As I’m sure you all know, people love beer. With the holidays coming up I assume that all of you beer fanatics out there will be hoisting a few cold ones while watching many of your favorite football games. I’m not a beer person but I’m sure if you consume enough it will make for an even happier holiday season. I understand it also helps, if done properly, to “zone out” all of the miscellaneous holiday conversations you would normally be required to respond to. I’ve been told many times by friends and acquaintances alike that “beer is better than women”. This posting was sent to me by a friend, but it should be read primarily by the men. I’m sure a few beer drinking women will be up in arms over this post but please don’t kill the messenger. I’m just forwarding this along to the men out there who will be in need of some comic relief in the coming months.
WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN
You can enjoy a beer all month long.
You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
When beer goes flat, you toss it out.
Beer is never late.
A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.
When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
Beer never has a headache.
A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
If you pour beer right, you’ll always get good head.
A beer always goes down easy.
A beer is always wet.
A frigid beer is a good beer.
You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
Beer doesn’t care when you come.
You always know if you’re the first one pop a beer.
Hell, I think I’m having a beer induced epiphany. After reading all of this interesting information I just might have to try a beer or two over the holidays. I never realized just how much better beer was than women until I read this list. As an aside ladies, if you think this list was misleading or untrue, I welcome any contributions from all of you as to why beer is better than men.
I am constantly amazed as I do my research for this blog. So many facts exist that are different and sometimes strange. It seems that the stranger facts regularly turn out to be true. Here are ten interesting facts you might enjoy.
The Puritans brought beer to America. According to Mourt’s Relation (1622), the Mayflower Pilgrims settled at Plymouth because supplies, especially beer, were running low. Beer was a dietary mainstay on long voyages because, having been boiled, it was purer than water.
Despite being made famous by Dutch paintings and Spain’s Don Quixote, windmills originated in Persia before the 10th century.
At -90°F, your breath will freeze in midair and fall to the ground.
The word “deadline” originated in Civil War prisons, where lines were drawn that prisoners passed only at the risk of being shot.
On March 15, 1985, Symbolic.com became the first registered Internet domain. Science-fiction writer William Gibson had coined the term “cyberspace” in his novel Neuromancer only the year before.
The first film version of Frankenstein was a 15-minute silent film produced by Thomas Edison.
Inventions that changed how we shop: the cash register (1884), the shopping cart (1936), and the scannable barcode (1952).
Warren Buffett, legendary investor and self-made multibillionaire, filed his first income tax return at age 13, reporting revenue from a newspaper delivery job. He claimed a $35 deduction for his bicycle.
Shakespeare coined thousands of new words, or “neologisms” in his plays and sonnets. Among these are: amaze, bedroom, excellent, fitful, majestic, radiance, and summit.
Dolly the sheep – the first cloned mammal – was named after country singer Dolly Parton. Stockmen dubbed the sheep “Dolly “because she was cloned from a mammary cell.
How many of the ten were you aware of before reading this post? I’m just a little curious. I’ll just bet the real Dolly was so proud she was popping her buttons off. LOL
The Egg? Over the years I’ve come to love eggs and eat them as often as I can. Sometimes as an entre and most times added to other dishes. Even though after all these years there’s still certain groups of alleged experts who insist that eggs are unhealthy. To them I give the “one finger salute”. So now we know I love eggs, but I found out recently that eggs have always been the topic of conversations both good and bad for hundreds if not thousands of years. Human beings are superstitious about everything it seems, even the egg. Here are just a few examples.
In the far past eggs were not only a protein source but a source of all magic. They were the universal symbol of the beginning of life, fertility, and resurrection. To watch a baby robin pecking its way out of an eggshell remains an awesome experience.
It is bad luck to bring a bird’s egg into the house.
The yellow yolk of an egg had the power to cast out the evil eye. Egg worshiping cults existed on Easter Island and in numerous places in South America. Ancient Egyptians believed the one supreme life was in the egg. This belief was expressed in their hieroglyphics for their sun god Ra.
Many superstitions about eggs still exist, especially in rural areas. One such belief is that if you see many broken eggs, you will soon have a lawsuit on your hands.
If you find a snake’s egg in a hen’s nest, your friends are really your enemies.
If a woman dreams of eggs, she will quarrel with her friends.
Two yolks in one egg means good luck for the one who eats them.
