The drinks left for him by each bed,
Had gone straight to old Santa’s head;
He was found off the road,
With an upside-down load,
And himself slumped, dead drunk, in his sled!
The drinks left for him by each bed,
Had gone straight to old Santa’s head;
He was found off the road,
With an upside-down load,
And himself slumped, dead drunk, in his sled!
“Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian.
Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.”
George Burns
Today is DUMB day here in Maine. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be DUMB today but all things being considered I might be DUMB tomorrow. This word is used almost as heavily as “shit” and “fuck”. One bad move and you are immediately labeled a “DUMB shit” or a “DUMB fuck”. You may have only made a minor mistake but you’re still painted with a broad brush that identifies you as someone who screwed up in a big way. Our language is not fair and not for the faint of heart. Have you ever heard the term “dumbassary” or how about “shitheadedness”? You can build your own words and introduce them into the lexicon and pray that someone repeats them, that they then catch on, and all of a sudden you’ve been immortalized. People everywhere use the word DUMB and some even attempt to make money from its use. Here are few examples . . .
As flexible as the word DUMB is, the language has also supplied us with dozens of words with DUMB as the underlying meaning. If you hear any of the following words used in describing you in any fashion, the speaker is in fact, calling you a DUMB ass.
cretinous, feebleminded, simpleminded; boobish, foolish, idiotic, imbecile, moronic; ignorant, illiterate, lowbrow, uneducated, uninformed, unintellectual, and untaught, unthinking; absurd, asinine, balmy, cockeyed, crackpot, crazy, cuckoo, daffy, daft, dippy, fool, half-baked, harebrained, insane, kooky, loony, lunatic, mad, nonsensical, nutty, preposterous, sappy, screwball, silly, unwise, wacky, zany; fallacious, illogical, invalid, irrational, unreasonable, and last but not least, STUPID.
So when I state that I am anti-stupid you can see just how busy I’ve really become. It’s an endless battle identifying and pointing out all of the stupid, dumb, and idiotic citizens roaming our streets right under our noses. Fortunately for all of you, I grudgingly volunteered years ago to lead the charge against DUMB and STUPID.
YOUR WELCOME
There was a young lady named Jo
Who was serviced four times in a row;
When she cried: “Give me more!”
A weak voice from the floor
Protested: “I just can’t, it’s too sore.”
Today is Sunday, a day to relax and enjoy some trivia. It’s also necessary for me to help celebrate a family birthday, so I too can relax and enjoy this little bit of sunshine we’re having. It won’t be long before the snow flies. Enjoy . . .
HAVE A RELAXING SUNDAY
I’m sitting here today and enjoying my weekend. With winter bearing down on us and those delicious cold winter nights in my immediate future, I’m excited. Today I want to talk about sleeping naked. Sleeping naked is something that I’ve done my entire life except for a couple of years in the Army and a month here and there while in training as a police officer. I absolutely love it but I’ve been unable to do it for the last 18 months. Following my many issues with my cancer diagnosis I’ve been forced to sleep in a pair of shorts. I don’t think I need to explain why. Since most of my medical nightmares are ending my body is finally returning to normal and I’m about to give up the shorts and really enjoy this winter and the cold nights the way they ought to be enjoyed.
Over the years I’ve wasted many hours attempting to explain to certain individuals that sleeping naked is the only way to go. Why is it that most people become so set in their ways they can’t change no matter how good the argument might be for them to do so. Sleeping naked just seems to me to be the most natural and comfortable way to become completely rested. I’ve known some people who came to bed dressed for battle. One in particular loves wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt, full-length sweatpants, and usually a pair of totally unfashionable and ugly socks. Who in God’s name could possibly relax and get a good nights sleep dressed in an outfit like that? It’s even more of an issue if you’re coming to bed expecting a sexual encounter. It would take 20 minutes to find everything you’re looking for.
Nudity is the main issue I suppose. Why are people so repressed sexually and consumed with body image? I’ve known drop-dead gorgeous women who were so attractive they could’ve have any man they wanted for a sexual partner. They still choose to hide under the covers and are fearful of being seen naked. The old saying “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” apparently doesn’t apply to everyone. On the reverse side of this issue I’ve known a few women who were anything but runway models and they spent more time naked than I did. Don’t even get me started about the arguments I’ve had about whether the lights in the bedroom should be on or off. It’s just nuts!
There’ve been famous people throughout history who loved being naked and weren’t afraid to admit it. Even one of our illustrious forefathers, Benjamin Franklin, when ambassador to France, was known to take on a daily basis what he called an “air bath”. He once wrote to the French physician, Jacques Barbeu-Duborg, describing it: “I rise early almost every morning and sit in my chamber, without any clothes whatever, half an hour or an hour, according to the season, either reading or writing.” On more than one occasion over the years I’ve tested his theory and I’m here to tell you he was absolutely right. It’s just a simple fact that doing things naked is way better than doing it clothed.
Let me throw a few quotes into the mix just to make things interesting:
I suppose that last quote embodies everything I disagree with in one paragraph. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but OMG could that opinion reflect any more inaccuracies and biases? I’m willing to stand up and say “Men are not sweatier or grosser than women .”Have you ever smelled a guys sweaty sheets?” What arrogance. Women smell the same as men and if they’re the least bit concerned with their partner’s body odor, tell them to get up and take a shower. Join them if you must and have a little fun while you’re at it. If everyone takes a bath or shower and then “stinky” is no longer an issue. You make love, roll your butt out of bed and take another shower if you must. Common courtesy is the most important thing when sharing your bed and a bit of bodily fluid whether clothed or unclothed.
GET NAKED, SLEEP NAKED, PLAY NAKED
WHO COULD AS FOR ANYTHING MORE?