I’ve been around for what seems like forever and just through longevity alone I’ve become reasonably well versed in dealing with women in almost any circumstance.  Most men would agree, we’re tired of hearing about all the problems of women, girl power, ERA, PMS, men are bad, and women should run the world. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! It’s time for me to pass on some of my knowledge  to the younger generations of men out there to assist them in surviving relationships with their current or future partners.  Let me help you “guys” make those “girls” out there a little crazy before they do it to you first.  This double standard against men needs to stop and I’m here to do my part in making that happen.  Sit back and learn from the master, grasshoppers.

• Develop the ability where you seem to be calmly listening to their every word. If we as men insist on dating, marriage, and all that follows  we must be good listeners. Women want to be heard and over the years mine always were. I’m known for being a good listener, ask anyone. I may only hear every other word but that’s still listening, Right?  Look interested, nod a lot, and when they’re done just smile.
• Develop the ability to "Zone Out". I seem to be there paying close attention to her every word but in fact my mind tends to wander to other places and other times. Certain of her key words or voice inflections will snap me right back to the current conversation without her noticing. They sometimes develop the ability to recognize when this is happening and that’s when they get really crazy.  Spend the extra time to learn to disguise this talent.
• You must learn a number of different ways to check out other women without being obvious.  These are basic methods used by men for decades to hide their ogling.  Use reflections in windows to check someone out casually.  Wear very dark sunglasses so you can look at anyone at any time but without turning your head in their direction. As you should already know this has always been mandatory male eyewear on any beach for years.  Lastly, you must develop the ability to look at other women openly enough to make her crazy but not so obvious as to get you in real trouble. I usually use this move for revenge when she’s done something thoughtless and I want her to pay.  It’s worth it’s weight in gold if you learn it and use it properly.
• Casually bring up memories of old girl friends or sexual partners. This will drive your woman over the edge especially if you can do it in an innocent manner.  If she thinks your doing it just to make her crazy you may reach a whole new level of OMG.  Use this ability with care, it can turn ugly and she may attempt to reverse it on you.  You have to be prepared to listen to  her experiences if your not really careful.
• You must create in your mind a series of answers that you can draw upon instantly when you hear this question, What are you thinking? It’s been my experience that if more than a minute of silence occurs when you’re together that question will almost certainly be asked.  They want your every thought to be about them and it makes them crazy when they imagine that’s not the case.  Try blurting out, "I was just thinking of our first kiss." or "I was remembering the first time when we made love in the backseat of my old car."  The faster you are able to tell her these things the more believable and convincing they become.
• Learn to use compliments to your fullest advantage.  Casual meaningless compliments that will send a chill up her spine.  Have you lost weight?  You really look sexy in that dress. When you walk like that you make me crazy. This can short circuit almost anything she is currently preaching to you about.  It can derail her train of thought just long enough for you to change the subject to something you deem important. Use them sparingly because overuse has it’s pitfalls.  If you have actual sincere compliments save them for times when sexual activity is eminent.  It’ll payoff big time.
• Learn how to Fake Flirt. This is the ability to make it seem like other women are giving you the eye or being overly friendly.  This is simple to do but takes some practice.  If you’re ever feeling unloved or taken for granted this is the weapon of choice.  This skill develops over time but you must be subtle about it.  It will drive her completely nuts.
• Make PMS your friend.  Most women deny every having PMS but they know when they’re suffering from it and use it against us at every turn.  It’s time to turn that around.  The better you treat her without ever mentioning the dreaded PMS the more guilty she’ll feel if she begins snapping at you for no reason.  She’ll never admit that’s the case but it’s true.  Make her crazy. It’s time we defuse the ever present PMS once and for all.

This is just a partial list of things we can defend ourselves with.  Women have apparently learned many of these same skills at a much earlier age than we first guessed.  It’s time for us to play catch up and level the playing field a little.  I’ll be sure to pass other things along to help make all of you out there the excellent lovers and partners your women are looking for. If it makes them a little crazier than usual that’s just a huge plus.

MAN POWER!!!!!