Archive for the ‘crap’ Tag

07-19-2017 Presidential Thoughts and Other C.R.A.P   2 comments

Now that Mr. Trump has been elected it’s been a real treat watching the Liberals and Mainstream Media losing their minds.  The truth about media bias is no longer the big secret it once was except for those of us who have been paying attention for years. I thought after a few months of this nonsense it would gradually ease up but it hasn’t. They continue to chew on that dried up old bone until their brains explode. I’m a patient guy who will gladly wait around to watch their continuous escapades to strike out at Mr. Trump with little or no success.

This next item was sent to me by a friend. The first line is a the Medias lame attempt to belittle the President as being nothing more than a former reality television star.  The fact that he is also a billionaire real estate developer is never mentioned.

Senator (To Be) Caitlyn Jenner

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Caitlyn Jenner has joined the list of celebrities who are considering running for political office in the United States following the election of former reality television star Donald Trump as president. 

The remainder of the article concerned a short list of celebrities just dying to enter the political arena to teach the rest of us mouth-breathers just how things are supposed to be done.  I say let them try.  If we can have Obama for eight years and survive, we can live with Senator Caitlyn Bruce Jenner,  Senator Kid Rock, or God forbid, President Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  Just more humorous shit to enjoy as the country slowly slides towards some sort of Third-World status. Maybe we could start a new type of NATO organization to help keep us safe from our enemies. It could be called CRAP, the Cluster of Real Arab Pals.  We could take a firm stand against Europe, China, and Russia with our new allies  Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iraq, Syria, and Saudi Arabia. We could sit around the meeting table and try desperately to convince each other what a bunch of bad asses we once were and how we will eventually rule the world.  It’s much too depressing to contemplate.

I’m trying my hardest to not get into a rant about all of this but it isn’t easy. Let me calm down some and pass along a humorous joke sent my way recently from a friend in Kansas City.  Here it is:

I was walking in the mall and I saw that there was a Muslim bookstore. The sign outside led me to wonder just what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye, but asked if he could help me. I know I didn’t look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?” The clerk said, “Kiss my ass, Get out, and Stay out!”

I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

“THIS POSTING HAS BEEN APPROVED BY C.R.A.P.

 

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07-09-2016 Flea Markets & Other Junk!   Leave a comment

With the better-half’s vacation coming to an end I can see the light at the end of the honey-do list tunnel.  It’s been a great week for use both and to prove it I’m posting a number of miscellaneous photos taken in odd places at odd times. People may call these locations flea markets yard sales or garage sales but let me be a bit more accurate.  It’s more like junk yards, piles of crap, or just plain garbage.  I know I’m being a little harsh but OMG.

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Just what every summer tourist needs . . . snow shoes.

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Then who doesn’t need dishes and glassware at a quarter a piece?

I’ve held two garage sales in my life and I know how I prepared for the shopping public. I unloaded every piece of crap I could find onto tables, priced them for under a dollar, smiled a lot, lowered the prices when necessary, and at the end of the day I made a hundred dollars or so.  Who knew my crap was so in demand.

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Does this look familiar to you?

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How about this.

 I’m not a shopaholic like my better-half and thank god for that.  I can only handle visiting a few of these places before I start to get a little crazy.  It makes me itch all over with imaginary bugs and the smell at times is godawful.

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Does anyone out there really need a POS boat. NO! How about a bunch of nasty looking lobster traps?

P. T. Barnum had it right all along.  As far as suckers go, “There’s one born every minute.

SO TRUE . . . SO TRUE

07-25-2015 Journal– Is Betty Boop Really Catholic?   Leave a comment

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It’s a Saturday morning in Maine in July. It’s rained through the night and everything is wet and bright green as you’d might expect.  The downside is that it’s 6:00 am and my better-half has awakened me because of our planned trip to a nearby church festival. I was informed that it’s critically important that we arrive before 8:00 am before all of the good stuff is gone at the Flea Market.  Just as a point of information the “Flea Market” is nothing more than the basement of the church filled to the rafters with crap.  If I chose to be politically correct it could be called antique, vintage or  preowned but that would be stretching the meaning of those words to the limit. Imagine thousands and thousands of objects discarded by hundreds and hundreds of people scattered across forty of fifty tables, in side rooms, and even outside in tents. The great majority of the items are priced at a dollar or less and even then it’s a rip-off (in my humble opinion). I understand it’s money raised for a church charity so overcharging for crap is accepted and expected.

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It was so crowded with crazy people I could barely move around.  I felt pressured and obligated to buy something because this flea market was being run by a friend and former co-worker.  I dug down deep into my moth infested pocket where I found two one dollar bills.  I decided on a purchase which I would present to my better-half on her birthday.  I imagine every women in the world wants, needs, and desires a beautiful yet tacky Betty Boop toilet paper roller.

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After that purchase I fled the scene and returned to the fair for some greasy and unhealthy fair food.  There was plenty to go around.

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‘Salted, greasy, unhealthy, and almost delicious.’

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‘Hot sausage sandwich, peppers, onions, and a butt load of cholesterol.’ 

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‘Chicken anyone?’