Eggs laid on Fridays will cure stomach-aches.
Eggs were never a superstition for me, but I did have a quirk or two concerning them. I still refuse to hang out in any bar that doesn’t have a large jar of pickled eggs available. I no longer drink beer but there was many a time I topped off a cold Iron City beer with a raw egg. Tasted great and slid right down.
We all love food, right? It’s the topic of so many conversations, television shows and TV advertisements. Here are a few foods based trivia facts that you might find interesting.
Coffee, who had been introduced in Europe by Arab traders and was considered by many Roman Catholics to be the wine of infidels. Fortunately for all of us Pope Clement VIII officially recognized it as a Christian drink in an edict issued in 1592.
Were you aware that a Dutch medical professor produced a product in his laboratory while trying to come up with a blood cleanser that could be sold in drugstores. The product was Gin and its original name was Hollandsch genever (Dutch Juniper).
In ancient Egypt when taking an oath, the right hand was placed on an onion. Its round shape symbolized eternity.
The Iroquois Indians planted what they referred to as the “three sisters”, corn, beans and squash. Planted together on earthen mounds, the cornstalks supported the vines of the bean plants, and the broad leaves of the squash plants blocked the growth of weeds.
The company, F & M Schaefer, was the first American brewery to market beer in a bottle.
In cooking, there are 60 drops to a teaspoon.
The Heinz company is well-known for its “57 varieties”. The very first variety marketed by Heinz was horseradish in 1869.
President Theodore Roosevelt was the person who coined the phrase that has been appropriated as the slogan for Maxwell House coffee: “Good to the last drop”.
The queen of Egypt, Cleopatra, used the juice of cucumbers to preserve her skin and it’s still used today in facial creams, lotions, and cleansers.
One acre of crocus plants produces only 10 pounds of dried saffron.
Just sitting here this morning with three layers of clothes on and my feet still feel like blocks of ice. We decided to turn off the heat two weeks ago to save a few bucks when we thought “Spring had Sprung”, but we should’ve known better. Wrong again. Never let it be said that Maine doesn’t fail to deliver on crappy weather. So here I sit at my computer with my little space heater preparing to supply you with some straight facts you didn’t know you needed to know. Here they are . . .
The world’s oldest surviving recipe is a formula for making beer. It was discovered outside Baghdad in 1850 on a 3800-year-old Sumerian clay tablet.
A fetus acquires fingerprints by the end of the first trimester.
In 2003, the personal fortune of JK Rowling, best-selling British author of the widely popular Harry Potter books, surpassed that of the Queen of England.
Voltaire, the French philosopher, novelist, and ardent atheist, once held up the Bible and proclaimed, “In 100 years this book will be forgotten, eliminated.” Less than 50 years after his death, the Geneva Bible Society bought his house in order to produce and distribute Bibles.
You can in fact get cooties. Cooties are lice.
George Clooney once vowed never to remarry or have children, but Michelle Pfeiffer and Nicole Kidman each bet $10,000 that he’d be a father by age 40. On Clooney’s 40th birthday (May 6, 2001), the actresses conceded defeat and sent their checks. Clooney returned their money, betting double or nothing that he wouldn’t have any kids before turning 50.
Cigars are called “stogies” because pioneer drivers of Conestoga covered wagons made in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, preferred the long, cheap cigars available in that region. Over time, “Conestoga” was shortened to “stogie.”
The term “What in tarnation!” derives from the expression “What in eternal damnation!”
The percentage of American men who say they’d marry the same woman if they had to do it all over again: 80%. The percentage of American women who say the same: 50%.
There are 2,598,960 possible hands in Texas Hold ‘Em.
Let me start off by saying that I’m not a beer drinker. I haven’t had much use for drinking beer since my early years of college and even then, I mixed it with Seven-Up because I couldn’t stand the taste. Also, most of the girls wanted it sweetened and who was I to argue? And now I’m living with one of the greatest beer drinkers I’ve ever seen, my better-half. I would easily consider her a professional beer drinker. She knows all the brands, flavors, the history of the breweries, and that makes her an expert in my eyes.
