Archive for the ‘useless crap’ Tag
I just finished allowing the federal government and the IRS to peek into my business as they so love to do. The only people worse than them is Google. I figure in just a few years Google will take over the entire earth and make information slaves of us all. But that’s a topic for another day.
Each and every time I file a tax return I become moody, disrespectful, and rebellious and today is no different. I’m not motivated to do do much else so you will be inundated with a truckload of useless crap. I haven’t done this for some time so all complaints will be trash-canned.
Here goes nothing . . . .
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The first name of of TV detective Lieutenant Columbo was Phillip.
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The Flintstones lawyer who never lost a case was called Perry Masonry.
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Rita Hayworth’s real name was Margarita Cansino.
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Spencer Tracy said he would only take the part of the Penquin in the Batman TV series if he were allowed to kill Batman.
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Sylvester Stallone used to sweep the lion cages in New York’s Central Park Zoo to pay his way while trying to break into acting.
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Sean Connery once worked as a coffin polisher.
Are you captivated yet with this stream of meaningless nonsense. Don’t get up and walk away because I have a few more tidbits.
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After Harrison Ford’s brief 1966 appearance as a bell-boy in Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round he was told, “Kid, you aint got it.”
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Johnny Mathis dubbed Miss Piggy’s singing voice in The Muppet Movie.
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Liquid Paper was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith of Monkee fame.
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Don McLean’s song “American Pie” is not named after the plane in which Buddy Holly died – the plane had no name, only a registration number: N3794N.
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Popeye’s girlfriend, Olive Oyl, wore a size 14A shoe.
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The Muppet Show was banned from TV in Saudi Arabia because one of it’s stars was Miss Piggy. Pigs are forbidden to Muslims.
And in keeping with the upcoming tax day . . .
Americans Use Sixteen Thousand Tons of Aspirin Each Year.
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After a little reflection it occurred to me that many of you have heard enough about gardens, canning, and other assorted foolishness I’m involved with. There will certainly be more of that soon enough but not today.
This blog was named Every Useless Thing for a reason. I love odd facts and facts that aren’t commonly known. I’ve drifted away from that of late and that needs to be remedied. I’ve been collecting sources of useless information for many years and still have a lot to pass on to all you.
As I sit here trying to concentrate I keep praying that this Novocain my dentist shot me full of wears off soon. I’m afraid to drink any hot coffee for fear of scalding my mouth. He said it’s effects should pass after an hour or so. It’s not that I think he doesn’t know what he’s talking about but dammit it’s already been two and half hours. I‘m sure you’ll be glad to know that after his fine work this morning I’m beautiful again. The world can once again rest easy.
Let’s get to the good stuff. More things you could care less about unless you hope to win a trivia contest or a few bar bets.
Bishamon, Daikoku, Ebisu, Fukurokuju, Jurojin
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Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon using his left foot first.
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President Andrew Jackson’s pet parrot had to be removed from his funeral in 1845 because it was swearing.
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Lee Harvey Oswald was dyslexic.
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Joseph Stalin, whose left arm was noticeably shorter than his right, also had webbed toes on his left foot.
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In the eight year period Ronald Reagan was president, the White House bought 12 tons of his favorite jelly beans.
I know you’ve missed this stuff no matter what you tell me. It just keeps getting more interesting and exciting. (sarcasm off)
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The difference between a nook and a cranny is that the nook is a corner and the cranny is a crack.
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Race car is a palindrome.
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Mick Jagger turned down a 3.5 million pound advance offer on his memoirs from a publisher because, he said, “couldn’t remember” enough significant details from his own life.
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Idiot quote: “Everything that can be invented has been invented.” U.S. Patent Office 1899
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A cat has four rows of whiskers.
I’m almost finished so hang in there for a minute. It’s not really as boring as you seem to think.
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The license number of the General Lee in The Dukes of Hazard was CNH 320.
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There are 1,943 names listed in the closing credits of The Matrix Reloaded.
