Mickey’s is bigger than Dickie’s,
And Dickie’s is bigger than Rickie’s;
I like penises the size
That bring tears to my eyes,
Although small ones are better for quickies.
Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category
11/12/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
11/17/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
There was a young fellow, from Florida,
Who liked a friends wife, so he borrowed her;
When they jumped into bed,
He cried: “God! Strike me dead!
This isn’t a vagina – it’s a corridor!”
11/03/2021 **DUMB💩 💩AWARD** Leave a comment
I’ve been a fan of the Darwin Awards for many years. I’m not sure why I enjoy reading about stupid people dying in stupid ways, but I do. Here’s a headline I happened upon as I was surfing this morning. If anyone deserved a Dumb💩💩Award it’s this genius.
Dad of three crushed to death under BMW as he tried to steal a catalytic converter.
- Updated: 7:53, 2 Sep 2021
11/02/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** 5 comments
There was a young lady named Jo,
Whose lover had pulled out too slow;
So they tried it all night,
Till he got it just right –
Well, practice makes perfect you know!
11/02/2021 PEOPLE .👨🦰. PEOPLE .👸. PEOPLE 2 comments
Like everyone else I spend an inordinate amount of my time people watching, listening, and wondering. We all do it and most of us find it enjoyable but even those that don’t do find it interesting and curious. As I surf the Net I’ve read thousands of articles that center most of their interests on people. Looking at it from my perspective, what else is there to write about that will capture an audience. People are by far the most interesting and disturbing characters to examine that I’ve found. Dogs? No way, Cats? Not so much, Trees? Boring . . .
Once I made the decision to write primarily about people is when I stumbled upon reams and reams of information that I found cute, somewhat interesting, and some that were just down-right stupid. With that in mind I thought I’d send along a few facts to amuse and inform you.
- 40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet. (Remember this when you throw your next party)
- Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die. (Our three main interests)
- Over the same period of time, women who read romance novels tend to have twice as many lovers as those who don’t. (Romance novels = motivation)
- The frequency with which a woman has orgasms during her sleep actually increases as she ages during her childbearing years. (Is it any wonder they think they can do without man completely)
- Mothers pregnant with boys are less forgetful than those carrying girls. (I don’t know what to make of this tidbit)
- Girls have more taste buds than boys. (I can go off-color here but I won’t)
As I’ve stated many times before I want to meet the people who research these odd bits of information just out of sheer curiosity. I’d like to know if these facts are really as accurate as they say. I also want to submit my resume to them for their next job opening. This would have to be the best freaking job on the planet and I want in.
THE GREAT WIDE WONDERFUL WORLD OF PEOPLE
***Limerick💗Alert*** Leave a comment
There was a nurse anxious to score
With such style she was hard to ignore.
There’s one way she likes
But it gave me the frights,
But still I came back for more.
10/31/2021 The Cure for What Ails You Leave a comment
I can only assume that all of you are as sick of this pandemic lifestyle we’ve been forced into. I know I’ve made some rather harsh remarks recently about people who refuse to get vaccinations but being a problem solver forced me to find a workable solution to possibly help those folks.
The coronavirus is one of a group of viruses which includes the common cold. I decided to check around to see if I can find anything that might assist the anti-vaxers to battle viruses without compromising their principles. What I’m about to tell you is nothing new but we’re running out of options and this may be the final one available for you undecided folks. Most of the symptoms of Covid-19 are similar to those of the common cold. With vaccines out of the mix I found this ancient remedy that may be worth a try. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. IMO
CURE #1
A woolen sock, yes you heard me, I said, a woolen sock. But you must use a woolen sock – not a synthetic, “nasty” fiber sock. The wool sock must be dirty – worn by someone else, preferably someone who is strong and healthy. It’s best for a woman with symptoms to use a healthy man’s soiled sock and vice versa.
The dirty sock should be turned inside out – with the grungy part on the outside. Wrap the sock around your neck and be sure the foot part of the sock covers the sorest spot of your throat. Leave it there all night. Be warned – you will smell, and it won’t be a good smell. Your partner most assuredly will insist you sleep on the sofa. But try to get a good nights sleep despite the terrible odor. In the morning, remove the sock and Ta Da! Your symptoms should be better.
The magic in this cure is the moisture of the dirty sock. The moisture from the healthy person is absorbed while he or she is wearing it. When that same sock is placed on a sore throat, the moisture is magically absorbed by the sick person and the illness is cured.
CURE #2
Another sock cure is to soak clean cotton socks – again, no synthetic fibers – in vinegar. Squeeze out the excess vinegar and put on the socks. Get a good nights sleep and upon wakening wash your feet. You also may want to open the windows and air out the bedroom! The vinegar in the socks supposedly draws out the illness. Where the symptoms go is anyone’s guess. So be on the safe side, don’t hang around folks who wear vinegar soaked socks. Make sure they’re at least 6 to 8 feet away at all-times. I’m assuming that social distancing isn’t something you object to on moral grounds.
