Right after I awoke this morning, I got online and was watching a blurb from one of Sarah Silverman’s podcasts. I’ve always been a fan of Silverman and I appreciate her views on a lot of subjects and love her comedy. She was talking briefly about being taken to task by Paris Hilton for some jokes made a number of years ago when Hilton seemed to be on every TV, every hour, and was just annoying as she could be. Sarah doesn’t need me to defend her because she’s more than capable of doing that job all by herself. I just thought I’d make a few comments of my own and exercise my Freedom of Speech. Please Ms. Hilton, “Shut the hell up”. I’m certain you will make sure you get as much media coverage as you can now that you’re a reformed celebrity and a wife. I’d better not see any honeymoon videos accidently released to the media as has happened a few times in the past. Just to let everyone know how I really see her, read a few of her ridiculous pearls of wisdom she insisted on sharing with the world.
“Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.”
There’s nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I’m that icon.”
“I don’t think there’s ever been anyone like me that’s lasted.”
William Penn Adair Rogers (November 4, 1879 – August 15, 1935) was an American vaudeville performer, actor, and humorous social commentator. He was born as a citizen of the Cherokee Nation, in the Indian Territory (now part of Oklahoma) and was known as “Oklahoma’s Favorite Son”.By the mid-1930s, he was hugely popular in the United States for his leading political wit and was the highest paid of Hollywood film stars. He died in 1935 with aviator Wiley Post when their small airplane crashed in northern Alaska.
That last paragraph is the current description of this man but barely does him justice. He and Mark Twain have always been my two favorite philosophers. I’ve read the writings of many of the ancient philosophers, but they are difficult to relate to. These two men always used wisdom delivered with biting humor to make their points and it was magical. Here is just a small sampling of his quotes which still ring true here in the twenty-first century. Enjoy . . .
“After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him… The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.”
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
“Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans.”
“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”
“If America ever passes out as a great nation, we ought to put on our tombstone: America died from a delusion she had Moral Leadership.”
“The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.”
“If you want to be successful, it’s just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.”
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.”
“Last year we said, ‘Things can’t go on like this’, and they didn’t, they got worse.”
“A man only learns by two things; one is reading, and the other is association with smarter people.”
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
I’m a little depressed today after reviewing the maneuverings of Putin in Russia. His attempts to reconstruct the old USSR continue. I think that’s a foolish goal and will do nothing except destroy the economies of millions of people and caused the deaths of thousands more. Putin is old school, and he thinks and acts like it’s still World War II. Thinking like the KGB operative he once was he’s sure he’s the baddest guy on the block. The day will come when he’ll be forced to recognize that the days of the KGB and the USSR are over. He’s following in the footsteps of Russia’s worst enemy and is making the Ukraine the new Poland. Fortunately for the world, tyrants almost never meet a happy end. Here are a few additional thoughts on tyrants.
Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
“It is an is characteristic of a tyrant to dislike everyone who has dignity or independence; he wants to be alone in his glory, but anyone who claims a like dignity or asserts his independence encroaches upon his prerogative and is hated by him as an enemy to his power.”
“A tyrant should also endeavor to know what each of his subjects says or does, and should employ spies . . . For the fear of informers prevents people from speaking their minds, and if they do, they are more easily found out. Another art of the tyrant is to sow quarrels among the citizens.”
Joseph Campbell (1904-1987)
“The tyrant is proud, and therein resides his doom. He is proud because he thinks of his strength as his own; thus, he is in the clown role, as a mistaker of shadow for substance; it is his destiny to be tricked.”
I thought a good way to start a Tuesday would be to offer for your entertainment a few retro bumper stickers dating back to the 1980’s. The first one I’ll mention was on an orange Gremlin that I owned. It garnered a lot attention or so my mother told me on the day she borrowed my car. She was so naive, she thought all of those people honking were just being friendly. LOL Here is my first:
HONK IF YOUR HORNY
VINTAGE LOVER – AGED TO PERFECTION
LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO DANCE WITH UGLY MEN
RECYCLERS DO IT MORE THAN ONCE
BEER ISN’T JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE
I AM WOMAN. I AM INVINCIBLE. I AM TIRED
ANSWER MY PRAYERS. STEAL THIS CAR
JAPANESE CADILLAC
NOBODY’S UGLY AFTER 2 A.M.
GET OFF MY ASS, MORON
That’s enough for today. I need to find a website that prints custom made bumper stickers. Some of these need to be brought back to life here in the 21st century.
It’s time for another day of limericks. I’ve been lucky enough to have most of the limericks in my files categorized by type. The list of types involves thousands of limericks and today’s topic will be “Virginity”. Since everyone has been a virgin at one time in their life, we should all enjoy these little tidbits of bawdy rhymes.
🏆🏆🏆
“Competition is keen, you agree,”
Said an ancient old flapper from Dee,
So, she dyed her gray tresses,
Chopped a foot from her dresses,
And her reason you plainly can see.
🥇🥇🥇
The bride went up the aisle
In traditional virginal style,
But they say she was nary
An innocent charity,
But a whore from the banks of the Nile.
🎖🎖🎖
There was a young girl named Anheuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.
❤❤❤
A lisping young lady named Beth
Was saved from a fate worse than death.
Seven times in a row,
Which unsettled her so
That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth”.