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Virginia Woolf wrote all her books standing up.
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“Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver.” –Carol Malia, BBC TV presenter.
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Pasta vermicelli means “little worms”.
All finished, another installment of useless crap has been distributed. Use it at your own risk, it can sometimes piss people off. You’ve been warned.
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No journal entry today because I need a bit of a break. I thought doing something a little different, interesting and off-beat might be just the ticket. I think I’m mentally already on vacation because I’ve started procrastinating many of my normal tasks and putting them off until I return from my Texas trip. I’ll begin preparing for that trip today.
My better-half is also preparing me for the trip by giving me her list of things I’m supposed to bring back for her. Since she was born in Texas and thinks she’s a real Texan, I’m being instructed to bring back a load of stuff. I just smile and nod my head so she’ll walk away happy but come on. Her list keeps getting longer and longer but I’ve managed to pare it down a little. She requires between 5-10 interesting Texas post cards. She’s something of a collector and loves sending random cards to her Mother who lives in Delaware.
She also wants me to somehow carry or ship home a few dozen tamales. She’s obsessed with Mexican food, especially the traditional style tamale. I think it was something special from her early childhood or so she says but I honestly don’t see that request being honored. Next on the list is a pair of cowboy boots or a western hat for the grandson. This one I might make happen if I can get away with spending a reasonable amount of money. The way he’s growing anything I buy will be too small within a month or two so I made no concrete promises on this request either.
Next on her list is her wish for two T-Shirts with some sort of Texas theme. I quote her as best I can, "nothing pornographic, dirty, or stupid". With that list of don’t’s the chances of pleasing her are now slim and none. As with all of her requests, I’ll figure something out once I get there. If I could find a small petrified chunk of horse droppings I’d buy that for her in a second because it would pretty closely reflect my feelings on this entire matter. Maybe I’ll just buy a really dirty T-Shirt for the grandson that he can wear when she comes to visit. Any eighteen month old can get away with wearing something like that and it would absolutely make her crazy as well. That’s called a Win-Win in any language.
Enough of that, now let me throw a short collection of useless things your way. These are things you never really never wanted to know or even cared about.
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The line “Three quarks for Muster Mark!” in James Joyce’s Ulysses provided the name for the subatomic particles now known as “quarks”, named by physicist Murray Gell-Mann.
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“Transurphobia” is the fear of haircuts.
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Dylan Thomas once unkindly pointed out that, except for one misplaced letter, T.S. Eliot’s name spelled backwards is “toilets”.
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The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
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The single dot over the lower-case letter “i” is called a “tittle”.
And finally for all you nerds out there:
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The letters of the word SHAZAM, which was shouted to conjure up comic-book hero Captain Marvel, stood for Solomon’s wisdom, Hercules’s strength, Atlas’s stamina, Zeus’s power, Achilles’s courage, and Mercury’s speed.
How’s that for a really useless tidbit?
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Trying to understand the workings of the human brain is almost impossible. I do know that the brain has the ability to make us see things in a different way when it becomes confused. That’s one of the reasons that identifications at a crime scene by six people can be totally different from each other. One person sees a white Buick and another sees a blue Ford. It also explains why police don’t consider information obtained from eye witness testimony as entirely credible. I have no idea why the brain works the way it does and for the most part I don’t care, just as long as it keeps operating.
The following information was sent to me by a friend and I thought it might be of some interest to some of you. It’s a short test for your brain and your eyes. Give it a go and see how you fare.
Can you read this? It’s a little weird but interesting!
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
If you can read this, you have a strange mind because I’m told only 55 people out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it.
The Eye Test
Can you find the B’s
(there are 2 B’s) DON’T skip, or your wish won’t come True…
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Once you’ve found the B’s now find the 1.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Once you found the 1…………….
Find the 6
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
Once you’ve found the 6…
Find the N (it’s hard!!)
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
Once you’ve found the N…
Find the Q..