With my belly full I made a bee line for the tent where the books were being sold.  I try to buy a sufficient number to carry me through the upcoming winter but the selection wasn’t as good as in previous years.  I purchased a few but disappointed there weren’t more.

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No real fair or festival fails to have the obligatory Disney presence with Mickey and Minnie posing for pictures with the kids.  I asked cute little Minnie to sit on my lap for a picture but she adamantly refused.  Nobody likes a prudish and fake mouse and she was  really mean too!

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My better-half made a number of trips to the car with her arms loaded with just about everything.  She bought food, toys, raffle tickets, and enough other crap to fill my trunk and backseat.  I was more than a little happy to see that church in my rear view mirror as we pulled away. 

Another three and a half hours of my life I’ll never get back.

11-26-2013 More Useless Information   2 comments

I think you all need another dose of this blogs specialty, Useless Information. After working all day at the office or as a homemaker your head is filled with numbers, To-Do lists, and nasty thoughts about your boss or other co-workers.  Even though your mind is racing with all this stuff it’s now my job to slow things down, make you smile, and begin the relaxation process that’s so badly needed by us all.

These facts are sometimes funny but always interesting and I forward them along to you because I feel your mental well being is now my responsibility. Pour yourself a beer or glass of wine, put your feet up, turn on some mellow music and just relax.  Unwind totally, pet the dog or cat, kiss the kids, and a big wet one for your spouse.  Here they are:

  • Elvis Presley’s favorite amusement park ride was the bumper cars.
  • Albert Einstein slept 10 hours a night.
  • The game of badminton was once called “poona”.
  • Some obsessed fan paid $14,000.00 for the bra worn by Marilyn Monroe in the move Some Like It Hot.
  • Sammy Davis Jr. was originally known professionally as “Silent Sam, the Dancing Midget.”
  • About a quarter of the oxygen in your blood is used by the brain.
  • Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
  • According to mathematicians, the billionth digit of pi is 9.
  • Millie the White House pet dog earned more than four times as much as her owner, President Bush, in 1991.
  • Astronaut Buzz Aldrin claims to have been the first man to “piss in his pants on the moon.”
  • There are more plastic flamingos in the United States than real ones.
  • Alexander the Great was buried in a vat of honey.
  • The Hundred Years War lasted 116 years.
  • In 1992 Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag was sold at auction for $6,600.
  • The average U.S. student attends school 180 days; in China, it’s 251 days.
  • 40% of people killed from falling off a horse are drunk.
  • Most of the villains in the Bible have red hair.
  • You can make 11 1/2 omelets with one ostrich egg.
  • Captain Kangaroo won five Emmy awards.
  • Sherlock Holmes kept his tobacco in the toe of a Persian slipper.

There, do you feel more relaxed now.  I certainly hope so.  There’ll be more of this useless information coming your way very soon.

01-09-2013   2 comments

I’m back in remodeling mode today but honestly my heart isn’t in it just yet.  I’m slowly but surely, a little at a time, collecting the materials I need to continue this room rebuild and maybe that will kick start my motivation.

I can tell the holidays are over when I find myself in Lowes looking for dry wall screws, joint tape, and a host of other things.  I’m so totally uninterested in doing this job I’m beginning to bore myself.  Lowes allows me to people watch a bit and while the people here are interesting I should probably stop at Walmart for the real deal.  I’ll just ride through their parking lot which should feed my raging addiction for large numbers of A-holes acting stupidly. Instead I’m on my way for a quick walk through at a wildlife area along the coast. I can trudge through a foot of snow, gather my thoughts, and possibly take a few photos.  The fresh air will hopefully do me some good.

Tra La La (This is time passing)

I’m back home with a few dozen photo’s, wet and freezing feet, and a better outlook on the day.  I just put in an hour or so of prep work on the room remodel by beginning to reframe the closet to match the one found in the master bedroom. I also decided where I’ll be placing the new electrical outlets on the walls and where the wire runs will go.  These are the many little things that need to be accomplished before the lumber and dry wall appears and the real labor begins.  I still have a lot of rewiring to accomplish because the idiot who built this place apparently let his three year old do the wiring.  The wires are improperly run, the boxes improperly placed, and a total lack of trying to meet any local code requirements.  Just a sub-par job from start to finish.  Oh no, my lack of interest is again rearing it’s ugly head so I’m packing it in for today. 

I find myself totally obsessed with the final Harry Potter novel, the Deadly Hallows, which is almost impossible for me to put down.  I won’t be able to finish it tonight but I’m sure to complete the entire story tomorrow.  It’s not often I get a book that grabs me the way this one has and it’s nice.  Total escapism of which I’m in dire need of right now. 

I still need to come up with a few dinner possibilities for us this evening.  My lack of interest has just magically expanded to include my food choices and just about everything else.  I’ll wait for my better-half to arrive and drop it all in her lap.  She likes to be in control of everything and I think I’ll let her.  My father would call this crappy attitude my “I don’t give a shit about anything” approach.  He never really appreciated it when I was a kid and I’m sure my better-half will feel the same now.

C’mon tomorrow.