Archive for the ‘groundhog day’ Tag

02-10-2016 Journal – February is Boring!   3 comments

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February it seems is a rather boring and utterly useless month.  It’s two biggest holidays are Groundhog Day and Valentines Day which says a lot about relevance to me.

It’s such a slow short month that all of our overpaid politicians are forced into action to show the electorate they’ll actually are doing something, even if it’s in February. I can’t list all of the observance that have been piled up into the shortest month of the year because there are just too damn many. The following partial list contains a few weekly observances for this week that will help make my point.

Celebration of Love Week: 7-13th

Children of Alcoholics Week: 7-13th

Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week: 7-14th

Dump Your Significant Jerk Week: 7-13th

Have A Heart for A Chained Dog Week: 7-14th

Jell-O Week: 7-13th

National Secondhand Wardrobe Week: 7-13th

Love Makes the World Go Round; But, Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week: 8-14th

I can just see and hear a group of politicos sitting in a local tavern on any given Friday night telling war stories to each other concerning all of their weeks accomplishments. "I finally got that ‘Dump Your Jerk Week’ observance passed. It’s been a year of hard work getting it pushed through and I was forced to call in all of my IOU’s to do it. It was exhausting work but someone had to finally get it done."  His buddy sitting nearby had to do a little one-upmanship, "I had a tough week too. That observance of ‘Love Makes the World Go Round; But, Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week’ was a killer. I spent six months arm twisting damn near everyone to get it passed. The United States is now a better place for it." 

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I found only two daily observance for February 10th and they are just as stupid.  I had to look up the word PLIMSOLL to discover it’s some sort of an athletic shoe. Who knew?

Plimsoll Day

All The News That’s Fit To Print Day

So a great big THANK YOU goes out to those geniuses responsible for cluttering up our lives with more useless crap.  We shouldn’t be allowed to vote until we’ve been made to review all of these stupid observances to find out what politicians are responsible for them.

AND THANKS TO NH FOR KICKING HILLARY’S ASS.

02-02-2016 – Retro TV Trivia Answers!   Leave a comment

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But first a quick announcement:

Another year has come and gone and it’s again time to give the big one-fingered salute to our old friend “Phil” sitting comfortably atop Gobbler’s Knob in Punxatawney, PA.  A second salute also goes out to each and every one of the political hacks, suck-ups, and talking heads trying to make a splash on the local media.  For me it doesn’t take a stupid groundhog to tell me there’ll be six more weeks of winter.  I have a dumb-ass cat that can figure that one out.

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Now back to the trivia answers:

Some of you and I won’t mention any names (Sylvia) made a valiant attempt to coerce some trivia answers out of me yesterday. I may be cheap but I’m not easy but nice try anyway.  Here they are.

Answers

1.  123 1/2 Sesame Street.

2.  Four.

3.  The Church of What’s Happening Now.

4.  A policeman, a minor role.

5.  John Wayne, who then recommended his little known actor friend James Arness for the role.

6.  Happy Days.

7.  From it’s star, Redd Foxx, who was born John Elroy Sanford.

8.  The USS Yorktown.

9.  Billie Jo, Bobbie Jo, Betty Jo, and uncle Joe.

10. Perry Masonry.

BONUS ANSWER – At  age 30, after 12 years as a  platinum blonde and 18 as a natural brunette.

 

I hope you had fun trying to figure these out.  The next list will be posted in a week or so and I’ll make sure they’re as just as difficult.

HAPPY EFFING GROUNDHOG DAY

02-02-2014 Happy Ground Hog Day!   2 comments

The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.  ~Bill Vaughn

Today is one of my favorite stupid and senseless holidays.  It’s one that was cooked up by a bunch of German immigrants  from Pennsylvania many years ago.  As I’ve explained in years past, I’ve had an up-close and personal relationship with “Phil” and all of the nonsense that takes place in Punxatawney, PA.

It’s a tongue-in-cheek celebration to the entire world except for a few idiot local politician’s looking to get some face-time on the news.  Even a groundhog is smart enough to know that there’ll be six more weeks of winter when it’s only freaking February.

As I surfed around today I found a web page that must be having a really slow month when it published the following  list of eleven reasons why we should be celebrating this auspicious occasion.