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
How did you make out? Did you have any difficulties? There are no right or wrong answers to these silly little tests. Just something to give your brain some exercise. There’s nothing worse than having a fat and lazy brain.
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Today is “Stupid” day here at Every Useless Thing. I thought I’d start your short trip through my neighborhood with this photo that is worth much more than a thousand words. It perfectly explains for me our government’s innate ability to handle those complex jobs they keep asking us to finance.
Let’s move on to our next subject which has always been a source of mirth and giggling for me. I love anything fart related thanks to my late father. He had a strange sense of humor that as a child I learned to appreciate and be wary of. I learned at a very early age when he stuck out his hand and requested “smell my fingers” that I should run not walk away as quickly as possible. He nailed me with that prank just once but kept trying for the next thirty years to get me a second time. Here are a few fart facts you probably don’t know.
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Termites are the largest producers of farts.
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Farts are created mostly by E. coli.
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On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink.
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The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
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Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second. (Where’s the record on hang-time?)
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A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
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Although they won’t admit it, women fart as much as men. (And they really reek – just a personal observation.)
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The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").
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Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."
So much for your continuing fart education. Next is a photograph for all of those American commuters who daily ride the rails to and from work in most of our major cities. Stop your bitching and complaining about the crowds and the terrible conditions. As you can see by this photo it can get worse.
I’ll just bet that riding on that train gives a whole new meaning to the term B.O. God bless America! Now in keeping with this blogs name, here are a few totally useless facts which are stupid and interesting all at the same time.
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A bag of 1,000 quarters weighs 13.42 lbs.
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You can’t sneeze in your sleep.
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Siphonapterology is the study of fleas.
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The albatross can fly while sleeping.
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Morphine is named after the Greek god of sleep.
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Pigs can get a suntan.
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Alfred Hitchcock had no bellybutton.
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Ostriches don’t bury their heads in the sand.
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There are 31,557,600 seconds in a year.
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Hitler’s favorite movie was King Kong.
Finally I thought you should be made to appreciate the efforts I make in getting this blog posted every day. This is the telephone pole just outside my home where I’m forced to rewire my Internet connection on a daily basis because of my neighbors. They keep trying to illegally hook up to my feed and it’s a real battle at times. What’s life without a struggle or two?
Have a Wonderful Day!
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I love the English language. I jut wanted to put that out there to help readers understand this blog is not TWITTER. Here at Every Useless Thing we need way more than 140 characters to make a point. The Twitter language which has been developing for the youngest of the sound bite generations leaves me #effingcold. If you’re a constant Twitter user then you’ve already begun to think in their terms as well as write that way. Twitter is in too much of a hurry for me which results in a blog here that’s comfortable to read and comment on. Relax, enjoy and don’t stress out trying to get all of your thoughts on a complex subject jammed into 140 characters. Let’s begin.
* * *
One of the more interesting things for me in the language are palindromes. For those of you who don’t know, palindromes are words or phrases that spell the same forward and backward. The palindromic words are cool but the phrases are mind boggling.
Two Words
Dump mud.
Party trap
Stack cats.
Short Phrases
Never odd or even.
Live not on evil.
Pa’s a sap.
Pull up, Bob, pull up.
Crazy Phrases
We panic in a pew.
Mr. Owl ate my metal worm.
Did Mom poop? Mom did.
* * *
I’ve always been a big fan of Harry S. Truman. A down-to-earth president who had the unique ability to cut right threw the normal political BS and get to the point. Reporters in those days must have loved covering him. Here’s one of my favorite Truman quotes:
“Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day”
Another of my favorites was H. L. Mencken. I’m especially awed by anyone who can become so famous that his words and phrases are quoted endlessly by millions of people. He was something I’ve aspired to be my whole life. A genuine “wise ass”. Here’s a few of his more interesting thoughts:
“Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.”
A statement more true now than ever before in our history. Here’s another:
“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”
I’ve been called a cynic by some and I wear that as a badge of honor. Without we cynics everyone would be an idealist. Mencken had a thought about them as well.
“An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.”