Many years ago, I worked with a man who made her look like an amateur. This guy could sit and drink a half a case of beer, leave the bar, and drive home. I never saw him intoxicated regardless of how many beers he slugged down in the course of the evening. I consistently ragged on him about drinking too much beer because even then I didn’t have much use for it. Finally, he decided to respond to my constant badgering and gave me the list you’re about to read. He felt that I spent most of my time chasing women and that in his opinion beer was way better than women. Here we go, his list of reasons that beer is better than women.
You can enjoy beer all month long.
You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
A beer will wait patiently for you in the car when you play sports.
Beer is never late.
Hangovers go away, beer never does.
When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
Beer never has a headache.
A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
If you pour a beer just right, you’ll always get good head.
A beer always goes down easy.
You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.
Beer is always wet.
Beer doesn’t demand equality.
The beer doesn’t care when you come.
You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
As I was typing this list, I had a small but equally important epiphany. While I dislike beer immensely, I absolutely love bourbon. If I replace the word beer in this list with the word bourbon, it still makes perfectly good sense. I guess it’s true what they say.
I haven’ t posted anything since the start of the year and I’m feeling a little guilty. Having a blog is like having an ungratful child. It’s a lot of work for which I receive virtually no gratitude. I especially miss the less than friendly emails received from my more liberal readers. My life has been empty without their caustic comments and endless political preaching. I’ve relegated them to a dustly shelf in my mancave where everything that bores me is stored.
Enough of that . . . On to other matters concerning my newest and least satisfying addiction. I’ve known for sometime that I have an addictive personality. As a very young man I had a tremendous taste for beer. It got me into some trouble in my teens and I had to finally let it go. No more of that nasty brew. Then in my twenties I turned my attention to cigarettes and the occasion toke of giggle weed. Both of which hung on until my thirites when I saw the light and quit smoking everything. No more happiness weed and no more cigarettes. I got healthy, hit the gym, and finally (according to my mother) turned myself into a beautiful and productive person.
As the years rolled along I ended my addiction to marriage and lived a rather raucous and crazy few years filled with wine women and song. Yes I’d finally discovered a taste for wine and women but no matter what I did I couldn’t carry a tune. As is usual the combination of wine and women got me into considerable trouble as well. I finally met, fell in love, and settled down with the love-of-my-life, stopped drinking wine and turned instead to brandy.
The next to go was the damn brandy. While I enjoyed the brandy drinking experience it was rather boring and I had to stop. I hate spending that kind of money on alcohol that tastes great but I get no glow. No glow means you got to go and it did. So currently I’ve reduced my addictions to just three. My woman is here to stay, thats #1, and thank god for a continuous supply of Jack Daniels (thats #2). I’ve limited myself to just two or three Jack & Pepsi’s a week (and maybe a few more if we have visitors). Things seem to be working out perfectly almost . . .
My last remaining addiction is without a doubt the worst. I’ve rid myself of a major television addiction 2 years ago when I could no longer stand watching 10 minutes of commercials every half hour. I told Dish Network to cancel my account and signed up immediately with Netflix and Amazon for streaming service. Unfortuneately streaming is a double-edged sword. Being generous I estimate that both streaming services are 80% crap and only 20% of their movies are worth watching unless you want to pay a fee. My newest and worst addiction is to this endless supply of terrible, crappy, and ridiculous movies.
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME
I’m in dire need of some sort of 12 step program to get me away from this TV. My greatest fear these days is that my better-half will find me alone in the dark, slumped over in my favorite chair, clutching the remote. Dead from dehydration, boredom, and felony eye-slaughter.
Do these shrimp look good to you? They were just as delicious as you might think or so says my better-half. She’s a shrimp junkie going back many years and considers herself an expert. I tried just one and really couldn’t disagree.
Summer time meals are something special around here and are to be enjoyed and relished whenever possible. While I’m not a big fan of shrimp or lobster I do love just about everything else that the ocean has too offer. I experiment when possible to come up with new flavors and textures with my seafood. This week we picked up those shrimp and a large haddock fillet just for me.
To make things a little more interesting I poached the fillet in habanero wine. I made this wine a few years back and it carries with it a delicious flavor and heat. Once the poaching was completed the fillets were dropped onto the grill to give them a little crispiness.
Just sooooo good.
Then it’s off to the table with a side of fresh corn-on-the-cob and a glass of Chardonnay. Cherry tomatoes picked just before the meal and chilled are a perfect addition. That beer in the picture belongs to my better-half. She considers any beer she drinks as her Chardonnay.