11. It’s on nearly every calendar.

10. Helps relieve cabin fever.

9. Spring or not, it’s six weeks till St Urho’s Day.

8. Forecast is no less reliable than the National Weather Service.

7. At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way.

6. Valentine’s Day is too depressing for nerds.

5. Unlike the Easter bunny, he keeps his dirty paws outside.

4. As they used to say on radio: “The Shadow knows”.

3. It’s fun to say “Punxsutawney”.

2. If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him.

1. In Minnesota, either way we come out ahead.

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.  ~Maori Proverb

I apologize if you nodded off midway through that list.  I’m not saying I could have done better but OMG.  I think the author might have reconsidered that list when both of his hands fell asleep as he typed it. They were that bored. It is just a real yawner . . . . .

“The trouble with weather forecasting is that it’s right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.”  ~Patrick Young

I know that many of you think Groundhog Day is lame but this year the impossible finally happened to make it unlame.  Some NFL genius scheduled the Superbowl on Ground Hog Day just so they could steal some of good old “Punxatawney Phil’s” thunder. It’s just those damn sports fanatics attempting to glom on to Phil’s fan base. Just a shameless maneuver on their part.

HAPPY GROUND HOG DAY EVERYONE

SEATTLE RULES!!

05-17-2013   Leave a comment

It’s not unusual these days to hear people from other countries constantly complaining about America, Americans, and everything else American.  We’re too loud, we’re too arrogant, we’re bullies, and on and on it goes.  After continuously hearing all of that I then wonder why it is that so many of the same people from every nation on the planet would die to come here.  Many hundreds of illegals have died in the deserts of northern Mexico just trying to cross the border to get here.

I always assume that money is the motivation for everything as well as political persecution but both of those things can be avoided by fleeing to many other countries besides the United States. Why then does everyone want to be here?  As I lounged in my bed this morning a thought came to me that might explain it.  As you know many countries have an odd assortment of traditions and customs that are truly weird and strange to us.  I think many of our traditions are equally strange to them.  They can’t seem to understand why we do certain things but they want to experience them with us.  I’ve put together a list of ten things we Americans do that even I don’t understand.  Lets take a look at them.

  • Black Friday Shopping Sprees – My better-half and hundreds of thousands of others religiously participate in this insanity.  I know that she and I will never spend Black Friday together unless I bow to this tradition.
  • Presidential Turkey Pardons – This is so lame it’s embarrassing to admit that it’s true.  Eat the freaking bird and be done with it. So freaking dumb!
  • Gay Pride Parades -  I can’t think of any reason why these are necessary at all.  Maybe we need a Heterosexual Pride Parade every so often where we can get crazy and half-naked and make complete fools of ourselves.  Oh wait, I forgot we have Spring Break for that.
  • Tailgate Parties – This is just a further extension of the nations sports obsession.  These get togethers continue to get more ridiculous every year but it’s something the Food channel can’t survive without.
  • Cow Tipping – This is reported to be a true American tradition from the Midwestern part of the country.  I’ve never seen it done nor have I ever participated in cow tipping.  It’s just another reason to give the folks living in farm country a hard time.  Funny but unverified.
  • Punkin Chunkin – I’ve watched this on TV a few times but really didn’t think it was much of a tradition until two years ago.  My better-half and I were riding around enjoying the pretty Fall colors when we came upon dozens of cars parked near a farmers field.  People were standing around in groups watching some locals chunking pumpkins across the field.  Every time one exploded everyone cheered. Why, I have no freaking idea.
  • Watching Super Bowl Commercials – I have many more friends who watch the Super Bowl just for the commercials rather than the game itself.  Go figure!
  • Roadside Death Shrines -  Over the years I’ve seen hundreds of these shrines built by friends and family of people killed in traffic accidents.  Again, I don’t understand the need to build a shrine along some road.  Some are really unbelievable.  I saw one near my home that had it’s own decorated Christmas Tree.
  • Sensationalism -  Everything in this country is sensationalized.  Crimes of the Century, Games of the Century, Storms of the Century, and anything else you can think of.  If it isn’t the biggest and baddest in history it just isn’t worth mentioning.  This is one tradition we could do without.
  • Ground Hog Day Predictions -  This is so stupid I really thought about not mentioning it at all.  So consider it not mentioned.

Come one! Come all!   All you crazy folks from around the globe.  It’s taken America more than two hundred years but we finally developed and celebrate as many weird and stupid things as the people in your homeland do.  You should fit right into this looney-bin we call America.  So come on down.