* * *
Here’s an interesting Star Wars factoid. The name of R2-D2 came about while George Lucas was filming American Graffiti. During a sound-mixing session, editor Walter Murch asked him for R2, D2 (Reel 2, Dialogue 2) of the film. Lucas liked the name so much that he made a note of it, and eventually found the right character for it.
* * *
What famous Hollywood comedian said the following": “I learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. The most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
nitraM evetS
* * *
That’s enough of this mind numbing useless crap for today. There’s much more to come in the future and I’m sure you’re thrilled to death knowing that. Over and out from a cynical wiseass.
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I’m a huge fan of both the Cooking and Food channels. Being a huge fan of food makes it almost a requirement. Without a large assortment of food the human race would cease to exist in short order (no pun intended).
I’ve been a cook for most of my life and to this day maintain a large handwritten recipe book with family recipes and many of my own that I use on a regular basis. Nothing fascinates me more than finding a new dish that I’ve never experienced and attempting to remake it “my way” and then share it with friends.
Needless to say everyone who enjoys cooking thinks their family recipes are the best and that their mothers and grandmothers are the final word on anything food related. I fall into that category myself not so much with my mother’s cooking which was only so-so but with my grandmothers which was sooooo good.
I thought today I’d present you with a short trivia challenge on food and cooking related items. As with any other subject there’s thousands of trivia items available to stump and puzzles us all when it comes to food. Here are 10 that I found somewhat interesting and I hope you do as well. The answers will be posted tomorrow so you can check and see how you’ve done. Have fun with it and then go eat a sandwich.
* * *
1. In which American city is the greatest amount of ketchup consumed?
2. Who said: “Never eat more than you can lift”?
3. What was the first commercially manufactured breakfast cereal?
4. How many pounds of dry saffron does an acre of crocus plants yield?
5. Under federal food labeling regulations, how much caffeine must be removed from coffee for it to be called decaffeinated?
6. What are the five most frequently consumed fruits in the United States?
7. What snack food commercial was pulled off the air in 1970 because of complaints from an outraged ethnic group?
8. What popular lunch and snack food did an unidentified St. Louis doctor develop in 1890 for patients requiring an easily digested form of protein?
9. What do Eskimos use to prevent their food from freezing?
10. What eating utensil was first brought to America in 1630 by Massachusetts Bay Colony governor John Winthrop, who carried it around with him in a specially made, velvet-lined leather case?
* * *
I selected these questions because I felt they could be answered easily if you just think about them for a moment. I could be wrong so check back tomorrow.
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I think I’ll start your week with a few items of truly useless information. You can never have enough of this wonderful stuff and I intend to keep shoveling it your way until I run out. So sit back in your seat and enjoy.
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Mr. Potato Head was the first toy advertised on TV.
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Malaria mosquitoes are attracted to ripe Limburger cheese and smelly feet.
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A fetus acquires fingerprints by the end of the first trimester.
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Every 20 minutes the world population increases by 3500.
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Toilet paper was invented by the Chinese in 1391 for the exclusive use by the emperor.
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The two robbers crucified next to Jesus were Dismas and Gestas.
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Disney World in Orlando, Florida, covers 30,500 acres (46 square miles).
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Butterflies are cannibals.
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Tigers have striped skin under their hair but zebra’s don’t.
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Monkeys have no feet, they are classified as four-handed.
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Under the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, leeches and maggots are categorized as medical devices.
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You can in fact get cooties. Cooties are lice.
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Poison Ivy is a member of the Cashew family.
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In late 1600’s Puritan society, a child over 16 years old convicted of cursing at a parent was sentenced to death.
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E T A O I N S H R D L U C M F G Y P W B V K X J Q Z: The alphabet in order of its frequency of use in written English
Well, there you have it. See just how many useless facts you were unaware of. As a reminder, I get a ten percent of all bar bet winnings. Just so you know.