Well there you have it. Two alternate solutions to avoid getting vaccinated and letting the scary government run your life.
THIS HAS BEEN A SARCASTIC PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
10/30/2021 Our Next “Younger Generation” Leave a comment
Welcome to the Every Useless Thing discussion on up-and-coming younger generations. It’s obvious that the older generations are responsible for the various nicknames to the younger generations i.e. Greatest Generation, Silent Generation, Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y (Millennials), Gen Z, and the internet generation. Of course they never name themselves because that’s the job of the next generation to take care of. It’s all so silly. That’s why a history lesson is in order. Here we go . . .
I remember as a child being told by my parents that the younger generation (including me) were screwed up, uncaring, and unthinking. I took great offense to that and it just motivated me to rebel at every opportunity much to their chagrin. Jump ahead thirty-five years and I actually heard myself saying the same kinds of things during one of my angry moments in dealing with my son. Soon after that conversation I was having a coffee at a local café (pre-pandemic) and I just started chuckling to myself. The more I thought about the conversation with my son the funnier it became because it’s not often I’m able to recognize an epiphany when I have one.
I read quite a bit and the diversity of my subject matter is what makes it so much fun. The following quotation was in a recent book I read and as soon as I saw it I began chuckling again. Even 5000 years ago the adults were saying the same damn things about their younger generations and it keeps me optimistic about the generations to come. Also having a close relationship with a few of the younger generation keeps me on my toes and aware of their thoughts, ideas, and approaches to us grown-ups. Broad brushing a group of individuals is foolish and should be avoided at all costs.
A tablet from ancient Assyria, from about 2800 B.C., has been found that states: “Our earth is degenerate in these latter days. There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end. Bribery and corruption are common.”
More than 2000 years later, Socrates complained, “Children are now tyrants . . .They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize over their teachers.”
And Plato also wrote of his students: ” What is happening to our young people? They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions, their morals are decaying, what is to become of them?”
If reading that doesn’t make you chuckle just a little then you’ve got a problem. It gives me a great deal of comfort to think that the grown-ups then were moaning and complaining just like we do now and how the next generation will be moaning and complaining about us.
ITS ALL JUST TOO DAMN PREDICTABLE
10/29/2021 ***Limerick 💗Alert*** 1 comment
Said Miss Vero, at one of her bars:
“Sex is more fun in bed than in cars.
You feel more at ease,
Your ass doesn’t freeze,
And no one can see all my scars.
I 💗My Belly Button Leave a comment
I’ve always been a believer that “an unexamined life is not worth living”. It’s a habit I’ve gotten into over the years when I wish to relax, Zen out, and ponder my life. Have I ever had any major epiphanies along the way, why yes I have. Even the smallest of things that seem unimportant and inconsequential should be examined, thought on, and then blogged about.
I have to admit I’ve been a big fan of belly buttons for most of my life. Not just my own but many bellybuttons of the female persuasion have caught my eye on more than one occasion. I’m definitely not a connoisseur of bellybuttons but just an aficionado for sure. Haven’t you ever wondered and I mean ever wondered why bellybutton lint is generally blue in color? Today is your lucky day because I’m here to explain it to you. I discovered this short essay quite by accident and immediately knew it was something my readers would need to know and appreciate. Here we go . . .
- A number of surveys have been undertaken in relation to bellybutton lint. They’ve all found that the lint is generally blue in color and is more prevalent in the navels of certain types of people. To answer why it tends to be blue, the origin of the lint must first be considered.
- It’s thought that the lint, comprises fibers from clothing, as well as some skin cells, that are channeled to the navel from below by hairs on the stomach throughout the day as the body moves. The hairs also help to dislodge the fibers from the clothes.
- It is also been found that men with large stomachs accumulate more lint, probably because their abdomen presses harder against their clothing, causing more fibers to dislodge, and also because their navels tend to be deeper, allowing more lint to accumulate there. Supporting this theory is the fact that outward protruding navels rarely collect lint.
- The reason why the lint is colored blue has been the subject of much conjecture, but it’s generally thought to be related to the color of the clothing worn below the navel, which is generally dark colors such as blue. However, the lint of people who wear a variety of colors still tends to be blue, because blue is the result of combining a number of different colors, just as the lint found in the filters of washers and dryers tends to be bluish, being the combination of the fibers from all of the clothes in the load.
Now, I understand how excited you’ve become to receive this important and critical information. It’s surprising how much reference material about bellybuttons and bellybutton lint is available on the internet. If you’re as excited about this information as I am, feel free to start surfing and become better educated about the wonderful world of bellybuttons. I now feel as though my court ordered public-service requirement has been met. My late mother would’ve been so proud.
OUTIES SUCK
everyuselessthing.com 