Let me start off by saying that I’m not a beer drinker. I haven’t had much use for drinking beer since my early years of college and even then, I mixed it with Seven-Up because I couldn’t stand the taste. Also, most of the girls wanted it sweetened and who was I to argue? And now I’m living with one of the greatest beer drinkers I’ve ever seen, my better-half. I would easily consider her a professional beer drinker. She knows all the brands, flavors, the history of the breweries, and that makes her an expert in my eyes.

Many years ago, I worked with a man who made her look like an amateur. This guy could sit and drink a half a case of beer, leave the bar, and drive home. I never saw him intoxicated regardless of how many beers he slugged down in the course of the evening. I consistently ragged on him about drinking too much beer because even then I didn’t have much use for it. Finally, he decided to respond to my constant badgering and gave me the list you’re about to read. He felt that I spent most of my time chasing women and that in his opinion beer was way better than women. Here we go, his list of reasons that beer is better than women.

• You can enjoy beer all month long.

• You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.

• A beer will wait patiently for you in the car when you play sports.

• Beer is never late.

• Hangovers go away, beer never does.

• When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.

• Beer never has a headache.

• A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.

• If you pour a beer just right, you’ll always get good head.

• A beer always goes down easy.

• You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.

• Beer is always wet.

• Beer doesn’t demand equality.

• The beer doesn’t care when you come.

• You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

As I was typing this list, I had a small but equally important epiphany. While I dislike beer immensely, I absolutely love bourbon. If I replace the word beer in this list with the word bourbon, it still makes perfectly good sense. I guess it’s true what they say.

LOVE IS BLIND