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Before I hop on my newly purchased torture device I thought I’d get these answers from yesterdays quiz on their way to you. I tried the quiz on a few others yesterday and they had some difficulties to be sure. I threw two current events questions in just for the hell of it and I’m sorry I did. How can a person living in this country where we’re up to our ass in media not know anything about the Boston Marathon bombing case. I’m sorry to say this was someone in their fifties who just isn’t paying attention. Unbelievable is the word I’m looking for. Here are your answers.
1. Jordin Sparks
2. Chemical weapons
3. Trapt
4. 27
5. Miriam Makeba
6. Lego
7. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
8. Weezer
9. One was shot and killed by police, and the other was captured in a massive manhunt.
10. Destiny Hope Cyrus
Before I step onto this treadmill for my daily workout I’m sitting here lining up the music I’ll be listening to. Today will be Beatles day. I’ve loved them for years and their music still holds up even to our current Hip Hop generation. In memory of the Fab Four here are a few facts about them that fans will appreciate.
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John Lennon had dyslexia.
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Paul McCartney and Pete Best were once arrested in Hamburg because they stuck a condom to a wall and set it on fire.
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In the 60’s Paul McCartney had three cats named Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
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Only 6% of Beatles autographs currently in circulation are estimated to be real.
-
John Lennon’s favorite food was cornflakes.
Enough of this nonsense. I’ve got a date to sweat through my clothing and I need to get started. Tomorrow is another day.
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"I’m sarcastic, it isn’t going to change, so get over it.” I should have that sentence made into a really long bumper sticker. Those of you out there who are my brothers and sisters in sarcasm will understand completely. Those of you who are immune to sarcasm, you have my deepest sympathies (NOT TRUE).
I came by my ability honestly to turn almost anything said to me into a reciprocal sarcastic reply with little or no effort. I began developing this superpower at age ten when I discovered that I could deflect parents, adults, and bullies with sarcasm which in turn kept me from being beaten, spanked, and bothered. I decided then and there that using wit, sarcasm, and glib remarks was a valuable tool and I should refine it. If used properly and politely along with clever conversation it can also make you a bit more desirable to the ladies (PROVEN FACT). That in itself justified all of the time and effort I put into becoming a sarcasm expert.
As always when I write about things I try to research the meanings of the words I’m using. All of the intellectuals who are responsible for compiling dictionaries and encyclopedias describe sarcasm very clinically and for the most part in a negative fashion as this will clearly show:
* * *
In sarcasm, ridicule or mockery is used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously (NOT ALWAYS TRUE), for destructive purposes (NEVER). It may be used in an indirect manner and have the form of irony (THIS WOULD BE ME), as in "Your ass really looks great in that dress or ”What a fine musician you turned out to be!". It may also be used in the form of a direct statement, "You couldn’t play one piece correctly if you had two assistants." The distinctive quality of sarcasm is present in the spoken word and manifested chiefly by vocal intonation.
Hostile, critical comments may be expressed in an ironic way, such as saying "don’t work too hard" to a lazy worker (BEEN THERE, DONE THAT). The use of irony introduces an element of humour which may make the criticism seem more polite and less aggressive (ME AGAIN). Sarcasm can frequently be unnoticed in print form, oftentimes requiring the intonation or tone of voice to indicate the quip or a note added to let people know (SEE BELOW).
* * *
Sarcasm is a tool and a god-given talent for some but really gets no respect (ME) and viewing sarcasm as a negative really doesn’t get to the truth of it. There are some people, highly intelligent and educated, who just don’t get sarcasm. I throw sarcasm into a conversation for good reason. It allows me to gauge who understands my humor and those who don’t. It also identifies those who may be potential targets without even being aware of it.
I try (MOST OF THE TIME) not to be disrespectful during those occasions because I never want to be perceived as mean or rude. I like a lot of laughter in my life and when the people around me don’t bring anything to the table I’ll create it for them (AT THEIR EXPENSE IF NECESSARY).
AND SO TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE, HAVE A WONDERFUL AND GLORIOUS DAY (SARCASM OFF)
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