🥉🥉🥉
You just can’t beat those old-style limericks. I think I actually enjoy them more than most of the newer versions.
I have what I think is a healthy sense of humor. It can be bawdy at times, unfunny at times, but well used at all times. I love people who can make me laugh and I love making others laugh. It’s one of the few joys I have, and I try to use it as often as possible. I have a new appreciation for standup comedians since I now have one in the family. Being funny all the time is extremely hard work but it’s really worth the time spent. It’s been said that laughter is the “best medicine” and while that is true it also serves many other purposes. The following paragraph was written by George Orwell the well-known author of 1984. It makes for some thought-provoking ideas. Every aspiring comedian should read this before each show. Enjoy . . .
“A thing is funny when – in some way that is not actually offensive or frightening – it upsets the established order. Every joke is a tiny revolution . . . Whatever destroys dignity and brings down the mighty from their seats, preferably with a bump, is funny.”
Eric Arthur Blair
Eric Arthur Blair (25 June 1903 – 21 January 1950), known by his pen name George Orwell, was an English novelist, essayist, journalist and critic. His work is characterized by lucid prose, biting social criticism, and a total opposition to totalitarianism.
“Of the few innocent pleasures left to men past middle life, the jamming of common sense down the throats of fools is perhaps the keenness.”
🕳🕳🕳
Thomas Henry Huxley (4 May 1825 – 29 June 1895) was an English biologist and anthropologist specializing in comparative anatomy. He has become known as “Darwin’s Bulldog” for his advocacy of Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution. After comparing Archaeopteryx with Compsognathus, he concluded that birds evolved from small carnivorous dinosaurs, a theory widely accepted today.
What makes an artist an artist? It’s a question that’s been asked thousands of times by thousands of people who have the creative urge and use it. Am I an artist? Do I really have what it takes to create something memorable and interesting to others? A lot of questions and very few answers usually.
As a young man I had a constant stream of creative thoughts, but it took many years for me to find a way to express myself. I tried everything oil painting, sculpting, photography, poetry, and even jewelry making. I’ve used every type of media from acrylics, latex paints, pastels, charcoal, and pencil sketching. I found I loved writing and BANG; my blogging life began. I love doing them all, but I still was never sure if I was a real artist. Even to this day when I’m struggling with an idea, I still have my doubts. An artist’s curse, I suppose. These short essays by some very smart and intelligent men helped to put most of my doubts to rest. Enjoy . . .
“The biographies of great artists make it abundantly clear that the creative urge is often so imperious that it battens on their humanity and yolks everything to the service of the work, even at the cost of health and ordinary human happiness. The unborn work in the psyche of the artist is a force of nature that achieves its end either with tyrannical might or with the subtle cunning of nature itself, quite regardless of the personal fate of the man who is its vehicle.”
Carl G. Jung (1875– 1961) “On Relation of Analytical Psychology to Poetry” 1930
“A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament. Its beauty comes from the fact that the author is what he is. It has nothing to do with the fact that other people want what they want. Indeed, the moment that an artist takes notice of what other people want, and tries to supply the demand, he ceases to be an artist, and becomes a dull or an amusing craftsman, an honest or a dishonest tradesman.”
Oscar Wilde (1854–1900) ” Soul of Man under Socialism” 1891
Even these supersmart gentlemen don’t have the ability to remove all doubt about whether a person is an artist or not. It’s that consistent need by an artist to doubt his own abilities that inspires him to strive to become even better.
I decided to do a little trivia today but in a different way. Normally my trivia lists pertain to the same subject such as the human body, accidental deaths, or just about anything you can think of. Today’s list is a scattering of trivia facts and information that are hard to categorize so I’ll just throw them out there and you can read and enjoy them. Here they are . . .
The upside-down catsup bottle was invented by Paul Brown, who spent years developing a valve that would open when inverted and then close automatically without leaking. Now Brown’s patented valve is used by NASA (so that astronauts cups don’t spill) and by baby food and shampoo manufacturers.
“Brain Freeze” happens when something cold, such as ice cream, touches the roof of your mouth and causes blood vessels in your head to dilate.
Each year Americans spend $9 billion on candy and consume more than 25 pounds per person.
Women have played basketball from the sport’s earliest days; the first intercollegiate women’s basketball game, between Stanford and UC Berkeley, was played in 1896. Stanford won.
Beyond his weight, President Taft is remembered for being the first US president to throw out a pitch on the opening day of baseball season. Since then, every president except Jimmy Carter has followed suit.
The word “dictionary” was coined by the English in 1220. John of Garland wrote a book called Dictionarius to help readers master Latin diction. The first dictionaries were English language glossaries of French or Latin words with their English equivalents.
“The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep is sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
In 2012, a Florida man died after winning a cockroach eating contest at a reptile store. It wasn’t the cockroach that killed him; they are edible and frequently consumed in some cultures. Instead, the likely cause of his death was a rare allergic reaction to cockroach dandruff.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has sold more books then J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien combined.
The Twinkie was invented in 1930 in Chicago. Its creator, James Dewar, noticed that the machines used to produce Strawberry Filled shortcakes were idle for half the year when strawberries were out of season. His original recipe included a banana cream filling. The name was inspired by “Twinkle Toe Shoes.
Well, there are your ten little tidbits of trivia for today. More are sure to follow.
everyuselessthing.com 