a shot. The book was four inches thick and I thought if nothing else he could use it as a door stop. He read the entire book in a few weeks and remembered almost every statistic on every player. After a time he drove me nuts quoting stats every time we talked. Apparently he was over-the-top interested in sports.
You all know how much I love the written word and trivia so I decided to combine them for todays post. Here’s my collection of useless information on the written word.
-
The number of children in the United Kingdom appearing in hospital emergency rooms dropped by 50% on weekends when the new Harry Potter books were released.
-
The first edition of Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams (1899) sold only 351 copies in it’s first six years.
-
Five years after the 9/11 attacks, 1248 books had been published on the subject.
-
More than 150 books have the words “before you die” in their titles.
-
Charles Dickens created 989 named characters.
-
Only half of American adults have read a book since leaving high school.
-
Five of the ten best selling novels in Japan in 2007 were written on mobile phones.
-
In 1893, when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle killed off Sherlock Holmes, 20,000 people cancelled their subscriptions to The Strand Magazine, which had published the Holmes stories.
-
Around 200,000 academic journals are published in the English language. The average number of readers per article is 5.
-
The word “bible” does not appear in the works of Shakespeare.
-
Thirty percent of hardcover books go directly from the printer to the warehouse.
-
The Da Vinci Code is the bestselling book in French history. A quarter of the population is estimated to have read it.
-
Mein Kampf was second bestselling book in Turkey in March of 2005.
-
The eighteenth-century scholar Edmond Malone calculated that 4,144 of the 6,033 lines in parts I, II, and II of Henry VI were plagiarized by William Shakespeare.
-
The record for the highest number of short stories published in The New Yorker by an author in one year is held by E.B. White (twenty-eight in 1927). The overall record is held by James Thurber, who published 273 stories from 1927 to 1961.
That’s it for today. Hopefully they’ll be a few non-readers out there who’ll decide to read this post. I know for certain my son won’t be one of them unless I add some silly facts about batting averages or Babe Ruth’s weight problems.
NON-READERS MAKE ME CRAZY
‘Religious & Silly?’
Well with another Easter finally here we should be that much closer to warmer temperatures. Having a bright sunny day just isn’t enough when the temperatures remain at or below freezing. That’s just another of Mother Nature’s teases but there’s only one way I like to be teased and this isn’t it.
It’s 10:30 am and I’ve yet to move from my bed. The better-half and I have been playing a vicious game of "Words With Friends" which I hate to admit I just lost by one effing point. Starting my day without kicking her butt may be a bad omen for the rest of my Easter Sunday. I know I’ll be hearing about this win all day.
‘Religious & Badass??’
It’s another chilling and gray day that’ll keep me from getting anything done outside. I refuse to be cold and miserable while doing all of those boring little chores that need to be completed. When the sun finally decides to come out then so will I. I was forbidden by my better-half from saying that “When the sun has risen . . then so will I”. She felt that would be rude to all of you religious folks out there. I disagree somewhat because almost all of the religious people I know are permitted a sense-of-humor. Hers has yet to be fully developed but “I pray” it will someday.
We celebrated Easter yesterday along with the one year birthday of our grandson. It was a fun party with lots of cake and presents but it also allowed us to have a quiet day today. We’re looking forward to a couple of steaks cooked on the grill tonight along with a bottle of blueberry Mead I’ve been saving for a special occasion.
Easter for me has no religious connotation but I know it does for my better-half. As with most things having a good stiff drink always helps me feel a little more religious (she won’t think that’s too funny either).
‘Religious & Intergalactic’
I’ll get this posted in the next few minutes and then spend the remainder of the day working on a pencil sketch that’s captured my interest this week. I hope all of you are enjoying your holiday with your families. Religious or not.
SORRY I CAN’T FIND ANYTHING RELIGIOUS ABOUT AN EASTER BUNNY
JUST SAYING LOVEY!
Today is what will probably turn into a do-nothing, boring, day of reading, and not much else. We’re still caught in between seasons here in Maine which means the weather is all screwed up and annoying. The snowfall from our recent storm is 90% gone but it’s still awfully cold at night. It’s just cold enough to require heavy clothing that makes you begin to sweat as soon as you put it on. Then you remove it to cool down, get cold, and put the clothing back on and sweat some more. It’s no wonder everyone seems to be suffering either from colds or any one of many flu viruses that seem to be going around.
I’ve spent the last few days at home and only leaving the house for wine or food emergencies. All that means is if I’m short on wine and my favorite foods I will brave the cold and crappy weather regardless. Minor errands or stupid shopping forays are not what I consider an emergency no matter what my better-half tells me.
While I’m thinking about that here are a few dirty jokes to brighten your day. We’ll start with a bar joke. Everyone loves a good and dirty bar joke.
-
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
Having worked for a few retail companies over the years I thought a little retail humor was warranted. I looked for years trying to find a salesman like this.
-
A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I’ll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says, "One". The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65 ". The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?" The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’"
This joke goes a long way to explain how long term marriages seem to work.
-
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids….."
You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive? This little list makes one think, and may put things in perspective:
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 $ 9.52 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 $10.00 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 $10.17 per gallon
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 $10.32 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 $25.42 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 $33.60 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 $84.48 per gallon
Pepto-Bismol 4 oz $3.85 $123.20 per gallon
Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 $178.13 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER . . .
Evian water 9 oz $1.49 $21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 FOR WATER! . . . and most buyers don’t even
know the source. But then again "EVIAN" spelled
backwards is "Naïve."
HAVE A GREAT DAY
I’d just like to send out to Mother Nature a big huge kick in the butt. I awoke this morning to her latest gift . . . 6 inches of snow with more expected. I think it’s just her way of letting us know who’s really in charge around here. So I spent this morning getting the snowblower out of storage, gassing it up one more time, and clearing the driveway again. Dammit!!
I much prefer to talk about our day trip yesterday which was much nicer than all this crappy snow today. We took a ride west into New Hampshire to the foothills of Mt. Washington. It was a cold and sunny day which made for a great drive. We were headed once again to North Conway, NH known for it’s many cool little shops and outlet stores. Here a photo looking down Maine Street towards Mt. Washington.
The town was packed full of visitors and every store and shop was crowded. A little sunshine goes a long way in helping to open purses and wallets. I actually opened mine for a change and did my part to help the local economy.
After walking a few miles and looking at damn near everything we decided to stop for lunch at a restaurant called Horsefeathers.
Their menu had a lot to offer but I always lean towards seafood whenever possible. The better half had a great crab and cheese sandwich and loved it. I ordered some super garlicky mussels and this was all that was left a short time later.
The food and drinks were terrific and we returned to the car fat, dumb, and happy. All of our purchases were loaded up and as we drove down Main Street towards home this was what I saw in my rearview mirror. Just a beautiful area.
I can’t wait to return later in the summer to make the trek to the summit of Mt. Washington. We’ve done it before because the view will take your breath away. If I remember correctly on a clear day you can see five states from up there and parts of Canada as well.
JUST A GREAT DAY TO SHAKE OFF THE WINTER DOLDRUMS
everyuselessthing.com 