The garden continues to flourish now that we’ve had a few days of rain to help perk things up. I picked this collection of hot peppers (Serrano, Fresno, jalapeno, and Anaheim’s) today because tomorrow is salsa day and I want them as fresh and hot as I can get.
I’ll be slicing and dicing all of the other salsa ingredients this evening in preparation for tomorrow. This is the best part of Summer for me without a doubt.
I’m lying in bed this morning going through my normal morning ritual. What better way to start your day than enjoying a couple of episodes of The Soprano’s. I’m watching the scene where they buried Tony’s mother with all of the family smoking dope and snorting cocaine. Not really much like my own family (Thank God) but it’s still fun to watch.
I’m moving a little slower than usual due in part to our Cinco De Mayo celebration last night. We wanted to avoid the crowds as much as possible so we made an earlier than usual appearance at out favorite Mexican establishment, Casa Fiesta. I decided a margarita was in order so I ordered the biggest one I could find. Here it is in all it’s glory. It was one delicious drink but the three episodes of brain-freeze I could have done without.
‘It was just as big as it looks.’
The better-half was in her glory as well when she discovered they had Pacifico beer on-tap. That’s as happy as I’ve seen her since the start of our current weight loss program. I had a sampler platter with all of the Mexican specialties we’ve come to know and love. The food was great and the habanero Verde sauce was delicious and brutally hot.
‘Delicious, with third degree burns of the tongue.’
We left with habanero on our breath and a distinct glow from the margaritas and Pacifico beers. All in all a rather enjoyable night. Maybe next year will be able to celebrate a little more boisterously with some of our friends.
I thought that since today is once again cold and sunny I should dig into my trivia library for some interesting facts rather than going out to brave the weather. I might even find a few that aren’t so interesting but as always you can be the judge of that. These are items primarily related to cemeteries and funerals. I may be forced to throw in a few off-color limericks as well. Let’s get started.
Here’s an entry I’m adding just for my beer drinking better-half.
A headstone in a cemetery at Saint Kilda, Victoria, Australia, depicts a hand holding a jug of beer. The headstone was the result of a threat often made by the widow to her thirsty husband.
This item amazes me. I can’t begin to understand the level of dedication this involves.
In Nara, Japan, a lantern in the tomb of a Buddhist priest, Kyobo Daishi, in the monastery of Koya San has been burning continuously for 1126 years.
This one I can appreciate somewhat. The woman was truly dedicated to her profession, regardless of the consequences.
The epitaph of the late Shirley Pitts of London, England, dubbed the “Queen of Shoplifters” reads, “Gone Shopping”.
Everyone loves a good “Love” story and here’s a beauty.
“Husband: I anxiously awaiting you, 1827.” “Wife: Here I am, 1867 – Gravestones in a Paris, France cemetery.
Here are two entries concerning two stubborn fools.
“Here stands old Britt Bailey” – Epitaph to James Britton Bailey, who was buried standing up because he refused to look up to any man.
A tombstone in Weather Hill, New England, reads: “Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor, who lived and died without a doctor.”
Here are a few rather interesting approaches.
A tombstone in a cemetery in Medway, Massachusetts, reads, “Beneath this stone, this lump of clay, lies Uncle Peter Daniels, who too early in the month of May, took off his winter flannels.”
“Here lies the father of twenty-nine, He would have had more but he didn’t have time.” – Gravestone in Moultrie, Georgia.
A gravestone near Uniontown, Pennsylvania: “Her lies the body of Jonathon Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake.”
“Owen Moore Is gone away, Owen’ more than he could pay.” – Epitaph in Surrey, England.
And finally a proper send off for an attorney.
The tombstone of an attorney in Willwood cemetery, Rockford, Illinois: “Goembel, John E. 1867-1946: The defense rests.”
Now for a couple of art related limericks.
For a sculpture that’s really first class,
You need form, composition, and mass;
To do a good Venus,
Just leave off the penis,
And concentrate more on the ass!
A lascivious lecher, called Fletcher,
Was also a talented sketcher.
Of ladies (quite nude)
He invariably screwed,
But did they enjoy it? You betcha!
I think that’s enough silliness for today. Look for more limericks in the future because I recently stumbled upon quite the collection, most from the British Isles. They have an excellent approach to raunchiness that I really admire.
everyuselessthing.com 